Hitting and Kicking

"The only stupid questions are the ones you never ask" - my college professor told me that one day and it is so true!

To the problem ... my daughter has begun kicking and hitting me too, and also shoves me when she doesn't want to do something. I try to fend off the flying appendages while I get down to her level and very sternly tell her to stop and that it is not nice to do that - then I threaten a time-out which usually stops her cold.

As for the timing - obviously changing the diaper is difficult, so I would warn the time out while changing and then put into time out as soon as you're done if he keeps it up - but doing it sitting at the table shouldn't stop you from following through your 1.2.3

Let me know how it goes ... I may need your advice if my approach stops working! :-)

Hi M.,

Seems like we are living parellel lives. My two year old boy is doing the same. Consistency in response seems to be working. We have used time outs as well. During diaper changing I have just started walking away if he is kicking. He does not like it. I think the other thing that has been helping is not having a big reaction to it as he seems to enjoy that as well. It is slowly decreasing. I know of a lot of two year olds who do this so our boys are not alone!!

Good Luck!

Join the club! Its the terrible 2's... My once a sweet son hits me and his 3 yo sister constantly- leaving scars on her face- yes- SCARS. He's just trying to get what he wants because he cant use all his words yet (so his pediatrican says) and from what i've read. I did go thru a rough patch with my dd but nothing as severe as him. I was consistant with the time outs as seen on Supernanny and do do the same with him- hopefully it will work like it did for her- she is super now, very well behaved. Just have to be consistant and have patience.....It is heartbreaking, I cry alot- gotta run war brewing ! Good luck!

Good question. My daughter who's nearing 2 yrs started up with this, especially with diaper changes and if we pick her up when she's doing something, usually because she needs a diaper change. I think it has to do with wanting to be in control and not having people pester her when "she's doing something important". BUt it's hard to let them continue to play when they've got poop in their pants. So I try to get her to admit to having poop in her pants and needing a new diaper. Then I say, "okay, you still get to play, color, watch your cartoon, or what have you. BUt right now you need a fresh diaper. So fresh diaper, then more playing." Sometimes this works. If not I always grab her legs or arms and hold them to her sides and say, "no hitting or no kicking people". I make her repeat, "No hitting people." and to say sorry to mommy or whoever. I also have her list things that it's okay to hit or kick, like a ball. I think it's one of those things that takes time and consistency. Everything I've read says, they really are too young to control their frustrations at this age, but they do grow out of it. I notice that when I make sure she's gotten a lot of fresh air and energy spent, she usually does better.
There are also books called "Hands are not for Hitting", Feet are not for kicking, Tails are not for pulling, and Teeth are not for Biting. I think it's just about every mom's dread, but typical. Good luck curbing it! If you do find a magic solution, please share it. But my advice as a first time mom, is be consistent with reprimanding the moment the hitting or kicking starts.
My daughter has been highly verbal and speaks in complete sentences since 16 months, so I think it's age and powerstruggle issues, not an ability to say "I'm mad."

My daughter gets a timeout during the dinner these days, too. I immediately take her out of the highchair and put her in the corner for two minutes. It often shows us that she is bored or not hungry for acting up. It's beginning to help because she realizes she is taken away from the table/food. Then I talk to her about 'X' behavior and ask her to say "I'm sorry." On the changing table, i would complete her diaper and then do the same. Are you having him sit for two minutes or more? I think they suggest one minute per year of age. Does he cry or try to move? I even hold my daughter in place often times while I count until she settles down, but I ignore her and do not talk to her until it is over. I also read somewhere that the hitting and kicking energy is a stage that could show they are tired and in need of more rest. Good luck and hang in there!

Hi M.,
Although I almost never used it with my rambunctious son, there WERE times when he'd hit and kick me too and one day I'd just had it and slapped his bare behind. The slap wasn't in anger and it wasn't a hard slap but his kicking and hitting stopped on the spot and he never did it again.
I think he was surprised; he'd finally gotten a reaction from me and it wasn't what he expected.

My daughter loves to use me as her punching bag..me or her older brothers...never kids in the park or anybody else. I find she usually does it when she is overtired or overwhelmed. I try to tell her the expectations ahead of time...sometimes I think she is trying to get a reaciton so I tell her calmy we don't hit and if she continues after being warned she gets a time out. Making sure she is well rested and not hungry or need stilmulation is half the battle. My daughter is almost three and just starting to understand consequences of her actions.

When she really is out of control I will sometimes put her on my lap facing outwards so she cannot really hit me and we together will count to ten or do some deep breaths. She actually really kies this andI have seen quicker results than time outs. I like this approach because she feels secure instead of isolated and I am teaching her techniques that she can carry into adulthood when she becomes frusterated... we are still in the experimental stages of this approach butI thought I would hsare just in case. I am not restraining her and she does not figt it when I scoop her up. I usually tell her that we need to calm ourselves down and then after that she will do her apology and then we can talk about the behavior and why hitting can hurt. I was finding that sometimes timeouts trigger her anger more and I am pregnant and she is getting heavy so i was havinga hard tiome chaseing her down to put her back into time out. It is easier for me to get her on my lap (while I still have some left) and doing this strategy. I also have done the deep breaths with my older sons and while it did not work so well on my 6 year old son my four year old son is a pro at bringing himself down from a temper tantrum by taking deep breaths. There is my two cents worth of advice! But i am right there with you!