How Do You Introduce Discipline to a 1 Yr Old?

Updated on August 14, 2007
K.K. asks from Minneapolis, MN
4 answers

Hi Everyone!

My twin boys are almost a year old, and we feel they are ready for discipline. Unfortunately, we didn't do a lot of speaking with them when they were younger, so there are still a lot of words they don't understand. Pretty much, you call say "no" or call their name and they will usually stop what they are doing, but that's about it. Everything else is pretty much useless to them.

They are starting to throw mini temper tantrums when they don't get their way, and they are stealing toys and slapping each other, which tells us it's time to start disciplining. How should we go about doing this? We don't know where to start since they are still so young and can understand so little, so I thought I'd see what the community has for ideas.

Also, we are interested in getting some books on how to discipline, but when I started looking I realized there are about 6.5 MILLION books to choose from. So I was wondering if anyone knew of any good books on discipline that you found helpful or would recommend. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Definitely listen to TracyA's advice. Also think how to phrase things from the positive viewpoint rather than the negative. So instead of saying' "Don't pinch your brother", you should say, "Gentle, pat, pat". In other words tell them the action you want, not the action you don't want. It takes some practice to retrain your brain but it works much better.

One thing noone has mentioned about tantrums. A child younger than 5 has a brain with lots of extra neural connections (they get trimmed from age 0-5) and they aren't fully mylenated (insulated) so many tantrums are basically a "short-circuit" in the brain rather than a conscious attempt to manipulate a situation. That doesn't mean you need to give in to them (since that will train the child to use them later in life) but it helped me to understand them and not try to punish the child for it. Keeping them well rested and well fed at this age goes a long way, but also expect there will be A LOT of tantrums as they get frustrated trying to communicate their wants and needs to you but have no words. Teaching sign language can help a lot at this age (start with "food" "water" "milk" "more" "all done")

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T.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

All you have for one-year olds is prevention and redirection. Making sure they are not over-tired, hungry, bored will go a long, long way. Kids learn VERY early that they can get as much attention for negative behavior as positive behavior.

Redirect negative behavior with as little language and emotion as possible. Your best "weapon" for discipline is PRAISE. You are fortunate to be asking this early. Praise, Praise, Praise positive behavior starting now.

If they throw a tantrum, make sure they are safe but otherwise, let them do their thing. You will begin to understand them as individual temperments and find what works with each one. Their receptive language (what they understand) will develop before their expressive language so start plugging in some good concepts right now.

Our kids need tools from us more than they need discipline. Discipline without tools is just control. For example, "Time-out". As a tool it is used like, "Do you need some time by yourself to cool down or can you get along with others now?" As discpline it looks like, "You have to sit here for 3 minutes because you were naughty"! You don't want controlled kids, you want kids who can make good choices for themselves when they are out in the world - which will seem like a blink of an eye, believe me :)!

Good luck - fun times!!!

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P.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Even though your little guys aren't doing alot of talking, I can bet they understand much more than they seem to. I started punishing my daughter around that age because that was when she started getting into alot of stuff that she shouldn't be, like the entertainment center, etc. Even though she was 1, she needs to learn what is acceptable and what is not. We put her on the naughty step if she continued to act out and we alway gave a warning first. Temper tamtrums I ignored, unless they got out of control and I would warn her before putting her on the naughty step for it, and many times, she will stop her actions if she knows punishment is coming. (1 minute on the step for each year of age) I believe that you have to set up basic ground rules early or it'll be harder to enforce later. Kids test everything...that's what they do...it's all a learning experience so if you set things up early before it gets outta control, they know what to expect early on and may end up making better decisions later, even at young ages. Some people use a naught stool, but we use a step because a naughty stool is alot less portable. When we go to visit people, I've found that almost everyone has a naughty step at their house and my daughter will spend her time there if she acts out and we don't have to go searching for a naughty stool. Good luck.

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M.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

We ignore and do not tollerate temper tantrums in our house. We never have. We introduced time outs when our first son was about 18 months old. Until then we just did a lot of redirection. When he was doing something naughty we would tell him no and why it was naughty and show him something else to do. I think you should definitely start showing them right from wrong now. Good luck!

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