How Do I Stop Being So Depressed?

Updated on March 05, 2008
L.H. asks from Milford, UT
44 answers

Hi. I am a stay at home mom of 3 children; ages 4,3 and 2, and am 2 months pregnant. I am really tired all the time. My husband is away for work. He has been gone for 1 month now with an unknown amount of months to go. I have lately been feeling really down and lonely and I would love some ideas about how to boost my life up a bit. I guess I should also mention that we also just moved and we don't live by any relatives (closest is 3 1/2 hours away.) I am trying to organize my house and I should also have mentioned that my 2 year old is adopted from Ethiopia and we have only had him for 6 months.

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So What Happened?

I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to write to my request. I really do appreciate it. My situation has dramatically changed since I last wrote so now I have some bigger situations to deal with. I actually miscarried 2 days ago and am trying to cope with that, but I do appreciate all the responses. I really meant a lot to me.

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M.B.

answers from Albuquerque on

That is really hard, I understand because my husband used to be away a lot too. It gets lonely especially when you stay at home and only have contact with the children. I would suggest exercising if you can and trying to meet up with other moms that are in the same boat so you can talk about how you feel openly without judgement.

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K.S.

answers from Las Cruces on

L.,

Wow you are one busy mommy. First you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for all the work you are doing and not to mention being pregnant. Cheers to you. I know if I stay in the house too long I start feeling yucky. If you have a babysitter, maybe so you could get out with a friend for a couple of hours or so, I'm sure that would help you alot. I say do it about 2 or 3 times a week while you hubby is gone. Also maybe a story time at the library would be fun to take the kids to. I can't imagind what it is like with 3 kids under 5 but I feel better if I go to the park maybe for lunch with a friend or something. Also, chucky cheese is a good place for the kids to run off some energy. I think it is partly the early pregnancy blues and doing it all by yourself. Keep you head up and remember to take care of yourself, because it is the best thing you can do for you kids and husband. Your in my thoughts. :)

K.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.G.

answers from Phoenix on

L.,
You have gotten some great advice but I have one more suggestion. I would recommend calling a free program called Healthy Families. They will talk to you and possibly get you set up for a home visitor to come out and talk to you and support you any way they can with whatever is going on in your life. It is a wonderful program!

To make a referral, contact the Healthy Families
intake manager at: ###-###-#### or email [email protected]____.com

Here is also a number for a crisis line, just in case things get serious - ###-###-####

Good luck and call if you have any questions!
B.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.D.

answers from Albuquerque on

I just wanted to say that you ARE dealing with a lot so know that your feelings are justified. You're handling it well.

1 mom found this helpful
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G.D.

answers from Flagstaff on

try meditation/yoga...find a small amount of time to do something that you like to do...if you have the money, join a class,...

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T.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Getting out of the house and spending time with other moms who may be going through some of the same things would probably help a great deal. I would check into a local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. They are friendly, inviting, supportive and FUN!

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E.D.

answers from Tucson on

i had horrible postpartum depression with my second, and occasionally struggle with it. i have found that exercise does wonders (i know it's hard to find time). just a walk around the block is great. (it's actually been proven to be more effective than meds). also, take an iron supplement if you have a tendency to be anemic (you can have a simple blood test to find out). whenever i'm tired and run down i realize i haven't taken my iron in a while. i would also suggest a good fish oil supplement. it's been shown to help with depression. i would also suggest finding a good social church or some sort of group that has friendly people and regular activities. i know of one and am happy to refer you if you email me.

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A.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi L.,
No wonder you are having a hard time. You have lots of little ones to care for and your body is tired. You have had no recoup time from pregnancies and emotional stress. Being pregnant and taking care of children is very difficult. I think part of it is that you are over tired from caretaking and being pregnant. Lack of rest can bring on depression symptoms. I will pray for you. I think you should try to plug into a local church that has a good kids program and start attending. It is a good way to network with other moms and form supportive friendships. Also people there can pray for your family. I encourage everyone that reads this to pray for L. right now because she is doing the most important job on this earth, raising up children. God bless you L., I would love to give you my private email if you need it. Hang in there. I do not know if you are around Goodyear, but Skyway church of the west valley is a wonderful church......
A.

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C.S.

answers from Phoenix on

Do you have a community of mom's around you that you can share your feelings with. Sometimes just getting out of the house and sharing makes you realize you are not alone. All moms go through ups and downs. However, since your children are very close in age and very physically dependent right now and you are pregnant can be a very normal feeling. Just be sure you are not going over the deep end. Thoughts that may include hurting your children or yourself could be unhealthy. Local churches offer mom support groups, online groups such as meetups.com "Moms Like me" is one of them. If neccessary please contact a counselor. But, most importantly know that feeling overwhelmed and depressed is normal sometimes.

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M.B.

answers from Albuquerque on

HI L.!

I am sorry to hear that you have been nlue. I know the early stages of pregnancy can be hard and exhausting, especially with other kiddos around the house. Maybe having someone come and watch the kiddos so you can get your houeswork done or even sleep. I hope this helps a little.
M.

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J.C.

answers from Tucson on

Congrats on your upcoming addition and your latest addtion. I can't imagine trying to get out of the house with that many kids, but maybe if you got out and keep busy you would feel better. I've seen people post on Craigslist.com about local play groups. Maybe you could find some people near you and make some new friends. Be careful on Craigslist though, I've heard about a lot of scams. If I ever buy anything from anyone on there I make sure someone goes with me to meet them and it's always in a very public place! You could even put your own post in the kids section just saying your new in town and curious about play groups or activities to do with your kids in the area. Usually people are pretty helpful!

I'm pregnant with my second child and I have to admit that I was very emotional in the beginning. I wanted a second baby, but when I found out I was pregnant (we were going to wait a little longer to try) I went through lots of emotions. I would lay in bed at night and almost work myself up into a panic attack with the little things I would worry about! Just remember you are very blessed and things always work out in the end. God gave you these children for a reason and he will help you take care of them!

A little about me: I'm a SAHM of a very bright 2 1/2 yr. old boy who is the light of my life. I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost 6yrs. and we are expecting our second son in 3 mos. I used to teach kinder. but decided to stay home until both kids are in school. I tutor to help our income.

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K.R.

answers from Phoenix on

You are amazing! Is it possible to take a nap in the afternoon? I know when I was pregnant I was so tired and the second time moreso since I had a 2yo, can't imagine how tired you must be! Definately try to spend a little time on just you each day. PP suggestions were good. Maybe once the kiddos go to sleep you could take a bath and read a book? Also pull out the stroller and take the kids on a walk around the block. Being in the fresh air and the sunlight for 15-30 minutes a day will do wonders for your mood (and the kids). It's free and you hopefully won't have to chase the kids as much as at the park. Look at meetup.com for mom's groups in your area. I found one that way and most are free to join and have wonderful women. Also, don't overdo the cleaning. Do what you can but don't worry about what you can't. Try flylady.net it's a free mentoring site and it's been invaluable for me.

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N.C.

answers from Tucson on

I did read some of the responses but please excuse me if I repeat what other have said. Fist off I just have to say congratulations on being such a wonderful mom. I believe understanding and recognizing when something is going wrong is the fist step! I would say that this is something that I would talk with your doctor about, I just started taking a vitamin B complex and it has been amazing! (I am not sure if you can take anything like that pregnant-that is why I would talk with you doctor) I am not sure if depression is something in your history but I think it is something you have to try and deal with. In some of the other responces I read alot about "Play with the kids or do somthing for your self" don't get me wrong I believe that those are both wonderful things but depending you probably don't have time for yourself with three kids and not sure if money is an isue. I would say call your family try and arrange them to come and visit or an old friend, start looking into moms groups/play gyms/kids outdoor actvites and see your doctor. I guess I would also invest in a good long distance plan and keep in touch with everyone you want to at least that way you will have the ability to vent and speak with an adult. Please take care of yourself and reach out.
Good Luck

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C.O.

answers from Phoenix on

My sister-in-law belongs to a moms club in the valley. They organize their charters by the area you live in. They get together for activities and often go to the park. It is a great place for the kids to play and for you to meet new people, especially moms who are going through the same things as you. I am not sure of the contact info, but if you google moms clubs in AZ I am sure you can find some great info!

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J.A.

answers from Phoenix on

hello L.! wow that's a lot to deal with by yourself! you need to get out of your house and spend time with ohter mommies! there are tons of groups you can join for meeting other moms with kids the same age as yours! try to get joy out of the little things too! just watching my son learn new things makes me happy, remember they will never be this age again, so enjoy every minute of it! i hope your husband gets to come home soon to help you out a little! good luck!

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M.O.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hi L.. You poor thing! I just want to give you a big hug! I know how you feel. Please know that you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. You have a LOT on your shoulders, and I can only imagine just how exhausted you must be. I've also found Cafemom.com to be a great resource for moms. Hang in there!

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D.S.

answers from Albuquerque on

Look for a local moms group like MOPS or MOMS. You can go to their websites and find a group that meets near you. The mom groups are a great way to find new friends and support for you during this difficult situation.

Go to www.mops.org or www.momsclub.com.

Good luck and hang in there!

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T.M.

answers from Phoenix on

There have been so many great ideas on this list that I feel inadequate in adding my two cents. While you clearly need a 'helping hand', it's hard to find one when you are so exhausted all the the time. Even a teen for a couple hours after school or on the weekend might give you a bit of breathing room so that you can focus on yourself for a few minutes.

But the big thing to remember is actually a little thing: "This too shall pass!"

Don't feel guilty about wallowing in a little self pity now and again. You have a tremendous 24/7 job with no breaks! If you are feeling depressed and overwhelmed, remember that this is a temporary situation. Kids don't remain toddlers and babies forever. It's a horribly long time when you are sick and tired and in the middle of it, but give yourself a break. So, the house is disorganized for 5 more years. Do the best you can, but remember that in 5 years you will only have one child at home during the day and you can do more then.

And remember that just because you feel tired, unmotivated, disorganized, etc. that this is not YOU this is not who you are... it is simply a temporary state of being.

I really, really felt like I had lost myself when my kids were younger. I had no hobbies, did nothing that I didn't absolutely HAVE to do, resented anything 'extra' that came my way. Overwhelmed? You bet.

Do you know, I just completed my SCUBA Open Water Diver certificate! If you had told me 5 years ago that I would do this, I would have laughed out loud in your face! Hah! We're broke, I have a special needs kid, I have no time and no desire to do such a thing, and I'm fat and out of shape. I'm a mom. Then I'll be a grandma. Then I'll die. [Yup! I was the queen of the bad attitude!]

Then, one day, I dropped the kids off at school. I took a nap (!), woke up refreshed (!!!!!) and suddenly discovered that I have a personality! Where did THAT come from?

Sure, I still get depressed once in a while - some situation, some physical - and I pull out the age old mantra "This too shall pass"

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M.C.

answers from Phoenix on

It does seem as if you have your hands filled, so may be you need some adult/time for mommy. How about a babysitter for a couple of hours,do you like to get your nails done? ot just your toes?. I paid close attention to the fact"you are new in town" so who do leave your precious gems with?. Do you go to church? there are some real good starter church in Maricopa that really puts family first.Have you met your neighbour,do they have children?
**** I do have a 18yrs daughter that babysits,when she's not loaded with homework.I also know some parents on my daughter soccer team,that maybe in your community.

Please E-MAIL ME BACK, HOPEFULLY I CAN BE OF SOME ASSISTANT.

****I do understand what you're going through, i did it for almost 2 1/2 years,***
Good luck

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D.B.

answers from Albuquerque on

L., try attending functions; church, ladies aid. Some of these programs offer child care and this will get you some time to yourself to recoop a bit. Also, you have the opportunity to meet people and create friends. It can get tough when all you really converse with on a daily basis is less than five years old.

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K.K.

answers from Phoenix on

L.~
If you don't already have a church home I would like to invite you to the Grove Church. I would also like to invite you to come to a Wednesday morning Bible study gathering. Don't let it scare or intimidate you. It is the most welcoming, inviting and NON-DEPRESSIVE place you could go!!! We are TOTAL "come as you are" kind of gals. God meets us wherever we are at!! We provide free child care. It will do you a world of good to have the break!! Please come, it is from 9:30-11:30. I am always there early to set up, so if you can come early we could have a few minutes to chat! The Grove Church is on Gilbert Road just north of Queen Creek on the east side of the street. It's fairly small, so I will be easy to find. As you are looking at the church we are in the building to the left of the courtyard area. I will be looking for you!! Write me back if you want to chat some more!!
Sincerely, K.

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K.G.

answers from Flagstaff on

I sympathize with you! You need some time alone! I would highly recommend joining a gym, and generally they have a Kid's Club or something like that where the children are watched for a small fee. It's worth every penny for you to have a routine that includes caring for yourself. Even though your husband isn't around, I would recommend that you still dress in something other than pajamas a few times a week, even if you're not going anywhere. Going to local parks or on walks if the weather's nice will help you to meet local moms and make friends for you and your kids. That's priority number one! You could also look into a preschool program of some sort for the 4 & 3 year old if you think they're ready. You could also check into local colleges for babysitters, and try to have one come over regularly, so your kids get to know her and are comfortable, and you could have her come over 2-3 times a week for a few hours at a time while you either run errands (ALONE!) or organize the house since you just moved there. Babysitters are CHEAP, usually 6-7$ per hour (more if you wish), and you'll be amazed at how much energy she'll have with your kids, and how much your kids will look forward to her coming over. Anything you can do to meet other moms, whether at the mall, library, grocery store, you've got to do it because that will help a lot to have familiar faces. Good luck, hope this helps!

K.

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A.R.

answers from Flagstaff on

Hi L.,
I would recommend finding a local MOMS Club or a moms support group. You can visit www.momsclub.org to see if there are any groups in your area. You can also contact your local hospital or pediatricians office to find support groups. I was at home with my triplets for the first year and was feeling just like you do. I discovered a Mom-to-Mom support group that met once a week at the library and discussed different topics related to children and parenting. Then I found MOMS Club and they keep us as busy as we want. They have weekly playgroups, recipe clubs, coffee clubs, Moms Night Out and more. I was also able to meet a lot of great women who were SAHM and knew what it was like. I hope this helps and you feel better soon!

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K.D.

answers from Phoenix on

There is such a thing as pre-partum depression, meaning you can become depressed during pregnancy. Find activities that you enjoy doing, such as reading a good book (something that really boosts me into a different place when I'm feeling overwhelmed or stressed). Rent a few good movies, call friends from where you moved from, ask a relative to come visit -- good company always helps reduce stress and gives you someone to talk to or help around the house. Since you recognize you are depressed (this is the first step) make a decision to be happy. Sounds silly, but it works (been there, done that). When I was depressed (post-partum) I made a decision that I wanted to be happy again - with your husband gone that doesn't help because you need some "me" time - but really make a conscious effort to find a reason to smile and laugh. Play and laugh with your kids, it helped me.
Good luck!

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P.T.

answers from Phoenix on

L.,

Please talk with your OB/GYN about how you are feeling. Also check into a Moms group. Do you have family or friends who can help you out? I have two wonderful children and a wonderful husband (who's job requires him to be away from home as well), but sometimes I feel like the worlds worst mom and that I made a mistake being a mom. I love my kids, but sometimes I feel that I 'suck' at being a mom and they would be better off with a different mom. But then I will get a good nights sleep or talk to a freind who can relate and I feel much better. You have a lot on your plate with three young children and one on the way. Now you are doing it all as a single parent and when your husband comes home you have to figure out how to incorporate him back into your routines. Not exactly what you had in mind when you decided to get married and have children, right? My advice is to talk you your OB/GYN and get into a moms group. Also, have your thought about putting your oldest two in to preschool. It will give you a few hours a week to do other things. Do you have anyone who can stay with you over night once-in-awhile and get up with your kids in the morning so that you can get alittle extra sleep? Take advantage of people who offer to help. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child. Get out of the house and go to lunch with a friend or meet some friends at the park so you can talk and the kids can play. Remember you are a good mom, but you are only human and you have limits and needs too. Don't try to be all and do all. I wish you the best.

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Z.P.

answers from Phoenix on

Oh you poor thing. I think what you could really use is a MOMS club. The moms you will meet can offer support of all kinds. I just had my fourth baby not too long ago. My MOMS club usually provides meals for new moms. But instead I asked for the meals in my first trimester. I was tired all the time and way depressed. I thought I was done having kids with number three and was taken by surprise by the fourth. My husband works long hours and wasn't much help. It was a very LONG 12 weeks. I have never felt so tired in my life!! But my friends in MOMS, and some great woman that I didn't really even know, band together and brought me and my family meals for two weeks. That really made a difference. I also had some coming by just to say hello and visit with me and the kids. LOVED IT!! Research a MOMS club and I hope you make some great connections. If you are in North Phoenix email me and I will help you get connected with a MOMS club. Please cheer up. You are not alone.

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T.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Join a MOPS group in your area. You can find one at www.mops.org. There is a lot of support there.

You will find other women there who are in your same situation. I am not surprised you are tired and feeling down. It is difficult being pregnant with so many young children. Try to get out if you can. The weather is nice now so the zoo, (there is a free day if money is a concern) and the Desert Botanical gardens are great for young children. Even better is to ask another mom to go with you and make it a "field trip". I saw a post on here from another mom who is looking for a zoo buddy!

There are many moms on Mamasource who are looking to form playgroups so that is an option too. Many of the malls have childrens play areas and it's a great place to meet local moms and let your kids meet some new faces.

If you feel your depression is serious go see your physician and he will be able to direct you to help. I have panic attacks and take Zoloft and it has worked miracles for me. I am not ashamed of that either although I used to be. With your pregnancy meds might not be an option but just talking can be very helpful.

T. C.
www.spaescapescottsdale.com

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L.B.

answers from Phoenix on

Something that worked for me was to find a way to do service. I know that it sounds like a lot to ask, but after my daughter was born I just couldn't feel happy. So I asked myself what would make me feel better. I started making baby hats for the local hospital. It was something I could do while I was sitting down at night while my husband was at work. One of my favorite quotes says, "Forget yourself and go to work." Sometimes I have a hard time saying that to myself, but once I start I feel 100% better. I hope this helps.

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M.G.

answers from Tucson on

Why is it that women feel they have to do so much. It's obvious you care about children but really how can you provide enough to go around when you yourself are spread so thin. You are basically a single mom raising 3 kids with one on the way. It's too much , moving, 3 young children, no family, husband not available, my goodness. How can you not feel so down. Especially so with being 2 months pregnant. Give yourself some credit here, if your house if a little out of order- who cares. Some time during the day if your little ones should nap at the same time (yeah sure) you should put your feet up and rest a little. You deserve that. Or if you're up to it, go out to the park and let them run free for a little while and see if that gets them a little tired out, pack a lunch even. Hopefully when you all get home everyone's tired (and sleepy). Hang in there.

M.L.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hi L.,
I experienced depression when I moved to a place where I had no friends, family and was feeling stuck at home with my kids while my husband was working a lot. A couple of things that are safe during pregnancy; self-talk tapes (cd's) and a homeopathic remedy. Dr. Shad Helmstetter has a positive self-talk library that I have found to really help my life. It's based on the idea that we have programs that are strengthened by what we tell ourselves. All you have to do is listen to them for a few minutes a day and you should be able to see changes within a few weeks. I recommend the self-esteem cd. As for the homeopathic remedy, my midwife gave me different remedies when I was pregnant and to my new baby. A great one for depression is ignatia. That's the first part of the name of it. You can find them in natural food stores and many pharmacies that are local to your area. And hopefully after your first trimester is over you won't feel your life needs a boost. :) Hopefully you live in an area where you can find like-minded friends and they will become like family.
All the best,
M.

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S.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

You are a strong woman to do what you do. There's a site called www.meetup.com where you can meet other moms right in your area. They meet at parks and stuff and they are great for that adult convo we all need. There is also MOPS, mother of preschoolers. They have diferent chapters at different churches. They watch the kids for free for 2 hours and you just get to hang out with the moms for some real adult time. I believe with gettting involved and meeting people on a more personal level, you meet some really great people that can watch your kids and give you a break and you will be able to trust them. I have one child and I know I need a break and I know you need a break forsure. It was hard for me to meeet people here to but these groups have really helped me.Anyway hope this helps a little.

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M.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Also check out www.momsclub.org. They have lots of chapters in Gilbert, Chandler, Mesa, etc. They will set you up with a weekly playgroup, they have weekly activities for moms and kids, they do a monthly moms night out, etc. They also do meal support for new moms and other moms in need - if you have a new baby, have family emergencies, family deaths, etc, members sign up to contribute meals.

When we moved here 3 years ago I had no friends or family and the moms club was great. I made friends and had something to do with my kids and other moms during the week.

Our son is adopted from Russia and I know the adjustment can be rough. It was a good six months before I stopped worrying and questioning whether we'd done the right thing. Plus, he didn't attach easily and I felt rejected and disliked. I also got very depressed during that time. I can only imagine how much worse it is for you being pregnant! It gets better and things do fall into place.

Do check out moms clubs, if only to meet some people and have some things to do to get you out of the house. If you have any relatives that could come visit for a week or two, consider that. It would help you get your house set up and organized and that might take a lot off your shoulders. All the best!

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G.V.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi L.,

This is actually a fairly simple fix.

1. Take good, quality prenatal supplements.
2. Eat lots of fruits and veggies and stay away from processed foods, which can rob your body of nutrients and cause fatigue
3. Consider joining a weekly mom's group or other organization where you can "talk" with other women. Talking actually causes your body to manufacture serotonin, which is what you are lacking if you are depressed.

Feel free to call me at ###-###-#### if you want more info. I am a Holistic Health & Nutritional Consultant and would be happy to help.

Best wishes to you! :)
G.

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M.P.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hi L.!! You are a wonderful mom and don't forget that. I congradulate you for all the hard work you do. I would suggest getting out and doing something. I am kind of in the same situation but I only have one baby (she is 6 1/2 months old.) My husband is out of town from Sunday to Thursday. It is overwhelming I know to try and take care of the kids as well as your self. I found that I joined a local gym and started working out 2 times a week and that helped. The gym I go to is fairly inexpensive and has a childcare area so that you can workout and your kids can play. I also try to go to the mall every once in a while. My daughter is still too young to play in the kids area but she loves to watch. So I get my self ice cream and sit down with her and we watch the kids play and then she will also eat her dinner while we are there. I hope this helps if you need any further information let me know.

Keep smiling!

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

First of all: you are amazing! Any woman who is surviving with three under four years of age is a super woman! The fact that you don't have your husband around AND you are pregnant with number four...you have taken motherhood to a new level. So be proud of your accomplishments (ie: your sweet children).
As for you feeling down---that is not much of a surprise to me. You have a huge load to carry by yourself. You probably get almost no time to unwind while reading a good book or simply a few undisturbed moments to think.
My advice to you: 1. Pray for strength to be able to be a good mother who is patient and loving (even though you are bogged down with a lot of responsibility). 2. Find 20 minutes in the day to just be you. You may have to do this at 10pm at night b/c that may be the only time you have. But plan for something just for you. It could be surfing the Internet or eating chocolate while reading your favorite magazine! 3. Create a mother's group with some friends and other mothers in your neighborhood or city. Have one day a week where you meet at the park or zoo or the McDonald's Play Place or whatever. This will give you the opportunity to talk with other adults (who are doing exactly what you are doing). Having adult time is SO important for my sanity. 4. LOVE your kids. Really, truly enjoy who they are as individuals and appreciate the great gift and blessing of motherhood. You truly are blessed to have three (almost four) children. There are so many women who cannot have their own children.
I hope my simple advice helps!
All My Best,
J.

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A.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Networking among other mothers with small children. Do you have a church home? Going to a Mothers group can help. Some churches have MOPS and you don't have to be a member of the church or even go their. The program is wonderful and gives mothers a much needed break. I live in Chandler and have several connections if that helps. My husband also travels alot for his job. One of the reasons you are tired is your body is adjusting to being pregnant and you have children that are at demanding ages. You probably are on the go 24/7. Make sure to eat properly, get plenty of rest and drink alot of water. Are you on pre-natal vitamins? Is the 4 year old in pre-school? Do you know any moms in your area with small children? If so, you could start a babysitting co-op. They really are nice and can be a big help.

It will get easier.
A.

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I.W.

answers from Phoenix on

Oh, sweetie, like all the other ladies have already said, don't be so hard on yourself, what you are experiencing is normal considering the recent changes in not only your body but with the husband's employment. i had a 4 yr old, newborn and i was pregnant with my boy (who was diagnosed with autism at age 3)and it was exhausting, you have one more and you're doing it all alone 100% of the time. my husband, while not away, (and no, i'm not comparing situations, don't get me wrong!) was gone during every waking moment working his job and overtime, the kids were on an early schedule and there were days he didn't see them awake at all. the recent changes in your household will affect your emotions!.
it is normal and expected, when changes in our lives occur that we weren't expecting (as in your husband being gone for a time you can't foretell) that aren't exactly pleasant for you to go through a period of sadness and adjustment. we wouldn't be human if we didn't react with sadness to sad events, or happy for happy ones. being 2 months pregnant also your hormones are doing the merry go round in your system and of course this is going to affect your mood, so what you're going through is understandable from every perspective (both physical, emotional and needing someone to be there for you). do you have family around you? good friends? lean on them, that's what they're there for! just as you would be there for them, make sure you let them know what you're going through, so they can be helping and praying for this time of adjusting to be quick and not as painful. give yourself some time, talk to those who will listen and try to have a little bit of time every day even if only half and hour when everyone's asleep for you to do something just for you. also, write down all the good things going for you at the moment, all your blessings, and place them somewhere you can see them every day.
i second the need for a walk and get some nice sunshine and a nice breeze, it does something to our mind, you come back with a renewed resolve, i like to run (for fun) and spending time outdoors for just a little bit can help lift your mood.
wishing you the best and a speedy recovery back to your old, happy self~
Ileana

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J.S.

answers from Phoenix on

You need to put make-up on, do your hair, and spend time outside in the bright sun. Go to the park, and take walks. Find a play group near you. Go to the mall.....even if you don't buy anything, take a walk around the mall, have an ice cream with your kiddos. Spend time around people and get outside. Have your children make art projects/cards for your husband.

Enjoy your 3 wonderful children and look forward to baby #4!!

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S.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Based on the caring and concerned responses of the other women here, I don't think I would be misrepresenting any of us if I invited you to email me or any of us just to chat about "stuff." Right now I'm 13 weeks with my 6th and have been utterly exhausted like with no other pregnancy so far, and have been mostly in bed since the end of December. My SIL is also expecting in MI, and we email each other several times a week. It's about the only other adult communication I get, but it really helps to feel at least some connection with the outside world. I would be glad for you to email me at any time just to talk about your day or the kids or whatever.

Also, if I do nothing else for the entire week, I make sure to get to church on Sunday, even though I'm tired, and it's amazing that even though I leave feeling so unmotivated, it really does give me energy and lift my mood and outlook. Plus, they kids have a chance to get out and get involved and make friends. It's good for all of us. I'd love to invite you. It's a normal church with normal people who are all going through life with successes and struggles. I have enjoyed the openness of the people we have met there and I think you will, too.

I'm not sure where you live, but Sun Valley Church is on Ray Road just east of Gilbert Road. They also have a MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) Group and a weekly women's Bible study with childcare, plus many small groups that meet during the week at various times and places, so there are many outlets for you and the kids. If you would like to visit, please let me know, and I will be sure to met you and your kids there to show you around and help you get acquainted. We attend the 11:00 a.m. service on Sunday.

The last thing in the world you probably feel like doing right now is anything at all, but the reality is that something has to change in your daily routine or I'm concerned it may get worse. I will at least stay the same, which is not pleasant for you or the kids. I encourage you to to reach out to st least one of the many opportunities that have been posted here for you. You have people that care, understand, and want to help you so please let them. I am praying for you.

Here is a verse that has encouraged me this week. I hope it will do the same for you:

"Fear not for I am with thee, be not dismayed, for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee, yea I will help thee, yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10

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A.K.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi L.,

I'm sorry to hear about your depression. From what I read you have only been here a short time and do not know a lot of people I take it? Are you religious? You could join a church group, depending on where you live? Also, I don't know if you like to workout at all but, if you could find a babysitter from time to time you could help your kids by helping yourself feel good. I belong to an all female gym in Temp called Epiphany Fitness and its amazing. Women from all ages and sizes join to get fit, have fun and most of all feel good about themselves. If you are interested in either please let me know. I have a really good friend who belongs to a church and she loves it. She has two children and lives in Laveen. I hope you realize that your depression will ultimately hurt your beautiful children and it would be more beneficial to make sure YOU are happy too. Stay strong and keep searching something will change as long as you want it too. ~A.~ You can reach me at [email protected]____.com

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M.C.

answers from Tucson on

Sounds like mama needs some me time. Having four children under five is going to be huge. I have a name for you.... Mark Groseclose. He is my massage therapist. He will come to your house and he is fabulous. ###-###-####. I do understand your situation because I have lived it for many years. It was overwhelming with two children 13 month apart let alone four children that will be so close together. I am also giving you my phone # ###-###-####. My boys are now teenagers and I am still having days when I am just so completely overwhelmed that meltdown seems like a lot of fun compared to the moment. Yesterday my thirteen year old walked into my bedroom with a large glass of milk (Just because he felt like it) and spilled the entire thing on my mattress so instead of doing the things that needed to be accomplished for the day I went out and bought a bed that I couldn't afford. Basically lost the entire day washing the bedding and replacing the bed. It is very hard to balance the basics when our husbands are not home for extended periods of time let alone all the little crisis that come up every day. My family lives five days away. Get someone down for a visit asap and get a massage, a lunch outside of the house with adults and go to a movie that doesn't have Veggie Tales attached to the title. Do not feel guilty about it. You will need it all for sanity.

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J.L.

answers from Tucson on

Wow L.!

You have so much on your plate! Definitely pat yourself on the back, you're doing something very hard. I think anyone could feel depressed in that situation.

I only have 2 kids, and even though I desperately wanted a second child, I became depressed the minute I became pregnant. It lasted for the first trimester, and then went away. It must have been hormonal. I remember how incredibly hard that was, and how unbelievably exhausted I was. I had never experienced that kind of exhaustion. But the good news is that it went away once I was in the 2nd trimester. I hope so much that you have the same outcome.

All the suggestions before this were very good. I would have gone crazy if it weren't for the mom's group I discovered in Tucson, and the library storytimes, etc. And I agree with the others who suggested you talk to your OB/Gyn. They know how common this is, and know what kind of safe alternatives there are to help you feel better. If your family members are supportive, it sounds like a good idea to have one or two come to visit, like others suggested.

Please don't be hard on yourself. You are handling a very difficult situation with grace. And you have courage for asking for help. I wish you all the best!!

J.

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T.H.

answers from Phoenix on

L., First of all, I would suggest you go to your doctor and let him check you physically. Fluctuating hormones can make you feel that way. I have been there. Second, I would try to reach out and find a mom's group in your community or at a local church. This will help you reach out to others and find support. Third, if you don't attend church, start doing it with your three children. Find a good Bible-believing church. Do you have a Bible in your home? Start reading the book of John and Psalms.

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K.K.

answers from Phoenix on

L., Where do you live? It sounds like you are overwhelmed with changes and aloneness. Any mom will tell you that you are needing adult conversation, the energy of voices not just emails. Call your family. Start a playgroup like many moms on this site do. You have your hands full with three little ones. This will sound strange, but wonderful classical waltz music will lift up your heart and spirit. Play it and spin around a few times. You may be surprized how the children respond to classical music also.
Diet, sugar, soda, junk foods depress your body and drain your energy. Vitamin B Complex, fresh juice, walk the children outside, look at nature with them. Find simple reminders that God is with you in beauty of nature, the eyes of your children
I could share other more out of the box ideas if you like. God be with you in Deepest love. K.

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