How Can I Get My Teens to Get Excited Again About School/learning?

Updated on December 07, 2009
R.W. asks from Anchorage, AK
9 answers

I haven't been on here or at least posted a request in a long long time and I am now because I am in serious need of some advice for encouraging my oldest daughter and my youngest son to either get their GEDs or diplomas. I'd prefer them to get their diplomas, but I took and received my GED, so I'm not opposed to them getting that as a last resort. I'd just like to see them get the better end of the academic deal than I got growing up.
My daughter has already dropped out of high school and has voiced interest in getting her diploma more than her GED, but hasn't made a real effort in doing so, even with homeschooling. When it comes to actually doing the placement tests she isn't interested. She just wants to get down to getting into the classes and getting the credits she needs to graduate. She is Learning Disabled and needs extra help that I'm not sure I can give her now with a new baby to take care of. I'm afraid she's going to end up just doing what I did and doing the GED when she actually has no other choice in the matter. She is turning 18 in just a few months too. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Then there is my youngest son....
He is enrolled in the local public school near where he is residing (with my mother), but he seems to be more concerned about his 'social' life rather than his academics and that is becoming more and more of a concern for me as it has been for my oldest daughter. For example, he is in the 7th grade this year, when he should be in the 8th grade. The reason being is that I tried to homeschool him in the 2008-09 school year and he didn't complete it when we moved to another city in the state nearly a year ago. He's also had some behavioral issues in the past that are coming to the front again and maybe part of the reason he's not focusing on his academics too. He has ADD/ADHD with Anxiety issues and ODD(Oppositional Defiant Disorder)! He's tried medication for the ADD/ADHD, but we didn't like the effects of it or I should say he didn't and he refused to get or try any others. So, if anyone has suggestions for me on any of this that I've mentioned, please don't hesitate to voice them. Thank you in advance!

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

Have you considered online schools? I think that there is something through the Washington State Superintendent Office.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

It sounds like your son is in school but not doing well. If that's the case make an appointment to talk with the school counselor. There are several programs that could help him because he is learning disabled.

Also take him to a psychologist or psychiatrist who deals with ADD/ADH, anxiety, and ODD. There are several different medications for the ADD. When one doesn't work, try a different one. My 9yo granddaughter is taking one that does calm her and help her to focus without causing her to be tired. Being tired is often a side effect. Another drug may help your son when the one he took didn't.

Counseling helped my daughter and I when she was a teen. She also had ODD. Anti-depressant medication helped her.

My grandson, who is now 6, was thought to have ODD when he was 4. The school district transferred him to a therapeutic preschool and he became much more co-operative.
The school district is required by federal law to provide assistance to students with learning difficulties. I don't know what is available for a 7th grader but the first step is to talk with the counselor. You can also call the County Educational Service District Office. They are the ones who provide the services.

It sounds like your family life has not been consistent. The kids have had to deal with moves, changes in schooling, changes in with whom they lived, etc. This creates a sense of insecurity which must be dealt with before they will be able to "settle down" and learn how to make good decisions. I highly recommend counseling for each of them and possible family counseling.

Perhaps with regular and consistent support your daughter and son can be better able to focus. Having a weekly session with a counselor could help tremendously. The school may be able to provide that. If not they should be able to refer you to someone that you can afford.

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S.D.

answers from Bellingham on

I would have to say, go to your local community college and find out if there is a program call YESS (click here to see the one I worked with b4 I moved here http://www.mhcc.edu/pages/844.asp). it employs young folk while they take GED classes in college. If they do well enough keeping up with that and making the job connections and what not, they get paid for the work they do, so they can keep buying their music, etc...and they make crucial connections for getting into college much easier. Get a school debt/ pay rate scale from the college, FASFA sends them out, so they should have them. It basically tells the degree rate of pay up through Masters, starting at Associates and shows the amounts you pay for each degree and compares it with what you make if you obtain the degrees. Many technical schools participate in the Project YESS program, and there are many technical scholarships out there (tell them FREE money for school.) So if they want to design video games, that is actually one of the highest paid careers right now (its booming!) then go for it, if they want to be publisher of a "Zine", then there are plenty of those going large right now too, go for it. what ever your dream, this is THE BEST TIME to go back to school as long as President Obama is in office, he will make it as easy as he can for youngsters to get what they need to join and make our economy stronger here in America. I hope that helps in some small way...

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L.P.

answers from Denver on

Have you looked into, 'alternative' school? You still get your high school diploma. You still go to class but can work at your pace (fast or slow). You complete packets to earn the credits you need to pass the classes you need. There is a teacher to help with what subject you may be working on. I would look into this. The school should be able to let you know if there are any alternative schools in your area. Google always works good to! Well, good luck to you. Hope all works out.

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M.H.

answers from Seattle on

I haven't been there yet, but, maybe making an appointment with a career counselor? Perhaps, coming from another person, an explanation of why the diplomas are so important, plus, perhaps, some concrete steps to get there, would help your kids get started?

The public school system may even have one of these people available for you for free - i'm not sure, though. You'd probably have to call.

Good luck.

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G.R.

answers from Spokane on

Hi R. - Ok questions first & then hopefully some help for both your kiddos. Was your daughter on an IEP for LD before she dropped out of school. And is your son on an IEP for ADD/ADHD currently. Knowing that will really help tailor the advice you will receive & what you really need to hear.

For your daughter... check out (if you have not already): http://www.ldonline.org/, http://www.ncld.org/, and http://www.ldanatl.org/. These will help with some good guidance on how to deal with learning disabilities as well as transitioning to an adult. If your daughter is not yet 18yrs you can possible take her back to the public school & re-enroll her, get her on an IEP to help her get the classes/credits needed to graduate. Just so you are aware of if a student is on an IEP they do not immediately come off of it when they are 18, they can stay on it for several years after - including college (get it started ASAP).

For you son in school...If he is not on an IEP, get him on one. If he is on one then that is where you need to take up the concerns for his academic vs social desires. For your son, have they done any recent testing to check for additional areas of concern (including other learning disabilities)? Below I will include some books & links that will help both kids but one of the BIGGEST suggestions that I can do is have you visit www.wrightslaw.com and start getting educated, they have 2 wonderful books that were worth every penny. Also check out 2 additional books: "Better IEPs: How to Develop Legally Correct & Educationally Useful Programs" and Writing Measurable IEP Goals & Objectives" both of these are by Dr Barbara D. Bateman and when used right an IEP is a wonderful tool and an asset. Everything goes back to the goals and how they are written, again these goals can & should cover the issues you have raised. These two books plus the ones from Wrightslaw will help the IEP Team which should include YOU as well as grandma (since he is living there). Help grandma learn about the process too - share the advice/books/websites you receive as it is much better to make sure you both are on the same page when dealing with schools.

There are also some good books that will benefit both of the situations with your kids. Make sure you look at: http://wrightslaw.com/ and they also have a Blog where you can post specific questions & get expert answers to deal with special education law: http://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/ (review some of the previous postings as you might find some additional help). Also check out: http://www.allkindsofminds.org/index.aspx, I am currently reviewing one of their books: "A Mind at a Time" by Mel Levine and it is very helpful to understand how these kids learn as well as how their minds are wired so we can help them into the best possible direction of learning.

This entire process of dealing with kids with special needs (this covers the entire range: physical, emotional, learning, etc) is a learning process for all of us parents that deal with it every day. I encourage you to check in your community or region to see if there is a support group for parents of special needs kids. Get connected as this will help you directly with support but they can also be a great networking for finding great doctors & specialists to assist in your situation. Feel free to e-mail me if you need. You are not alone in your struggle, you have taken a very good step forward by asking for help. Keep up the good work! God Bless

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C.S.

answers from Medford on

I have a Diploma, a BS in Computer Science, and have partially completed my Masters in Management. My DH has a GED and no college, so you can see that I give you this answer with first hand experience from both sides.

I would recommend that if your children do not want to finish high school then encourage them to get their GED. I don't think there is a huge difference between the two, and if they don't enjoy the social aspects of high school there may be better ways to get their knowledge. I would also encourage them to either go out and get a job (this could be Mc Donald’s, construction, day care, or whatever they enjoy) for a while, and when they have a better idea of what they do and don't enjoy doing, then they should go back and get a 2 year college degree (or more!). I think the best way to motivate them to continue their education is to let them experience "life on the other side" first.

You may also want to introduce the to Dave Ramsey www.daveramsey.com/ he gives some great financial/life advice and he has special advice for kids and teens.

BTW - I know I didn't address any of the learning dissabilities, but I do not have first hand experience in them, so I think some of the other responses may have some good advice. The main thing I can suggest is to try to get them excited about taking responsibility for their own destinies ... ask them about their 5, 10, 20 year plans. Of course they will change, but they are old enough to start thinking about these things.

Good luck!!!

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L.A.

answers from Portland on

Sounds like you have your hands full! I just wanted to say you sound like a very dedicated mom!
A little advice for your daughter...if she is able, perhaps finishing her credits at a community college would work for her. I'm not sure of the exact program, but I have heard of some at a community college like PCC or MHCC where she can maybe pick up college credit along with getting her high school diploma. Perhaps the jump from high school to college will peak her interest. Also as far as her learning disability, a community college may be able to offer her more help with studying and such. Couldn't hurt to check out.
As for your son, that's a hard one! With that much on his plate, emotionally, it would be hard to concentrate in school. Would his grandparents be willing to home school him? Public schools just don't seem to have the resources available to deal with anything outside the box. I bet given the right environment your son will totally excel! My friend is homeschooling her daughter who has ADD, and she is finding it challenging but her daughter is doing really well! She feels it's because she can structure the learning day totally around what her daughter needs instead of her daughter trying to fit into what the school system needs. BTW, what works for her daughter is getting the worksheets/learning all out of the way in the morning, and then the rest of the day is outside or whatever projects her daughter is interested in:) Knowing that most the day can be spent doing what she has interest in seems to be very motivating for this particular girl.
Hope that helps! You know your kids the best, so trust that whatever you think is right, is probably right!

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J.W.

answers from Seattle on

I taught a program called "Choices" for the U S West Education Foundation, where non-teachers, business people went to schools, in particular 9th grade classrooms over a two day period and talked about the choices students make and how those choices lead to future choices, impact what they get to do. We talked about what you need to get by on a monthly basis, how many have too much month and not enough money and how education can make a huge difference in what you get and want to do. So sit down with your kids and look at what jobs are available, go to Monster.com and look at the qualifications for those jobs and what the wages are. Then plan a monthly budget for them on their own. How much an apartment would cost, food, utilities, transportation, for your daughter, daycare, don't forget entertainment and saving for healthcare, as many of these jobs don't have health insurance and even with health insurance there are co-pays and deductibles. Now, decrease the income by 25% for all the taxes and required deductions. They will see they'll need an education in a hurry, a big hurry or have to work 2 or 3 jobs. Because there is a huge number of folks competing for the few number of jobs available, a GED is not acceptable or a substitute for a diploma. The military may take a GED these days because they need bodies, but not all branches of the service will do that, and they still need to pass the ASVAB test for placement for jobs within the branch of service They don't want folks who can't follow directions and remember what they were told.

Find out what their interests are. Talk with their school counselors. You say your daughter is learning disabled, then you and she may have a long term relationship with you caring for your grandchild while she tries to find her way.

Running start classes at a vocational/techinical college may help your daughter gain the job skills and diploma she needs for a family wage job. Again, talk with her counselor at the high school. Your son is a way out from being able to do Running Start. He needs some serious mentoring and counseling to get him to take the medications he needs to be successful. Hopefully your pediatrician can recommend one for the both of you.

Serve them some reality sandwiches of what life will be like for them if they don't get their high school diplomas. What was acceptable 20 years ago is not good enough today. I couldn't get the job I had at the phone company today with my high school diploma and yr of university studies, I would need a technical college degree in electronics or a BS in electrical engineering. I can and could the job, but this is what the company is looking for today, the bar they set to find the best candidates for the job. I wish you well.

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