How Do I Explain to My Husband That I Want Another Baby?

Updated on October 18, 2006
C.J. asks from New Cumberland, PA
15 answers

I have a 13 month old girl. I want to have another baby soon, but my husband laughs at me everytime i state anything about having another baby. He says,"I want to wait till I forget all the sleepness nights, and the screaming". How do i explain to him that he is just making excuses? Or is he? I dont think I will ever forget, although I will lose some of that memory...I dont know how to tell him that I am ready now!!!Am I crazy? I sure feel it while I am writing this request to others regaurding this...LOL...I dont know why it has to be such a big deal, and sometimes he says, one is enough!!!I dont think it is.Please help.

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone who responded. I sat my husband down, and explained to him that I was serious about having another baby. That I didnt feel that he was truly listening to me, and that I wanted to talk about it no matter what the outcome was. I assured him that if he didnt want to have another child that I would understand, although he has never expressed that to me. After a long 1 hr discussion, we came to the conclusion to wait till after the holidays, and see where we were at. I think that is fair, and smart. He explained to me that he knew i was serious, he just wasnt ready to discuss it. I understood.

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D.L.

answers from Philadelphia on

You should sit him down alone one day over lunch or dinner and tell him that you are serious when you say you want another baby. Then when he understands that you are not playing ask him his honest opinion. If he is up for it great. If he seriously does not want another kid right now try to work on a compromise about when it will be right for the both of you to have another kid. If you get pregnant again and he really isn't up for it, he will probably resent you and not be his best when a new baby comes along. The important thing is that you BOTH have to be up for having another child.

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A.L.

answers from York on

Hi C., As the other ladies have said you need to really talk to him, but here were my reasons for wanting my kids close together. I didn't want to have an only child. (I won't go into those reasons, but you must have your own or you wouldn't be wanting another baby). I hated being preganant and wanted them over with. I didn't want to "get back to normal" and then have to go through it all over again. The kids would hopefully be best friends if they were close in age. My sister and I are 4 years apart and were not close. My husband's closest sibling is only 2 yrs apart from him and they are close. AND...diapers, bottles, sleepless nights, etc. The sooner they were all over the better. Meaning the same as the preganancy, does he really want everything to start all over again after gettting back to some sense of normalcy? I would rather just get through it all and not have to go back to some of those issues. My two boys are 18 months apart and they are best friends and we are all done with those "baby" issues. They share a room, have bunk beds, share clothes, share toys, keep each other company. They are awesome. For us it was a great decision to have them close together. My husband was a little worried at first, but my agruements made sense to him. Anyway...just some ideas to maybe help sway him (: Good Luck! A.

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L.W.

answers from Scranton on

I am kind of in the same boat i want another baby but my fiancee ( he;s not the father of my son) isn't ready. He's great with my son and considers him his own. But for whatever reason he doesn't want another one which is fine with me for now but id o want another one. However i do think 13 months is a bit soon for another child i got baby fever around then tooo and the more i thought about it the more i wanted another baby . Now that my son is 2 i think it is the perfect time to start thinking about another baby but unfortunately he doesn't i would say wait a little bit just another year i read somewhere that if you have your children too close together (getting pregnant before youre first child is 18 months old) that it can potentially cause problems like low birth weight and premature delivery also

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J.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I would just come right out and tell him. Let him know that you are very serious about it and ask his opinion.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

If he wants to wait then wait, I would never advise pushing a baby on someone who doesn't want it. I would ask when he would want to talk about another baby then go from there, but my best advise is never push someone into a preg.

I got preg with my 2nd and 3rd at the same age as your child is now and it is not easy having several children so close in age! My 3 are 16 and 20 months apart from each other with my oldest being 3 years older than her baby sister. It looks easier than iut actually is juggling several young children.

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A.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi C.,
Is it that you want another baby right away or just some day? I'm wondering if your husband is really worrying about the financial burden of adding on another child and wondering if he can manage to be a good provider. You know for men that's alot bigger deal than it is generally for women. Maybe if you start talking with him about preparing for this child's future(starting a college fund, making sure you both have wills and a life insurance policy, having an emergency reserve fund of at least 3 months salary), he'll see that you don't want to rush into having another baby without thinking. Anyway, I hope this helps and you two can come to a compromise.
A.

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H.

answers from Pittsburgh on

i agree with the other writer about sitting down to talk about it instead of mentioning in passing to help him understand you are serious. maybe talk about how you'd like for the kids to be close in age to be able to do things together growing up. my first 2 are 17 months apart and i'm pregnant again. this one will be 27 months younger than the younger one. the first 2 are 3 and 20 months now. it's certainly crazy at the beginning but by the time my son was about 16 months, they really started to do a lot together and entertain each other. they sing songs together and have their own little conversations in the backseat as we drive around. there are already times when it's easier on me because they have each other to entertain themselves. other times they argue and fight over toys, but it is tons of fun to see them interact. share some pros and even some things you see as being hard with having another. you'll figure out what's best for your family. good luck

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E.S.

answers from York on

I understand what you mean C.. I have twin sons that just turned 1 and I want another ONE (lol) and my husband keeps saying he's not ready to go through all of the sleepless nights and stuff again. I think if we wait a year he'll be ready and I'll be more than ready and the boys will be old enough to understand a little more. I am enjoying the boys so much now that they are 1 and starting to walk and talk more. I think that I would want to wait until they are at least 2 to try for another, that way I don't miss the precious first 2 years. My brother and I were 3 years apart and that was a good age difference for us, hopefully it will be for my kids and future kid(s).
I would definitely talk to your husband more to let him know you want another one and maybe discuss a timeframe, that's how I got my husband to agree not to get "fixed". He's scared that in us trying for a girl, we'll get triplet boys lol. If you sit down and discuss fears and everything that might help. Then discuss a timeframe and come to an agreement. From what you said he doesn't sound upset about another one, but nervous. Maybe setting a time in the future will help him get more used to the idea. I would always wait until the boys did something that really made my husband say "aww" and then I would say, "how could you not want more?!?!?". It seemed to work because he is okay with more now. Hopefully I helped some!

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B.W.

answers from Scranton on

I was the same way my daughter was about the same age when me and her father started to talk about having another baby. We tried and it didn't take long to get pregnant, but then we lost the baby about five months later we tried again and suceeded with a term pregnancy but I have to say if I knew how hard it was gonna be I would have waited till my daughter was at least in school.. I def wasn't prepared for the sleepless nights followed by sleepless days (because I was up with my daughter) I never seem to be able to catch up on sleep. we have both agreed to more children in the future but I am definitely waiting till they are both in school LOL I don't kno how my mother and others like her had like 4 children under 5 but they deserve all the credit possible it is no cake walk. But of course I would never change anything I love both my children. So maybe if you waited a little bit he would be more obliged to having another.. I def. think it would be wrong of him to tell you no more when he knows you def want more.. maybe time is the answer

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N.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi C.,

I don't think one is enough either. I've already told my fiance that I want 3. He says 2 because we have a 3 bedroom house. Ok, so maybe we'll have to move when that time comes...he's the rational, logical thinker. I'm a bit of a dreamer. Unless, number 2 is a surprise like number 1, I think I will wait anywhere from 3-5 years. The reason for that is my son. He's 4.5 months now. I want him to be the baby and have all the attention he deserves until he's ready to be a big brother. I asked my mother if four was too much for her and she said she felt guilty with my brother, the middle child. (I'm a twin and we're the eldest-there is 8 years between us and the middle child). Anyway, my mother and he were extremely close. But when he was 2, she had my youngest brother and she said that it broke her heart the way he looked at her in the hospital, like "what are you doing here?". He quickly became a little boy, no longer the baby. So, I guess I would ask, is your daughter ready to become a big sister?
And you're not crazy, it does enter my mind at times because I loved being pregnant and it scares me how quickly my son is growing. Plus, sometimes I wonder if it's easier to do it all while you're still in the baby mode. It's an individual decision but your hubby has to be on board. Hope my insight helps a little:)
N. W

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B.E.

answers from York on

Hi C.,
I was recently in a similar situation,..My husband and I have two children together and I NEVER considered on a 3rd. A lot of the time we are overwhelmed and tired with the two...We pretty much knew we were going to stay a 4 person family....
But then..baby fever hit me hard! lol And I thought about it,..and decided,...'Hey..I want to do it again!!' So, I mentioned it and his first reaction was shock and thought I was C-R-A-Z-Y! But after talking about it.....a lot....here and there and having some full blown, serious, long conversations about it over some time..I convinced him it was a good idea! :) And we're both all for it and excited..We are currently TTC #3!! Yay!! We've considered all the good, hard and sleepless moments there will be...But we have agreed to go for it and so I wish you luck!! Take Care!

-B.

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S.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

I definitly think you and dh need to have a long talk about it. Maybe he really doesn't want any more, maybe he is feeling jealous of your daughter because you give all you attention to her but he doesn't realize he is feeling this way or he is to embarrassed to admit it.

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L.Z.

answers from Lancaster on

It sounds to me that he maybe isnt taking you seriously. My suggestion would be to sit him down without tv, etc and REALLY explain that you want another child and you want to start trying again now. The sleepness nights and crying is just part of the whole package, it soon passes too. But the love and joy of another child,lasts forever. How nice would it be for your little one to have a brother/sister to grow up with and not be an only child. (i say that from experience of being an only child myself.) Good luck!

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J.S.

answers from York on

My husband and I decided to try for another when our first was nine months old. We got him! Our two boys are exactly 18 months apart. If you really do want another, you'll have to approach him with the topic and talk about it, seriously. However, I will advise you to think about life with two. It is quite different the second time around. So discuss it openly. He may just be dismissing you as not being serious. But I'd say you'd both have to agree on when to have another. If he's really not ready, wait six months and check in again. Good luck!

T.R.

answers from Scranton on

I understand how you feel. My son is only 6 months old and I'm ready for another one, too. But we're waiting a couple years. Anyway, you and your husband need to have a long talk about this. Don't sit and wait and let it bug you. Good luck.

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