How Can I Fix My Relationship with My Husband

Updated on April 26, 2010
F.V. asks from Williamsport, PA
12 answers

My husband and I are not in good terms...I have been married for 4 yrs and for the past 2 yrs we come to good terms then we become angry at each other...I admit I have lied to him, and I haven't been the best wife to him like I used to be when we first got together...the one thing I can say is that I HAVEN'T CHEATED on him...I do love him but I really don't communicate with him like I used to...what is the best thing for me to do so my marriage can work and he can trust me, and have faith in me again???

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So What Happened?

i want to thank everyone for their husband and i did have a long conversation today and it helped us alot...i told him the reason why i have lied to him befor and how i felt about us falling he understands that i didn't lie to him to hurt him but to keep some stress off of one point i told him that i thought it was because of our age difference that we were falling apart...but it was that the both of us just need to talk to one another...he is 51 yrs old and i am only gonna be 30 yrs old...but for the most part things between the both of us is getting better and we both started with I AM SORRY...thank you all for everything it was a big help to me and also for him

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answers from Dallas on

You have some good responses. I would just add to say you are sorry to him and ask for his forgiveness. Let him know how much you want to get back to where you were.

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answers from Boston on

All I can say is actions show more than anything to a person. Do not lie again to him. Start talking to him more, start being silly and have some fun. Show him attention. If he asks you questions tell him the whole truth, leaving things out is like a lie. I would start with when you go to bed at night, go together and talk about your day......ask about his day. Tell him your dreams about how you would like your future to be, ask him what his dreams are for the both of you. Its hard to open up but just do it. Once you start he should follow. If he doesnt catch on the first few times, dont give up. Sometimes men take a while to catch on that your trying to open up to him.

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answers from Seattle on

I highly suggest a getaway vacation just the two of you. My Husband and I went on a babymoon. We were expecting our first born and were getting nervous, excited and frustrated and unfortunately taking it out on each other. We started feeling a bit distant from each other so I suggested we get away. We booked a 3 day weekend at a resort and it rekindled our marriage. We turned off our cell phones so we'd have each others undivided attention and no interruptions. At the end of our trip we felt like kids in high school who just became boyfriend and girlfriend. It was wonderful! Now date nights are mandatory for us at least once a month.

Yes, counseling is great. Just to get things off of your chest makes you feel 10 times better. You obviously want to try and make it work. Why not talk to him about it? All you have to ask him is "Being completely honest, How do we make our marriage work? What do we need from each other to be happy?" Just from those two questions alone will open up so many other doors. If you truly want to make it work, then it is up to you to take that initiative to discuss it with him. Be open to what he has to say, and be honest! It won't be fixed overnight, but marriage is always work. The fact that you haven't cheated on him says to me that you really do love him.

I say talk to him, take a romantic vacation and go to counseling if you both feel it necessary. Do what you need to do and Good Luck!

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answers from Williamsport on

I admit that I have not read the answers you've already been given but I just wanted to share that I was having similar trouble communicating and have found a really helpful book for me. Its called "His Needs Her Needs" written by Willard Harley, Jr. Here is a link to the pdf file for the first chapter... I read it online then decided that it was right on target and bought a copy second hand on
I pray thing will improve for you and your husband.

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answers from Provo on

I think you both need to go to a marriage counselor. A lot of times the marriage counselor can uncover the underlying issues that you have.



answers from Phoenix on

You can see a counselor. Also, fall madly in love with him again. Admire him, adore him and give 100%. Be kind and patient and patient with yourself too. Communicate with him, lovingly and keep it going even if it seems slow at first. Good luck to you...



answers from San Francisco on

try.. Laura Doyle's book called the Surrendered Wife. The title does not truly fit it, so give it a chance. It made a huge difference for me. Good luck.

Btw Laura Doyle has a website, and there are many yahoo groups dedicated to supporting each other through marriage. I hope I made sense..



answers from Auburn on

When we first meet our partner there are all of those butterfly feelings. Over time, those feelings fade. Remember that you make a choice to love your husband and that its normal to not have the ooey gooey feelings for him.Find time to talk every day, whether its over breakfast, a bath at the end of the day or while getting ready for bed. Ask him how his day was to let him know that you care. Ask yourself why can't you communicate with him like you used to ? Dont give up and become a part of the (divorce) statistics !



answers from San Francisco on

Be really, really nice and loving to him. And then keep doing it.



answers from St. Cloud on

Be very, very careful with books by Laura Schlessinger and Laura Doyle. Neither of them are qualified to write self help books and have a very misguided view of what makes a happy marriage.

You are on the right track! "I'm sorry" is a very healing phrase. Especially when it's backed up with actions.
I agree with going to a marriage counselor. They can help you with communicating. It's SO vital to a great marriage!
Keep heading in the right direction! :)



answers from Oklahoma City on

Hi F.,

I have been asking myself this same question lately, that is how can I fix my relationship with my husband? Ever since the birth of my son, I feel like I have been mad at him for one reason or another. It's quite a change from what our relationship used to be. So I started to look at myself and i am slowly making changes. I read the book "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Laura Schlessinger (sp?) She is very insightful into what men need in order to make their women happy. I am hoping in the long run it will make me a better wife/mother/person.

Good luck!



answers from Portland on

Hi F.,

My husband and I are just about to celebrate 10 years of marriage, and it was not easy. I've wanted to give-up at least twice because we just were not getting a long,(he was depressed & wouldn't get treatment). I stayed, because I made a commitment. I sought support, talked to a doctor and told him what I was feeling.

We are much better today. I am honestly glad I stayed. I think that we plow through the tough times to have these good times.

I know for me, talking to a doctor helped a lot, it helped me understand myself, so then I could understand him.

I believe if you want to try to make it work, you need to talk to someone and then as a couple you both need to talk to someone. Please remember, do not stay together for the kids, it never helps.

R. Magby

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