How Do We Decide Whether or Not to Have a Third Child?!
March 24, 2010
I don't know if this is a question anyone can answer, but I guess I just would like some opinions! My husband and I currently have two girls. One is 6 and is in first grade, the other is 4 and in preschool (she won't start kindergarten until Fall 2009 b/c of a November birthday) We've been waffling about the third child for over 2 years now! Some people say if I really wanted it then I would have done it already. But I'm not convinced - I think about it EVERY DAY! My husband is perfectly happy with where we are, but he says he'll have a third if that's what I want. Not very helpful - I want him to want it too! But is it really what I want? My kids are actually a lot of fun now (we're thinking about going skiing this winter; you know, things like that) How will it affect them? Has anyone been in this situation? What was your decision? I'm so afraid I'm going to regret not having another one. On the other hand I'm also afraid of regretting going for it! HELP!
Wow! I wish I could personally respond to each and every one you! Thank you all so much for responding to my question. I've read your responses several times each, and actually plan to share them with my husband as we continue our search for the "right answer" A lot of you made me laugh and most of you gave me some really good things to think about. I'm sure you're all wondering what we've decided, but the decision hasn't been made yet. To be sure, if we get pregnant I will let Mamasource know!!!
I have a 6 1/2, 4 1/2 and 1 year old. The first two were well planned. I begged for the third and my husband said he just couldn't do it. I refused to go on birth control so he had to be careful if that's what he wanted. Three years into this, I finally gave up, took a job teaching preschool, went to Vegas on vacation and came home with substantial earnings. I was actually upset because I had finally accepted and really got involved with the first two. My husband, anti-number-3-man, was thrilled. We have a terrific #3 that the older two love to help with and play with and I couldn't imagine life without him. His milestones are so amazing to the older two that we've all come together stronger as a family. My only disappointment is that I didn't have them all 2 yrs appart as planned so that they could be closer when they get into the teen years. The first two (girl and boy) are amazingly close.
All of that said, managing 3 can be tough so realize that you're outnumbered and you need to really take charge and set rules and boundaries for the whole family...and stick to them.
Bottom line, though, is that it's a personal decision. My sister-in-law believes in negative population growth and thinks I've been irresponsible (I think it's her excuse for not wanting a baby and not having to say so). She's not exactly the most Earth friendly otherwise. Good luck!
Well from my personnel experience I wanted another baby but my husband didn't. He would have said it was ok if I had really pushed a little harder but I didn't. Later I ended up having some medical problems and had to have a Historectomy and then I was not able to have anymore kids even if we had decided to. I have regreted it over and over and over again that I didn't have anohter baby before then. As far as your other kids they may not like it at first but they will adjust.
I say go for it! And regarding what someone said about not being able to volunteer at your kids school and go on field trips, that doesn't have to be the case. I have friends that have a big range of ages and they still manage to volunteer at school even with little ones not in school. What we all do is trade babysitting. When I needed someone to watch my son so I could go to a doctor's appointment with my daughter one of my friends watched him and when she goes to volunteer at and older daughter's class I watch her 3 year old. It works really well. So if you decide to have another and are concerned about not being able to be involved in their school you can still do it!
I want 4 kids myself and am a little worried at times about having that many but know that I will love each of them if I am blessed with more (I have 2 right now) and would regret not trying to have more if I didn't try.
Well I don't have much advice. We are in the same situation. My husband is perfectly happy with what we have but would have another if that's what I want. That's frustrating to me so I can imagine what your going through. We are going to have another one because I just know in my heart we aren't done. The difference for me is that I have an 8month old now so there isn't much age difference. I haven't gotten to where we could go on ski trips or any thing. As far as wanting your husband to want it I don't think he will change his mind until it actually happens. My husband didn't really want to have any kids but he cherishes what we have now and wouldn't have life with out them. It sounds like you do really want to have another one and the age difference will make it easier to send them to school so I wouldn't worry about that. I hope this helps some!
I had a 3 and a half year old boy and a 9 month old boy when I discovered I was pregnant again. At the time, I was not very excited about being pregnant again. However, I resigned myself to the fact that we were going to have a third, and when my girl was born, it was just wonderful since I had always wanted a girl! Now I have absolutely no regrets about having a third, even though I wasn't so sure at the time I got pregnant. There is always more love to go around when another child comes into the family, and if your husband isn't against it, I would encourage you to go for it if you want another one!
i think you should have a family meeting to talk about this.im the youngest of three and the middle child is 7 yrs, older then me while the oldest is 3 yrs older then him i am perfectly fine with how things are
If having a third child is something you think about everyday, then it seems that it is something you want. I don't know anyone who has regretted having a child. As I'm sure you know, once they are in your life, its hard to picutre yourself without them. As far as age difference, it may impact your activities for a while, but you can adjust and although the age gap may seem big in their childhood years, it quickly closes as they move into adulthood. A plus with the age difference is that you have "home-grown babysitters!
Obviously only you can decide if you want to have another child. But, I can tell you that I was in a similar situation with boys 4 and 2 when we had our third. I kept thinking about a third child -- I just couldn't get it out of my mind. My husband and I talked about it and he said that for the first few years (the very physically demanding ones) we would probably wonder what in the world we'd done BUT after that we would be so glad to have another little one to love. So we had a third baby -- a little girl. And she is the most wonderful blessing, the sweetest natured, funniest child. We all adore her. I and my husband both agree that deciding to have her was one of the best decisions we ever made. And as far as the physically demanding part, well, she is less demanding than my other two. Yes, we now have to play "zone" instead of "man-to-man" (as my basketball-loving husband is fond of saying) but it is teaching my boys patience and understanding, to think about someone other than themselves. They both help out more without being asked, too. Now, there are some days where I feel impossibly split into thirds, but when my daughter hugs me and pats my back (she's 14 months) I know that any sacrifice is worth having her. I hope this helps some. Good luck --
I would like to offer some advice in this area. May I ask you a question first? What are your reasons for wanting a third child. Being a SAHM is the greatest responsibility a woman can have, trust me I have 4 girls and my 24x7 job is being a SAHM. I think you should really look at why you would like a third child, honestly and that will lead you. We often see being a SAHM as having to HAVE a child at home and feel less like we are being a SAHM because the children are away in school but what you do during the day is priceless to the girls. Enjoy the two you have and take the ski trip if having a third child is meant to be then it will be. I wish you the best and pray that whatever decision your family makes will be one that will continue to be one that is rewarding and fulilling.
If you think about it everyday....it's time to have your third child.
If you didn't want to have a third, we would all be posting different responses. In a couple more years, you won't have the luxury of making this decision; you'll be left with the "what if" thoughts.
I have found that you choose whatever lifestyle you set your mind to. Just because you have an infant doesn't mean you can't go on your skiing trip. Take a babysitter along or go with relatives. (and if all else fails, it's going to be snowing for the next 20 winters after the kids get older.)
We took a trip to Mexico City with my family when my 2nd son was just one month old. The trip was planned already when we got pregnant, so we just made it work. It was a blast.
You won't believe what you're capable of until you take that next step. And there's nothing--no career, or trip--that will mean more to you at the end of your life, than your children.
I say have the third. Your older girls will have fun with a new baby and be a big help with little things. I think if you are excited about another baby your girls will be excited too. Babies are such a joy and blessing I can not imagine regretting having another one but I can easily imagine regretting not having another one when it sounds so much like you really want to. I have 6 kids I can tell you the older kids(my oldest is 12yr) were still excited about having another baby(youngest is 4mo.) The older kids in my house enjoy entertaining the baby and they still get to do their big kid things I just toss the baby in a sling and away we go.
It's funny to hear you say this, because me and my husband also have thought about a third when our kids turn 4 and 6. They are now 1 and 3. The one thing you have that is different is that you have 2 same sex as where I have one of each, so I say you should only ask yourself two questions. Can we afford to still give the two we have everything we can now even if we have the third and if we have another girl will we be just as happy. If you answer yes to those questions then I say go for it, because you can enjoy this last baby while the others will be at school. As for your husband you need to kiss him and tell him thank you for the option to have a third. My husband says the same thing that he is happy where we are, but he would have another or 10 if it made me happy. I'm happy to have that, because some women have to deal with a husband who says NO NO NO. So thank him for putting his feeling aside for yours, because men see another child as a bigger responsiblity then we do. We just see the cute little love our lives. By him giving you the option he is saying yes I would have another. You know as a mother our love starts from the word go their love happens when you put that little baby in their arms. Good Luck!!!!
My husband and I went through that. I knew I was happy with my two girls, but I couldn't bring myself to give away my baby clothes. We finally decided to go for it, and every day I thank God for my third little girl! What took the weight off of my decision is that I knew either way, I would be happy; that my first two brought so much to my life, and that I would never feel like they weren't enough, but I also knew if I had the third I wouldn't regret it. And I was right! Good luck with your decision; either way, cherish your children!
I have 3 kids and one on the way. After my 3rd was born, my husband and I waffled back and forth about having another. Sometimes I really wanted it and sometimes he did. We both got to the point that we were very comfortable with the 3. He was old enough to go do things and be a little independent and life was getting a little easier. We were at a crossroads and couldn't decide. Then one day I was pregnant! No planning, no trying but pure happiness. We were both so excited. But now we both know beyond a doubt that our family is complete. We know that now is the time to stop and we don't have that feeling that maybe there is one more out there for us. I believe you will know when you are ready to stop. If you are still thinking about it everyday then maybe you are not feeling complete. Your girls are at a great age for another sibling and will be a big help to you and the baby. My girls were 7 and 8 when my son was born. Now i will have a 13, 12, and 4 year old and infant. Lots of fun! My 3rd was the easiest. He just learned to go with the flow and goes happily to all our activities and this one will do the same- hopefully! :) Good luck with your decision. Talk to your husband and pray about it!
I am the mother of three and we didn't really plan any of them. I was a little bit hesitant to have a third (before pregnancy...) because the two girls were potty trained, independent etc. They were 7 1/2 and 3 1/2 at the time. We had a wonderful little boy and it was a blessing that the girls were old enough to help. And now, they are indispensable helping him learn how to read, play soccer etc. All three are extremely close and supportive of each other and each has his/her own "thing". Skiing, etc can wait a few more years. We always talked about three, even before kids and now our family is now complete. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Even though it is a personal decision, I would say "go for it"!!
I have three, 7,5,3 all boys, and its tough a lot of the time. But you won't 'regret' having another child anymore than you regret having the ones you already have. Things will just be different with three. My hubby was against having a third, and I had resigned myself to not having a third. (I was on the fence myself- hoping for a shot at a girl) Once they arrive you just cant imagine life without them. Even now my boys are asking for a baby brother or sister - but now I am sure we are done. That's a big difference, before I thought along the same lines as you about regreting not having a third. Now with the third I am confident in my decision to stop at three. Oh, and hubby recovered from his shock pretty quickly (third was a "surprise").
Hope this helps!
We have a 4 bedroom as well - each kid with own room - they just have "sleepovers" when we have company - they love that.
Hi K., My friend, who is also a pediatrician and talks to a lot of parents, gave me this advice when we were in the same boat...over the years she has talked to several parent who regretted not having another, but never had she talked to anyone who regretted having more...we went for it and have 3 beautiful boys...wouldn't change it for the world...the best gift you can give your children is family1
Since you think about if every day and your husband is agreeable, I would go for it!
Also, try to look past the first couple of years and see into the future - 5, 10, even 20 years down the road. Do you like the idea of having 3 kids? I know the first year after the baby arrives is exhausting, but it is temporary.
Your daughters will no doubt benefit from having another sibling.
I have an 4 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. We are very happy with our family, and we decided to try for another. If it's God's will, it will happen, if not that is fine too.
I come from a family of 3 kids, maybe that is why I think it's ideal. I was 7 and my sister 5 1/2 when my brother was born. I can't imagine my family without my brother - he is such fun and a terrific guy. He really livens things up :) My sister, brother and I are all close and I enjoy my siblings so much!
I come from a family of 8 children. As adults we are friends. It's a huge comfort to me to have so much family. It was crazy growing up, but great.
Now I have two boys of my own. (We had planned on more kiddos but ovarian cancer put a stop to that.) Even at 41 if they could implant a new uterus for me I'd go for it and have baby number 3. Why? Because of the gift that family is to each other.
Recently my uncle was killed in a shark attack. He left two sons, near my age, from a first marriage and two children, 18 and 20, plus a stepson. Dave was a wealthy man but truly the best thing he left those children was eachother.
You want a baby. Your husband is agreeable. Of course there will be days when you wonder what you got yourself into. Many of us do that with the first and the second. But you will never be sorry to have that precious little spirit come into your home. Never.
I'm not an expert on this kind of thing, I only have one which I do regret now (but he's 20). I worry about him when my husband & I aren't around anymore. We've had quite a few loses the past 4 years. But from experience, I come from a family with 3 siblings, & there's always odd man out. Even when it's not done in a mean way, it just happens. Two sounds like a good number to me, Dad takes one & Mom takes one (as far as outings go). But, hey it's ultimately up to you.
Good luck with your decision.
All life is beautiful! I am the youngest of ten children and thank God every day that my parents said yes to life. My siblings are all well spaced apart (My brother is four years older than I) so I never struggled with sibling rivalry. I always felt like my parents loved me and gave me every thing I needed. While they made great sacrifices for us financially, we had every childhood joy. (Can you see ten kids at a ski lodge?) There was no regret on the older ones part either. They learned to be patient and helpful with the younger ones and are great parents now...especially the boys.
For me as a parent, I think you would regret it later if you said no now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to give up life's simple pleasures. You may not have the choice when you get older either. Think about it, would you really rather go on expensive vacations than love a little baby? I think you are more likely to regret not having a bigger family than you are likely to resent a child.
I have been married only 5 years and have one daughter. I have had five miscarriages and realize my family may be only the three of us. If we want to try again or work on adoption, it will be long and difficult work. I wrestle with the same question...do I really want to go through all that for another child? I think the answer is yes; is there anything you wouldn't do for your children now...then of course, you would do anything for a third child and not even count the cost.
mine are 8 and 3 almost exactly 5 years apart and i loved it i plan on trying for number 3 in a year to keep that differance. im also fine ith the way it is and hubby is too but i know i want another one. i am positive that if i dont i will regret it later sense its not something you can have later without the almost certainty of troubles that go with it. if you have a baby next year your girls will be older and more able todo things anyway. skiing is fun ut they still have many years ahead to do them. either way when you decide what you want to do stick to it an dont get upset with what i could have been its all or nothing. good luck with your dicision
My third child is the best one. She is happy, well adjusted and funny. I think we practiced on the first two and when she came along we got it right. You know - they have baby nurseries at ski slopes. Go for it. Hubby will love the little one.
I don't have the magic solution but I'm in the same boat. The kids are old enough that they can do lots of things for themselves and our family is at the point where we can go places and do fun things without having to deal with all the extra stuff that comes with a baby. Sometimes I'm afraid to mess that up. On the other hand, I always wanted a big family and don't feel quite done with the baby stuff yet. So I understand your dilemma!
The good news is that I think whatever you decide will turn out to be a good choice because you are already blessed with a wonderful family. Whether it grows or stays the same size, it will still be wonderful. Good luck with this decision!
We have three little ones and even though it is very hard, I wouldn't change a thing! My children are 5, 21mos, & 12mos, 2 boys and a girl. I think you really want this, so follow your heart and do it! Your girls are at an age that they can help and would probably enjoy it. Yes, certain vacations would be difficult, but you can always leave the little one with grandparents until he/she is old enough to enjoy them.
Good luck, I hope this helps!!!
The decision is yours and no one can tell you what to do. I can tell you this:
My kids have friends whose parents had another baby when they were about your girls' ages. We love this family, but they can't participate in a whole lot of activities as a family because of the younger sibling. She can't volunteer at school. She can't go on field trips. Next year, she will be able to do more because the youngest will finally be in school. BUT, the older kids will be in high school - and trust me... they don't want Mom around in high school.
This is not to answer your question about having a third child because that is very personal but I just wanted to put a plug in for babies. They are soo wonderful and I can't imagine anyone ever regretting bringing a new life into the world (I say I can't imagine it but I am well aware that some people do regret their babies-I just can't understand it) I have three kids under five and yes life can be crazy and stressful but I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Sorry this was probably no help I just think if you had a third you would certainly not regret it-a new life is sooo precious.
I am not saying go for it or don't got for it...but I can see where you could regret not having another child but if you did have another and Loved it like your others...I can't see how you would "regret" going for it. Just a thought. Good Luck
My husband and I are in the same predicament, sort of... I am almost 36 and we have a 4 and 5 (almost 6) year old girl and boy. I work with children and we both come from a family of 3 siblings. My undergraduate degree was in child life and I am a pediatric occupational therapist. I truly truly enjoy my family and love kids. I only work part time so I am able to contribute financially but I am definately the primary caregiver. My husband DOES NOT want any more children. Our first 2 were so close and we went through a lot of things - my father suddenly passed away and he and I both went w/o pay for an extended period. We are now at peace with our lives. However, I cannot stop the desire for a third child. I have been praying about this for 4 years. I have tried to "submit" and respect my husbands desire to be done. He always says, "2 and through" and I say "3...maybe???" Anyway, we talk about it all the time and we are stuck. I want one, he doesn't. I tell him I think I will regret it if we don't go for it. If your husband says it's okay, I dont see why you wouldn't try. Anyay, I'm wondering what you decided to do. It looks like you didn't have another based on your most recent posts. How did you end up coming to the conclusion. I can't seem to get there. My husband and I have a meeting scheduled with our pastor at the Church so I'm hoping to get some good guidance there. I want to feel like I'm done but I just can't. I'd love to hear your outcome.
don't make the decision because of fear of regrets. there WILL be regrets no matter what. that's life. the nice thing is, you win either way. things are great now, and if you decide to go ahead, the regrets will all be at the beginning. once the baby comes you'll never regret it again.
if you're longing for it daily, and your dh is agreeable, you might as well go ahead. if you're ambivalent and loving your current life, focus on that for awhile until the wanna-baby thoughts fade. there is something addictive about new babies, it's true. sometimes we long for the snuggling, the freshly-washed-baby-smell, the closeness, without remembering the sleep deprivation, pain, weight issues and all-round inconvenience.
When my husband & I decided to go for #3, we both wanted it. We were both feeling it, and when we finally talked about it, I decided to get my IUD removed. The docs said that it could take me 6 mos to get preg. I had my cycle the week before the removal, and I didn't have any more cycles because I got preg a week after it was removed. If you are meant to have more children, you will know. I am a firm believer that children are created for a reason, and if you are supposed to have more kids, you will. I think that you should follow your heart. If you are leaning more towards not having more, than don't. The age difference may or may not be an issue with more children. My brothers were 6 & 5 yrs older than me. My bro that was 5 yrs older than me loved me more than anything in the world, and vice versa. You should talk to your children & ask if they want another baby. Maybe they can help with the decision. But, your husband would need to make up his mind & tell you one way or the other. Good luck & God bless!
Hi K.! This was me 3+ yrs ago! T and I had 2 boys at the time and I longed to have another most days but was concerned about all of the "changes" that would take place with a new baby. We are a very active family. We choose to homeschool our kids and we love to travel. The summer of 2004, we took off for almost 4 weeks and drove to California and back. The boys loved it and so did we. Tommy and I were having such a hard time deciding yes or no to try for baby #3. He is an only child so just having the 2 boys was different for him. He was just like you described your husband...no help! (In a loving way of course.) I prayed and prayed for direction. Well, his job was not good here in 2005 so we decided we would move to GA. That's were his parents had retired to and we love being close to the water and the sunshine and warm temps. So we get everything ready to put the house up for sale. We even have a POD in the front full of stuff, we sold almost all of our furniture. I mean we were all but there. June 2005...I find out I am prego with baby #3!!!!! Since I have to have C-sections, I didn't want to leave my doctor here, so we stayed. I had come to the point that whatever happens, happens. And now we have a VERY active, awesome, wonderful little 2yr old boy that gets into everything! The big boys LOVE having a little brother running around. Tommy and I talk about the "what if's" sometimes. Like what if we hadn't had him...we can't even imagine him not being here. Going from 2 children to 3 children was easier for us than from 1 to 2. You are more relaxed and confident as parents. As a homeschooling SAHM, I will tell you that having this little guy has not always been easy but it's ALWAYS been worth it! I can't wait to hear from you! email me anytime at ____@____.com
God Bless you and your family!
SAHM of 3 great boys 12, 7 & 2 yrs old and wife to Mr. Wonderful!
Hi K.! I am B. Deck. My first child was 5 yrs. old when we had our second. Then we had 3 more after that!! I have 3 boys ( ages 15, 10, and 8). My girls are 4 and 2. This is just my opinion, but it sounds to me that you aren't ready to stop yet. You just know when you are done. I knew after number 5. I just lost the desire for a baby and I am ready to move on raising the beautiful ones I have. As for your husband, I can't really answer that. If he truly doesn't want anymore, then you are at odds. But I would defenitly talk to him about it. Take care and I hope it all works out for you!
My first 2 were 2 years apart, boy and a girl...everyone thought, perfect set, you can stop now; but in my heart, I knew I wasnt finished. We went ahead and had #3, the sweetest girl w/ a big heart(my other 2 are spunky, aggressive, funny). She balances the kids from getting too wild w/ her calm spirit. I can't imagine not having her. On the other hand, my husband really wanted to go for a 4th and have another boy. I didn't think I could handle that, and he subsequently got a vasectomy. Now that I am almost 40 and it's too late, I can tell you that there's not been too many days that I haven't wondered "what if" we had that 4th. Of course, we could have had another girl, but if I had it to do over again, I would have gone ahead and tried. Regret never feels good. With that said....just make sure your husband is on board and he won't regret you telling him you are pregnant if you go ahead. If your finances aren't maxed and he won't stress then consider it. I think if you were done...you'd know it.
I think that someone was right -- if you really wanted that third child, you would already have it. BUT I also think that how you're thinking it over is a good thing. I guess I would say this: Are you really looking forward to the independence your daughter's are coming into and getting back to some close time with your husband and being able to do things as a family without worrying about a baby's schedule, stuff, etc., or are you content kind of being around home, nurturing a little one (and the other two), sleepless nights, etc.? It really is just two different lifestyles and you have to decide which one you are ready for right now. Remember that if you have another child, you can always still do all the things you wanted to do with your older girls, just a little later on or just in different ways (getting a sitter for the little one or taking turns with you and Dad, etc.) If you think about having another child every day - it seems that you want one or maybe its just what you don't want to regret. Wish I could tell you which it was to make the choice easier for you. I have two young children (4 & 3) and always have those "pangs" of wanting another child, although I just spent a romantic weekend alone with my husband while my two kids were at friends' houses and it was so wonderful. I knew if I had an infant that wouldn't have been able to happen and I kind of got my head back and decided that I'm so content where we are and I just want to focus on the beauty of these two children we have and their growing up. Good luck with your choice. There's no law against having another baby when your girls are even older....so maybe just waiting is the answer.
Hi, K. - Here's my two cents.........I think a family of four is perfect; if you are with them alone, you have one hand for each; if you are together as a family, you are one-on-one. When you add a third child, the parents are then outnumbered. How about the financial aspect of things? Kids get really expensive as they get older........braces, activities, college, etc. My advice is quit while you are ahead! Good luck. N. B.
I had 5 kids in 6 years so I'm not the best expert on spacing, but think about it. It's already May. Assuming you got pregnant in say, August, you'd still be able to do the skiing thing this winter, have the baby in late April or early May '09; that gives everyone the summer to get used to having the baby around, and it would be young enough to be fed and put down for many naps leaving time to spend with the other two. In Sept., the older two go to school and you have a baby beginning to crawl and stay awake longer and the time to pay attention. Schedule the afternoon nap for when the big girls get home from school so they get attention time. It'll work. I spent a lot of time chasing two toddlers with an infant clamped to my breast nursing, poor kid, and everything got done and they all turned out okay. At least you won't have 3 in diapers. And 1st birthdays come up fast, don't they?
My husband and I decided to stop at 2. There were several reasons to stop at 2.
1.When your at dinner each parent gets 1 to help. if you have 3, someone does double duty.
2. When walking across a parking lot just you and your kids, each kid gets a hand. if you have 3, then one is farther from you.
3. We have a four bedroom house. Each kid gets a room with one to spare for guests.
4. Our cars only seat 4 confortably.
I say some of this tongue in cheek. Having another child should be a private decision among your family. You shouldn't feel pressured into it, and you shouldn't pressure hubby into it. Since you are a SAHM you will most likely be the one to take on all/most of the duty of a baby. Physically could you take that on? I am a supporter of the thought that God will never give you more than you can handle and that when God gives you the gift of a baby, that the time must be right. Both of my kids were God's little gifts that I didn't know I was ready for or needing until I was pregnant. While I was in the hospital with the last one we decided to stop at 2 since we live a busy daily schedule, I barely sleep as it is, and having more than 2 in daycare would be a hardship.
Have you considered becoming a foster parent or adopting? When you are a foster, you get to love any # of kids without the labor!
Just some thoughts.
You need to ask yourself (and then answer honestly) do you want a third child because you miss the baby years or do you want to bring another fabulous life into your world. I have 2 boys on earth and one in heaven. I would love desperately with all my heart to have 2 more children. My grandmother and her sister had 7 each and the thought of having a big family myself has been with me since childhood. Unfortunately I can't have anymore and that saddens me to no end. However because I know that I enjoy every second possible with the 2 I am blessed to have. Pray about about and then if you close your mind long enough you'll hear God answer. Good luck & God bless.
Hi K.- First, thank you for posting this message! I find myself in the same boat as you. I a mom of two beautiful children, ages 16 months and almost 3.
I would love to be blessed with another child and my husband feels that 2 is a good number. I am the youngest of 3 and I think a part of reason I would love another is because there were three of us. The dynamics of three children is just amazing and I could not imagine only having one sibling.
Things seem crazy in our the house now, so I tend to waffle on a third too, especially with working full time and imagining the cost of daycare! But I truly just do not feel done (sounds weird to say). Ultimately, the decision is very personal and one that you and your husband have to be on the same page about.
I wish you all the best with your decision and thanks to everyone for responding too!
If your husband is not all that enthusiastic, then think long and hard. He might say it's OK, but he could be feeling pressured, especially with the economic situation as it is today (things so uncertain). If you are a stay at home mom, he's the breadwinner and has the burden of financial worries. You don't want to end up having to go back to work just to make ends meet. Your two are so very lucky to have you at home!
I agree with Donna, in that there are SO MANY children in need of love and care today. Helping other children who are already on this earth would be such a rewarding endevour on your part (for yourself, your husband, your children, as well as the children in need).
You will most likely have just finished paying for two college educations when the third will then be ready. That takes alot of financial planning! You might very well be ready for a BREAK - some REAL ALONE time with your hubby, travel, invest in hobbies, start a business, etc... I'm not saying that a third would necessarily be a burden, but it can take a toll on a marriage - especially if things get tough and your husband starts to feel regrets for giving in.
Only you know in your heart what's best. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will work out and that all will be loved. Just don't forget the other kids out there that are not as fortunate as yours to have a family and someone to love them! This could be a great opportunity to instill compassion in your own children's lives! I wish you the best!
Hi K., well I guess you have to start by asking yourself if you would like to go throw another pregnancy and delivery. Yes your oldest is almost eight, but it's alright. I have two babies, 32 months and 16 months. My mother had six children in nine years, so she now has a 40, 39, 37, 36, 34, 31 year old. I know it was back in the day, but I don't remember my mom ever being overwhelmed or ever feeling neglected. I had a wonderful childhood. I never felt alone. It just depends whether or not you can provide for another mouth (formula, diapers, baby clothes). You can still do things with the older ones. My mother is Japanese and didn't drive back in the day, I remember her taking all eight of us on the bus to the zoo and we went hiking as a family. But seriously, if you dream of having a son or just another baby, go for it. You can only control yourself. You know your husband will love another child when given the chance to get used to it.
I have always known I wanted three kids. I am expecting my 2nd right now.
My husband says whatever I want for kids. He will love them, but he isn't the one that has to carry them and he isn't the one that nurses them. So, I understand your husband.
Everyone is individual, but I can't imagine regretting having another child, regardless. I look at my daughter and she is a joy and endlessly fascinating. I LOVE children.
All this said, with each pregnancy, just before I got pregnant the weight of what I was doing weighed on me and I pulled back from it for a few weeks, but then I accepted the task ahead. Each time I have gotten pregnant, I have been pleased, but I realized the work ahead.
I think if you decide to have another, realize the amount of work and accept it. When you go in with your eyes open, there is no reason for regret.
I am pretty much in the same situation, but a year behind you. My daughters are 3 and 5, and we have been trying to decide to have a third or not for a long time. Although, my husband wants a boy (of course), and I do want another one, but I am the one that is iffy on the whole idea. Like you mentioned, I feel that it is a lot easier, now with the kids older...you can enjoy them more, do things with them more, have fun. When you throw a third baby into the mix, it goes back to all the infancy things, and really does reastrain you from being able to do all of the other things with your older children. And for me, we are military, so I feel the need to consider that in the equation as well, to keep in mind that I could end up doing it all alone with my hubby gone. It is still unofficial for us I guess, but I do lean more to no more kids. I really don't think that we will have another one. I just feel like I don't want to give up all that I can do with my older kids, nor do I want to add all of that stress into our family again. What ever you choose, just keep in mind...about the regret issues... if it was meant to be, it will be. Not sure this helped any, but thought I might let you know you are not alone!
We had our 3rd when our other two were 8 & 5. We just felt we were missing out if we didn't have just one more and we were right. Our little Chloe is the spark plug of the family and I couldn't see our family without her.