How Do You Know When to Help and When to Run??

Updated on July 16, 2011
S.M. asks from Lakeside, CA
18 answers

So as most of you know I run my daycare 7 days per week. I keep 2 and sometimes 3 shifts depending on schedules for the day. Most of my families are really good about paying me what I ask for. But it seems that pretty much all the time I have at least one or more family going through something. If the family has been with me for a long time and I really like them I'll wait a few days here or there to be paid. But there's just no way I can pay my bills and never know if or when or how much I'm going to be paid.

I struggle with the fact that I am a Christian. I love the Lord and I love his book. He tells us if we have it to give we need to give it. Usually, I'll offer a little better rate in certain situations to help people so long as I see them doing what they need to. For instance, moms that are holding down 1 and sometimes 2 jobs and they are going to school, I'll help where I can. One time I gave a cheap rate to a family that was adopting a little boy while 1 of the parents was finishing school and the other mom had only just graduated.

My daughter is almost 11 and homeschools. I'm always on the look out for families with older kids. But it's a fact that the older their kids get the more parents feel they should pay just about nothing for daycare. These people tell us that their kids are so easy and mostly self sufficient and really easy to care for. Then they want us picking them up from school and putting wear and tear on our vehicles to boot! Oh and well while we are at it, we can help them with their homework after school too.

Okay, so I finally find a family that has 2 children, they are so nice and the kids very much in personality like my own. They needed 3 days per week, their school is local and close, and the mom and dad said they were willing to meet my rate that included enough money to cover the cost of wear and tear and gas and still have some left for me. They were supposed to start on Monday. I get an email last night telling me they don't have the money to pay in advance. What the heck? I've seen them for about 30 minutes one time and exchanged a few emails. How does that qualify me to be their best friend, bank, or mother?! Why do they think it's my job to bail them out of their recent money crisis?

So you know what? I told them no I can't and I'm sorry it won't work out. I see today they are putting an ad back on Craigslist looking for someone for now and the school year. What a waste of peoples time! There's helping and there's being a chump.

I can't help but feel like I should have trusted them for the sake of my daughter so she could have a friend close to her age. I love my business. But sometimes I HATE my business.

Scratching my head and thinking... Most car insurance companies charge in advance. Time warner cable-vision charges in advance too. Room rentals and nice vacation spots require a percentage down in advance. We pay at least 1/2 of our construction expenses in advance. Rent and Mortgage is often paid in advance. You might not realize it. But the first months interest is often figured into the overall amount financed in the beginning.

I absolutely believe that all daycare providers would be better off if we consider our spots to be a commodity just like gas and food. That's what I tell people all the time. We don't go fill our tank up and tell them we'll catch them later :)

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So What Happened?

It's been years since I looked up any homeschool groups. It's just too difficult for me to predict my daycare parents schedules to plan our activities days and even weeks in advance. But I may just have to figure out how to get the job done anyway.

Tracy, I'm glad that you have had what you needed. But the difference between waiting for a regular business to pay their employees and waiting for money in daycare is that way too often we are scammed. I've done this enough years to know how much money I've lost when I trusted people. My trust is very limited for very good reasons.

You know, that sick feeling we get when they "forget" their checkbook, "left" their checkbook at home, "the funds haven't cleared", and just WHY didn't they keep the daycare CASH out of the check instead of depositing the money after 2 on FRIDAY? I could go on and on forever on ways people duck out without paying. What people don't realize is that they ARE paying for what they are using when they are using it. We charge for the WHOLE week. We need a WHOLE weeks pay. If we let people pay after the fact they will not only and quite possibly show up without the money on Friday, but often use us Monday-Thursday and then just never come around or answer their phone again.

Yes, it's unfair to those that don't have any intentions of cheating their provider. But If I had a dime for every time someone said I was lucky to be married and that my job is easy because their little darlings are so good and so easy...that I'm lucky to stay home and play, and that I just don't understand THEY have bills...like I don't??? I'd be a wealthy woman.

Our local county taxes us for whatever vehicles we own on Jaunuary 1st. If we own it, we get taxed for the whole year even if we sell it later. That's the same with daycare. If you want daycare on Monday morning then you'll pay for the whole week because we've saved the whole weeks space, just for YOU. You want it, you pay for it.

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

Well from past experience I will never again pay someone in advance for a service. I paid one daycare provider $180 for the week on Monday (she was my daycare provider for the past semester and a half) Tuesday she was gone. Just up and moved screwing me out of $180 plus that semesters college tuition because I couldn't find a replacement daycare quick enough. The next daycare I went to tuition was due at the end of each week.

2 moms found this helpful

C.S.

answers from Kansas City on

It sounds like they were scamming . Remember what I told you happened to my husband's aunt? (My aunt-in-law does home day care and doesn't charge up front. A couple came and brought their daughter for the week, but didn't pay her and never came back or even called. She somehow found out that this couple had done the same thing to other day cares.)

1 mom found this helpful

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

There's a fine line between helping others and being taken advantage of. Speaking from experience, err on the side of caution, and tell them to pay 1/2 up front and the other half mid-week; if they can't afford it then, cut them loose. This way you've still tried to help them out, but know that they probably had every intention of taking advantage of your kindness and not paying. At least then you can rest easy knowing YOU TRIED. Good luck :)

8 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Denver on

I don't know much about daycare practices, so I won't address that, but as to the Christian aspect of this: I really think you're demonstrating the love of Christ when showing kindness and giving help to families who need a break or encouragement. That's wonderful. However, being a Christian also means being a good steward of what you've been given, and being accountable and responsible to your own home and family. So to not grant excessive allowances to a family you don't know (and you don't know what this family's financial history and track record is) is ok. That's showing stewardship and accountability to what is your priority: a sound business and a loving family and strong home. So don't feel guilty when using good business practices. In fact, you should be proud of that. You should be glad that you can say that you run a business on Christian principles and that includes dependability and reliability and trustworthiness on your part, and in return, you expect the same from your clients.

5 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

I was watching a child that I had to stop. The mom never paid on time, she would try and sneak away before paying. She would walk past me and post her schedule on my calender in my hallway as I was getting her son ready to go and her schedule was always changing on days she knew I could not watch her child.

Once, she didn't pay for almost a month. When I asked her about it, she accused me of being selfish. I nicely explained that I also had bills top pay and that this was my job as well.

I agree that you said no to these people. If they are going to start off the relationship already behind, it is an indicator of what will happen in the future.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

My son was in a public center where you paid Monday for that week, Mon - Fri. and if you hadn't paid by Tues. morning, they locked your access code so that you couldn't get into the building. My current in-home sitter has us pay on Friday for the week that just ended.

I think you were right to say no. When they met with you, they should've been able to know that they would or wouldn't be able to pay first. If its that they were waiting for payday, at that wasn't till next Friday, then you wait a week so that on Monday, they do have the $$.

As for you daughter not having a new pal, sorry about that, but again, just because they were close in age and personality doesn't mean that they WOULD be friends.

In the long run its probably for the best, and who knows, perhaps they'll find the $$ and contact you again.

M.

2 moms found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

im an insurance agent and actually you do pay your car insurance in advance. that being said, you are smart and did the right thing. if your client cannot make their very first payment then that pretty much shows they will be having problems making other payment. i have learned this from my own clients as they do have to pay in advance. if they don't have the down payment then how can they make the montly payments??!! the beauty of being a biz owner is you can pick your own clients...you did the right thing.

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K.L.

answers from Chicago on

The issue is that you let someone know your expectation in a clear way in advance and they claimed that was fine. At the last minute they bailed/flaked out knowing the deal that was in place. You shouldn't feel guilty. You set up reasonable boundaries and part of that means saying, "Well, let me know when you are ready. Until then, good luck!" This is real life and it's not your fault that someone else did not make the appropriate preparations for the care of their own family.
I'm sorry that this seems like such an endlessly frustrating endeavor. God bless you for helping people out where you can. You say you are a Christian. Do you pray daily about this business? Do you talk to Him about your frustrations and ask for guidance and wisdom in these matters? Perhaps you need to start daily thanking Him and asking Him to bring you the families He has for you. Make His plans your plans instead of vice versa.
Also, homeschooling groups are quite flexible and you can find a few where you just attend things that work with your schedule.
God bless you

2 moms found this helpful
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D.L.

answers from Kansas City on

its sad to hear that people do this and actually get away with it. my daycare provider has the parents pay ahead of time due to her past as well. luckily when i started taking my daughter there she understood my situation and i pay her when i get paid for the previous and current week. it depends on when i am paid since its only twice a month so she may get a 2 week payment or a 3 week payment. i am a single parent and she has worked with me on that - i told her up front that i pay my mortgage first and then the sitter. i have been with her for over a year and have never not missed or couldnt pay her. these people make it bad for us good ones out there that actually do what we say we will do. there are still some of us out there with good morals :) thanks for letting me comment and good luck

1 mom found this helpful
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A.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I like Rachel's solution.

But seriously, you did the right thing. I have a feeling these people were flakes, otherwise they would have talked to you and tried to work something out.

Remember, it takes time to find a daycare, so if they needed you that badly, they wouldn't be putting more ads on Craigslist. If they can wait that long -- then when is it that they were going to have money? Sounds fishy to me.

Don't you have a homeschooling group in your area?

1 mom found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Our childcare and tuition (preschool) was always due up front. But we paid 1 month in advance. Or in my case, 3 months in advance (since I paid quarterly when my financial aid check came it), but in order to hold your child's spot, payments were due on the 1st of the month.

Now that my 9yo son is school aged (we also homeschool), we HAVE to pay 3 months in advance for childcare. (We use the afterschool program at the local YMCA for childcare while I'm at school... $1675 for 12 weeks of 2.5 hours of care a day).

For all my son's camps (we do school break camps for drama, art, science, gymnastics, all sorts of stuff) we pay ahead of time. $100 a day for single day camps is the norm, due at registration OR $250 a week for half day camps, also due at registration.

For all my son's outisde classes... we ALSO pay ahead of time.

Sometimes programs let you "hold" a spot for $50 or $100... but there's always full payment necessary by x date. Usually a week before the class or camp or program starts (to let waitlist kids know ahead of time if there's a spot), but it's always non-refundable. I rather like the idea. It lets the program know you're serious, but if you're having money worries, and you end up needing to pull out you're not out the full amount. Many of the programs will "hold" your deposit if you let them know in advance and you can use it towards another program. Others it's pure and simple 'good faith' money, and if you don't pay the full amount by the deadline, you're just out the money. I like both options, frankly.

It would never occur to me to not be running my card or writing a check at registration for any kind of child care related business.

1 mom found this helpful

B.F.

answers from Kansas City on

I am also a daycare provider and I have had people skip out on me as well. SLM, I think helping out is a great thing, but yes, this is our job to and we should expect to get paid on time as well.

Tracy-Usually daycare providers charge for the upcoming week. If not, we run the risk of getting screwed over. I had a dad that I was very helpful to because he's a single father of 3...anyway he never paid on time. And I know I am stupid for taking him back but twice in the past he left with owing me 2 weeks of childcare. Every time he's come back he has gotten caught up. Right now, I am also watching his girls, usually I only watch the youngest. Anyway, he doesn't get paid until Wed. and then he usually pays me on Thursday. I am going to tell him on Monday that he can go to the bank after work on Wed. and bring me money that night instead of in the morning. This last week he didn't pay me Thursday morning and I got that sick feeling...but he did have the money when he picked up the kiddos. But I never know...

1 mom found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I don't get paid in advance for my work. My boss doesn't pay me for work I haven't performed yet. Generally, with most jobs, you skip the 1st pay period and always get paid 2 weeks behind. It's your daycare and you have a right to request prepayment and to choose your clients. I just find it odd that it would be a deal breaker and you would feel taken advantage of if they couldn't pay in advance. I don't feel taken advantage of by my boss.

As a matter of fact, I've never been asked to pay in advance. Not for cable or electricity or water or child care, or car insurance. The only bills that I pay in advance are food and gas in my car.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I may not have liked paying for childcare, but I paid the asking price. I signed a contract. If I was late picking up my child, I paid a late fee (one freebie was allowed). Payment was in advance. You paid for full time if you weren't there, to hold your spot. I have had daycare that was day by day depending if I was called in to substitute teach. Do not feel guilty. Have the parents sign a contract. Stick to your guns, you have a business to run. If someone needs you to cut them a break, what can they do for you. Get it in writing. You are a commodity. If they dont have the money for that week, they don't get daycare. It is tough but treat it like a business-no you cant have these groceries until you pay for them, same with gas, utilities, mortage, rent...

1 mom found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from Dallas on

My mom had her own art school where she taught art lessons- usually 6-10 kids per class. She would get a ton that would want to be in the classes and the parents would sign up their kids, but then they would never show, or they would want a discount because they forgot about class one week or could they pay later(and then not pay). So my mom started the non-refundable deposit policy when kids were signed up and if they missed the first lesson (unless they had talked to my mom before hand) she would assume they were out and call the next person on her waiting list. If you missed a lesson, she would have one make up lesson, but if you missed more than that too bad- you did not get a refund.
You might want to do some sort of non-refundable deposit when you first sign these kids up- maybe a $50 sign-up or registration fee so your time is not wasted. Good luck!
~C.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.H.

answers from Dallas on

Follow what the schools do in the area. Check your charges against theirs. Private is usually a bit more expensive but then parents weigh that against what the facilities have (pool, homework help, etc). I used to love the YMCA because they would do all that. At an older age, I don't want my kid playing with toys, I want homework help so I can have quality time with them when I get home.

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C.W.

answers from Phoenix on

Whenever I had to pay for daycare I had to pay Monday for the week. It was like that in a center and the private home daycare. If I didnt pay it then I couldnt bring the kids, or had to pay a late fee. Thats the nature of business. Good luck

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M.J.

answers from Joplin on

First, I would never look for someone to watch my kids on Craiglist. Or would not let anyone I didnot know personally to watch my kids. But thats here nor there. Second, when I did work, I paid my provider at the end of the week like a paycheck. On fridays when I got paid. She was the first person I paid when I got paid so I knew that she would always be paid.

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