How Do I Let the Baby CIO Without Waking Her Older Brother?

Updated on October 15, 2010
C.M. asks from Leesburg, VA
12 answers

Our 5 month old daughter, Nora, is a sweet and laid back baby, except that she still wakes 2 to 4 times each night. If I don't get her the moment I hear her, the cries wake our 3.5 year old son who has an oversensitivity to sounds. The noise machine doesn't help. Then his teacher tells me he's tired in preschool. After being woken so much last night, I slept through the alarm and we missed his school bus. I'm honestly so tired that I worry I could fall asleep at the wheel. So how do I sleep train the baby without waking and upsetting my son? Should I sleep with her down in the finished basement for a couple weeks and let her CIO down there?

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So What Happened?

My husband and son slept downstairs last night while I tried letting Nora cry for 10 minute periods. Each time I picked her up, nursed her back to sleep and tried lying her back in her crib. She'd wake right up, look at me, and start crying again. I'd leave for ten minutes to see if she'd self sooth, then go back and do it again. This went on from 9pm to midnight. I gave up and brought her to bed with me, where she slept just fine. We may co-sleep again for awhile, but I feel like we're taking a step backwards. I should also mention that she wants to be held all day. I can't put her in the car seat, stroller, swing, bouncy chair, without her crying. We have no family or relatives nearby, so I'm not getting any relief during the week. She won't take a bottle, so I can't get out for long without her. She wants me, all the time. I know this won't last forever and I should be happy, but I'm just drained and need help.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

She's a little to young to sleep train - CIO isn't recommended for infants under 6 months old. Some babies just wake up alot. Is it possible to keep her crib in your room till she's a little older? That way you can get to her quicker, and maybe not wake up all the way yourself. There are also cribs you can "attach" to your bed, which are great if you're breastfeeding and want to not get up, but just roll over and nurse - and it allows the baby to be in her own "bed". Hope that helps!

4 moms found this helpful
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R.S.

answers from Sacramento on

I would talk to your doctor first. I think 5 months old is a little early but then again our kids ended up in our bed at some point in the night until they were 2 & 4! THAT is how I got sleep. They are 10 & 8 now and sleep perfectly fine in their own beds all night. Just my thoughts on that.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

Its completely reasonable for a 5 month old to wake at night. We did not do cry it out with either child and both of my boys sleep in their own beds now all night. Are you breastfeeding or formula feeding? If you are bfing breast milk is digested very quickly you could try a dream feed before you go to bed. If you are formula feeding you could still do a dream feed before you go to bed might help her to go longer. She could be teething and for both of my boys they were a lot worse at night while teething then during the day, she could have reflux causing her to be uncomfortable when sleeping. Have you tried to have her sleep slightly elevated and lastly you could always co sleep.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I have a similar situation. I just started sleep training our 10 month old son and we have a 3 year old DD who also will wake up with the crying. I am using the Sleepeasy Solution method and it has been SO much better than anything else I've tried or read, including the no-cry methods. They are sensitive and compassionate and address all sorts of issues including night weaning/feedings, co-sleeping, naps, etc. Personally, I think at 5 months they still might need/want a night feeding, but it depends on the baby.
Here's my suggestion...start sleep training at the end of the week (after the last day of preschool for the week), start with bedtime on night one, then naps and bedtime starting the next day. The book said it should take about 3 days to a week...but you should see improvement before your son has to go back to preschool the following week. I just did night 1 last night and am working on a nap right now. I was amazed last night...he only cried for 1 1/2 checks...I didn't even make it in for the 10 min check because he went to sleep (15 min total) and this morning, again 15 min (2 checks). Last night, for the first time EVER he slept from 8pm until 6:15am and no night wakings!!!!! He woke up rested and happy!!! I talked to my daughter before we started and explained that I need her help and we have to teach her brother how to sleep better. I let her stay up a little later (while I worked on getting him to sleep) and she loved the special treatment as the "important big sister". Then when he was asleep and it was time for her to go to bed, I explained that baby brother might wake up and cry for a couple nights, but that to help me and him, she needs to stay in her bed and try to go back to sleep, even if he wakes her up crying. She did GREAT and told me this morning that he didn't even cry! (She was listening) and she was so proud to have "helped him" sleep.
I hope it continues...fingers crossed!
Good luck with your efforts!

2 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

at 5 months old she is awfully young to sleep through the night let alone CIO. i'd move her into your room (or sleep downstairs with her if that's easier) and do 'silent soothing' (no eye contact or words, just rub her back or hum to her) but neither this nor CIO will work if she's hungry.
khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter quickly learned to sleep through her brother in the next room crying it out. She has a music player in her room that plays lullabys and he had a sound machine in his room. I would try your best not to create any habits you can't live with. Put her in the basement and you may have to do CIO again to get her to her room. Let your son into your room for a few days and he may not want out. Just saying, been there, done that.

**I just saw that your daughter is 5 mo old. I am not sure if I did CIO that early. I think it was 8-9 months before we went there.

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D.B.

answers from Richmond on

While I respect your need to get your daughter sleeping through the night, I feel I need to chime in. CIO is really not appropriate for babies under at least 8 months old, and it's debatable how valid it is then too. But even Dr. Ferber states that babies younger than 8 months need to eat more often and need to be responded to when they cry.

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

We had a similar situation. My son was 4.5 months old when we did CIO and my daughter was roughly 27 months. I didn't want her to wake up at night since my son would cry while we trained him to sleep through the night. We also took him down to the basement and did the training there. Once he was sleeping through the night -- we brought him back to his room. I wouldn't stay in the basement where she can see you otherwise the CIO won't work...I know its tough but hopefully she will begin sleeping through the night very quickly...CIO is tough but once they sleep through the night--everyone in the home including yourself and your son will be happier for it! Good luck--others have gone through what you are so hang in there ! ;-)

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M.P.

answers from Peoria on

I agree with the advice that Amy gave. Start the last day of preschool. A 5 month old MIGHT still need to eat once at night, but 2-4 times a night is too much! And you really need to get sleep! Does your baby take a pacifier? Sometimes that is the solution, they just need to suck themselves back to sleep. I also like that Amy suggested to include the older sibling. This has worked for me on SO many things. They love to feel included and helpful. And 3 or so nights of less sleep will not hurt your older son, when in the long run it will help your baby sleep through the night. You could use the downstairs for those few nights while you are trying it, but if you think the older sibling can handle it, I think the baby would do better to be in the same bed that she is supposed to be sleeping through the night in. Otherwise once you put her back upstairs she may go right back to her previous behavior. Good luck! I hope you can all get some sleep!! And hang in there.

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K.F.

answers from Washington DC on

Most babies still wake up at 5 mos! If you need sleep, then do what you need to do to get it - sleep with her and don't consider it a step backward...it's called survival mode and it's better for everyone. She is still a tiny baby and there's no 'backward' at this point - she is still new! If you can't risk waking your son and you fear for your safety, then by all means, just let her sleep with you and make her comfortable and she will progress at her own rate. My DD always takes longer naps if I sleep with her...and it's good for both of us, but she started sleeping better at night after she was 6 mos old...I know it seems a far way off, but it will go by fast!! My DD also likes to be held all the time, so sometimes it's hard to make dinner or go shopping or anything - she would rather me carry her than to sit in her stroller or cart or even around toys....but she is getting a bit better - I just keep exposing her to these things and she gets the hang of it. Also - i started weaning her at 6 mos - i started giving her maybe 1-2 ounces a day and then moved up to a whole bottle while we were out at a store or something, then gradually went up to more bottles a day (also try different bottles - my DD only likes the silicone and won't take latex nipples)...finally I was only nursing in the morning and she doesn't even want that now. She is now almost 9 mos old and sleeps through the night and takes decent naps, but I had to be very patient and I never let her CIO - I have always been responsive to her needs - and a lot of times she will wake up around 5 am or so and I will go in the nursery with her and lay down with her on the guest bed in there so she will sleep till 7. it works for us. I don't care if she gets used to me being there in the morning because she will only be young once and I don't want to miss this time with her. If I need some help, I just sit down with her and forget about dinner, etc and just take the easy way out - have my husband finish dinner or put her in the Baby Bjorn or whatever I need to do. :)

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Start on a long weekend-it only takes perhaps three nights-or have son sleepover at Grandma's or a friend's house. Don't sleep with her-she will "cue" off of you. She will learn to self soothe-if you don't pick her up. It is terribly gut- wrenching-but it will be better for everyone-especially your little baby girl-my daughter and I did this with her son, my Grandson this spring. I seriously was praying to die-but we got thru it-it is harder on the adults-you still have to check the baby after she goes to sleep.

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A.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi - we are dealing with this same issue now - we just sleeptrained our 5 month old cold turkey. She only cried for 30 minutes 2 or 3 times total (at bedtime, then at 3 a.m.) and then now just goes to sleep (amazing!). We have a 2 year old and so we moved the baby to the crib downstairs during this time and whomever was "on duty" slept downstairs on the couch in the other room to "oversee". This weekend we are going to try to move the baby upstairs again - it is worrisome though - I am going to read everyone else's tips! I want to sleep in my own bed again! :) Good luck! :)

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