How Can I Get My Son to Sleep?

Wake him up at 7 a.m. You will have a tough few days, but once he's not allowed to sleep till 11:00, he will be tired earlier. You will have to do this for school next year anyways, so you might as well start now.

And I agree with Suz that you are probably trying too many things and not being consistent with any of them. Set bedtime, get a routine that includes reading books, and stick to it exactly.

I always found that my kids went for a sim in the evening they went right to sleep. Swimming always exhausted them.

how recently? when you say 'nothing is working', how consistent have you been, and for how long?

because when someone says a problem has recently surfaced and they've tried everything and nothing is working, it says to me that too many 'solutions' have been tried for too short a time.

3 year olds cycle rapidly through phases. it's a challenging time to parent them. fortunately it's also insanely fun and rewarding or we'd never make it through.

all i would do with this little perpetual motion machine is stick to my guns. if he stays awake til 4, well, remember that nothing you do can FORCE him to sleep. but he stay in his bed quietly he would. the bedtime routine of bath, story and brief cuddles would remain unchanged (it was my kids' routine from birth until teens), and that's that. when you say 'fuss it out' is he screaming, or just doing the occasional forlorn 'mom!'?

i'd go in periodically and quietly stroke the little restless fellow's forehead, and retuck him in, and then quietly leave again. no talking, no listening to the pleas, no letting him back up. but no getting mad at him either. it's not his fault he's having a jolt in his growing and it's jangling him up.

but don't let the phase rule him (and you.) no staying up all night and sleeping until 11. no keeping you up at night. he can lie in his bed and talk quietly to his stuffed animals, but that's it. keep the routine firm, and the night world quiet, and let him find his way back to a good circadian rhythm.

ETA i'm distressed to see from your SWH that instead of simply creating and keeping a solid, reliable routine for him, your solution is to let him stay up and play and then just give him a pill to fix it. the melatonin should only come into play AFTER you've parented him appropriately.
khairete
S.

Agree with others - he has a bad sleep routine. You need to fix it - just like when you have to handle jet lag. Here is from WebMD: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children?page=2
Do not be afraid to try melatonin if your pediatrician suggests it - has worked wonders with my boys when they got off routine from jetlag.

Have you tried not letting him sleep until 11am? Get him up and 7am and keep him busy and on his feet to keep him awake. In theory, after a few days he should be conking out earlier in the night.

My older son has a hard time falling asleep even now at 15. Quiet time is better than being up and moving, so when he was little we'd put him to bed and say he didn't have to sleep but he did have to lay quietly in the dark and rest. Eventually he did fall asleep of course, but even if it took two hours, at least he was resting.

if your son resists going to bed period, then you'll have to deal with that as a behavior problem in addition to resetting his sleeping patterns.

I think the norm is more like 10-12 hrs but every child is different.

If he's sleeping until 11 am then he's not going to be tired for a normal bedtime. His cycle needs to be switched around which you will have to do gradually. Are you up with him until 4 am? I don't really understand how that works. Is your schedule all off too?

It's kind of like when you deal with jet lag. Wake him up earlier each day by a gradual amount. If he's tired in the day, then you let him have a short nap. Just keep getting him up earlier bit by bit.

For sleep, you can try Melatonin. Worked for one of my kids. Your pediatrician can help you with this. You should definitely have your son checked out by your doctor - this is not typical.

You may want to adjust his diet before bed - nothing that would add to his energy levels (hidden sugars, etc.) if you haven't already done so. And create a routine that promotes sleep - no electronics, lights down low, calming activities such as bath and reading ... you've probably tried all that, but just a suggestion.

Good luck :)

Keep waking him up early (yes he will be very cranky) and don't use any electronics at night.

Try a bath just before bed with lavender bath soap (for kids or babies), then a soft light and read to him until he settles down and is almost asleep. Remember that if you start to get uneasy or restless he will too, so do your best to be calm as well.

So he's only getting 7 hrs of sleep per day?
Our son got closer to 11 hrs of sleep at that age and he napped till he was 7 yrs old.
He's 16 now and still takes a nap every so often.
I think I'd have the doctor check him out.
I know different people need different amounts of sleep but sleep is so important for their growth and development.
I'd be worried something was wrong that he's not sleeping longer than he is.

This may sound crazy but if you really can't get his sleep cycle to reset and have a week to live miserably, you can try this. Rather than wake him up at 7 AM after only 3 hours of sleep (misery for everyone), try to keep him awake 3 hours longer. So the 4-11 becomes 7-2, then 10-5, then 1-8, then 4-11, then 7-2. At that point, his sleep time will be aligned with his body's natural cortisol rhythms and it's very likely that he will sleep as long as he needs to, which is 10-12 hours, or at the very least, 8. If he's only an 8 hour sleeper, you can push back to 9-5 or 10-6, but not later than that.

The cortisol in our bodies peaks and dips on a well-defined schedule, Most people have a spike in the morning from 6-8 AM (which causes wakefulness at the start of the day), then it tapers off to lower levels if you measure at noon and 6PM, and then it dips to its lowest at around 10-12 PM and stays low overnight. It is recommended that for the most restful sleep, you get to bed by 10 PM. After that the body can overcompensate and get us into the "wired but tired" mode of too alert to fall asleep despite being exhausted.

I would try, for one rough week, to do a schedule reset. Either get him up early and keep him up all day, or if that doesn't work, try the push-forward method until his bedtime is aligned with optimal sleep cycling.

If that doesn't work, it's time to see your pediatrician and find out what's going on and see if there is a medical approach that you need to take.

Best of luck to you - sleep problems are so miserable as they affect everyone in the house and tired parents are irritated parents.

Sounds to me that you're providing him activities that keeps him entertained. Make staying up boring. Have him rest in bed, with lights off. He can listen to soft music or white noise.

And get him up every morning no matter when he falls asleep. His sleep rhythm is off. To get him back on a healthy rhythm have him go to bed and get up at the same time everyday. You are the mother. You're in charge. Sounds like your son is in charge now.

ETA: DO NOT allow him to sleep until 11AM. No freaking way. You wake him up at your normal time to wake up and get him moving at that point.

Welcome to mamapedia!!

DO NOT give your son melatonin!! Sorry - but he's too young for that! I tried melatonin and I had nightmares!! My youngest son tried it - at 10 - it did NOT help him.

You need a schedule and routine for bed. AND STICK TO IT. No electronics 30 minutes to one hour prior to bed time. Our routine..

Dinner.
watch a tv show or play a game. the Four B's:

Bath/shower (they are 13 and 15 now)
Brush - teeth and hair
Book - read for 30 minutes
Bed - lights out.

The more you go in to check on him? the more he will fuss. You need to pick a routine and stick to it. STOP CHANGING things and trying new things. It's only confusing him.

Also his diet plays a role in his behavior at night. More natural foods - no fast food, no dyed foods, give him a place to get his energy out during the day.

Do NOT lay with him. He will get used to it and it won't help him sleep on his own. He might need white noise in his room or he might need classical music being played....my oldest son needs a fan on in his room - that's his white noise.
My youngest son - who has suffered from sleeping issues from birth - needs a radio playing classical music. He cannot get to sleep for hours if he has played a video game or watched tv or played on the computer before bed...the bright lights from the screens keep his brain going.

Good luck!

One idea is to try an earlier bedtime. If you can catch him before he's overtired (and wired), he'll fall asleep better. Don't be afraid to try a bedtime of 6:30 or 7 pm.

If you've really already tried it all, then it's time to talk to the pediatrician. Our son who has ADHD can't fall sleep on his own -- his mind and body just won't slow down enough -- so he takes a small amount of melatonin under his doctor's advice.

Take milk out of his diet - back in about 2000 a study revealed that the main cause of preschoolers having sleep issues was a hidden milk allergy... I didn't believe it and it wasn't until the week before my daughter turned 4 that I finally had had enough of her waking up 5 to 20 times a night. I took milk away and after 5 days she started sleeping solidly through the night. I gave it another 6 nights of sleeping 12 hours solidly each night, while still taking her 2 hour nap daily, and then i decided to test the theory and overloaded her with milk. She had cheese, yogurt, milk, ice cream and any other dairy i could get her to ingest that day. She was up 6 times that night. We found that she could have 6 oz at lunch, nothing later then that or she had nightmares and frequent night wakings, nothing more then that or up multiple times.

Additionally you need to get a bit more strict on what is allowed. You need to put him in his room at 8 pm and have nothing in there for him to do but sleep. Every single thing besides bedding and window darkening things has to be removed from the room. You also have to make it clear that the only thing that will happen is him sleeping, you will no longer interact with him, you will not give him stuff to do. If he makes noise, ignore it. Take the lightbulbs out in that room so he can't turn on lights even. Sit outside the door and if he comes out, don't even talk, just put him back in his bed and leave again. Watch a few Super Nanny or Nanny 911 to get techniques on that. And no matter what you need to wake him up for the day no later then 8 am. He has no reason to go to bed earlier cause you are allowing him to stay up and do stuff and then sleep in as late as he wants.

Unless you plan on home schooling you have to get this under control now, cause it won't work when he gets to kindergarten. Also he is only getting 7 hours of sleep in a day, his age he should be getting 12 to 14 hours of sleep. So his brain power will start to suffer soon. Not to mention the fact that YOU must be beyond tired by all of this.

I'm truly bothered that a doctor told you to give a 4 year old Melatonin!! No. Way. This is NOT something you give a CHILD a pill for. That your pediatrician said to do that?? I would find another one!! TOTALLY INSANE!!! You give a child chemicals/supplements that it is supposed to make on its own and their bodies will stop making it.

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/troubleshooters/Doctors-War...

Do NOT let your son sleep all day. You get him on a schedule and give him a routine. You wake his cute little butt up at a normal time and you give him breakfast and start his day. If you are a SAHM, you need to get structure and teaching down. Take him to the pool and teach him to swim. Take him to the library and teach him to read. If you can afford it, find a mommy and me class that you can take with him and work with him. DO NOT allow him to wander aimlessly during the day and watch TV.

DO NOT stay with your son in bed at night. It will NOT help him get to sleep. It will help him talk to you and stay up later.

Take your son to a pediatric sleep center and have a sleep study done on him.

Turn the darn TV off. He's 4. It's not his baby sitter. NO Electronics before bed.
http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/power-down-...

You need to figure out ONE routine and stick to it. I have 4 boys and for all 4 it's the same routine. They all take their showers, they get in their PJs and they read stories to each other and alone. Tyler and I say prayers with them, kiss them all good night and close their doors. We check on them about 30 minutes later. Yes, mine are older, but this is what we have been doing since they were born. Starting out with one, reading to him after I nursed him. Was it easy? No. Were there times for adjustment? Yes. That's life. Stop trying 10 different things. Pick one routine and stick to it. Stop changing things. KIDS NEED CONSISTENCY!!!!!

check with the pedi. our pedi had a simple solution: melatonin. we only had to use it for about a week to get dd back on track and sleeping when she should. then we stopped using it.

You need to go in with him and lay down beside him at bedtime. Just be patient and lay there in the dark. Night after night. And wake his hiney up in the morning at regular time. He needs to be up. Get him biorhythms fixed. His body has them switched around right now and you will have to work for weeks to get him back on the schedule you want him on. Even then, he might not need the amount of sleep you want him to have so if he goes to bed too early he might wake up too early. Then again if he stays up too late he'll sleep too late.

If you can find a pre-school program or Head Start 3 year old program put him in there so he can be active both physically and cognitively. He'll also have a reason to wake up in the morning and he'll be more excited and engaged so he won't go back to sleep.

I'd get him up and out of the house early every day for a week and take him to a playground, to activities that make him move and participate by moving. Not the library, it's quiet and sitting down. He'll fall asleep there, maybe...lol.

Just get him up and keep his mind and body occupied for a week or two then get him in bed at bedtime every night and make sure he is in the dark and laying down. Even if you have to sit in the doorway and watch him.

B is right - your son is not getting anywhere near enough sleep. You need to see the Ped and then whatever is recommended, you need to do it consistently. He's only 4. He really needs your guidance as to when he should be awake and sleeping (within his own wake/sleep cycles, of course). He's exercising control one of the only ways he knows he can get it. If you don't take control of this now, you'll never have it. And you are the one in charge. Not him.

And BTW - who is watching him until 4 AM? And what is he doing?