How Do You Not Let Everything Bother You?

Updated on August 12, 2010
S.T. asks from Kansas City, KS
10 answers

OK I need other moms help here I let everything and I mean everything get to me/bother me. Small, big or even nothing. How do I stop it?? I guess I'm a very sensitive person and wear my heart out there for anybody and everybody I want to do good all the time. I lost my dad going on 10 years this year and trust me that made me look at life and family in a different manner. So when I see family acting selfish or stupid it really bothers me (mainly my in law family). I'm super close to my mom and sister and want to spend everything with them but have realized I have to share my time with the other family as well for my hubby. So how do you not let stuff bother you and move on with life? Thank you all and I hope this not only helps me but some other moms out there.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

Two thoughts:

1. Focus on what is REALLY important, and forget the rest!

2. Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's (almost) all small stuff!

Edit My Answer
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answers from Washington DC on

This is one thing I can say my husband did good for me. He lets everything roll off his back and if you can't do anything about it, he doesn't worry. If you are religious at all, keep your faith. And things that you can't control or change, you have to learn to just let them go. It took me about 5 years...but I just tell myself if I can't do anything to fix it, make it better, etc...I can't worry about it.

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answers from Dallas on

I think you answered your own question...

Life is too precious and short to let all the little things bother you.

You can't control others actions; BUT you can ony control your "reaction" to them.

Just my two cents,

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Indianapolis on

I'm a lot like you, S..

It bothers me that I can't let things roll off my back like other people can, but then I don't want to have to change who I am and how passionate I am about things to appease other people.

Unfortunately, for most of us, it takes a monumental set-back like your dad's passing to make us evaluate life differently. For me, it was being diagnosed with cancer after the birth of my daughter 2 years ago. I try to keep the lessons I learned in the front of my head every day. I think some people are bothered at how much the experience has affected me and don't understand why I can't just "get on with life" - they've never been told they have cancer.

Becoming a survivor was really hard for me. People expect that when your PET/CT is clean, you can just move back to a normal life. Only normal is different. So, I went to counseling to help me adjust. Perhaps that's an option for you. It really made me look at things differently and adjust my reaction to things. I probably should go back now that other stressors are coming into my life now.

Good luck! You are certainly not alone.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Joplin on

I am a very sensitive person too, and I like to help people, but you can't fix everything. That has been a HARD lesson for me to learn, and I am 35 and have 3 kids, from 14 to age 3 and you would think I would have figured it out sooner, but I STILL struggle with it. I have to just really be honest with myself and remind myself FREQUENTLY that I cannot fix it all, all I can do is my best and not be too hard on myself. If I find myself getting stressed out I ask myself a question : Is it something that is out of my control? Have I done everything I could to the best of my ability? If I can answer yes to both those questions then I either find something to do to try and take my mind off of it or I do something for me...a walk, a cup of tea, a hot bath, reading a chapter in my book. It helps for me to keep a journal...then I can look back and realize some things were not so big a deal as I thought, or going back even further I can see something and know it is no longer an issue and be able to see that it was resolved. You can't "stop it" but you can control how much you think about it, if you are a religious woman then sometimes you just have to say I am giving it up to you God...I say the serenity prayer a lot...I wish you luck, I think this is something that MANY moms struggle with.
Take care of you, one of the worst things we can do is ignore our own needs.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I am a lot like you. I want to 'help' everyone. Unfortunately for me, I have this ridiculous notion that people care what I think and want my opinions....can you tell I've learned otherwise!

To answer your question, I've learned to "let things go" by asking myself, "Is this my problem?" For example, I've had some very stressful times when my nephews come over to my house. They have very different rules than we have in our home. My input/advice was NOT appreciate or well received. In fact, I think I did more harm than good. Which was completely the opposite effect I was expecting or hoping for. So I've learned to keep my mouth shut and to just let them handle their own children...even to the point where I sometimes have to walk away. Sometimes serving the potato salad helps me "ignore" the family conversation that's driving me nuts.

As far as how these things still bother me? I've just had to say, "Not my problem." Or to diffuse a complaining person that I don't want to listen to (since it seems like they are just unloading their problems on someone who will listen), I say, "I'm sorry to hear you're having that problem." Then ask them if they need more iced tea.

I have learned (the hard way) that many people don't view things like I do. That's not wrong, it's just different. However if what they say/do bothers ME, that's my problem, not theirs...they're just being themselves. So I have chosen to keep my mouth shut, remove myself from the situation and learn what I can and can't discuss with those people.

Finally, I think if you have some "outlet" it will help you. Whether it's crafting, scrapbooking, exercise, etc. I think sometimes us Moms have lost our identities in Mommyhood. Then when we are around other adults we're shocked at their behaviors, attitudes, etc. The littlest things get on our nerves. For me, when I exercise, even just getting out for a short walk, I feel better, think better and am better able to handle whatever comes my way. Try to get some fresh air everyday. I really do think it helps de-stress/de-desensitize me - maybe it will help you too.

Sounds like you and I are a lot alike!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

In Philippians 4:11, Paul says "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances". Remembering that verse TOTALLY helps me to not get so bothered by the trivial things in life and my worldly problems! Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I was more like this when I was younger. I found tremendous help in reading everything I could about the hows and whys of our humanity, having a calming religious practice (the less fundamentalist traditions within any faith work better for this, because they focus less on judgement), and giving myself quiet time alone, walking in nature, weeding the garden, pondering (as opposed to wallowing).

There's a teacher called Byron Katie whom you might find works for you. Check out to learn her four questions – which can give you a surprisingly fresh perspective on all sorts of problems, large and small. The website also offers a large selection of videos showing the work in action.

Wishing you the best.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

Wow, I know what you mean! I've gotten really bad since my 1st was born. My husband & I talk about this ALL the time. I've been going to counseling and it's helping. I'm learning that you can't control anyone else, you can only control the way you let them affect you, but it's so hard to put into practice! It helps to limit your time with the people that bother you the most, even if it's family. A good counselor can help you find better ways to respond to specific situations or behaviors in other people. I really feel for you - best of luck!

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answers from Kansas City on

The older I get, the more I just keep to myself. It's not that I mean to be stand offish. I just don't like drama. This life is drama filled at best. But when we let too many things bother us the drama becomes unbearable.

I look around the world and see how many people are on anti-depressants, how many people are working on multiple divorces, how many people that can't keep a job, and I just don't want to join the ranks of the chronically frustrated.

Daily stuff is frustarting enough, just trying to keep the house spotless is enough. It's all about priorities. But you can't tell others how to think and feel.

1 mom found this helpful