How Do You Do It?

Updated on April 09, 2008
K.P. asks from Waco, TX
14 answers

I have four children and work six days a week and I was wondering how other moms find the balance between the two. It seems if I focus too much on my family my job suffers and reversed my kids do! I know there are moms out there that manage their careers, families and homes without a hitch and I wanna know the secret. I would love to come to work get it all done, spend time with my kids cook great meals and have a clean house...whats the secret!

K.

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So What Happened?

Okay reading posts and thinking alot. Pacing myself sounds good, and by the way the kids and my husband are awesome helps albeit they may not be as particular about things as I am. I can't quit my job or afford to hire someone to come an clean my house...not sure I would want someone else in my house anyway. But I have decided that I need to lower my standards some. Put my priorities in order...I want to give the kids what they need and keep them in a good neighborhood therefore my husband and I must work...fact. I also want to be there for the kids and I do not want them to have to stop their activities...I feel they benefit from them and I have seen what happens to kids who are not involved in extracurricular activites and I don't want that. So I will still be at every band competition, scout meeting, soccer game, cross country meet, and church function because I want to be there and support them. I will still drive my daughter to see her little sister (she is in the BIG sister in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program) because I think it is good for her as well as her little sister. And if all this means that I sometimes go to bed without the house being spotless then so be it! My kids are growing up so fast I don't want to miss a thing! I may be tired and it may not all be perfect but at least we are together and we are for the most part Happy!

Thanks to all that responded :-)

More Answers

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N.T.

answers from Beaumont on

Hi,K.!!!
I have 2 small children.One 3 months and one 17 months.I stay at home with them and am able to help pay bills,take us out to eat,and do fun family stuff.I have a home-based business thats GEARED towards Moms like us who are fed up with the run-down.Its no gimmick,and no risk.The best part is your family gets healthier because of it!! Contact me and I'll be happy to show you how.
www.kncpoisonfree.com
N.

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A.M.

answers from San Antonio on

Calendar blocking! Take a calendar grid or make a spreadsheet, and section it into one-hour blocks. Then mark off what you're doing for those times - like, 8-5 is "work", 11PM-5Am = sleep...etc. Remember things like commuting time, showering etc! Then see what you can cut out. For example, I was spending 6 hours a week on housecleaning, so I hired a housekeeper to come in and do that for me, and then I spend that newly-found time with my kids...I am working full time, in school full time, running an at-home business (Creative Memories) and still manage to find time with my kids!

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D.Y.

answers from Houston on

Balance is so hard, especially for a woman. Everyone depends on us for everything. I know that my daughter come to me a lot more than she goes to her dad. My husband and I argued just the other day about him helping me a little more around the house and with our child. My job take a lot of my time also, but I work on weekends only if I have the time. I can normally work from home if my daughter gets sick or even if I need to just get a task done before Monday. It takes a lot from all the family members to keep the house and life going. I believe that everyone should have to pitch in, even the younger ones.

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L.S.

answers from Houston on

K.,

I noticed that you are a stay at home mom and I thought you might be interested in this free home based business I discovered on Mamasource. Take a look at my website and let me know what you think! www.mymagnoliamall.com

Thank you,
L.
[email protected]____.com

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S.R.

answers from New Orleans on

The only solution I can think of is to have a source of income wher eyou can make your own hours or least have hours thatare more flxible. If you have the financial capablilties to take the time to build your business I recommend becoming an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics. Not Only can you make your own hours and determine the amount of money that you make, but you get a chance to spend time with other adult women ( somethign I know we could all use). If you are interested please email me at [email protected]____.com.

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T.J.

answers from New Orleans on

The only thing I know is to pace yourself and do not be afraid to ask for help...you didn't say if you were married or not but if you are then ask your partner to help, if not then delegate some household chores to your oldest children. I am the oldest of 7 so I had to help out my mom too in addition to all of my other activities.

Remember don't stress out over the little stuff....life is too short for all of that :)

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D.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Sorry, I am just getting to this.
I am a working mother of three and it is so hard. But I've come up with a saying... and I'm convinced that if I say it enough it will sink in!!.
"I can only do what I can do..." I know sounds stupid!! But it's true. I'm human (as are you) and you can't do everything. And if someone complains about not being able to find clean socks... then heaven help them... hahahaha... if you want clean socks... better figure out how to use the washing machine!!! Bottom line is... no ONE expects you to be perfect, so why expect it from yourself... do what you can do and be done with it!

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C.S.

answers from Austin on

First of all, K.: I admire you for what you have and are able to accomplish. I am working with one child and feel inadequate at balancing work and family at times...

Amanda: I really like your post and agree fully. I, too, think that not only women, but families are stretched too thin these days. I believe that a family can live on one income. The "stay-at-home" parent can always earn money by saving through bargain shopping etc.

Either way, I don't think there is a tur balance between working and family. Something has got to give, since there is only so much of "you". I would redefine priorities and live according to what makes you and your family happy.
Easier said than done...especially if you don;t even find the time to sit down and think. Hehe.

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K.O.

answers from New Orleans on

Hey K....Have you heard of Arbonne yet? Well if not this is your way out of the rat race. It is an incredible business opportunity that invovles no selling. It is network marketing. This income potential is unlimited and I will soon drive a white mercedes that the company pays for. I am only 25 and we have two small children. We will never have to worry about money again. Let me show you how to join my team!

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M.E.

answers from San Antonio on

If you find out, let me know. I am a single mother of three kids and work full time. I am a nurse and work three, twelve hour shifts in a row. I don't see my kids for 3 days straight and then I am so tired by the fourth day, I cannot do anything with them. Then the next two days I spend cleaning and doing laundry. Then it's back to work again. I have been trying to figure out a way to not have to work as much or at all and I don't think there is one unless I would win the lottery. But I don't play so there's my answer.

Anyway, good luck and let me know if you figure anything out.

M. [email protected]____.com

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A.P.

answers from Austin on

My response might be a little harsh and definately won't win me any popularity points here - but here it goes.

No one balances it well. If they say they do, they are in denial or clueless. Being a parent is a full-time job plus some and doesn't leave a lot of room for anything else. Women are stretched to far and too thin nowadays and families don't devote a lot of time to each other anymore. We are overscheduled and running ourselves ragged. We are a fast-food, convienence food pop-it-in-the microwave go go go society.

Having said that, let me offer 1 suggestion. Kevin Lehman (author of "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours") suggest that kids should only be allowed 1 outside the family activity per semester - which he even admits is hard - but necessary. He believes that families don't spend enough time together and that the quality time together far outweighs the missed activities in teaching children about life, love, and what's important.

I know that its probably impossible for you to leave your job and focus on your family as that is the case in most families today (another book here "The Two-Income Trap"), but remember that they are only young once and you only get one shot at raising them properly.

I love my job - I'm a teacher - but I had to make the choice to stay home and forgo my career for the time being. I know I'll go back to teaching, just when they are older. I was just missing too much, our lives were too hectic, and I was settling for something I didn't want. Are we financially better or worse off? Well, money is tight, but it was before too. We don't eat as much fast food or convienance food, our lives have so much less drama, and my children are better for it.

I am not condemning you for working - I know some of us do not have those choices to make, but paying a housekeeper? - that's paying someone to do my job! and what message does that send to my children? what lesson are they learning there?

Your situation is complicated by the fact that your children are of such varying ages! I can definately understand how schedules can easily become too full too fast. Best of luck to you and I hope that you can acheive a balance that works for you!

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M.K.

answers from San Antonio on

Delagate Delagate Delagate!

Have the older kids pitch in and help the younger kids(and you!). Teaches them all kinds of good stuff they will need to know as independant adults. The seventeen year old can even help get dinner started. Limit the extra stuff to one per kid per semester.

As for the meals and clean house...give up on striving for perfection and focus on those kiddos. I know of very few Moms of four who live in a clean house- and the ones who do have a screw loose. Or they pay a cleaning service. I think the clean house comes later, after the mess makers move out. :)

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

Hi K.!

I realize I am pretty late however, I wanted to just write to you real quick. First of all....WOW...I think you are Superwoman! You are doing it all and it sounds like you have gotten some great advice that will help you to excel even more. I hope that you continue to maintain the 'balance'.

I know that a few other moms have mentioned this, but I wanted to write as well about working from home. I want to give you one resource that speaks to the need for us all to secure our future OUTSIDE of a 'normal' job. It is www.richdad.com You may have seen Robert Kiyosaki's Best selling book titled 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad', it has been a best seller for a VeRy long time. He also has a new book out that he co-authored with Donald Trump. Now despite what ever you may feel about these men, ont thing is for sure, they think differently than 'the rest of us' when it comes to your financial future. I encourage you to reveiw his website.

I tell you this because it is so obvious that you love your kids and want to be there for them. If you are currently working 6 days a week, what is next? If you needed to make more money for your family since you will obviously incur more expenses as the littles ones grow up...where or when could you do that? When you take some time to start up a business from home on a part time basis, it can allow you to rely less and less on your paycheck and can help you to 'buy' back your time. So maybe you won't have to just live with being exhausted all the time.

I hope that you think about it (and pray about it) and then consider if you could put in some time now to be able to be there even more for your kids as they grow up. I decided to do just that. There are lots of fantastic opportunities out there, you just have to find the one that fits for you. I found a company called Photomax that I love and it really spoke to me when I was learning about it. I knew this was the perfect fit for me. If you want to learn about it as well, you can visit my site www.PictureYourBusiness.org

I wish you and your family continued happiness and fewer exhausted days for you :)

Blessings to you!

M.
ThePhotoChic.com

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J.F.

answers from Austin on

Hi K.!

I hope things have balanced out for you since you posted this request. It's hard to enjoy and embrace life when it's passing you by. I don't know what is involved in your life now, but I wanted to share something with that changed mine.

I cried everyday thinking I would have to return to work after my son was born. As a Dental Hygienist, I would have left my son with a sitter for 9 hours a day...and I REFUSED to do it! Bottom line, we needed my income. But then I found something that changed EVERYTHING for me!

I am a full-time SAHM and I still contribute to our family income. I am a Representative for Silpada Designs Jewelry. I leave the house for very few hours a week in the evenings and on weekends when my husband is home, so we save on childcare costs and anxiety! The rest of the time, I work from home. This has saved me!

It is a VERY profitable business! I typically average $75-100 an hour and make my own schedule. It's a perfect part-time business. Anyone can do this! Browse my website below and go to the Business Opportunity section to learn more. I make GOOD money and I'm surrounded by a huge support system. I can even earn free vacations. It has impacted my life in an amazing way!

I love this business and never want to do anything else! Visit my website and see if this fits into your life. Call me anytime ###-###-#### - I would gladly answer any questions you may have. Let me know if I can help you in any way! Did I mention it was also FUN?!?

J. Furse
www.mysilpada.com/J..furse

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