Homecoming, Freshman Going as a Group or Date??

Updated on September 11, 2012
D.D. asks from Goodyear, AZ
19 answers

Ok other mama's and dads how did your freshman not driving take their date to homecoming. My son is going to ask a girl to Homecoming next week, but doesn't know if you have to take them to dinner before hand, or just go to the dance. He thought they should just meet there. I thought maybe he should pick her up. The cheerleaders are selling mums, he said do I get her those or get my own? He is so unsure of things.
I am mom and he doesn't listen to me, "mom you don't know!" No son I don't I didn't go to high school, I just magically appeared as your mom I think to myself. LOL
Give your 2 cents so maybe I can help share your ideas with him. :)
Kindness is appreciated.

Oh I forgot! This girls bestfriends mom told me that her daughter is only allowed to go as a group. No date night. So I shared with my son, this girl he is going to ask may want to go with her friends as a group.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

YOU snooze.. you looze.
He waited too long to ask his date to go to Homecoming. She has other plans. He was not too discouraged because I guess she was pleased he asked her, he was just too late.
He still would like to go, he now has to find another person to go with he said. Glad he is not discouraged. :)

Featured Answers



answers from San Francisco on

He should ask her what she wants to do, with the suggestion that he could pick her up. I was not wanted as a chaperone, and they were too young to drive, so I hired an older, responsible teenager to drive.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

no, to the mums....they're not a pretty-smelly. Order something fragrant!

Been thru this with 2 sons: they both have picked up girls (Mom/Dad driving)....& have both just met the girls at school. Either method works.

& now it's over....my youngest is 16 & is a daily driver. :)

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

Around here large groups go to dinner and the dance in limo's, hummer limo's or party buses.

Depending on how many in the group depends on the size of the vehicle you get.

Our HC is not until the end of October and the girls are already working on the mums and we already have reservations for a Hummer limo.

Oh... my daughter is a Senior. Our Homecomings are mostly for Juniors and Seniors since our Senior high school is only 11-12th grade. They still go in groups. The High School which is 9th-10th grade has a much lower key HC but they do still have the mums and go in groups.

EDIT: I see some of you think the mums are real. They are not real. There is a place called the Mum Shop here, you go in choose what you want, etc then they put it together. My daughter's last one was $130. They are HUGE and yes they can be very gaudy. The garters for the boys are just as dramatic. I'll try to upload a pic to my profile picture.

I got it uploaded. Yes, they wear these around their neck. ALL day. MUCH has changed since my HC days.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Homecoming is a BIG DEAL here in Houston. When we moved here I had no idea!!! Okay here we go:

Mum - oh yeah! You make those. You go to Michaels or Hobby Lobby and buy all this stuff and make them. You use the school colors on the ribbons and such. Senior year it is white and gold. You can also find people who will make them. For my son's senior year, I spent $110. Yes I did! I can't believe it either! It had 3 mums and all this stuff. A blue boa, zebra ribbon, gold chains, band stuff and a girl bear on it as well. The mum was bigger than his date! She had to use a rope to tie it around her neck. Also, lots of cow bells!!! =)) Now, I'm glad I did this because the young lady that my son took passed away December 2011 of cancer. I'm glad that she got this fabulous mum! Great young lady, the world is a lesser place from her loss.

Garters - Oh yeah, the girls make a garter for the guys to wear on their arms. My son received 3. He didn't go Freshman year. They have mums in them as well. Ribbons, cow bells, candy. You name it. Chase had joined the Army National Guard so she had camo ribbon and an Army bear in the garter. Yes, I'm friends with her mom we went to the same place to customer order these things!!! =)

Dinner/Dance - they went out to eat at restaurant then went to the dance. I drove and the other parents picked up since our kids couldn't drive at the time. My son (Chase) went as a group senior year. 13 total kids were in the group. 6 couples on solo. They rented a hummer limo. One of the kids parents paid for it. Nice!!!

Group - generally speaking as a Freshman they want to go as a group. That is what I encouraged for my kids.

I have made several mums and garters. I am NOT crafty so buying the mum for my son's date senior year was such a RELIEF to me.

So that is my homecoming saga. It aint cheap!!! Or for the faint of heart! Or the uncrafty! I'm so glad I only had two kids!! I don't think I could do this again!!!!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

When my kids were freshmen I drove to dances. Pretty much drove my kids and their friends and then another mom picked up. Seemed like that was what everyone else was doing as well.

Oh, the dinner bit, sometimes we left early enough to grab dinner somewhere but the boys didn't pay for the girls.

I have to say though, my kids were not into dating until they were in college so they were going with friends.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

What a conundrum huh?
I sympathize.

I would say, no to the Mums. Mums are smelly and ugly and usually used for funerals. That is my opinion. Get her something cuter.

You drive them there.
Or car pool.

Then, his "date" is only allowed to go as a group. So that is his ONLY option. So, that is what has to happen. It is not his, choice. It is the PARENTS rules. So he has to go with her, as a group, with her friends.
Or she will not be able to go and then he will be stuck with NO, date. And he will be embarrassed if at the last minute, his date's parents say no.

But being it was the girl's best-friend's Mom, that told you this... then don't you think, that YOU should speak to your son's Date's Mom.... and ask HER parents... about what they think or decide, for their daughter, AND what "rules" they have too? Then that is what your son will have to do, if he wants a date, and wants HER as his date.

Then, does your son's date's parents, even know your son?
If not, then they probably even more so, want their daughter to go only on a group... date.

It really is ALSO UP TO his Date and his Date's parents, too.
Not only up to your son.

I have a daughter. And if some guy was taking her to the homecoming... it would be me and my Husband, that decides, how she goes and comes, to it. And I would expect, the parents to drive them there and back. And I would expect, the guy to respect "my" rules per their "date" and do it.
If my daughter is to go.

***EDIT: I read over your question again... you said that your son is GOING TO ask a girl to Homecoming next week. So... he DID NOT ASK HER yet???? And Homecoming is NEXT week already??? Kinda last minute huh? And the girl, will need to think too... about her dress/outfit and see what HE is wearing and be coordinated too... then she will have to ask HER parents etc. Boy, he better ask her quick... before he makes all these plans. I mean, he doesn't even know, if she will say yes. What if she says no??? Does he have any other date, in mind???
Or he may be dateless.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I have little kids, so I'm not super relevant here. Except I'm the mom of GIRLS. So, I would want my him to go above and beyond in the way of courtesy. Ask HER what she wants to do -dinner, pictures at her house, etc? Also I would want her parents (me) to decide how she gets there - with you or with me, meeting there or with your son. And I'd want him to get her a flower (or those crazy mum things I guess). And generally be a gentleman. So suggest he talk to his date and have her talk to her parents. We all like guys who take charge of planning, but respectfully.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Freshmen are only 14 & 15 years old, so I don't think a date (as in dinner) would be appropriate, and I would probably only allow my child that age to go with their date in a group.

He should get her mum for her. She should get his garter for him.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

While I forget that I am older than I think, I remember up until probably my junior year going in groups for homecoming. We would gather at one person's house and the parents would treat it as a potluck and each bring a dish/side/dessert, etc. We would all have dinner on the hosts fine china and then the parent(s) would carpool us all there. Don't waste the money on a limo....let the kids have something to look forward to...say at their prom....or in my case, a wedding! Hahaha! Good luck...oh, and NO MUMS!!!! Perfect flower for the porch but like Sue mentioned, STINKY!!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

At that age we usually carpooled. One parent drove there, the other back. My kids and their friends always went in groups, usually two or three couples together. As ninth graders they didn't do a dinner, but when my son went to the Winter Ball in 10th grade he actually hosted a dinner here beforehand. The boys ordered pizza and sodas and had it all set up in the dining room when the girls arrived, it was so cute!
Our homecoming dance wasn't formal so there were no flowers, but for the formal dances the boys got the girls corsages and the girls got the boys buttonaires (sp?)
I know every school and community is a little different though. Do you know parents with older kids you could ask? That was always my go to resource for these kinds of social conundrums lol!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Augusta on

Are we talking homecoming game or dance?
Either way best fun I ever had at a dance/game was going with a big group of friends. We had SO much more fun than when I went with a date.
Go as a group.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I have a sophomore boy who didn't go to the Homecoming dance last year because his friends backed out at the last minute. He was planning to join a group of boys and they said, "No, it's too weird to go as a group of boys." I heard what ended up happening is that lots of girls went as groups of girls, but there weren't any boys there! Or at least not freshman boys.

I would encourage them to go as part of a group and offer to be one of the parent drivers for the group. I would have him find out from others in the group how they plan to handle dinner, flowers, etc. I think my son's friends who did have dates last year did it that way and went to dinner as a group. I personally think it would be kind of weird to drive around just the two of them--kind of like you are their hired chaffeur. (-: But maybe that's just me. I've also heard good things about hosting a dinner at one of the homes--I know at least one family who's done that around here.

We are "late bloomers" when it comes to dating in our family, but I think the group date is the way to go at this age.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I would encourage them to go as part of a group, even if he brings her flowers, etc.

My sd is a recent HS grad. Her freshman year she didn't bother to go. Her sophomore - senior years she went with a group, even if she had a date. Dinner depended on whether they felt like spending the money. One year was pizza prior to getting dressed up.

Once the girl says yes or no then he can find out what the group plan is, who is in the group, if the group is going out to dinner, etc. And you can also speak to the girl's mom about your son, offer to drive and all that. If the mums are a big thing, he can get one of those, or ask her what color her dress is and find something to match. Wrist corsages are better than pinned on.



answers from New York on

When I was a Freshman (wow that was a long time ago), we were all allowed to go as a group, not coupled up. Of course, we had "dates" but just didn't tell our parents!

Our parents rented a van with a driver for the night. The driver took us to a restaurant, to the dance and then back to my house for the girls and another house for the guys. It was actually a lot of fun and we were able to go as a group to dinner and the dance without parents having to spend the night "shuttling". Considering the fact that there were 10 of us, it wasn't overly expensive. If his friends and her friends want to go together, this is a great option! They certainly don't have to go to dinner ahead of time, but it would save you the pain of shuffling them all over the place.

In this case, if she's not allowed to have a date I would suggest that your son meet her there with a corsage from the cheerleaders. If she comes home with something else, she may get in trouble.



answers from Denver on

An adult to drive would be a comfort regardless of group date or date dynamic, no?

Is there an adult he'd feel "cool" as his driver? Older sibling? Trusted uncle?

Good luck.


answers from Dover on

It's been over 20 years since I went to my freshman homecoming and I know things have changed but my aunt and uncle (who I lived with) picked my best friend up on the way and we went to homecoming...where I met my "date". Back then, homecoming was less formal than it is these days.

If this girl can only go as a group, I would suggest that maybe you offer to pick up a few people and take them all together.



answers from Chicago on

Ok... I'm old but when I went to homecoming ad a freshman we "dated" in a group of 6 of us and rented a van, which my date drove because he was 16.

If it's still the same...... the mum is different than the corsage. The cheerleaders or pom squad sells them and they are only worn during the day (or also to the game that night). You can place orders for the mum corsage all week long and it's delivered to the girl that Friday morning. It's a HUGE deal to get a mum, so if she's his girlfriend... yeah... she should get a mum. If he plays foodball she should wear his jersey that day and if he's in band she should wear either his vest or jacket.

That's how we did it.

It's good her mom says group.... that's good to know the structure. What you can do is arrange to pick them up afterward and let them go somewhere for dinner at midnight or whatever - like Denny's so they can have some alone time, but it's not stressful. Plus that will eliminate the pressure of the afterparty and potential unsupervised acitivies.

Hope he has fun!!!!!


answers from Detroit on

Meeting at the dance is a good idea, maybe let your son ask his friend what she would prefer. Us moms need pictures, so try to convenience him to pick her (and her friends) up!!!!

when my boys did not drive, I was the limo driver. No dinner, sometimes-fast food after the dance. Remember us girls do not like to get our dresses dirty, spent too much time getting ready. After dances, they did not care…

They always went as groups, until they drove and had steady girlfriends-junior year. We would meet at our home, or others homes to take pictures. We always went to the florist for corsages, with carnations or lilies; they were only around $7.

And always the carriage turned back into a pumpkin at midnight...


answers from Biloxi on

I may be the exception to the rule here -

I would be their driver and coordinate with the girl's mother on expectations, flowers, and curfews. After all, they are what 14? In my world, not old enough to date, but old enough to go to a supervised function with friends.

Nota Bena - my son is 16, and has just started going with a group of kids to get ice cream after the football games.

As for flowers, etc. that will probably depend on how much you want to spend :)

Ask him to ask his peers what they are doing - I find that a great way to figure their expectations.

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