How Do You Feel About Surrogacy?

Updated on February 06, 2018
R.M. asks from Newark, DE
12 answers

I needed some opinion of surrogacy. I want to do this for a friend. Right now the hold up is insurance. Has anyone gone through this?

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So What Happened?

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful responses. I have jumped the hurdle of insurance. I talk to the HR department and the insurance and have gotten the ok. My insurance will cover the pregancy. I know this may be a crazy idea for some to grasp but I feel I am giving a wonderful person the ultimate gift. and she deserves it so much. I am sure I want to be her incubator. I know some issues of attachment was brought up and I believe I would be wierd if I was not attach to a baby inside of me. But it is her embreyo her baby. Not mine at all. I know I will need tons of support and encouragement. I thank you all for it.

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E.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think it depends on how you feel about it-- what do you think makes a mother? And egg? A womb? or what comes after? I have to say that I didn't feel bonded at all to my baby until after he was born, and that I can fairly easily see my self doing that for a friend/ family member.

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S.W.

answers from Harrisburg on

hello- please feel free to contact me personally at [email protected]____.com - i am in the process of becoming a gestational carrier - which means the child i will carry will be in NO WAY related to me - otherwise i think it would be harder - plus i am trying to look at it as being a "ways to get to the means" a vessel. - also as far as insurance and other things - i would strongly suggest that if you arent going through an agency you at least sit down with an attorny and draw up a "contract" even if there isnt money exchanged - b/c youdont want to get to sitaion and have there be a difference of opinion - also the advantage of going through an agency is that they can get you special insurance - you can find insurance that will cover this - butthat isnt' your finanical responsibility its the parents to be - along with little things like: maternity clothng budget; travel expenses -wages lost etc....

Dont get me wrong its an awesome jobn - i cannot wait to start on this journey and help another woman have the joy that i have felt.

i encourage you to contact me i cant wait to hear from you and see what you've decided

S. w.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi R.,
First. let me say that this is such an admirable thing to do for a friend. My sister offered to be a surrogate for me if my attempts to get pregnant were unsuccessful. I was lucky and blessed with a beautiful baby girl. My opinion is if you are able to handle all the emotional attachment that goes along with pregnancy, go for it! It is the most precious gift and your friend is lucky to have someone like you to offer such a great gift. No opposition from me. There are many women that really want a baby and cannot naturally have one. Best of luck in your decision.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.H.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I have thought about it. For me the big problem is that I would not be able to give that child away after bonding with it for nine months. I would become so attached to it, and then all the pain of childbirth!!! OMG! You have two other children who will be emotionally dealing with it too. How will they cope with you being pregnant and the moods and the emotions that you probably can't anticipate right now -- like when the death of one child takes the mother away for the children who are left behind. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
N

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C.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

I agree with Denise..ultimately it will be up to you. I love it in theory, but am not sure if emotionally I would be able to do it.

My husband is the most kind, loving person in the world, and he has made comments that he really doesn't like the idea of it.

I guess at the end of the day only you know what you and your family (especially if there's a spouse) can handle....

If you do end up doing it, good luck, I think it's amazing that people CAN do it!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think that it is a decision that only you can make. What a wonderful gift you would be giving, but make sure to consider all of the emotional aspects as well.

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A.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

are you being the egg donor too? Not only do you need to be comfortable with the idea, so does your family. Is your husband supporttive? Did you have any issues with your previous pregnancies that could cause problems now? Are you ready to deal with carrying a baby for 9 months and then giving that baby to someone else after birth?

Not trying to be mean or make you change your mind (as I've often thought about offering a friend the same option)...you just need to understand ALL of the implications and possibilities...

If it's your egg too, well then that's a whole other ball of wax...

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J.J.

answers from Sharon on

I was going to carry my twin sister and her husband's child but they wanted me to move into their home and"mother"me i said i had 1 child already and knew what was going to happen and all that goes along with it.I explained i really didn't want to live with them(i was a single parent at the time)and they finally agreed to it but when it came down to it,they backed out......they thought it was unfair for me to carry their child for them.
But i really wanted to do this for them......they changed their minds.But this is something you have to make up your mind about,noone can do it for you.Good luck to you

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J.B.

answers from Harrisburg on

I personal could only be a surrogate mom if it was not my own egg. What a wonderful thing to do for someone who can't carry their own child.

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S.C.

answers from York on

Dear R.,
Pregnancy is always emotional, but I had a friend who did this for another friend, and she said that b/c she knew how difficult it would be for her to emotional bond with the baby during pregnancy & then give the child "back" to the parents, she reminded herself every day that she was "babysitting" the baby. She was meticulous about keeping a nightly journal for herself, as a reminder, but she said that someday she hopes to give it to the child.
I have two close friends that have had trouble conceiving & have often thought about offering to be a surrogate. Just recently, the one become pregnant & she's ECSTATIC. We are still praying for my other friend. You need to know in advance that you WILL bond with this child during pregnancy, but that the baby is NOT yours! If you can do that, then I applaud your courageousness & willingness to go through pregnancy, only to give the baby away. It is certainly a selfless act! I will pray for you & your family as you make this decision.

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J.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I want to become a surrogate mother. But I do not know how to go about doing this for someone.

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C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

It really a deed works if you become the surrogate for your friend. If you are physically and emotionally prepared, then there is no reason to deny. It will strengthen your relationship. Your friend so lucky having the friend like you. My sister also got the surrogacy from the clinic that is biotexcom. We should thanks to all surrogates because of them infertile couples can grasp the happiness of parenthood and there are very few people that think of others.It will encourage to all. Best of luck on your journey of surrogacy.

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