Horrible thing...I'm More than Just Irritated...

Updated on July 30, 2012
M.R. asks from Arlington Heights, IL
10 answers

Dear all,

A friend of mine came across this situation that one of her acquaintance is facing. The concerned person is an immigrant dependent. The situation is a bit deplorable, and if I were to get my hands on the concerned guy, I'd probably rip his ****s off and beat him down senseless.
First and foremost, wish to add that I do not know the family concerned, in person, and hence do not know if all the facts are correct. Will try my best to update or provide any additional facts, as relayed to me. I was initially hesitant about asking this question here, but finally decided any help/idea is better than just stewing over it by myself. So, here it is -
Situation - An Indian girl married an Indian man who's working in this country, and who holds a work Visa. She came to the US of A as a dependent. They had a lot of matrimonial strife including demand for dowry. On one visit to India, he refused to take her back saying her parents had to pay a huge amount of money as condition precedent. She filed a complaint accusing dowry harassment but withdrew the complaint on the same day on assurances from him and his parents.

He returned to the US. She was a few months into her pregnancy. When she was in her 8th month, he managed to convince her that all will be fine and believing him, she came back to the US to find his mother also in her home to assist her during childbirth. However, they harassed her no end till her son was born. On the 4th day after her caesarean section, when she returned home, she was not allowed to enter her house. Husband told her, he made her come only for the child. He wants the child, but not her. She went to stay in a friend's house, lodged a complaint under the domestic violence laws. He was arrested and released on bail. She has also got restraining orders against him.

The issue here - She wants to return to India with the child. The child doesn't have a passport and the father is not willing to sign the documents. He has sought extension of his visa but not hers and has served her with a divorce notice.
My first thoughts were pretty much what each of you are thinking probably - why was this girl so pathetically foolish?! Why the heck did she get pregnant in the first place, etc.

Here, I also want to ask you all to please not judge all people from this country similarly based on this story, TIA. This guy and his family just happen to be one of the super jerks that society produces once in a while.

My question here is, are there any immigration laws regarding a child born here to immigrant parents, where a mother can seek help to overrule the father's right to retain the baby, under such circumstances? Given the situation, are there any legal help / support groups that she can reach out to? Thank you all for any advice, in advance. I'll try to pass on all/any info to my friend, and hope I get to hear an update on what finally happens, so I can also let you all know SWH.
TIA again!

-------Small update-------------
Got an update, that she lodged a formal complaint with the Indian embassy, here in the US. They have agreed to provide some help with the matter, not sure of the details. The girl is working with a lawyer back in India. That is some first help, hopefully the lawyer and the Indian embassy here can help her get further necessary legal help.
Mama T - I think the guy's name is indeed in the hospital birth records. He is the main visa holder, and hence also the main insurance holder. His name must be on the records of hospital bills, as the father.
Leigh R. - Thank you for the tip about Parental Kidnapping. Will pass on the info, and hope the girl doesn't try to just get out of the country before dealing with the divorce or any other legal issues.
GrammaRocks - Thank you, for the ETA...ouch...will convey to my friend...fingers crossed!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you for all your responses so far! I have some helpful information to update -
The girl's parents back in India filed a harassment complaint against the MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL (guy's family in India), to put pressure on them. Although it wasn't accepted as a formal filing, it was noted. The girl also wrote to the guy's employers and passport authorities about the harassment, and about his imprisonment and subsequent bail, requesting for his visa extension to be rejected as it is violation of immigrant laws in the USA. The Indian courts have issued a writ to the Passport authorities of USA, citing precedent cases where the authorities have obliged in providing babies with a passport without one spousal agreement, in cases of matrimonial disputes. The Indian lawyers are positive about the outcome.
-the woman would be able to legally obtain a passport for the baby, legally obtain permission to travel back to India to her family, with her child.
-The guy's visa extension might get rejected and he would have to return to India, and therefore his filed divorce papers in the USA stand disqualified.
-The girl can now initiate divorce proceedings and custody appeals, in the Indian courts, where she now has a formal support from the National Women's commission, and the department of Women and Child development, and other NGOs.

Will update on any further confirmed news. Thank you all again!

Featured Answers


answers from St. Louis on

Honestly this is beyond me, probably beyond most people here. Born on US soil that child probably has more rights than his parents so that may be the best place to start.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Washington DC on

I'd find an immigration lawyer if I were her. The parents are on visas, but the child is a citizen. Even though she isn't hispanic, it's a large population in the US and organizations for them may be able to point her to resources even if they usually deal with a different country. I guarantee you that there are other US-born children with non-citizen parents in this country and someone knows what the rules are.

A new thought - she might find a resource at the Indian embassy. Worth considering.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Get a lawyer and fast! She will need a person who knows international law as well as family/custody law.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Sara Bartos is an Immigration Attorney that I am aware of.
There is a group that is in Logan Square-ish that deals with these types of matters. The name is in my office and I am not there!
Big question... did the mom write the name of the husband as him being the father? If she did not than I don't think he has a right to hold her back.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Well, the child is an American so typically is a little sticky. I would file for divorce and bring my child back to the country I lived in. I would sneak out the best I can. The woman is very nieve.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

tell her to get a lawyer.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boca Raton on

Your energy needs to go towards helping your friend find a highly qualified, competent, engaged, aggressive attorney who specializes in international custody matters - ASAP!!! And she probably needs an attorney who is very knowledgeable on immigration matters too.

She needs professional help, pronto.

My heart goes out to her . . . wow. What a mess.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I'm afraid she's in for some heartbreak. The child, born here, is a citizen. She is not. This is happening all over the place - illegal immigrants having babies here so they are citizens and the parents are not. Parents are subject to deportation and are deported, leaving children parentless. The children can't be deported with the parents b/c they are citizens.

He also faces this situation if his Visa extension is denied. I guess he didn't think about that. He may very well wind up in the same deportation boat as she is in with their baby left here by itself.

Sorry, but people need to think about the future and what can happen. I don't know that she has any legal rights as far as staying here or taking the baby back to India. My heart goes out to her; I'm sure she was duped.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

She needs an attorney specializing in international, immigration and custody law. Not an easy find, perhaps the Indian Embassy can help her with this.

And, if he is named as the father on the baby's birth certificate it IS required that he give his consent for the baby to receive a passport and leave the US. I know this because my son was kidnapped by his father when he was 5 and taken to Nigeria for 10 years, 9 months, and he is one of the reasons this law came into existence. Misrepresentation of facts by parents to obtain custody of their children has happened and still happens far more than you know, and it's rarely an easy fix. It sounds like the father will cry "parental kidnapping," get his son and custody by default, she will merely be playing into his hands if she tries to out trick him on her own.

And, regardless of the fact that the child is a US citizen, he is a minor, and I found minor citizens don't have many rights. My son has an American mother, and even the State Department could do nothing to return my son to me.

*Added ~ Just want to clarify, the father is NOT obliged to sign for the baby to get a passport, what I meant is that the mother cannot get a passport for the baby UNLESS the father consents to signing so he can get it, it is his choice. I am sorry if I didn't make this clear.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

If she needs the name of an immigration lawyer who helped several of my husband's family immigrate to the US, she might want to try:

Robert W Dekelaita Law Offices,
5811 Dempster St
Morton Grove, IL 60053

I don't know if he has experience with custody issues, but perhaps he could help steer her in the right direction.

1 mom found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions