How Did You Cope with Labor? How Do You Manage 3 Under the Age of 4? - New York,NY

If you can hire help. Even if it is a teen after school for 25 dollars a week.

I did the 4,2 and new thing and it is Hard. They are 5, 3 and 1 now.

Getting a doula is great advice. The one I used is in Northern NJ if you want a name (or she may know someone near you). I also used a TENS unit. It is a kind of electrical stimulation commonly used by physical therapists and chiropractors. I used in my second labor and it made a big difference. But it has to be ordered from out of the country so you may not be able to get one in time.

Hire a doula to help you in labor--it is money very, very well spent. They will help you focus on getting through the pain.

Well if you go in without hope you wont do it. I delivered all three of my children with NO pain medication at all, my middle child had shoulder dystocia and there is NO pain worse then that...well at least that I know of! LOL Anyhow you have to believe you can or you wont. that is my opinion. That being said you just do it! You just remember that the worst pain is trasition on and that is a short time. But with that being said everyone labors different. My first was very short and only two pushes. My second was LONG labor and he got stuck but I still got him out in three pushes, my third was the second shortest labor and it was pretty easy peasy if you can say that about a labor.

As far as taking care of three under four,yes routine happens. My we one is now 13 months old an it has been very nice for many months and I don't have any help other then hubby.

What you're going through and worrying about is completely normal. Isn't it funny how we think that subsequent labors should approach without the same worries as the first ones? I was probably more freaked out about my third.

I've had two natural labors/deliveries (well, the second one was with pitocin, but no pain meds... I don't actually recommend that method, but it can be done).

With one (baby number 2), what really worked for the first one was having my husband count through the contractions. I know it's completely contrary to what most women want, but he was my focal point and it was beautiful.

With the other (baby number 3), counting wasn't enough. Because it had worked so well the time before, we hadn't considered anything else might be necessary. It was a little hard for my husband to switch gears, but eventually he did. What I needed that time was for him to straight up tell me that I was doing a good job, that the contractions were very productive, that I was doing it this way for Fynnie (our girl) and that we were getting closer to meeting our baby. No guided imagery, just the facts, lol.

As for three under four, I can't help you there. My oldest will be 18 in three weeks, and Fynnie turned 10 months last week. Slightly larger spread, lol. What I have heard is that going from 2-3 isn't nearly as rough as going from 1-2.

Oh, and about your husband... the man needs to know his job is to be an advocate for you, not a barrier to you. Perhaps a little role playing where he's trying to accomplish something around the house (or whatever) and you keep trying to bring in an assistant even though he's perfectly capable of doing this thing himself. He will be annoyed and frustrated by your lack of belief in him and hopefully get the point.

Best wishes and happy laboring (no really),

S. :+)

I had a natural birth with my daughter and I found the thing that helped me the most was reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth before I went into labor. That book contained really inspiring first hand stories of how a dozen women went through natural childbirth. It gave me great ideas -- one I found especially helpful was moaning in a low voice "open" instead of ouch or grunting during the contractions. Whether it was the word "open" or just luck, I opened pretty quickly. I also brought lemonade juice boxes to the hospital and drank one a bit before transition which gave me more energy. Good luck!!!

I've got a 6 month old, 3 year old and 4.5 year old - all girls :o)

I delivered all of them without medication by really letting my body do its thing. I hummed through my contractions (I read somewhere that it helps bring the baby down) and kinda embraced them, rather than fighting against them. I did not scream or yell because I felt like it was a waste of energy. I didn't even consider meds; it just wasn't that bad for me. I just concentrated on my breathing and the rise and fall of the contractions. With my second, I swear I could *feel* myself dilating! haha

I think if you've done it twice you ABSOLUTELY can do it again. However, do NOT feel like a failure in any way if you decide to go with the drugs - that's why they're there.

As for the routine? Well, I can tell you that it's more of a challenge dealing with the oldest's activities and preschool than the baby. Especially for the first 4 months, just pop the baby in a moby-wrap and away you go!

The best tip I can give you is to embrace flexibility. Schedules and routines are great, but stuff happens with 3 kids and sometimes you need a plan B/C/D/etc. Try to keep your older two on their routine as much as you can, but know that sometimes lunch is going to be 30 minutes late because the baby needs to be nursed, or whatever. Don't get all bent out of shape if you're 10 minutes late leaving the house - you'll get there when you get there...it's NOT worth getting stressed and possibly taking it out (by yelling) on your kids (SO been there!).

Relax and enjoy your baby. For some reason the third grows up SO much faster than the first two. *sigh*

Congrats on baby #3!!!

Ok, some of the mamas may not like my reply but here goes, my mentality with bringing my kids into the world were this, get them here safely and as painless as possible! Im not a wimp but why suffer when you don't have to? You are a strong woman and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be in agony. My first I had preeclampsia and I wasn't able to have a epidural and it was a horrible and tense experience. A decade later I have my daughter and all went well and I had a epidural and I delivered a 8 pd baby with no complications in under 4 hours of being induced. If you want pain reflief then get it. There's no shame there! Im not sure about handling all the little ones, my kids are ten and a half yrs apart! Good luck mama

Hi E.
I had three under three - all boys. I had an epi with the first, went without with the second, and then DEFINITELY had one with the third (lol). I had no problems recovering from the epis, and found the births far less traumatic, and actually wonderful. There was no crying or pain or desperation, and I found that by the third, I was very efficient at pushing and did a great job (if I do say so myself). But, whatever floats your boat with your own births.
As far as three under four, I kept to a routine as closely as possible, just making adjustments for the newborn with feeds and sleep. I survived, and so will you. Best wishes, and good luck!

the only relief for me during my 51-hour labor was me leaning forward and someone putting their hands on my sacrum and firmly pressing the thumbs in and together - basically squeezing the bones together. i needed that for EVERY contraction. also, making certain noises can help with the pain.

another thing is position - squatting, hands and knees, rocking back and forth...move around as much as possible and try to find the position that helps the pain. generally the WORST position for birthing moms is lying flat on the back - it can hinder dilation and can be h*** o* the back.

medications during birth are risky. just think of your baby as you are laboring, and how a drug-free birth is better for his/her health and has been shown to make breastfeeding initiation easier. that will help you pull through.

you CAN do it!
good luck mama!

Dear E.,

Congrats on your third! I cannot tell you how to cope with 3 under 4, not having done so myself, but here's my labor tip:

During every contraction, until I started pushing, my husband did a "countdown": just saying "59, 58, 57," etc. It's hard to explain why that's God's gift to laboring women, but for me, it gave me something clear and comprehensible to focus my mind on. At the peak of each contraction, I could just tell myself "48 is coming," "47 is coming," etc. Honestly, when we had settled into a routine with that, my concentration was so intense that I cared more about those numbers than I did about the pain. The L&D nurse present was so impressed that she named the countdown "the Noah Method" (after my son) and has used it with many other women since.

I don't know where you'll be delivering, but I also benefited a lot from a water birth and from the presence of a supportive midwife and nurse. Finally, if the pain is such that you flat-out can't take it, there are acupuncture methods that can bring it down to more manageable level but are much less extreme than even an epi.

And, remember: our bodies have evolved to handle this. Women have survived the pain through time immemorial. And you can too ;)

Best wishes,

Mira

Ok, in a nutshell -- Here are some practices that I teach in my Birthing from Within classes and to my doula clients -- they're all rather meditative.

First a little philosophical background -- There is a huge difference between pain and suffering. Pain is merely a physical sensation. Suffering is because of the story we tell ourselves about the pain. If you can quiet your "monkey mind" and not tell yourself anything about the pain, you will have a much easier time coping with it.

Breath Awareness -- very good meditative technique. Very internally focused, good for early labor, and very very good for staying focused and centered in later labor so that the contractions do not get ahead of you -- it enables you to be ready to leap into any of the other practices whenever you need to. Once things get intense, it is very important to stay centered between contractions. In Breath Awareness, you focus completely on you breathing. Don't try to change it in any way -- just observe it. Feel the breath moving in and out of your lungs... it's temperature, it's texture, the speed and depth of your breathing -- don't even try to assign words to it -- just feel it. Feel it going in and out of your lungs.... focus your full and complete attention on your breath....

Non-Focused Awareness -- in this one, you give equal weight to everything you are feeling -- all 5 senses. In this way, the pain from labor becomes just one of many sensations, rather than your complete experience. Sometimes it helps to have someone coach you through the different senses (every 10-15 seconds switching -- just say "sight........ hearing....... smell...... taste....... touch (don't use the work feeling -- that starts you thinking about emotions and my lead to dwelling on fears or suffering) ) but I tend to just like to notice what I notice when using this one. There are variations -- giving yourself a focus point, like a candle, or focusing on hearing, and listening from close to you to far away.... but that often needs some coaching -- something like this "Listen to the sounds right next to you ears..... now listen to the sounds in this room... listen.... open up further and listen just outside the door..... hear the sounds in the hallway.... Open yourself even further to the sounds in the entire hospital.... now listen outside.... hear the sounds just outside this building.... Open up even further and listen to the sounds of the town.... Open even more.... open yourself to the sounds of the women birthing with you this moment, all over the world.... open yourself further.... listen to the sounds of the universe.... and now come a bit closer... listen to the wind and the rain somewhere in the world and listen to the birds and animals outside... listen to the sounds just outside the window... now come closer and listen inside this room.... listen to the sounds just outside your ears.... now turn inward... listen to your heart..... listen to your center..... listen to your baby.....

As the next contraction starts, you start at the beginning again.

This one is very externally focused -- as labor progresses, you will want to turn inward. The last one I'm going to talk about takes some practice, but is extremely effective -- it's called Finding the Center -- visualize the pain from the contractions as a storm -- a hurricane -- and in the center there is a space of calmness -- you want to find that center, and pass through it to the other side. As I said, it takes practice. I find that if I direct my breath straight through that center, and through it, it is extremely powerful. You will feel the pain -- but it makes it much easier to cope with it.

My last bit of advice is to practice any and all pain coping techniques you plan on using while clutching an ice cube -- it gives you an unpleasant sensation to work against, and therefore some indication of whether or not something is working for you.

If you would like to talk more, feel free to ask. I must run because my youngest desperately wants to nurse.

I don't have any advice for the 3 under 4 bit! But I am sure you will cope - pretend it is a daycare, and draw up a routine chart!

I had a natural childbirth with my second, and breathing, deep breathing was my strategy - that's basically all I had, seeing as I was in a car racing to get my C SECTION!! I still wanted it, even thought the babies head was crowning, but I did not get my wish, the baby was born 30 mins after I arrived at the hospital.
Breathing got me through, and once you start pushing, you don't notice the pain anymore - and after 2 babies, the third should be quick.
Natural birth is so much easier, you bounce back immediately, I had a c section and epidural with my first - took me weeks to get over it. My husband is always proud to tell everyone how I was out mowing the lawn 3 days after my natural birth!

W/ my first labor was really hard and delivery was fairly easy (had an episiotomy and a tiny baby).
W/ my 2nd (completely natural) labor was a piece of cake and delivery was well...not fun.

Coping techniques I used: the ball (both), and water (2nd).
If you have the option to L&D in water, I highly recommend it. I was a little skeptical at first but once I let my body float in the water it really felt amazing.
Then I had to push. On my back. W/ back labor (again). :(

Yeah, my body rejects the thought of having to push. (Must say if I had been allowed to get on my hands and knees I think I would still have warm fuzzies for childbirth.)

Move often!!!
If you allow yourself (or they force you) to stay in a hospital bed, it will be very difficult to go natural. So MOVE, MOVE, MOVE. Your body will tell you what it needs to do. And being on your back is the worst position to be in!

No advice on having 3 under 4. Pretty sure God saw that I was not competent enough for that as there is a big unplanned gap between my kiddos. :) But I am sure you will be ok-may take awhile to get the hang of but it will come. You will be a Super Mama! :)

Congrats and best wishes!!!

I had both my babies 100% natural and ya OUCH.
with my 1st,: from 1st contraction to baby being born was 5hours, only about 15-20min of pushing. Only My water didn't break. I got to the hospital and was already about a 7.
With my 2nd: My water broke in the middle of the night. I didn't get a contraction for almost an hour or two. So No pain at 1st. That lil one was about 5 1/2hrs.
My 2nd labor was WAY more intense, whoever said it gets easier is a liar haha The 1st time I started losing my cool kept having to convince myself that it will pass and that it was worth it. That hospital was horrid too, they didn't offer me any help with labor positions, advice for pain without drugs, No lactation counselor, nothing.

My 2nd labor, FAR more pain. But this time, my husband was more comfortable and did a great job keeping me laughing and joking around.
He kept quoting Monty Python's Meaning of Life. I also had my 1st son's baby alligator in my hands to help me through it.

I only have 2, but my mom had 4 kids under the age of 5 and 3 of those were in diapers. She didn't have any help from our father and She raised some fantastic kids. Ya it will most likely be very crazy, but Just like with your other babies, you will adjust and soon be a Pro at it!

Good Luck!!

I, too, recommend finding a teenager or mother's helper, especially since it's summer. I have 2.5 year old twins and a new baby coming in two weeks (so, three under three!). I have found younger daughters of friends that I can pay very little to play with my twins while I tend to the new baby. If you have a solid routine now, keep it going. That is what will work for my boys, and kids thrive on structure. Before you know it, the baby will be on a schedule, too.

I've known a lot of women who would do positional changes, keeping energy up by eating and drinking as needed, low loud humming, kissing/fondling their husband/partner and laboring in water. If you have an OB and are giving birth in the hospital - your coping mechanisms for natural pain relief are greatly limited and hard to get.

I wish you a lot of luck - hospital births generally are very frantic and not woman friendly. Also - request they only check if absolutely necessary... too many fingers up the vagina can introduced bacteria as well as cause the woman stress.

I'm having #2 in a month or so with a Midwife who's coming to my home. I have my water tub ready as well as music I think I may like - and my support group: husband, 5 y/o daughter and doula!

I didn't get a chance to read the other responses, but I had both of my girls naturally. My biggest help was to not go to the hospital too early - I walked around (even on the treadmill with my first) and stayed on my feet and distracted at home. This helped the labor progress but also kept my mind off the pain. At the hospital, they just want you to sit or lie in the bed which just made me concentrate on the pain more.

Also, I really focused on my breathing and not on the pain. Practice focusing now - just stare at something across the room and block out everything else around you (TV, kids, etc.). Sometimes I would count ceiling tiles, or try to see the pattern in the blanket, or whatever I had to do to not think and dwell on the feeling "down there." My hubby was good for helping me too - I would inhale, and he would give me a number and then I would exhale that many short breaths. (Inhale, "4," hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.) He would change it up everytime, so I had to focus on his number and how to even out my breaths. That's a great technique for the transition period when the contractions are close together and the most intense. My hubs even put a movie in during my first delivery to try to keep me distracted (or so he says - I think he was just bored.)

Ask if the hospital has doulas available - they are labor coaches who can help you with pain management in natural ways. Also, try different positions - the stability ball was really comfortable for me - rocking side to side. Don't feel like you have to stay on your back the entire time!

As for having three, I can't help much since I just have two, but look into MOPS or Mother's Day out programs. They can be great refreshers for mamas. Also maybe find another mom who would swap days with you - you take her kiddos for one morning, and then she'll take yours for another one.

Hi There,
I am probably a good person to answer this... I just gave birth to my third on Friday! Although my oldest is 5 and 1/2. I also have a 3 year old. All 3 of my deliveries were different, but I can say this time has been far and away the easiest recovery. I was late and induced with my first- went as long as I could with no epiderul, and got one toward the end of labor. 2nd was 2 weeks early, and born 27 minutes after we got to the hospital- obviously, no epidural and a bit traumatic, though recover was a little better than the first. So, I expected to have this one early... no such luck, she was 2 days late, but came on her own (not induced). My Dr. was very much commited to having me listen to my body and come in early if I thought labor was approaching- not waiting for contractions to be regular/5 min apart etc. (clearly that doesn't happen for me- w/ number 2 I had random contractions all day, went in to get checked but was sent home because I wasn't dialated- as soon as I got home, water broke and contractions were one on top of another). Anyway, I was determined to get to the hospital in time to get an epideral and enjoy this experience... I already did it one time without!!. Anyway, the experience this time was great, no episiotomy as I did with the other 2. Just a few hours of slight nausea and dizziness right after the first time I got up after giving birth. Overall I have had less pain, less cramping and breast feeding has even been easier. Taking care of a neborn has been easy too- you just tend to go with the flow and not worry so much because you have done it all before. The tough part this time has just been making the kids feel included and managing my time, though I have had help from my parents, husband is home for a few days etc. I am not good at taking help, because I am a bit of a control freak, but I am trying to allow it and make the most of it! I found it is helpful to assign people tasks that your really want done, instead of saying "no thanks", because they will try to help anyway, and then possibly do something that is not a priority in your mind. Anyway, I know I am only 5 days into this, but I am trying to enjoy every moment as this is going to be our last- probably :-) I was more overwhelmed at the end of the pregnancy with all of the anticipation etc., but now that she is here, I feel more of an overall sense of wellbeing and less anxiety- so you are probably just overwhelmed with everything right now. Good luck to you and your family! Enjoy your little blessings!

We're about in the same point in pregnancy! I had a fairly quick natural birth with my first and so now I wonder about how this birth will go. I want another natural birth as well to lessen the possibility of unnecessary complications. We've chosen a practice way further away from our home this time because the doctors are awesome and come well recommended for being respectful of woman's wishes. That makes my husband nervous although he is supportive of the choice we made. I have to keep reminding him that although we are a team, his most important job is to make me feel comfortable and to be supportive not second guess my decisions in a fit of panic. Talk to your husband about this before hand and explain that him nagging that you get an epidural does not make things easier. I don't know if this would even be feasible this late in the game but a doula can be a great source of support. I had one the first time around and hired the same woman this time. Husbands are great but having someone who knows what the hell they are doing and believe in natural birth is way better. My husband and her were a great support team for me. What helped me was to think I need to get through one contraction at a time and not worry about the rest. I also imagined how frightening it all way for the baby itself to let go of my own fear.

I do home daycare and I care for 4 under the age of 3. Its doable --your routine may have to change with the new baby but everyone will adjust. I understand how you feel --i'm very nervous about how my daughter is going to deal with not having her daycare siblings around during my maternity leave and what it will be like when the kids return and I'm nursing a newborn--eek! We'll muddle through!

My 3rd child came so fast that I didn't have time for meds/epidural which made the recovery was so much faster and easier than with my first 2 (epidurals). My doctor's "rule of thumb" was that the 2nd comes in 1/2 the time as the first and the 3rd comes in 1/2 the time as the 2nd so hopefullly your labor won't be too long this time (mine were 5 hours, 4 hours, then 30 minutes).
Enjoy those 2 days in the hospital because it sure gets crazy!
My oldest was 3-1/2 and the middle was almost 2. Luckily the baby sleeps for the first few weeks allowing everyone to adjust to it's presence and needs. I focused a lot of my older 2 - giving each of them a designated hour every day where they chose the activity (craft, park, bake, etc). We had a whole schedule so that they also knew when I needed to be with the baby or to clean the kitchen. Their "special time" was during the baby's naps. At first it was harder to keep the exact time since the baby didn't sleep when we wanted her to :) but once she got into a schedule of her own we got through much easier. It seemed to get easier with each of the baby's milestone: smiling, crawling, walking, talking etc.
My middle child was the most in love with the baby, but he regressed with potty training and took almost a year to re-train. The oldest started pre-school shortly after the baby came, which really helped him since he had outside friends/influences.
You're amazing for continuing to work. I quit when my 3rd came. It's really a lot when they're all under 4. You'll really appreciate your helper!
My kids are 6, 4-1/2 and 2-1/2 and I'm finally finding myself showering when they're all awake, and sitting down to eat with them. It's a long road, but so very worth it.
Congratulations and good luck!

First off - screw your husband and what he can and can't handle. If doesn't want to be there for the birth, get a skilled doula.

The coping techniques I used for my natural birth were:
1. yoga ball. This was great in late stages of pregnancy as well as all stages of labor. Between sitting on it and rolling my hips around to relieve pressure on my coccyx, to draping myself over it and moaning like a wolf- it was great.
2. Staying at home as long as possible. Seriously- I almost had my baby in a taxi, but the good news was, when I hopped on the bed at the Birthing Center I was already fully dilated. Not being in a huge, boring, depressing hospital does amazing things for your vagina!
3. A TENS-unit (google it!) It's this gizmo that's really popular in Europe for pain management. Simply- it looks like a walkman but instead of playing music, it zaps with you with (totally managable) electric pulses on specific labor-inducing acupressure points and is completely controlled by you and your partner. Using this took me from mild labor to "transition" in about 2 hours ... in a good way!
4. Coconut water. So so good. It wakes the baby up too.
5. No fear. Seriously. Read 'Ina May's Guide to Childbirth' -- after reading all those birth stories I was able to completely rid my mind of ALL FEAR and get super STOKED on what was about to happen. Part of having no fear is telling anybody that tries to make you have fear to eff off. Seriously. You can't have that kinda nonsense around!

Finally- and I'm gonna just come right out and say it... avoid the epi. I'm borrowing the following passage from 'Pushed' by Jennifer Block but it's true...

"Here’s another common scenario: you get the epidural, contractions slow down, they pump up the Pitocin, break your water, and 6 hours later the baby just isn’t descending, and his heart rate is dipping. Epidurals contribute to what’s called “malpositioning” of the baby. And when this happens, the recourse is often a cesarean section. Again, you probably won’t feel much during the surgery, but then the drugs will wear off. The recovery can be grueling. Your abs have been severed, and without those muscles it will be difficult to even pick up your babe. If you’re the 1 in 5 who contract an infection post-surgery, the pain and nastiness will be even worse."

I did a six mile hike 4 days after giving birth to an almost 9lb baby, naturally, with no tearing. I didn't do any pre-natal fitness or pray to any fertility deity- I'm pretty much just a regular (okay, vegetarian) person so yeah.. You can do it!!! It's your third! It'll be easy!

As to raising three under 4? Whooo... you're on your own there I'm afraid. Breathe deeply, and if your kids schedules take a wallopping, know that they can still grow up to be Rhodes Scholars.

Third baby labor should be much shorter and the easiest you will ever have.
Don't worry about labor as you have done it before and the bigger the baby is the more it works to make it's way out into the world.
Used breathing techniques for my natural childbirth and I must say it was a quick birth. I'd worked through all my fears before hand and being relaxed about it made it work out smoothly.
While the adjustments to having a second child are tough the third somehow just fits in. Maybe because the mom is so well practiced by then.
I wish you luck and a sweet time welcoming your baby.

For natural childbirth, I would think to myself that it is pain for a purpose... there will be a baby when it is all done! Also, I think we are stronger than we think we are. I went in to labor w/ my kids with an open mind.. whatever needed to happen to get them out safely was what we needed to do. I had my 1st with epidural/pitocin.. my 2nd & 3rd were natural. I progressed slowly up to 4cm after that it went fast!!! Maybe you'll be surprised. Each birth is different. Go in feeling strong and positive and see what happens!

I am a stay-at-home Mom to my 3 kids.. 3, 2 & 6 months. You can do it...and you will fall into a routine. When you go places it takes patience and pushing through things. Plan more time to do everything! And find someone you trust that can help you watch the older kids once in a while so you can take the new baby to the Pediatrician for check ups w/o the other 2! And having a mommies helper is really a help if you can do it. You need to make some time for doing something away from the kids when you feel confident enough to leave them with someone. Work out, go get a pedicure... you just have to for your mental health.

I have people comment to me when I go places... "Oh, you have your hands full!" While that is true, I prefer what 1 sweet lady commented to me instead.. She said "these are the best days of your life!" Perspective is everything.

Check out this baby bunching blog.. they have helpful tips:
http://www.babybunching.com/