How Do You Tell a Child About the Arrival of a Sibling

I bought my son a book from Barnes and Noble...I am a Big Brother Now....when I found out I was pregnant again. I also let him pick out a present to give her. Then when he came to the hospital to see her for the first time I had a present for him "from his little sister". I also let him pick out a bottle that only he used when he fed her. After she was born I sometimes included him when it came to taking care of her. I let him hold her, feed her and dress her(as much as he could). Some of my friends said I envolved him a little too much. I know you have to be gentle with babies, but if you have ever seen doctors with them right after they are born then a big brother's stiff hands are nothing to worry about. My son is 11 and my girls are 5 and 6. They are SO close now! There is a little jealousy between the girls which is understandable but their big brother is an AWESOME brother!! I honestly think he is more proctective over them than I am!

Good luck~

Hi M., my name is A....And about 7 years ago I was in your place I was pregnant with my second child and my daughter was 6 years old and I didn't know how she would respond to the new baby...But my grandmother gave me some good advice and told me to include her in everything about the baby and to let her know each and everyday that even though there was a new baby coming that would not change the way that I felt about her and that no matter what tell her that you love her everyday. So what I did is on every Dr.'s appointment I let her go and listen to the baby's heartbeat and see the baby on the ultra sounds and I know with my daughter she was really excited about the new baby and once he came I let her help me with him and with your fiance let him do things with her as far as going to the park...Going to town to get things for you with him and tell him to please when the baby come don't leave her out. And tell to let her know that he loves her and that she is important to him....If I have helped you in anyway...I'm glad.....Please let me know how things go...You can e-mail me at ____@____.com.

A.

Hey M.,
I am sure you have already received a bunch of responses to your post. I will tell you what I have gone through. Both of my husband's kids from a previous marriage live with us (SD is 8 and SS is 5). When I finally did get pregnant, the kids were very excited. We had talked about having one with them before we did. However, their mother was pregnant and had just had her baby not long after we found out I was pregnant. The problem we went through was with their mom having a baby. Let's just say that she does not feel she needs to talk to her kids about anything that she does that may have any impact on them. So, we talked to them about how they felt and they seemed very excited. Yes we had some rough spells during my pregnancy but we worked through them. I went to a website that showed the week by week information about my pregnancy and I would tell them "well this week the baby is developing this" and they would get all excited wanting to see thieir little baby sister. There are a few books out there about helping to prepare siblings for the birth of another baby. I cannot remember names right now, but you can look for them at amazon.com. I think the thing that helped us the most with the stepkids was that I was constantly letting them know what was going on so they felt like they were a part of everything. People will tell you that you need to spend a little more time with the one you have to prepare. I thought about how I would feel if I were the child. I thought I would feel better if I knew what was going on. So that is what I did with them. Now their mom is having another baby in May and was 3 months or more along when she finally told the kids. They were devastated. But she does not have to face that like I do. Anyway, talk to your little one. Explain that there are going to be a lot of changes to their lives coming up in the next few months. Let her feel like she is a part of your decisions. There will be some jealousy as she has been the only child this long. She will have to learn to share and help out. Which I have learned that big sisters like to help and be a mommy's helper. I hope that this has helped a little - if nothing else it has let you know that someone has gone through something similar and came out without having a really bad horror story :) And congratulations on your new one. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy.
Almost forgot to mention that what we did with the naming of the baby was come up with a few that we liked and asked them what they thought. Then we made sure that it was not going to be too difficult for them do pronounce (we named her Taryn Danielle) - they really felt proud that we involved them like that. It looks like most of the other responses are saying pretty much the same things - so obviously there must be something good in what you are being told.

Hi M.,
I have five children. I found that the more you make the baby "theirs" also the better it is. You tell her it's her baby,,,and how much the baby is going to need her and what she can teach the baby and do with the baby. When there are showers for the baby, make sure she gets some presents too. When the baby is born she should get something special too. Let her be involved with the everyday taking care of the baby once here,,, etc. And set aside special times for you and her. Take her to lunch, a movie etc. That way she knows Mommy is still her. But make it clear you are a family now and that she is a main part. Talk...tell her things will be different, but better. Ask her often how she feels. You will do great!
L.

Well let me start with a big congrats!!!!! I just wanted to give ya little help with your five year old. Include her in everything. tell her how special it is that she going to have your new hubby and that she going to be a big sister!!! Let her help with the baby when it arrives. give her special time for the two of you to do things together, to let her know that just because alot has changed that your love for her hasnt. Hope this helps you and good luck with your busy year.

FIRST, LET ME TELL YOU CONGRATULATION!!! AND I ALWAYS TYPE IN ALL CAPS I HAVE NERVE DAMAGE AND IT'S JUST EASIER, SO I'M NOT YELLING OKAY!WITH THAT SAID YOU COULD START BY TELLING HER THAT "YOU" ARE GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER!ISN'T THAT GOING TO BE FUN! YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HELP MOMMY ALOT!WE CAN LEARN TO CHANGE DIAPERS TOGETHER,CAUSE I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN AND YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME WITH YOUR DOLLIES. AND IF SHE'S GOOD OR STARTING TO COUNT YOU CAN TELL HER THAT YOUR COUNTING IS A LITTLE RUSTY CAUSE YOU HAVEN'T FIXED BOTTLES SINCE SHE WAS TINY AND THAT MAYBE IF SHE WOULDN'T MIND SHE COULD HELP YOU.IF YOU MAKE ALOT OF IT ABOUT HER AND NOT SO MUCH ABOUT YOU HAVING ANOTHER CHILD. AND HOW PROUD THAT YOU ARE OF HER THAT SHE IS GROWING UP TO BE SO RESPONSIBLE AND SMART. THAT IS HOW WE DID IT WITH OUR SON AND HE SEEMED TO HANDLE THE CHANGE VERY WELL!!WELL, M. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR EXPANDING FAMILY!!T.

I agree with what the others are saying about involving her- ask her opinion about names for the baby or flowers for the wedding, colors for the nursery or food for the reception. Make sure she knows that these things are just as much about her as they are about you (and the baby/wedding).

I wouldn't sugar-coat the effects of a baby in your lives. I think you should be up-front about how much work and attention a baby involves, and that you are really relying on your daughter to help you.

Another thought- I read once that kids this age are better at accepting new babies because they are starting to have their "own lives" and aren't so dependent on their parents for attention. So make sure she has her "own life" that stays uninterrupted. Keep up any play dates, dance lessons, girls-night-out, etc.

Good luck! and
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

My little girl who was 4yrs.old when I got pregnant with my second child took it really well. I just sit her down and told her that soon she well have someone to play all the time. I also let her be apart of the preparing for the new baby. She went to the doctor appointments with me and was in the labor room until it was time for me to start pushing. I think if you let her be apart of the whole then she will be ok with it. My daughter helped me even after my son was born. she helped feed him, bath him, and change him. So basicly I included her in everything.

I was a single mom for 3.5 years before my husband and I were married. This past summer I found out I was pregnant, right before my daughter's 5th birthday... so I gave her a "big sister" necklace as one of her gifts. She also got a gift card to Babies R Us to shop for her younger sibling (which we just used a couple of weeks ago)... she thought it was so cool to be able to use a gift she received to get her soon to arrive baby sister a gift. She has been excited since day one about a new sibling. If your daughter hasn't been around a lot of babies, I would suggest that you set up some visits with friends or familiy members who have kids under a year old. This will help her understand that newborns are fragile and need constant attention, but remind her that you will need her to help out with feeding, or picking out clothes or whatever... this will help her feel more important and can help curb some jealousy.

Good Luck to you!!

My situation is similiar to yours but my daughter was 3yrs old when we moved from Indiana to SC to be with my hubby and we got married when she was 4. I got pregnant with my son in August 05 and my daughter had just turned 5yrs old the month before. She had been wanting to be a big sister since she was 2 so she was very excited when we told her I had a baby in my belly. But then at the time I was also babysitting an 8 month old that cried every time I put him down for a nap (mom and dad would hold him while he slept) and she was affraid that that is what her baby bro/sis was going to do. I ashured her that not all babies cry all the time and that everything will be fine. But it also gave her an idea of how time consuming babies can be. We kept her involved as much as possible. She went to a few DR appointments with me and her face lit up the first time she heard the heart beat!!! We also allowed her to go to the ultra sound but she decided not to at the last minute but was excited when I told her the baby had a blue blanket with him. She thinks babys have a pink or blue blanket in the belly and that's how we know what the sex is!!! We had to move due to my hubby's job when I was 7 months along, so I let her pick out her room but help me figure out where the crib and stuff would go in her brother's room. I would let her feel the baby moving all around and we even asked for her input on names. That was funny cause if she had her way my son would be named Rasin Blue!! At the baby shower, a lot of people got her big sister gifts so she wouldn't feel left out. Be warned, I got asked a lot of questions I wasn't prepared for and some I was!!! How did the baby get in there, how does the baby get out, will it hurt, how do you make mile,will you still love me, etc. And then there was they day we came home, it was all fine and good till then...then it was I don't want to be a big sister, I don't want a baby brother, you should throw him away!!! Hubby and I calmly sat her down and explained to her how that wasn't a nice way to talk and that it was ok to feel jealous or left out but she needed to come to one of us and tell us how she felt and we would help her work through it. About a month after he was born she had to go to her dad's for the summer and that wasn't easy for her at all. She was very afraid that we were going to forget about her or not want her back because we had a 'replacement'. We talked on the phone a lot and her dad was also very good about letting her call me or what not when she got in a mood. I think it also helped her adjust when she learned that she slept in the same crib he uses, used the same baby swing and how I take care of him is how I took care of her. She can't get over that she was that little to sleep in a crib instead of her twin bed!!

But now, 9 months later, she wouldn't give her bro up for anything!! She loves him to death, reads to him, plays with him, kisses him all the time.....and for me, it is so amazing to see how my two kiddos have developed and reached milestones differently.

Congrats on the little bundle!!! It is a strange ride for me having two kids 6yr apart but it's been a blast non the less!!

S.

I agree, definately start talking to her now. You know your child and what she can handle. I showed mine the cut away pictures of babies at term inside the belly. I also took him to the doctor's appointments with me and got him a baby doll so he could have his own baby. We also got him books about being a big brother. His favorite was "Froggy's Baby Sister" It's part of a series. It talks about mom going to the hospital and bringing home a baby and how he deals with the new one in the house. There are lots of resources out there to help your young child transition. Have her help you by bringing you diapers, wipes, etc so she feels involved and needed helps mitigate jealousy too.

my daughter was in the terrible twos when our new one arrived...everyone told me to be prepared for serious jealousy fits! At least yours is older and understand the idea of a new brother/sister. One thing we made sure we did was make all rearrangements to rooms (they share a room) months before I was due...that way abi (my oldest) had a chance to accustom herself to it before that little bundle came home. Abi adores her little sister and they now play together wonderfully. We don't play favorites, but we make sure that we spend time separately with both...My parents will sometimes take Abi for the day so I can spend it with Elena and sometimes I'll leave Elena with her daddy so I can go to the store with Abi...again, your daughter is older and understands a little more about patience( I would hope) and that a new baby needs help and can't do anything for themselves...she'll do fine and really love being a big sister, you'll see!
Congratulations!

I have a little sister 7 years younger than me. I remember my mom pulled out some of my baby clothes and had me put them on some of my dolls as a little fashion show. Then she started asking me if it would be fun to have a real baby to dress up in those clothes and then she let me know that she was pregnant. Make sure to include her from the beginning. That you, your finance and her are going to have a little one and point out all the things that she will be able to do to help out like a big sister. As long as she is envolved from the get go, I don't think you will have too many problems.

Hi M.,

I agree with the other posters. Start talking to her now about how exciting it will be to be a big sister. Also, start talking to her about the fact that when the baby arrives, he/she won't be able to play for a while, but "we"ll" have to take very good care of the baby.

If your daughter is not going to be in the birthing room when the baby is born, you might want to consider what I did when my second was born. I had someone put the baby in the bassinet and then had my older child come in the room. My husband and I had our hands free to hugs and hold the older child and no one was in "his" place. Then, someone else (I think it was my mother) brought the baby over and handed us "our" baby. It seemed to help ward off a lot of jealousy.
Hope it helps!

Congratulations and good luck!

Hi M.. I am a mom of 2, one is almost 5 and one is 2 1/2. I got pregnant with my second child when my first was 1 yr 9 months. We told her right after she turned 2 that we were expecting another baby. She surprised me at how much she understood at such a young age. I think the best thing for you to do is include your child in everything. Take her to your dr. appts and let her hear the baby's heartbeat and see the ultrasounds when you have them. The lady who did our ultrasound printed out a picture just for my little girl and typed on it "Hi Sister". She kept that in her room and looked at it everyday. She also helped us decorate the baby room. We let her pick out a present for the baby to take to the hospital the first time she met him. We also bought a present from the new baby to the big sister which we gave her at the hospital. A little jealousy is normal, so just try to be understanding. And make sure you spend some time with her just by herself everyday after the baby is born. Kids are so resilient, she'll be just fine after she gets used to all the changes.