How Did You Decide You Ready to Ask for Divorce

Updated on March 25, 2008
M.G. asks from Arlington, TX
13 answers

hello

my husband and i are having a lot of fights and we don't sleep togheter anymore i want to ask for divorce but i don't know how

i need some advice how to do it?

i am also scared because i don't know if i can make by my own

i really need some advice

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?

thank you for all your responses i will ask for the divorce right away the main reason is because we are fighting all the time and then he has hitme a lot of times and ia m tired of that also is no more love in this relationship .

thank you for all your advices

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M.Y.

answers from Dallas on

See a marriage counselor. Get some professional help. Family and friends tend to be one sided. You have a child to cisider too.

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M.F.

answers from Dallas on

Wow, I can tell you are a brave strong woman just by sitting down and asking this question to thousands of people you don't know. I've never been divirced but I've had my share of serious relationships. Once the thought entered my mind about leaving that's all I could think about and that's what happened not too long after (i left). I think we all know deep down inside when something needs to happen. Yea, it would be nice to work it out and live happily ever after but only you know if that's possible. And for you to be asking this question, if you're like me then your mind is pretty much made up. People are saying you should work it out for the child because it's hard on them. Well I say if you and your husband aren't getting along and fighting, that's worse for your child. They can feel the stress. Children know when somethings not right. I think it's wonderful if you take some of these other womens advise and work it out but I also think if that isn't the right advise for you (to work it out) then you're strong enough to ask for a divorce. If you choose to ask him, I would get my ducks in a row. Find a place to go, find some sort of income. I don't know about your family life, but my family would be more than willing to help me if I was going through something like this. I'm sure it will be hard at first for everyone involved but as for your child, they usually adjust pretty well (not saying it won't take some time)and if your child see's that you're happy again then the stress is lifted from your child as well as you. As far as matters of the heart, I'm sure you love him or you wouldn't have married him but it's like everything else, time doesn't heal but it sure makes things easier everyday that passes. In re to how to ask him, I would send your child away for the night or day incase things get out of hand or incase you just need to break down afterwards. And just tell your husband that ya'll need to talk. If he's not a talker then I would just get the courage up, walk in the room and just say it. I'm sure he will start talking then with at least a what or an okay. Just be strong and decide what is best for you and the child. In my experience everything always works out the way it should be. I hope this helps and is what you're looking for. I will be praying for you and you have all this support on mamasource.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.P.

answers from Dallas on

M.,
I am a voluteer for a group called Pathways Core Training, Inc. They have a marriage program called Relationship Rich that is intense and they claim to save 80% of marriages on the brink. I personally know 4 couples who have gone through it. All but one survived. I truly hope you check it out and get your husband to go. If you need help, call the office, they can help talk him into it. It works!! You have to earn your way out of marriage by giving it all you've got including counseling, retreats and programs like http://www.relationshiprich.org/. It's not enough to walk away, unless he's abusive, in which case you should run, not walk to the nearest exit. Please check out the website and see when the next class is. It could change everything in your entire world. Best Wishes, B. - Arlington, TX

1 mom found this helpful
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C.L.

answers from Dallas on

I too have gone through the Pathways training and it is so true that you have to earn your way out of the marriage. Dr. Phil founded the program and they also provide training for newly singles as well as personal growth training to help you discover what you Really want in life and how to get it. This program truely changed my life and my way of thinking. I encourage you to look into it. www.gopathways.org

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J.M.

answers from Dallas on

Have you sought counseling? Even if he doesn't want to go, go alone. No one has the right to hit you!

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N.M.

answers from Dallas on

Unless your husband is beating you, I would ask the Lord to help you stick it out. You see it is so hard on children to grow up in a divided family. I have stuck it out for 25 years now and I am so glad I did. Anyone can get a divorce.Every marriage has its ups and downs, its how you handle it that is important. Ask for the Lord to help you and to change you and as you do that somehow the Lord will work on your husband. Treat your husband the way you want to be treated. The only way in the world I would ever get a divorce again is to have to man be a womanizer or beating me. God can and will help you if you will only ask him. I know, the Lord told me to stop trying to change my husband and to work on myself because it is a 24/7 job just taking care of yourself. Let Him have my husband and He would change the situation and He did and He can and He will. You go on to church and work on yourself and you watch How the Lord will work on your husband and your marriage. Please let me know how this works out for you. Marriage is work but a good marriage doesn't come along all at once, it takes time and what else do you have and think of your son, growing up without a father in the home is so hard. Then if you get married again to someone who has children you will never get rid of his ex-wife in your life and believe me that is trouble with a capital T. Think about it and pray about it . I am asuming you do know the Lord if not please give Him your heart and your soul right now and ask Him to take over in your marriage. A concerned friend . I will be praying for you and your family. Also see if he will consider going to a marriage counselor or a Pastor for counsel. I just read where you say he is hitting you, see if you can get him some help, probably he was abused as a child himself and needs help. Don't get a divorce, that is so stupid for people to tell you to do. That is a chickens way out if you ask me. Sometimes the ministry the Lord gives us is our husband or vice versa. If he is hitting you and you are not provoking it then leave him for a while until he seeks help and realizes that he does need help. Sincerely, N. M.

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J.D.

answers from Dallas on

M. - please come talk with me. I have been a divorce attorney for 20 years, and focus primarily on collaborative divorce - IF it has to happen. We can talk about options, resources, ideas, and your situation to assess how to proceed. I will help you find the right people, books, organizations to figure this out. Please call Angela at my office to set a time and let her know you are from Mamasource. We really hope divorce isn't necessary, but if it turns out it is, we want it to be as smooth as possible. J. D. ###-###-####; wwww.janetmdentonlaw.com

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B.B.

answers from Dallas on

As I read your request and the responses to you, I cried and felt heartbroken for you and the other ladies that have gone through this. I cannot and do not want to understand how divorce happens. I do not say that to be harsh I say that to show how nieve that I am. I know that divorce can happen to the strongest of relationships. I will be praying for you and your husband. I know that you are hurting and he probably is too. I do not have advice to give, only prayers and encouragement. Take care of you for yourself and your family. Seek advice from friends and family as well. They know you the best and can often help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Let someone comfort you in your time of need and know that there are a lot of other mammas thinking about you and praying for you.

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B.P.

answers from Dallas on

Dear M.,
That is a hard question because it is a heart question. I asked my husband to move in with his mom. He finally saw that I was serious and we went to a seminar called Relationship Rich(this is a much longer story). He and I looked at what was not working and really got down to our feelings for the first time.

It was cheaper than a divorce and it gave us a chance to really see if we were ready to divorce for the kids sake. We have a new marriage now and we are better parents and friends because of it.
You are welcome to call me if you would like to ask more questions, I know my hubby would be willing to talk to your husband if you like. Email me first at [email protected]____.com
We will keep you in our prayers!

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J.A.

answers from Dallas on

Just ask!!!!!! But the things youmust first consider are very crucial to asking. If you ask then that means you are paying for it and it can be costly especially if you have kids with him, you must first ask yourself if you really want to give up on the marriage. Have you tried counseling? If you have done everything in your power to make it work and it still cant be salvaged then it's timeto get out and enjoy the rest of your life. One important thing you have to think about is how will you support yourself? You are staying at home now do you have any work skills? You have a lot to think about.

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

My first bit of advice is to make sure that you have done everything you can to save your marriage before you get a divorce. That is, if he is not abusive. Ask your husband if he will go to counseling with a therapist or your minister. If he won't, then start going to counseling yourself, so a counselor can help you plan for your future, as far as job, where you'll live, and also just building the confidence to leave. You don't have to ask him for a divorce, you tell him that you want a divorce!

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M.G.

answers from Dallas on

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I hate to see marriages end because you got married because you loved each other. It's still there, but you two have to find it again. My husband and I have been going through a book together that is AMAZING. It's called "Marriage on the Rock," and I recommend it to anyone that is married. There's a chapter in there called something like "going it alone" or something by yourself. I would say start with that chapter. Read it, and see if you fit into any of that, and try some of the suggestions. I would say try anything before divorce.

I will keep you in my prayers, and really if you have even a speck of thoughts of staying, then please read that book.
Good luck, and God bless you.

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A.M.

answers from Dallas on

If you truly have tried everything to get it better and it hasn't then you have to be honest with yourself and your husband and tell him what you want. I waited almost twenty years hoping things would change and it never did and now I wished I had asked for the divorce years earlier and maybe I would not have suffered so much and my kids would have been happier. It is one of the biggest questions that ou can ask yourself can I do it by myself? I did and am doing a great job of it. Hope I helped a bit

A.

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