Holding Back a 1St Grader

I think it would be a good idea to put him at a different school if you're going to have him repeat, and he doesn't want to. If he stays at the same school, all of his friends will be in 2nd grade and he'll still be in 1st, and that will be hard for him. Do you know anyone with a child going into 1st grade next year, who is about his age? Maybe you could say, "Johnny loves going to Valley Oak! We decided to send you there next year. At Valley Oak, they have a great soccer team (orchestra, playground, whatever), and we know you'll love it there." And leave it at that. At his age, although he may have opinions about this, he does not have the life experience to make this decision for himself. All he knows is he likes his friends and doesn't want to be made fun of on the playground. But you have the life experience to know what's best for him, even if he is not going to appreciate it right away. Even if it makes him a little unhappy at first, if this is what's best, then it's what you should do. I would just try to avoid letting it become an argument - don't ask IF he wants to (he doesn't), just let him know that this is how it's going to be, and you are doing it because you love him and want to set him up for success.

Hi. I also have a late spring birthday and struggled in 1st grade. I think it was more of a maturity issue than anything else, but my parents decided to have me repeat the first grade. I remember (somewhat) not wanting to do this, but in the end it was a great decision. If I would have went on to 2nd grade I most likely would have continued to struggle, even if just a little behind, and then by middle school the gap just keeps getting bigger. An extra year did me wonders. It built my self-esteem when I had extra time with reading skills and I developed better socially that year. I just fit in better. In fact I started to feel "smart" because I could read better than most of the kids and if you feel "smart" you will value and enjoy learning much more than if you struggle and feel "dumb". Now I have a BS in biology and chemistry and a MS in molecular biology. I don't think I would be here today if I had to struggle all through school. He has a late birthday anyway. He maybe a little older than the other kids, but not by much.

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This is a decision for you and his dad, not your son. At this point his academics are your choice and it is far better to hold him back now than to risk having to hold him back down the road. If being held back at the same school would cause him a lot of embarrasment then move him to a public school and see how things go there. He does seem very young and would probably benefit from another 1st grade year socially and academically. Good luck. I can't imagine how tough it must be to make a decision like this one.

We've just decided to have our son repeat and we'll be moving schools in order to do so. Were you planning to move him to public at some point anyway? If so, I say do it now and have him repeat. I also agree it is not a decision for children. We will refrain from discussing with our son. I think once summer is near an end, he'll be more willing to hear the news we have for him, but right now his head is all into his classroom and friends. He'd be terrified if he thought it wasn't going to be the same next year. I say drop it an discuss closer to the new school year. Good luck. I do know how hard of a decision it is.

It's your decision at the end of the day and the question is how to help him transition...clearly, the near-term trauma/stigma will be less if he changed schools because it would be mixed up with all the trauma/stigma of changing schools. I wouldn't necessarily switch from private to public unless it's right for other reasons, such as possible special ed support. The slack you have to pick up in terms of extracurriculars is material -- budgets for art and P/E have been slashed in public schools.
I think that if you like your current school, the pain of seeing friends move on and staying where he is will be sharp at the beginning but diminish over time, especially if your school experiences regular turnover from year to year among students.
When you talk to him, I think it's important not to give him the illusion of choice here. Best to explain that if he were to move on, he would always be the very youngest in his class and that can be tough on a kid at every stage of the game. On the other hand, taking another pass at 1rst grade will give him a chance to master some very important things, like reading, and he will be one of the oldest without being too old.

I am a teacher. Hold him back. He will greatly benefit in the long run. Good luck!

I wouldn't do it! My brother was held back at first grade and never did recover from the embarrasment of staying behind when everyone else moved along. He saw all these kids all the way through school and they all knew that he should have been and was in their class at one time. I believe this is part of the reason why he always has hung around the wrong people, so he would finally feel above someone for once, so he chose to hang out with low lifes. Please don't do this to your son, he will eventually mature. I don't think this is a good thing.

Maybe this summer you could work on some things that he was having trouble with to see if he catches up. I think it would have been different if he was held back before starting kindergarten, but now that he has started school it would be hard to repeat. And....not sure if your are from a small town, but people talk about the people that were held back. As in when they are in middle school or high school they use that term to describe someone "that's so and so. He was is my class but repeated first grade."

So, I would just try working with him and maybe since he doesn't want to repeat 1st grade then you can let him know that he will have to work/ try harder in preparation for second grade.

Tough decision, though! My parent's were faced with the decision to hold me back after taking a test to enter a private school when we moved to America. The Director said I needed to go back a grade and my parent's disagreed. In the end, I stayed in my regular grade and the school apologized later stating I was where I needed to be. Thank goodness! I would have hated that.

There is a book titled "Why Boys Fail" and I haven't read it but I have seen it discussed on TV. It discusses the new way kindergarten is set up and how it's not set up for boys and that's why they are struggling so much right now. However, later on they are the ones that exceed the girls...go figure!!! I'm just glad my little boy is October so he will be older without having to make the choice to hold him back a year.

Sorry for the rambling-these are just all my thoughts on what to do. That's a super tough decision you and your family have to make. Good luck!

I hope you'll read the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Instead of trying to convince your son he should want something he does not want, find out how your children can propose their own solutions to all sorts of classic family problems, once you empathize with their feelings and perceived needs.

You can read part of this wonderful parent-workshop-between-covers here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081.... I think you'll be impressed with the possibilities.

T.,

As hard as it is, before you hold him back, please invest in an educational evaluation to be sure that another year of the same instruction is going to help him learn the reading comprehension and social emotional skills you seek. Since there is a reading issue, you should know that there is a significant risk that you will do exactly the opposite of what you are attempting to do by holding him back. There is not much evidence that this is a successful strategy. Actually teaching him reading another way and addressing the social and emotional issues individually work much better.

Kids who are held back will loose one full year of effective reading intervention if is needed. Reading intervention is provided based on GRADE not AGE. Worse yet, the best window of opportunity for reading intervention closes between the 8th and 9th year. All intervention beyond that time is much less effective and has fewer good results.

This may be less applicable to your son since he is the yongest in his class, but children who are older than their grade peers in high school are more likely to drop out, use drugs, and have contact with the juvinile justice system. It is something to think about.

Please see a neuropsycholgist and get a full scale IQ and a full academic evaluation (the Woodcock Johnson is very helpful) and any other evaluation that this professional reccomends before you hold him back. Get proof that all he needs is one more year of the instruction that did not already work. If he needs a different strategy, holding him back will just waste a year and stunt his educational potential. The neuropsycholgist can also assess the social emotional issues. Be aware that reading and social/emotional issues often go hand in hand, and if they are related to something more than age and lack of instruction, he will benefit from targeted programing much more than he will benefit from another year of instruction in a way that he does not learn.

Good luck,
M.

As a teacher, I'd say hold him back now while he's young. You don't want to do it when he is in 6th grade as is happening to a few students here.
If you think it's going to be an issue, put him in public school in first grade or a different private school.
Boys are notoriously immature. My son's birthday was right on the line and I kept him back. It's the best thing I ever did.
There are a couple of kids who were held back in 6th grade when my daughter moved on to 7th. They were not teased. They were not taunted. The kids were kind. They knew those kids were struggling.
Do what is best for him regardless of his opinion.
YMMV
LBC

My grandson was held back in first grade and he has the worst time being teased by all the other kids. They know when the birthdays are and how old they are supposed to be. I would go ahead and work with him over the Summer and maybe see about Summer school but wait until he absolutely has to be held back. My husband didn't learn to read until he was between first and second grade, they thought he was developmentally disabled.... He has an IQ of nearly 170 and it just hadn't clicked yet. Unless you are going to move to another school district all his friends will know and they will make it an issue and tease him.

Just an after thought too, most private schools are nearly a year ahead of public schools academically. My friends had their kids at a local private school and they decided to put them in the local public school when the 1st grader started 2nd grade. He has had a bad time of it because he is terribly bored. He learned everything the school is teaching over a year ago at the private school. They are going back in the Fall to Private school.

If he's not ready for 2nd grade in private he will most certainly be ready for 2nd in public school and perhaps ahead of everyone else.

Changing schools could help. All his friends and classmates will be moving up. He could be afraid he will be made fun of for being held back. In a new school no one would know he was repeating 1st grade.