Hitting - Cheney,WA

Updated on December 04, 2006
M.D. asks from Cheney, WA
8 answers

i whatch two 4 year old children in my home. they all hit each other. my daughter is 2 and she hits the most. i put her in time out, talk to her, taken favorite doll away. i have even spanked. i don't know what eles to do. any suggestions on how to get her to stop hitting.

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answers from Anchorage on

with my kids at an earlier age I would consistantally say "gental touches only" and ask him to give the hittie a gental touch. As they got older and could speak I would, in addition, ask them to appologize. I think it's normal for every kid to go through a hitting/biting/or pushing stage. Hitting them for doing it seems too ironic of a consiquesnce and time out could make sense if you phrase it like "if you can't play w/o hitting you won't get to play for a few minutes..." You know the consiquense fitting the crime.
anyway good luck and don't worry too much about it, just be consistant and she should slow down on the hitting.

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answers from Spokane on

Until around four a child cannot understand what you are punishing her for...hence why it has not worked. All she will understand is your emotions, if you get angry, she feeds off of the rawness of the anger. My suggestion would be to take her from the situation, and QUICKLY suggest to her ina few words why it is not ok to hit. I would do this with the older ones as well....just to see how it works. Make sure you look her in the eyes and she has the "twink" of understanding, or at least trying to understand. Try redirecting her to something else more enjoyable and away from the other children for a while.....

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answers from Fresno on

My daughter had a problem with sticking out her tongue and I just could not get her to stop. I tried everything to get her to stop it. Alot of what you also have done time outs, taking toys away etc. I finally had it one day and told her to hold her tongue. She has to walk around for 10 min holding her tongue. I think she was 4 years old but I am not positive. After 3 times of holding her tongue she finaly stopped. For some reason wierd punishments worked for her. When I caught her hitting she had to sit on her hands. When she slammed her door she had to open and shut the door quietly. Everytime she did it the number of minitues or length increased. I don't know why the unusual punishments worked but they did for us. Maybe something for you to try new. I hope you find something that works!!!

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answers from Spokane on

Those are the moments with my own children that I thank God I took that Child Psych class in college! :)

Younger children hit, bit, and generally lash out because they don't possess the capacity to express anger or frustration in a verbal way. It is important to repeatedly (and I mean repeatedly, but then you know that since you have a 2 yo ;) reinforce that hitting is a bad choice and that they should use their words instead of their hands. Spanking reinforces just the opposite. It says "you hit so in so because you were angry and now I'm going to hit you because I'm angry."

I do the bookkeeping for my daughters preschool, and I fill in for the teachers from time to time. I have watched the teachers responses and it seems that a very firm and swift response works best. The director, who has been in the field for 13+ years responds to each incident with each child in the same way. She sits on the floor with both kids (the child who was hit usually in her lap) and explains that it is NEVER okay to hit her friends (the director refers to all of the kids as her friends) because it hurts them. She reinforces that hands are not for hitting and then asks the hitter to explain why they hit. She provides words to replace the hit and then suggests he/she apologize. She never forces the apology because that can cause more frustration and anger. Instead she says something like "is there something you could say to make my friend feel better?"

It's a slow learning process, but eventually the kids catch on that hitting is a bad idea.

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answers from Seattle on

it sounds like the children you are watching are teaching your daughter to hit

I used to watch other kids when my son was little - sometimes I would get one that was very mean or would scream all the time and never listen to anyone

when that happened i would call the parents and say 'come get your kid he cant stay here anymore, if he cant be respectful and follow rules'

it wasn't worth the money i would get for babysitting to have such a constant negative influence on my own child

so, it may not be much help but my advice is simply 'dont watch them anymore'

and although I belive there are certain situations that call for spanking - you cant teach them not to hit by hitting them

good luck



answers from Fresno on

Have you talked to the other children's parents? I went thru this and still do from time to time with my children. I ground them with no TV,games, etc. It seems to do the trick. I tell them hitting is not the answer. It does nothing but cause the other person hurt and how would they like it if the shoe was on the other foot. They need to learn boundaries.



answers from Las Vegas on

Live by example. When you hit, you can't then say hitting is wrong because you've done it. Show that you're above such barbaric behaviour and demonstrate better ways yourself of dealing with situations.

As for the kids you watch, tell the parents. If the parents condone the behaviour, tell them you don't, not in your home. If the parents aren't willing to help, don't watch the kids anymore.



answers from Portland on

How can you expect your daughter not to hit, when you are hitting her? The first thing I would do is stop setting the example of hitting by spanking these kids. There are much more effective ways to deal with undesirable behavior.

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