How Does Your Family Treat Step Children (Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles...)

I know his family pretty much treats my kids like any other grandkid. There are times when things are different but it is not so much a fault in attitude it is J. they don't know my kids as well as the grandkids so they may not do that impulsive oh so and so would love this. How could they, they J. don't know that one of my kids would love something.

I think this becomes a problem when the parents start seeing things that aren't there. Like Troy has a niece who is not biologically related, she is his sister in laws daughter but his brother adopted her when she was young. They all treat her like blood but for some reason mom always sees things that J. aren't there. She planted enough seeds of injustice in that girl's head that the girl sees them too and as a teen acted out like you would not believe. No one's life is perfect but so much of the damage was done by mom. :(

Oh they have two daughters that are both theirs. All three daughters are treated the same. Thing is mom is great, she is sweet and loves her daughters it is J. like she was so worried the oldest wouldn't be treated the same she saw differences that weren't there.

I really have no idea what my kids would call Troy's parents. I J. realized they spend so much time playing with their cousins, which is what they call Troy's nieces and nephews they have never addressed them beyond, excuse M..

They have always been treated the same. The first Christmas was kind of odd but then Troy and I had only been dating a little over a month. His parents still bought them gifts but it was like they generic stuff because they didn't know them. Last Christmas I was told enough of this going through Troy, send us a wish list! :)

In my family, we welcome all the kids - blood ties or not. There is no distinction. I am grandma to all; my hubby is grandpa to all. We treat them as if they were born into the family and everyone in the family loves them from day one. If parents get divorced, no matter. Once you're in this clan, its for life.

My in-laws welcomed my 2 kids from a previous relationship with wiiiiide open arms; they can't be more wonderful! I love them all very, very much. Family is family, no matter which way someone comes into it, that's how I see it.

I guess it also helps that my in-laws have really weird relationships too... like my MIL and step MIL and FIL and step FIL get along, they're all friends and stuff... MIL spoils FILs kids with his new wife (which is my step MIL)... they all have great relationships! So there's no reason why they wouldn't love my kids J. as much, you know?

Helps a lot that I have great, very kind and caring, loving, polite, smart, funny kids... you J. can't help but like them J. a little bit ;)

I once attended a baby shower of someone I work with & of course all of the "work buddies" didn't know all of the family members. Our friend introduced two women as her mom...later when someone asked which was her mom & which was her "step" mom...we LOVED her response. She said something like there are no "steps" in our family...the only steps we have are those outside that lead to the house.

Stepchildren in our family are treated as biological kids, no difference, and the kids call them Nana, Tata, Aunt, Uncle, etc. They get the same kind of treatment: treats, gifts, discipline, etc.

As a matter of fact, my parents (with 11 children of their own) took in a friend of one of my brothers when he was about 15. His mother had died and his father was getting remarried and moving away, all within a few months. Mike didn't have a good relationship with his father or want to move, he stayed with my family a few years and he was one of us. He died tragically in a building fire a few years later and I feel as if I lost a brother.

My mom married my dad (stepdad) when I was 10 and my brother was 8. We were loved and accepted by the family without exception. As a matter of fact, as the oldest grandchild by marriage, it may have had it's benefits. Someone told M. once that grandma was going to crochet and afagan for all the grandkids, started with mine then never finished anyone else's. I'm not sure if that's true or not, but certainly NOT going to open that can of worms by asking any of my cousins! ;)

I was (am) a step-kid, and my kids are therefore step-kids in this family. My biological dad married my step-mom when I was 4 (so I have known her since I was 18 mo). She has ALWAYS treated M. like her own daughter, although, I feel she loves M. differently than her biological kids - and this makes sense.

My step-mom's mother (my step-grandmother) has barely tollerated M. over the years. She has been mean at times. For example - when I was an adolescent she would buy a gift for all her grandchildren for Easter and intentionally leaving M. out - having them open them infront of M. while I watched. Mostly she ignores M., and at best I have no feelings for her.

My mom's sisters and all my step cousins are nice enough. It's clear I am not part of the "mix" but I'm allowed in. The best I can describe it is that it's quite superficial. Talk and have fun while together, holidays etc, but not making an effort outside of that to spend time together.

However, as an adolescent I felt especially "shunned" - mostly by my step grandmother, and I always felt like the rest of the family felt the same way she did for the most part. I never made much of an effort either.

In fact, my step-grandmother has pizza at her house almost every Sunday for dinner and pretty much the women in the family go. I've been going for about 6 years, since my daughter was born, and it's all been civil and I wanted my kids to be as much a part of this family as they could. Recently, my step-grandmother blew off the handle about how everything was about my kids and how they were sitting at the table, they should be on the floor and on and on. I decided we aren't going to her house anymore. I refuse to have my kids feel the sting she made M. feel growing up. It was very easy for M. decide not to go anymore, as having my step-grandmother in my life was not important to M. - I'll see her at holidays, but she is 86. I miss the other people I would see there, but have made plans to see them outside of Sunday dinner and that is perfect for M.. My step-aunts have given my step-grandmother an earful on how poorly she treats people who treat her well. Again, she is 86 and slowing down.

Now, I have kids (who are 6 and 3), who do not yet know they are not biologically related to my mom's side of the family. I've been wondering when and how to tell them this. It changes things, although my mom treats them like her own grandchildren, and always will.

I am the step kid. I've generally always been treated as a regular person of the family. I did not come into the family until I was 3 years old. I grew up with my mom and dad(technically step), grandparents(step), sister(step), and step aunts and cousins. For the most part growing up things were usually equal however my sister is the 1st grandchild and I am technically the 2nd though of course not by blood so there was/is favoritism.

I never and will never reference my family as step anything unless as in this instance for clarification purposes. My dad is my dad, sister my sister, grandparents and so on and so forth. To M. blood make not family it's the people who choose to be and you choose to be in your life that makes family.

In my family, the steps are full fledged members of the family. They are the brothers and sisters of the bio-kids. I would never treat my sons brother like anything less than my son. There are no steps, J. kids. We welcome bils and sils and they become family for life. That is family to us.

One side note - I have one evil sil. She doesn't like us and we don't like her. All thier kids are bio with my brother and we have a very hard time being close with her kids. She doesn't give us access to them and when they are around, they are not pleasant, due to the way she is raising them. We are closer to the step kids in the family than hers. I'm saying all this to say, a broken relationship with the parent sometimes affects the relationship with the kids.

My father's parents were divorced when he was 4. He has two "full siblings", 6 "1/2 siblings" and 2 "step siblings"- which was news to M. when I was 9 and asked why my aunts and uncles all had different last names. He never differentiated between his "levels" of siblings and his stepfather (sounds wierd referring to my grandfather that way) loves my father and his two siblings as though they were his own. We don't differentiate unless someone asks us to explain "how" we are all related and then all of us will tell you "who married who and had which children", but are quick to say, but we don't really function that way. My grandmother and stepgrandmother get along very well. As they have been quick to point out, they have "shared children, grandchildren and great grandchildren", so a divorce that happened over 50 years ago simply doesn't matter anymore.

My husband's parents were both married once before. I can honestly say that I have NEVER heard him refer to his sister as his "half sister", nor does my BIL differentiate between my children and their sister's children.

In our world (in my great aunt's words), we're related by love and by choice. As a family, our grandparents and parents have CHOSEN to define our family as those who are related to us biologically, through marriage, through remarriage, etc but more importantly- because we love one another.

My family and my husband's family are awesome :-)

My ILs treat my oldest son as their biological grandson/great-grandson/nephew/cousin. My FIL and GMIL always refer to him as their oldest grandson or great-grandson. I am 99% sure that the college funds that my FIL has set up include him but I haven't literally seen any of the documents.

My family has been great with my SD as well. She moved in with us a year ago but prior to that lived with her mom and was with her mom for holidays, so much of my extended family saw her only once or twice every couple of years, but my dad's sister (the only one of my aunts and uncles to still get the kids gifts) always makes sure to get gifts for her, everyone would ask about her if she wasn't at a holiday dinner, and my siblings and parents always get her holiday gifts, birthday gifts etc. like they do for my biological kids. My SD lived with us for half of Kindergarten and my mom picked her up after school along with my son and watched them both a few afternoons a week, and always makes sure that her house is stocked with her favorite snacks, etc. J. like she does for my bio kids.

The only weird thing that I know of is that my parents did not name my SD specifically in their will. They have it set up so that if I pre-decease them, my portion of their assets would pass to my children. They specifically listed blood children on the advice of their attorney due to the fact that if this happened when the children were minors, my SD's mother could be the one to control her portion of the assets and that's not what anyone wants. So this will change to include her once she's an adult and can inherit directly.

So...our two oldest were three when my husband I started dating and 5 when we married. They were treated the same from the beginning, and they all call each set of grandparents the same thing the bio kids do (Mimi, Papa, etc.).

As a "step kid" my experience was rather smooth.

My "second dad" his parents NEVER treated M. any different than the "bios"...funny we had a conversation about this last weekend. My uncle (hes only six years older than I) his longtime/live in girlfriend has a 19 year old daughter, we were getting family pics taken and she said "I'm not one of the grandkids"...I turned around and said "well if your not then I'm not either"...all these years she didn't know that I was "different".

My "second mom" (who is WONDERFUL and never treated M. badly) her parents on the other hand...well let's J. say, they are sweet people, raised a wonderful daughter...but as for "love"...well treated differently because I am not bio. But I'm ok with it. What I can say is that they do love my kids there is a complete change in them from when I was growing up. I'll take that!

My kids call my "second parents" Grandma (first name) and Papa (First Name)...my mom they call her Grandma (her nickname) and my dad Pappi...

I called my "other grandparents" grandma/grandpa first name.

Sorry I J. really despise the word "step".

ETA: Forgot to add aunts/uncles are all A./uncle, cousins are considered cousins...whatever it is on the bio side it is the same.

Oh and since I have no full bio siblings...all half or "step"...they are brothers and sisters there is no half/step about them.

Well it depends really. And I think I'm an expert on this subject LOL My dad is on his 4th wife, my mom is on her second husband. And goodness my cousins and siblings and such ... gah lets J. say there's been LOTS of "extra" kids/relations around.

I can tell you that between all my step-moms NONE of the experiences have been the same. The first one, she was ok didn't hold anything against us kids but wasn't a big fan of my mom. Second one, goodness that woman had issues, not only did she not want M. around (I was living with my dad when they got married) she didn't want her OWN SON around, J. wanted her daughter. Third one ... if my dad ever divorces her I'll disown him. She is awesome, loves us kids like we're her own and has zero issues with my mom.

As for their families ... well I never met the first one's family since I only saw my dad in the summer at that time. Or if I did I don't remember them, so it must not have been a big deal. The second one ... I was DEFINITELY treated differently by her parents. They made it abundantly clear that I wasn't "family". Her brother and sister were nice to M. though. The third one ... again I haven't met her family yet. She and my dad got together after I was grown and living across the country (with not much money for travel) so I J. haven't met them yet.

Now my step-dad .... his family is like most of my family. No matter how you come into it ... you're family. Marriage, adoption, birth ... makes no nevermind. You're in ... you're in. Period. And I have never noticed any different treatment of anyone, unless you're an asshat .. THEN the treatment changes LOL But it's not based on whether you share blood or not.

My parents divoreced when I was 3 ... my dad married the first step-mom when I was around 4 or 5, didn't meet her till I was 7 though. married the second when I was 15, and the third I was in my mid 20's. My mom married my step-dad when I was 15 (2 days after my birthday as a matter of fact).

If we start getting into my siblings (step and bio) good grief that's way too much to get into ... my brother has an issue with dating women with 8 kids by 10 fathers.

So there ya go, if ya need or want anymore info I'll be happy to share LOL

My husband and I both have the step stuff going on.

My Mom never remarried. I have 4 full bio siblings, parents married 17 years and divorced when I was 3 (youngest).

My Dad remarried a few years later...had a son several years later...lived 4 houses away from us (we never moved), then they did Foster care for drug babies and special needs kids for years and years till my Dad death and then a few years later till my step Moms death. Their first Foster son then became my (half) brother and wifes Foster. Hes J. always been "Our Keith"....went from our brother to Charlies son...weird. Hes in his 20's now and will soon move into a residential home to live partially independent. :-)..and :-( at the same time.

After my Step Mom died My own Mother pulled (half) brother Charlie and his family under her wing and into the nest ( my dad and step mom blackballed him against us all of his teen and adult years...as a child things were fine)...lies were told back then but now we are all close. We have lost all of our parents and that binds us even tighter I think.

My hubbys family is a bit different, but there are steps as well...and halfs...but they are some are not called that J. like in my family (I only used them as explanation). His half brother and a grandma and most of the Aunts and Uncles. He said as a child it was like that with all but his Step Mom (my MIL). My other MIL (hubbys bio Mom) is a different story. My own daughter calls her the "un-grandma" and we have no relationship. She is on her 4th marrigage (2nd to this guy but long standing).

So we have in laws, out laws, in steps and out steps!! Its like a grand dance...alot of it we sit out and have a drink! LOL

I have a step daughter. My family all buy her things for her bday and every holiday, J. like they do for my kids, they always have.

My hubby's family and my kids...not so much. But then they don't really do much for his daughter so no big difference.

My sister's husband brought his 2 kids into the family. They were 7 & 10 then, now they're in college and J.-out-of-college. They're nice kids and we always include them in gift-giving, invitations, etc. But in all honesty, I can't say that I feel the same about them as I do my 8 other nieces and nephews. It could be that since we all only get together 6-8 times a year (at the very most) missing their early years set us back in knowing them well. It could also be that since they weren't raised by my sister - but by my BIL's ex-wife, their expectations, attire, customs, habits are all pretty different than those in our family. We are a pretty conservative bunch when it comes to showing cleavage, butt cheeks, etc. These two kids (1 boy, 1 girl) wear pretty suggestive clothing, they were allowed to play video games and watch TV shows at young ages that my kids weren't allowed to watch until much older. They have always been more materialistic in terms of clothes, jewelry, expensive gadgets, etc. Their expectations of Christmas presents and the "right kind of clothing" is pretty different too. They get the newest most expensive gadgets the year they come out - no matter how young they were. That never happens in our family. By HS graduation their mom was permissive about alcohol use, secual partners, etc. and I know they were experiementing with substance and sex early a few years earlier than that. They are good kids, friendly, caring and nice - but there's J. not the kind of similarity and connection as with my siblngs' kids. I'm fairly certain they think we're old fashioned and weird - but that's fine.

So I think that when families are blended and there's a non-related parent who is still heavily involved it's going to be pretty difficult to meld the families completely. But there's still plenty of love and fondness all around I think.

When My BIL married my SIL he had his two girls and she had a son. We all treated her son like a member which was hard because he had major issues. I didn't really connect with him but was very kind and tried to interact with him. He would ignore you or say really nasty things. We remembered birthdays and Christmas. My kids know that their cousins have a different mom, but my SIL is their Aunt. That is the only one they have known. She is a BIG improvement over the last SIL!!!!

My husband's family treat my children from my first husband as grandchildren, niece and nephew, cousins. They do not treat them differently.

I was the step kid.
I came into my step father's family when I was 8 so later than what you are talking about but my experiance was that I was not treated like part of the family. I was treated as my mother's child, not their son's child. I was always introduced as " Nancy's daughter"
Now my Step mother's family have always treated M. like I was apart of the family. My step mom treats M. as I am her daughter.

My family (parents, brother, sister, etc.) all treat my SD J. as they do my 2 biological boys. She is part of our family. If they didn't, my husband and I would have a huge problem with it.
My SD refers to my family as her Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins.

It varies. For example, my grandmother (a stepmother herself) counts mainly the 4 babies as her great-grands, though my "step"uncle has 3 kids of his own and I believe 6 grandkids. We only see 1 cousin on his side so I mostly count her and not the other 2 (one I have never met in 10 years) as cousins. I treat her kids the same as my other cousins' kids. My stepkids don't have close relationships with my family. They rarely attend events - Spring Break/Easter they are never here and DH has allowed them to pick and choose (this is for all events, not J. my side) so they usually say they have something better to do. So can I really blame my grandmother for not feeling close to kids she never sees? My aunt is a sweetheart and loves on them anytime she does get to see them. She is such a warm and open person.

My stepkids call my mom Nana and my grandmother Grandma First Name. Mom and the kids came up with what to call her. DD calls her Nana, too, and my sister's son will call her Grandma.

I like my uncle (who married my aunt after my first uncle passed away) but I dislike my other uncle's wife. She and her kids are really annoying and I don't agree with them on many fronts. All splash. No substance.

So for M. it's more the relationship (has one grown, or not) and if the personalities match. I have some non-imported family I can't stand, either.

Now, on my father's side, I was adopted by him, and as soon as my little sister came along, she was blood and I wasn't and there were always subtle (or not so) preferences for her. But at the end of it all, he disowned us equally.

It is easier if the kids are young. My SD is closer to M. than my SS - she was 8 when we married and he was 13. My niece and nephews were in that age range and it is now as adults that they and I are getting along better. Oldest nephew is now a father himself, so his perspective is different than when he was 14.

My in-laws have one step-grandson who came into the family at age 2. He was the first grandchild and he fits in like all the others and is treated like a bio kid and a bio grandkid. My parents acquired two step grand -daughters from my sister's husband, when they were about 8 and 11. The mother has primary custody and so are not often with my parents. They are nothing like real grandkids to my parents. They are treated with respect and kindness, given gifts at Christmas and birthdays. The aunties (myself and sister) are kind to them when we see them, which is not often. But don't' give gifts. Those girls aren't bonded to my parents but they all ready have two sets of bio grandparents they are close to. My parents don't play a grandparent roll in the least. I think a lot has to do with age, custody, and time spent together. In contrast my parents have rolled up their sleeves and been part of their bio grandchildrens life from birth, babysitting, changing diapers, and developing life long bonds. One even lived with them for a time. At the end of the day its time spent together as family. That time J. doesn't usually happen in a divorce /remarriage scenario.

what a good follow up to my issue haha. I have 3 (step) siblings. i do not use the word step J. as I would never go around saying My adopted kid.....IMO, my kids are my kids....step, biological or not. Love know no blood ties. after 3 years of regular contact these people and they cant even name my kids there is an issue.
i think my instance is they dont want anyone white in their family. hate to say it but i am the first tto take the family lines inter racially.
My parents include al my children the same. they spend the same $ on all! if one kid get something they ALL do. especially at holidays.

Lot of interesting stories here!

Lets see between my parents there are 4 of us, both parents remarried which gave M. 1 step sister on my fathers side and 6 step siblings on my mothers side. My father also gave M. 3 half siblings. My mother didnt have any more kids. What makes it more confusing is my mother married my uncle. YES thats is her sisters ex husband. My mother is his 4th wife. And yes they all still talk to each other. lol, My cousins are also my step siblings but we are so close we refer to each other as brother/sister and not cousins lol. I never call my mothers husband anything other than his name and my fathers wife by her name. Thats J. M., I dont like either of them lol. My step sister from my fathers side is very distant, we are not close but I refer to her as my sister never a step sister.

For my self I married twice, I have two kids with the first spouse which my husband calls his step sons or my wifes kids when he is annoyed, rarely does he say 'his sons' and they never call him 'dad' I dunno how or why that is. We have one child and my husbands family treats my kids as part of the family there was never any issues regarding 'step' kids.

Their father is in a relationship with a woman that has a daughter from a previous relationship that calls him 'dad' because she thinks he is her father, they also have a boy together. I gotta say the women he is with treats my boys like her own no issues with 'step' kids, that I know of. My kids tell M. all kind of things, they recently told M. the girls father came back into their lives and Im sure thats gotta mess things up for the little girl.

Step and half and all that can get confusion lol.

In my family, everyone is family, including those who have been long time friends but share no blood line, including those adopted, including those blended in from other families. There's no 'step' or 'half', etc.

I have two 'step' great nephews who live in another state and are no longer in this family because of a divorce and remarriage. But my sister still considers them her grandchildren and we still consider them our great-nephews.

In my husband's family, there is a distinct division. In fact, my MIL would say she had no grandchildren, even though one of her sons married a woman with two children. Bleh.

We only have one stepchild in our family and he is not treated or referred to as a grandchild. He is my brother in law's son. I don't think of him as my nephew. He lives with his mother so my family doesn't see him alot. I never really thought about it much until reading other's experiences on here as we don't have any other step relationships in our family. I think we've all viewed him as related to my sister but no relation to the rest of us.

i dont know if there really is a typical .. my fiances parents got divorced when he was very young.. like 3 or 4 .. his mom and dad are both remarrried and both have 1 child with their new marriages and its so0 different with both sides. with his stepfathers family everyone is aunt n uncle n grandma n grandpa iv been with him 4 years and since the day i met all of them thats how i was introduced and thats what i call them... when hes talkign to his brother he even refers to his stepdad as dad .. never once not even to his sister have i ever heard him call his stepmom mom...and with her family its always thats SMs sister or brother or mother or father.. all by their first name never anything else .. they do the same with him but they dont at all treat him liek an outcast or anything he never felt like he wasnt part of the family.. it J. wasnt like that with them.. like the way it is with his stepdads family

I was the step-child in question about 30 years ago. My dad died when I was two from an auto accident and my mom got remarried when I was six. I remember my step dad (who btw I always called Dad) took us to meet his parents and said "you will be polite and call them Mr. and Mrs. Jones - and I recall going to met them and having both of them say "you can call us grandma and grandpa" - they accepted us right away.

Now - my parents did have kids together and while I didn't notice it as much I guess they (my grandparents) favored those kids (according to my mom) more but it wasn't really obvious to M..

My MIL and FIL have a daughter that married a guy with a daugther and they accepted her into the family right away (they didn't get married until they dated for several years) and always included her in holidays, etc.

So I think it really depends - I've been lucky. :-)

my husbands parents loves my kids as much as the rest of their bio grandchildren. My 3 kids are their only "step" grandkids. When we got married my boys were 11, 8,7. We only dated 9 months before getting married and his parents and one brother only met my kids once before getting married and his other brother and sister met them at our wedding.

My husbands brothers and sisters treat them all as a part of the family. Anyone looking on the outside in would never guess that they weren't born and raised with them.

When we got married my mil went out and got her sweat shirt with all of her grandkids names on it updated with my 3 boys names. My fil actually holds my oldest son up on a pedestal above the other grandkids. Those two have clicked so well together its amazing!

BTW my ex mil and sil treat my two kids with my husband as part of their family also. They always bring them birthday and Christmas gifts or little things they see and think they like, they buy for them also. Our two little ones call my ex mil grandma and my ex sil their aunt.

All the grandparents ( step or not) are called grandpa/ grandma then first name.... all except my dad he is papa and my grandpa is grandpa last name.

I know we are lucky to have such wonderful families! It breaks my heart when all families aren't as lucky.

My family treats them J. like the rest of the family. We could bring a kid off the street to a family function and they would get treated J. like the rest of the grandkids. They J. love kids of all ages. My SO's family is a different story. They treat my daughter (from a previous relationship) differently from the other grandkids. Not bad, J. different. For example, my SO's Mom gives the older two (my daughter and her biological grandson) money for Christmas. My daughter gets $20 and he gets $40. It doesn't really bother her though.
She was 3 1/2 when we started dating.

When I got married, I got 2 kids in the deal. My parents went from having 4 grandkids to 6. The only ways they are treated different than the others are because they are 3 and 6 years older than the next oldest grandkid. In fact, they get priviledges with grandma and grandpa that the others don't by virtue of being teenagers instead of grade schoolers. Personally, I introduce them as my kids and clear up any confusion that may come up later. Their mom lives 1500 miles away so it isn't too much of an issue. I'm the mom here and she's the mom there. My brother and his family treat them differently than their little brother (the one I gave birth to) but he and I have issues going WAY back, so it's not really a surprise. Oh, and my kids were 9 and 11 when I got them.

my ex and i have 2 children together and we are both VERY lucky to be with other people who love our children and their own grandchildren. they really do. i was with a boyfriend for a few months that it wasnt that way. bothered M. along with other things. now am with a man whos parents adore my children. and i know my ex boyfriends new girlfriend is great with the kids and has great parents who love them very much! great because both M. and my ex lost our grandpas and dads.