How Do You Stop or Handle Tantrums?

I think every kid is a little different in what they respond to.

My son (3.5) will NOT sit in a time out spot/corner for anything. So we lock him in his room for a time out. Works beautifully.
You're at the stage where ignoring doesn't work. She needs to understand that behavior like that DOES get a reaction out of you, and it's one that she won't like. So whatever you need to do...take something away that she loves, time out somewhere...whatever.
You're behavior training at this point. If you want the behavior to stop, you have to introduce a "negative stimulus" that she will respond to.

Walk out of the room when she does this. Just leave. If the room has a door, close it. If you don't fuel the fire, it will burn out. Do this consistently. Every time. Never give her one second's notice.

Jim Fay's Love and Logic book series is the best. You can go back to my answers and see just how many times I have recommended this book to people on this site. It has saved my life and sanity as a teacher and parent. In a nutshell, the discipline philosophy is all about sharing control, giving choices and using natural consequences to teach appropriate behavior. There is a book geared specifically for toddlers too. My daughter is 2.5 also and just tonight I was using all kinds of choices as part of her bedtime routine. She was playing in her room for awhile and I told her I was getting ready to leave because it was time for bed. I asked if she wanted to sleep with her puppy pillow or ladybug. She picked her puppy. I asked if she wanted to be covered with her princess blanket or the green blanket. She chose green tonight. All the while she peacefully stopped playing and got into bed because she was occupied by all of her decisions. I then gave her a choice to choose her puppy or Woody doll (toy story) to sleep with. She ended up with both because she couldn't decide and it didn't really bother me if she had both. Finally, she fell asleep about 10 minutes after that. I give my kids choices like this throughout the day. Two choices that are ok with me and I can honestly tell you it relieves 95% of power struggles and tantrums because kids love feeling in control. They start to develop trust because they don't feel manipulated so it is easy to give the control back to you when necessary if you have to make a decision. (for example, in those cases I say something like "we can't go to the park right now because mom has to run this errand. Can you help me out this time? Thanks. ") When my daughter does throw a tantrum, I just calmly say, "I'm sorry. You can either stop crying/screaming and stay here or go to your room until you feel better." Most times she will choose one herself, but sometimes she stands there and continues to cry, so I pick for her. I will scoop her up and quietly take her to her room. I tell her she is welcome to rejoin us when she has calmed down. She gets her act together very quickly. It is truly amazing. You wouldn't think a child that young could understand something like that, but if you consistently learn the love and logic methods it is really that simple. Go to www.loveandlogic.com for more information. They also have workshops that are great too. Good luck!
A.

Toddlers often throw tantrums because they have very strong feelings that they are trying to express but do not know how. If your daughter starts having a tantrum, try to guess what she's feeling.... say "Are you mad? Are you MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD?!?!?" You can even add a foot stomp or two. Try to show that you understand the intensity of what she's feeling as well. Often with my kids (and this has worked with all 3 of them) they'll look at me astonished that I've understood and say "yes!" and that will be end of the tantrum. They've expressed what they needed to and have been understood. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries to get the right feeling... mad, sad, scared, frustrated.... as they get older you can add a question "Are you mad because we can't do/have/whatever right now?" and go on to "I know you are mad about that. But we have to do x right now instead. Maybe we can do Y (whatever they wanted) later/tomorrow/next time"

I got this from the book The Happiest Toddler On The Block -- very good book and I highly recommend it.

I got the best advice on this site about 5 years ago- send them away- "you can have your fit just have it in your room" if they wont go carry them " you can come out when you are done" remove THEM from the area not you if you are there they are still playing to the crowd it wasn't easy but it worked on my son.

Time outs. Taking away favorite toy or activity. But do it appropriately for age. At her age an hour is like an eternity. And do not give in or be inconsistent. If you are not consistent you are just wasting your time. Plus on the other side the time you put in now will make it worth it in the end. (less time working with tantrums) Also recognize she is probably reacting to your pregnancy. Make sure you are giving her some "her" time and get her help with planning for the new baby. Give her little jobs that make her feel like a big sister.

I was going to recommend the Love & Logic parenting books as well! They are AWESOME!

Instead of trying to explain it all though, I'm going to refer you to a blog post I did about a specific situation where L&L worked wonders for me!

http://lincolnfreedomacademy.blogspot.com/2011/09/love-lo...

Welcome to 2 yr. olds. At least a good portion of them. She is learning how to flex her muscles. She is testing boundaries and seeing exactly what yours are and what she has to do to get her way. She is also young and doesn't have the coping skills or verbal skills to express her displeasure. So, lucky you, Mama!! =)

You have some options:

Ignoring - if you do this you have to be willing to wait as long as it takes. You can look at her and say, "I will talk to you when you calm down" and that's it. No more. You give in one time and the next time will be longer because now she thinks all she has to do is hold out til you give in.

Removing her from wherever she is: If you are at the store, go to the car and buckle her in and sit with her until she is finished. If she is in the living room, remove her from where you are, put her in the floor of her room.

Talk her through it: "You are so mad!! You want that ________ (toy, cookie, whatever)! I need you to calm down so we can talk about it. Look in her eyes and talk in a calm voice. Validate her but don't give in.

Whatever you do, don't give her what she wants. We don't reward inappropriate behavior.

Make a quiet place for her to calm down: with a pillow, a blanket, books, a doll, soothing music. When she starts getting upset, put her there to calm down and reinforce it. Pretty soon, as she gets older, you will be able to say, "Do you need to go to your quiet place and calm down until we can talk?"

Hope these help

I have a 2 year old daughter and she was screaming and crying for no real reason. So we started sitting her in a little chair that she has in another room. She was told to stay there until she stopped crying. We had to do this a lot for a while, but now she has stopped dramatically. She now only has an occasional fit. Just remember to make sure she is away from you and that you don't pay attention to her until she is done.

Momofmany is correct.
Step over your daughter while she is throwing a fit. Do not say a word. Try not to even look at her.

If she follows you, tell her "Mommy needs a time out." Go to your own room or go to the bathroom and shut the door.

To ward off the tantrums, try offering options instead of a no.

She says "I want a cookie".
You can say, "how about some peach slices or apple slices?"

She does not want to put on her shoes. "Ok, I will give you 2 minutes and THEN you can put on your shoes."

Also remember children like to know what to expect. Give her a heads up about what the plan is. "Today we will be going to the grocery store. You can play for 10 more minutes and then you need to put all of your toys into the toy box." "I like how you put away your toys. "

"Remember we do not buy snacks at the store. Pick out a snack and put it in my purse."

Remember at the store we use inside voices in the store."

If she is having a tough day, it may not be a good day to go to the store, or you may need to wait till she has had some running around outside.. Or maybe see how she is after nap.

Ask her to "use her words."

Ask her if "she needs a hug."

Try to see what brings on the melt downs. She is at the age when she wants to do everything herself. So give her the time to do this or.. let her know.. "today I am in a hurry, so lets see how fast mommy can put your shoes on your feet. On your mark, get set, here we go.. .."

We are going through the exact same thing - same age and everything and the tantrums are usually because he didn't get to turn off the light or he wants to sit where I am sitting. Even though it's easy to turn the light on so he can turn it off or move from the seat, we try to stand our ground. We tell him we understand what he wants to do, but sometimes he has to share. It doesn't necessarily stop the tantrum and it can be a long day, but then it seems to stop for a little while. I'm no expert, but so far I've found that holding my ground and explaining what is going on seems to work well.

my daughter is 2 & also throws fits, my oldest daughter rarely ever threw fits, so this was new to me as well....
I try to talk her (even when they are babies I always talk to them even though they cant understand it all they will eventually) I tell her what we are doing & why or why can or cannot do something, & she "almost" always has a choice (whether she will like the choice or not there is always a choice) ex: she can eat her lunch or she can go down for a nap. once she starts to throw a fit I take her into her room & sit her on her bed, I tell her that she may come out once she has calmed down (if she calms down immediately I still have her sit there for 2 minutes then i go back in for her) once her 2 minutes is up or she has calmed down, I go back in & explain why we do not act like that & why she was punished, then I ask her if she is ready to behave & we kiss & hug (this is basically starting a timeout but since she is too young to understand to sit in a corner or on a chair she must sit on her bed, plus it removes her from the situation.) if we are in public & its a big fit (lasting more than a few seconds) then I take her to the car to calm down or a bathroom/separate room. her fits have definitely subsided & usually last only a couple of seconds of protesting now...she knows & understands that she will be removed from the situation & is not going to just "get her way" because she throws a fit.

Here are the strategies that worked with my kids:
1. Offer compassion and use "I wish..." first when you see that the kid is not liking your decision or is getting upset over not getting his way. Examples:
-We have to leave home now (from playground).
-Negative reaction from a kid (whatever that is)
-I am very sorry, I wish you could stay and play for the rest of the day. (delivered in a compassionate tone with sincere face). But it is time to go now.
Most of time my kids would stop at that, if they continue whining or begging for "five more minutes" I just repeat "I wish we could do that today but, we really need to go. Perhaps another time. I know you feel upset. I do to. I really want to stay longer but we cannot".
2. If the kid continues to a full blown tantrum I would ignore it and later repeat the same compassionate response.
Just be prepared what you are going to say before you enter into argument:
-I am very sorry I cannot buy this toy, I wish I could buy you everything, but I do not have that much money. If you had this toy how would you play with it?
-No, you cannot draw on the couch. Here is the paper to draw on. I know it would be so much fun to use the couch but it is not allowed in our house.
So on and so forth. The key is to come up with good compassionate responses and stick to them.

I've always completely ignored them... it's hard, BUT, once the little one realizes that they're aren't getting my attention, they get bored with it. Later on, I'll ask them what was going on, and help them learn to deal with their emotions. MY kids have always been great about telling me if they're mad, sad, need something, etc, without the tantrums. Consistently ignoring the tantrums is key (and when you do reach your breaking point, time outs go hand in hand!) Good luck :)