How Busy Is Your Family?

Some kids thrive on being in a sport or activity that meet many times a week. Some kids want more down time. My preschooler has one dance class a week. She wants to sign up for an ice skating lesson which will meet once a week. My son who is in 5th grade never wants to do anything. We have to force him to do one activity. At the moment he is doing ice skating once a week. In the past he has done swim lessons, soccer (2 seasons), ski team (2 seasons) and gymnastics. He never likes anything and never wants to stick with it. It's frustrating. I WISH he would enjoy a sport and have practice 2-3x a week. He is too much of a homebody.

I do not believe in overscheding children. We do piano and one extra curricular each child. They also do youth group at church. I do not understand how people have nightly activities. Some of my daughter's seventh grade friends have after school activities every day and some evening ones as well. This is on top of 2-3 hours of homework. One of her friends is regularly up to midnight and school starts at 7:30.

Piano is flexible at home - lesson once a week and 15-30 minutes of practice most days. Scouts really doesn't require a lot of outside activities in cub scouts, unless he wants a lot of bling in belt loops. Youth group is fun and no real outside commitment either.

It is extremely important for children to have time to self direct. We are doing a great disservice to our children and our society to so over schedule and micromanage our next generation.

Funny I saw this now because I am filling out my calendar with basketball game times for my 9 year old and duo/small group practices for my 11 year old. My daughter (11) dances 3 nights per week and with competition season coming up, most weekends as well. My older son (9) has basketball practice one night per week and games on Saturday. My youngest son (7) has 1 hour of basketball practice every Saturday morning.

In the spring and fall we are even more busy because the boys pick either baseball or football, which is at least 2 nights per week and one weekend day.

My husband is also back in school, so some nights I am running like a mad woman to get the kids where they need to be while he is in class.

Basically all of these things started out as small commitments. Dance used to be 45 minutes per week. Now it's more like 15 hours. But my kids LOVE the sports they do, my husband is enjoying school, and the craziness works for us. It makes us appreciate summers and breaks even more. I don't think I would even entertain the idea of my kids just being at home after school every day, but that's because we have never had that. We do fine with the busy schedules, the kids often get to spend more time with the friends they play with, and my husband and I get to socialize with our friends at the kids events as well. It's win-win really.

Some days I do wish we had just homework, but not normally.

Most activities start small and work their way up time and commitment wise as the kids get older.

I have one son who sings in five choirs, plays in two bands, performs in musical theatre, takes piano lessons, swim lessons, is in air cadets and active in the church. He still manages to be on honour roll at school and we have family time. My younger son is much less active. He does a season of indoor soccer and a season of outdoor soccer, sings in one choir, swim lessons and church. We manage to do a family outing once a week and we also sit down to a nice family meal followed by family time on Sunday evening. I work a full time job, a parttime job and serve on a couple of committees.

I don't chose extracurriculurs for my kids (except swimming is mandatory). I let them chose, and if they are committed, it fits into our schedule and we can afford it I allow it.

As for suggesting extracurriculars I would have to say swimming. Swimming is a safety skill. Everyone should be able to swim. It only takes and hour a week.

I would also suggest a YMCA membership. That way your child can participate in drop in programs without a commitment.

Just curious...what does family time look like? I know kids who aren't busy who just play lots of video games and watch lots of tv.

I'm an extreme case of non-busy. We homeschool, and while we get out of the house everyday, my kids have very low key time commitments. They do swim 45 minutes a week, judo is two 60 minute commitments, and then my oldest does school of rock for 45. We then have co-op every other week for three hours. Our total actual time commitment out of the house is less than 7 hours :-) mind you, they are still young.

We spend a lot of time doing nothing, and this is exactly how I like it. My almost 7 year old craves more at times, but the creativity boredom breeds is amazing.

How about a martial art? They are fairly low time commitments.

And good for you for valuing family time,and down time. Life is too short to not just stop and breath! It really isn't a race to anywhere. If is about family, friends, and peace and happiness. And finding the right balance that works for you and your family.

Busy here too. MW soccer for DD, TTH soccer for DS, F BB for DS, Sat BB games soccer games & volleyball tournaments (DH coaches select), Sun volleyball practice for DD (& DH) and sometimes soccer for DS. We actually had to drop soccer skills for DS because we didn't have time to fit them in. They actually like being busy, probably because I have a no tv rule during the week, lol. Only thing I'm not crazy about is that the weekends are completely booked up, but that's only during volleyball season, after that we have some breathing room on Sundays. Oh, and in the summer we add swim team to the mix as well, that practices/meets M-F.

ETA: There are a few things with low commitment levels...cooking classes, recreational soccer or sports (1 hr practice & 1 hr games per week), art classes. Check out your local community center, I know ours offers a ton of kids activities that are low commitment.

Taekwondo is a couple times per week and belt testing is once every 8 weeks or once every 6 months if you're black belt level.
We like that we're not locked into a ridged schedule and it works well with everything else we've got going on in high school.
We're coming up on mid terms right now and our son is swamped with studying, writing papers, and finishing projects - so we don't have time for tkd this week but it's not a big deal.
They know he'll be back once the school work calms down.

Are you sure you can't find music lessons that allow you to drive his hours of practice? You are the paying customer. My daughters take music lessons and they certainly don't practice every day. I upfront said to the teachers I don't expect them to become professional musicians. I know several parents who feel the same so all our kids have teachers that let us set the pace. Keep looking. I'm sure you can find that...

I value downtime and know my Kiddo needs it, as do we all. We tend to max out on two activities a week (Lego robotics and bouldering)- between that, homework and friends, that's plenty. I volunteer some at the school on a regular basis and love being at home to take care of things here.

Suggestions: do you have after school enrichments offered, like little classes at the school? My son's Lego robotics class meets once a week for 1.5 hours; bouldering is at a gym for 1.5 hours on Fridays. Your local parks and rec may have a Saturday class too.

We are moderately busy during the school year. I have a 7th grader who takes violin lessons one night a week, does one hour Art club after school on one day, and robotics club for an hour & a half one day. Having an only child makes the running around much less, too. Now, during the summer, we drop everything. We live on an island in the outer banks of NC. Our days are filled with beach, bike riding, jet skiing, reading books, and floating off our dock. We sleep in and stay up late. It is awesome!

We are busy... I often think a little too busy, but then whenever we have too much downtime, the kids go crazy and so do I. Haven't found the happy medium yet.

My daughter is only 4. She goes to school three mornings a week, plus she does dance, gymnastics and swim lessons (each once a week). We also attend a weekly playgroup. It's a lot, but all of it is done during the day while my son is at school. She gets down time each morning before school and activities, and we usually have 1-2 hours between the end of her activities and picking up my son from school. So even though it's a lot, I still feel like she has plenty of free play time (plus, she goes to a play based preschool). She has nothing scheduled in the afternoons/evenings.

My son is 7 and in second grade. School gets out at 2:30 every day. He does one sport each season. Soccer in the fall and baseball in the spring each have two weekday commitments (usually 1-1.5 hours in the afternoon) plus Saturdays. He chose to do tennis this winter, which is once a week for an hour. He does a once a week swimming lesson year round (20 minutes) and the swim team in the summer (practice 4 days a week for 45 minutes plus meets on Saturdays). He also does cub scouts (two meetings per month; some months have one additional activity).

So, we usually have 2-3 afternoons each week where we have an activity for my son. The other days, we either just hang out at home, have friends over, or go to a friend's house. Both of my kids have "quiet time" each afternoon where they need to play or read quietly - sometimes together, sometimes separately - as a way to wind down a bit after school and morning activities.

Anyway, yes, we are too busy. I would have thought that one sport at a time plus cub scouts would have been manageable, but somehow I feel like we are always running somewhere.

We are home-bodies. :)

Our oldest is 17. He is involved in yearbook and photography at school, and a few other things that don't require weekly after school meetings. He is also in the National Honor Society and a few other things that aren't demanding of time. He has a job after school from 3:30-6:30 Monday-Friday, but he drives himself, so it doesn't impact the rest of us.

Our youngest is 10 and he is in a competitive reading club at school that meets on Mondays for an hour. That's it during the school year. We live on a farm, so both boys are very active taking care of animals and the yard. During the summer both boys swim, and our youngest is an avid golfer. He goes to a golf camp for a week, and spends a week at a camp that does traditional outdoor camp activities, but it isn't an overnight camp. He spends all day there, but comes home at night.

This works very well for our family. Through the years both boys have tried various activities that have interested them (music, fencing, basketball, etc.), but only one activity at a time. None of us like to be too scheduled. We like to eat at home, and like to spend time together at home in the evenings and on the weekends. We go to church on Saturday nights, and volunteer at the church food pantry on Friday mornings during the summer.

We have friends who are very busy, and are very happy, so there is no right way to function. Do what works for you. This works very well for us. :)

We do BMX, piano without a lot of practice during the week, some but not a hour every day like some. We do gymnastics and dance and tumbling. Now we've added basketball too.

Life is busy and full. The kids come home tired and don't get into trouble. They have whole days at a time where we don't have anything too.

We do I9 flag football for 6-7 weeks in the fall and again in the Spring. I don't know if they have it in your area, but there may be similar leagues. It is 6-7 consecutive weeks - one weekend day (2-2-1/2 hours total). Practice is immediately followed by a game. So in the fall our commitment was essentially 1-3:30 on Sundays. That's it. They have a great emphasis on sportsmanship, team work, skills and civility. They also do soccer, basketball, T-ball and I believe baseball. DS also has religious school one afternoon from 4-6 pm.

Our local museum offers once a week Saturday art classes which we may do. They run 7-8 consecutive weeks per program so it is not a long term commitment.

I have no idea how or why people commit to activities which are multiple nights per week, travel weekends or anything like that. Especially when there are multiple kids doing multiple activities. Where does family time fit into this?

ETA: It appears some kids are off from school at 2:30. When DS (3rd grade) comes straight home from school, he gets off the bus at 4 pm.

We really fought the societal pressure to have our kid over scheduled. I just wasn't going to have a color-coded family calendar with details on where everyone had to be on what day and at what time. For years, my son participated in an occasional recreations department sports season (basketball or soccer) but it was very low key - one practice and one game per week, for a short season of maybe 8 weeks. Then there would be a 6 week period with nothing. He also attended Hebrew school 1 day a week (more when he got older). So essentially he got to pick one thing, and we parents picked one thing.

My advice to you is to invest in a museum membership - science museum, children's museum, aquarium, etc. For on annual fee, you get unlimited visits and free or discounted admission to special events. Most have reciprocal arrangements with other museums. You can get plenty of enrichment combined with family time. You can just roam the exhibits, or you can attend one of the mini-classes (presentation on an animal if they have them, scientific concept, etc.), or you can attend a film (our major science museum has an Imax theater and a planetarium, and our smaller environmental sciences museum has short movies on different topics. One has an outdoor mini-zoo and a playground. Most of the of museums allow you to bring your own food in so you can picnic without added expense. One of the nice features is that you can go for a few hours and not feel like, "Hey I paid full admission and you're going to stay for 7 hours until I get my money's worth!" You can decide on the spur of the moment to go, change your mind if the weather is lousy or someone has a cold, and not feel you've lost out on anything.

My son always had a ton of down time to spend on projects of his own making - we had a big table in the basement for train set-ups and so on, we did nature walks, and rode bikes and made snow forts. Our son was not deprived by not being in a ton of scheduled things. All that building and exploration experience turned him into a civil engineer! By 9th grade, he discovered track & field and had daily practices and meets, and he excelled as both an athlete and a captain/leader I think, in part, due to his independence leading up to those years.

We also did some interesting summer vacations - if we went to the beach, he took a whole lot of equipment to build "a habitat" for sea creatures - none of this 2 minnows and a snail in a bucket for him! He built elaborate sand castles and always found other kids to play with. Two summers, we rented an RV and drove to a variety of sights and campgrounds - he learned to navigate with a map (not a GPS), fish in a pond, build a fire, enjoy nature, and find other kids to hang around with.

So do what makes you comfortable. There are opportunities in many things!

My 10 year old is busy, we are not :).

She is involved in Math Olympiad, Science Olympiad (About to start on 19th), Social Studies Olympiad (this is just one project), ATG (Academically Talented and Gifted), NEHS, Lego Robotics (Just got done), Quilt Club (lunch time), Guitar Lessons (no recitals but she practices almost daily). She reads daily (even on vacations and breaks). Now she wants to do swimming too. And I do make her dance and move around an hr (sometimes half hr) a day.

My 8 y/o has private lessons in gymnastics but it is pretty flexible. We aim for 2x per week but sometimes get to go once and sometimes 3x.

I personally volunteer for Quilt Club and coach Anatomy for Science Olympiad but I am also a stay at home mom.

Sunday is our official family day but we do grab time where we can get them. Going out to breakfast before school, movie nights, dancing together, playing chase and hide and go seek around the house. My husband works most days and is a hardcore gamer (he plays when the girls are in bed) but my girls rarely (almost never)do video games.

Science Olympiad season is just starting maybe your son will enjoy that. They launch rockets, do egg drop experiments, do CSI type stuff and other things.

There's also swimming, skating, sports, art, coding...

my boys did baseball and basketball, which really did eat up a lot of time. i'm like you, and could have done with far less scheduling and running around- but that was what my boys loved, so we did it. HOW we did it, what with both of us working, and sometimes working several jobs, i honestly don't know. i think i unconsciously must have cloned myself.
they also did some activities that had fewer time commitments, like swimming and horseback riding lessons, both of which i considered to be essential skills. maybe something like that?
what does your son WANT to do?
khairete
S.

How old is your son? When they're younger (K-2), you'll find that a home-based life works just fine. When they get a littler further along, you'll find that no one is around to play with because everyone is at sports or scouts or whatever. So if you want you kid to have a social life, you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone. It's his childhood, and he only gets one, so be sure that you're letting him lead the way, within reason, regarding how much time he wants to spend pursuing interests.

Your town may have a recreation department that runs low-commitment weekly activities that run for 6-8 weeks. Many YMCA's off this kind of thing as well, and they can be a great way to try things without having to run around every day, buy a ton of equipment, etc. When my kids were younger and dabbling in different sports, they tried basketball, karate, t-ball, lacrosse, flag football and dance through the rec department or the Y.

How busy is my family? Too busy, but we have 4 kids and that's the way it goes with that many. My husband and I strongly feel that their opportunities shouldn't be limited just because they happen to have a lot of siblings. Over the years, they've tried a wide variety of sports and activities.

Right now, my oldest child (and only girl) is 17 and does mixed martial arts as her sport and is heavily involved in extra-curriculars at school like the Green Team and Amnesty International. She was on the robotics team last year, which was a huge commitment but well worth it because they competed in St. Louis in a national championship, which was the experience of a lifetime. She also works at a restaurant and likes to save her money to travel. She's been to California, Mexico and Montreal.

All 3 of my sons (ages 8 - 16) play hockey, which means that we are at a rink 8-10 times a week for 8 months a year. Sometimes we'll have 7 games or practices from Friday - Sunday. My oldest has a job and plays guitar, my 10 year old plays percussion in the school band and takes piano lessons, and both of my younger boys play lacrosse in the spring and go to various camps during the summer. My 10 year old wants to also play football in the fall but I just don't think that's going to happen with his hockey schedule.

We know families with 1 child who are as busy as we are with 4, which I think is crazy, but if it works for them, then I guess it works for them. Some of my younger son's friends were playing hockey, fall soccer and basketball at the same time for a few weeks in November. There were two boys he knows who would literally play three sports on Saturday mornings, going to soccer at 7 AM, hockey at 9 and basketball at 11, and they weren't even near each other!

At the end of the day, you really have to just let your kids do what they love, within the confines of your budget and schedule. If your son gets really interested in and passionate about something that you have the time and money for, are you really going to say no, that's eating into our game night or picnic time? Sports, music and the arts can be "family time" too - you spend a lot of time in the car chatting, there are meals before or after activities, you spend time throwing a ball or helping your child run scales on the piano, etc. It's not all or nothing.

We have one child, he is 4. In terms of extra curriculars, he has 4 hours of language school, 45 minutes of TaeKwonDo and 45 minutes of iceskating a week.

This works for us for the time being.

Down the line, we might drop the language school for a combination of instructional and free swim. or some sort of team sport.

Best,
F. B.

We are extremely busy. We are never home because there is a lesson every day. Am I happy? Well, not when I am tired, but I am always happy to do what I can for my kids.

When we have down time, my daughter is extremely bored and wants help finding something to do. She does not care to do things like make a puzzle or sit and read a book. Growing up, that was perfectly fine for me.

As for things to do, I would contact your rec center and find out what they have to offer. It's winter and you could drop your child in a one time ski lesson, snow board lesson, ice skating session, take him/her roller skating, and there are several sports that offer drop in sessions, you do not have to sign up for a full time sport. As well, check with your local hardware store and see if they offer crafting classes, and/or see if you can find an art class. Maybe your child would like to learn to paint or charcoal a picture. Do you have pottery stores? They may have a kid time that allows your child to pick a piece of pottery and paint it. They will burn it and have it ready in a week. When the weather is right, you could hike or go ride bikes.

There are plenty of things to do that don't require a full time sign on.

Enjoy.

Busy
I have one son 6 1/2 years old with my dh, he plays baseball in fall and spring practices 1-2 times a week and 2 hour game commitment on Saturdays. On the off time we have him in karate as much as he can go, then it will slow back down to 1-2 times a week once we have the baseball all schedule in the spring.
He also just started cub scouts which is a 1-2 day/night commitment per week about an hour or two each.

He wants to play basketball but we won't look into that until next winter. I like to say that kids need to stay busy, sports keep them out if trouble, get their energies out etc ,but only encourage them to try and if they like it they do it. I wouldn't force it ..

Now I also have two step kids and one is 14 and the other 12. We have them part time . 50/50. Every other weekend , twice a week much different scenario as mom parents differently . They've been in and out of activities nothing lasting more than 6 months to on year.
The 14 year old boy we enrolled him in scouts he's been going since 7 a small commitment once a month meetings then occasional camping but now he can go on his own. But he's stsrtying to lose interest. But we understand that. If it wasn't for my dh it wouldn't have lasted this long. He's done it all with no help from the mom and with some of my help. He's done swimming , track but nothing lasted with him because his mom has very very different parenting styles, to me a kid can always lose interest but if they feel a parent will give them an easy out they could easily quit. She always allows them to quit at the first little gripe and that's what they've learned.

We always encourage our son to continue in something he enjoys, is good social outlet and feels good. My ss has few friends, low self esteem, and is on his iPad way too much, that is the downside of him not being more involved in something. We've tried he was in lacrosse loved it and now the season is starting and he's saying he doesn't want to do it (having confidence issues) mom is supporting him quit once again, I feel bad for him
We want him to reconsider and at least try it since he's bern out of it for over 6 months I can understand his feelings but pushing forward see how he feels after give him that boost of confidence he needs he may change his mind if not then he's done once again :(.
On to stepdaughter she's also been in and out of activities due to the same parenting style of mom. She's however a social butterfly, currently cheers seems to like but we are hearing that she wants to quit. She's doing great in her studied but cheer is probably out of all the sports for our family the most time commitment, practices twice a week 3 hours at school , games every weekend somewhere and we have to drive to a different place , and sometimes competition, for me my child would have to love it for us to commit to that much time. But I'm hearing the I don't want to do it again. She's also done violin, choir, and swimming , and brownies abd dance. Nothing lasted for more than 6 months to a year due to the same issues from her mom. To me that's not a lot of time to perfect your skills and really decide if that's for u. My opinion

Again I see my ss depressed, bored no social life he's the kid that can use it most. Doesn't mean u have to do as much as the next family but one good activity that they are committed to each week is good for kids and their social life, just be supportive. Our philosophy is once you commit u cant quit until season is over unless grades are suffering.
I also was raised in a athletic family and I Think it's great for confidence and social skills.

Do what's best for u and your family but ask them what interests them and support and encourage that

I regret myself not doing more as a child.

You say you want your son to "explore things outside of school" but you want it to be minimal time invested in doing so. If you want him to participate in any activity with other children or with other adults besides you and dad -- he sometimes will have to be places that aren't home, and will have to go to meetings or on camping trips or to music lessons or recitals that are going to require time. If he is interested and engaged, it's good for him.

You can work to be sure that he isn't overscheduled (whatever that means for your family) and isn't involved in a sport AND scouts AND music AND this and that.

But do be aware that as he gets older, you might not want to try to hold him back too much if he finds an activity engaging. Sure, a child can join scouting and just go to the troop meetings but never attend a campout overnight, or go on a field trip with scouts, or participate in a service project that takes up a whole weekend day. But doing those kinds of things is what scouts is all about, and it is what bonds kids together and gives them shared experiences -- experiences cost time. If he did meetings only, he would quickly start asking you to let him do the campout, the service project etc. because he'd see that he was missing out on the fun and the learning. If he were interested in an instrument, or in singing with a chorus of other kids, that requires time -- not just to satisfy some adult instructor but so the kids get to know each other and work together well.

I don't know how young he is. If he is preschool or early elementary, yes, you can hold him to something minimal; a kid that age is still adjusting to schoolwork and homework and needs down time. So investigate short-term classes at your rec centers or Ys -- things that last just six to 12 weeks per session. That way he can do one at a time and taste different things, maybe do a sport for one session, drama another session, art another time. Look also for workshops for kids or kids plus parents, where the workshops are one-time events -- "Saturday from 9-1" and not week after week. My daugher's done beading workshops, dance workshops, etc. that were one-time things and a lot of fun but were not classes that continued.

As your son gets older, he should be choosing his own extracurriculars based on his interest (and should be allowed to change them if he really loses interest--it is not some black mark to give up something if he truly gave it a good and substantial try first). And anything that requires progressive work to get better and feel some accomplishment is gradually going to take more of your family time. That's a price for helping him gain some skills he wants to gain, bond with other kids who share his interest, and mature by making his own choices. That might be some years off for you, if he's young now. But be aware that you will find his activities getting busier as he gets older; if you and dad can volunteer and participate in those activities in some way too, it becomes part of your family time, to me.

Full disclosure: Daughter is 13, dances extensively (what were once weekly, hour-long lessons at kindergarten age are now 2-hour classes several days a week and many hours of rehearsals etc. in the months leading up to shows). She also is in Girl Scouts and the time there varies widely from a once monthly meeting to several events in the same month (in November we had a full-day challenge course outing, a day-long craft sale event, spent time making crafts to sell, and more). But this is a kid who may be much older than yours. Things ramp up gradually and your son will be able to handle whatever he wants to handle as he gets older, based on what interests him. Meanwhile, let him taste a lot of short term classes or even mom and me classes if he's little.

We are busy
Monday night my youngest goes to CCD my oldest goes to choral, every other Monday I go to an Art Goes to School meeting
Tuesday singing lessons oldest
Wednesday (my committee meeting once per month)
Thursday youngest goes to piano
Friday Night off
Sunday youngest goes to play practice

Everyday I pick my oldest up from school after her play practice. Usually between 4-6:00).

My oldest has dance for 2.5 hrs once a week and 2 hours one weekend a month. My middle (and youngest as of this year) plays soccer in the fall and spring which takes up one weeknight and Saturday mornings. He's playing hockey which ends before soccer starts in the spring. We spend one weeknight and Saturday, sometimes Sunday too, at the rink. My kids rarely have homework, including my fifth grader. Oh, she started band this year and has to practice 5 nights a week at home.

At this point for us, I don't mind one weeknight per activity with weekend commitments. I actually prefer when they are on separate nights. I get too frazzled driving all over the place, trying to accommodate more than one kid's activity per night.