How Do You Tell a 9 Y/o He Has Asperger's?

Updated on July 10, 2012
E.H. asks from Westtown, PA
12 answers

how do you tell a 9 y/o he has Asperger's?

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answers from St. Louis on

I remember telling my son he had autism spectrum. His response, oh, is that what it is called...and we moved on.

It is just a label, doesn't really change who they are and all.

7 moms found this helpful

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answers from Los Angeles on

Matter-of-factly, it is what it is, and it may actually help him to know there's a reason he has certain struggles.

My nephew has a friend with Asperger's who turned 10 last week. He knows, his Mom is very cool about it and told me and my sister, and he'll even try to explain it if someone asks what it is.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

My friend told her son when they were covering it school.
He came home and was telling his mom about autism & Asperger's and she said "Well, So-and-So, that is what you have...Aspergers."
His reply?
"No I don't!"

But then, with some further discussion, he began to see himself in the topics covered and discussed.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

Hey buddy, you know how there's been some stuff (like X, Y, Z) going on that we've been trying to understand better? Turns out there's a name for it; it's called Asperger's Syndrome. A lot of people have Asperger's, Einstein (who was a super smart guy who changed the way we think about our universe) being just one of many incredible people whose brains operate in a similar way. In some ways it's pretty cool. You know how sometimes it feels like there are fireworks going off in your mind? That's part of it. Other stuff can be challenging, because sometimes it can be hard to be different. Having this name attached to the stuff we already knew about, it's not a bad thing. It just means we're going to have more information, more tools, and more answers. We already knew you were really, really amazing and now we'll have more ways to help you live an amazing life.

I bet you have some questions, and if you don't right now, you might later. We can talk about this if it's what you want, and if you don't want to yet, that's okay too. I love you a lot.
Not sure if this helps. Either way, I'm sending good luck and hugs.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Well, I'm sure he is well aware of his struggles....

All you need to do is tell him that his brain is wired differently than others... it doesn't make him dumber than others, it just means that he learns differently.

Tell him that people are different... play on his strengths at this point, not his weaknesses.

Also... tell him that a label or "name" of a condition doesn't make him who he is...... it just makes it easier for people to understand why he acts or behaves that way, sometimes......

And.. tell him that doctors like to create labels for people so they have a reason for a job!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Do you watch the show Parenthood? It's totally awesome if you don't watch it and one of the main character's sons has Asperger's. There is a whole episode on how, when and if they should tell him, it's really good! I don't know if you have Netflicks, or if it's even on there, but it might help!

Does he go to a therapist of any kind? Maybe you should ask them or have a group meeting and allow him/her to be there. Good luck, I'm sure it's hard.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Redding on

I'd just tell him. check some youtube vids and see if there are any worth showing to him. Best to be honest so he can learn to accept and control what he can.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

I would think it would be a natural discussion. I assume you have a professional diagnoisis, I don't know for sure how it is determined, but if it is some sort of testing he does or some sort of check list that you and his teachers check off. then just say, remember when we took you to see Dr so and so because you were havign trouble with mrs so and so in first grade? Well the dr told me that you are like alot of other kids that think about things a little differently, There is a name for it Aspergers. It just means you will need to work harder to understand what other people are feeling. I'll help you, dr so and so willhelp you and your third grade teacher to be will help you. Maybe you'll need medicine or maybe we'll make sure you are eating healthy and getting enough excercis and sleep to keep you in top form. mommy and daddy love you and we think you are the best little ( lego builder, baseball player, book reader, dish washer whatever is special about him.)

end of story.

Of course you know him best and alot of this depends on where he is on the specturm and how sever the aspergers is.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Contact and ask them for resources on this. They have a lot. And he probably knows he's different - this is just a name he can use to explain it.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I don't know if the word "Aspergers's" needs to be used. Perhaps you could break it down by the types of things that he is challenged with.

i.e. "we need to work a little harder on _______ than some other kids your age"

or _________ is something that's more challenging for you than it is for your classmates, etc.


answers from Phoenix on

I agree with Jo W. Not a big deal, its just a fact. My 9 yo son is ADHD. My 12 yo dtr has been ADD for about 6 years and was recently diagnosed as Asperger's as well. Message me your email address and I can send you a word doc that has great info on it.

My daughter obviously knew something was going on when she went thru 6 hours of testing. Didn't your son do that? If so, you just tell him, "hey, we got the test results back and you have Asperger's Syndrome. That means you have some social issues and we are going to start working on that". Or say whatever his issues were that prompted him to be tested. My daughter doesn't have any behavior issues but has major social issues.

So just be honest about it, research it and help him to not only understand what it is, but what he has to work on now to make it better. Message me if you need more info. Good luck.


answers from Hartford on

Could you possibly add more details? For instance, is he asking questions? Is he having difficulties that only giving an explanation would help him with? I'll update my response if you can offer some backstory. It doesn't have to be a lot.

I do have a daughter with a high functioning Classic Autism who is 9 years old, so we've been through this somewhat.

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