Hitting - Colonial Heights, VA

Updated on March 01, 2008
T.E. asks from Colonial Heights, VA
15 answers

Okay ladies!
My son who is only 1, he will be 2 next month, is into hitting and being mean. I have tried everything I can think of, even hitting him back so he can see that it hurts. I have talked to him but he only one, I wonder how much is understanding. I don't know if it is a boy thing, or a one year old thing but either way I would like to get it under control. Does anyone have any advice?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.D.

answers from Richmond on

He may be only 1 but he is aware of what is going on. At that age frustration sets in and some times the only way to express it is by hitting etc.... Try learning some signs or asking him to talk to you. Even if it is baby talk take it seriously. Its all about communication. The other thing to do is to completely ignore the behavior, because it does give attention when you do acknowledge what is going on. I really do think it is a frustration problem and just having a hard time putting his thoughts into words.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.I.

answers from Washington DC on

Both my kids went through phases where they were hitting(they're now 2 1/2 and 5). I found it very frustrating and wanted to see changes in their behavior immediately. I was advised to serve as a positive role model and to be patient because changes do not happen immediately. I would generally pull my kids aside when they hit to calm them down, explain to them that is wrong and tell them to go say sorry to the person they hit. If they did not say sorry, I would do so. I did this routinely (and usually calmly!). They may not have understood what I was doing at first, but eventually they got it. They still act out at times, but not as much.

I truely believe the worst thing you can do is hit the child because what you are really teaching is that it is okay to hit (so he'll just start copying this behavior!).

I think 2 year olds still don't understand the difference between good and bad behaviors--they test out behaviors to see what reaction they can get from you! Good luck to you and please be patient (I know it can be hard!!)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Washington DC on

I used to teach preschool and did some work in daycare too. This is normal for this age. They don't know how to talk enough to communicate everything they want, so they can resort to hitting. What I did with my son was two-fold. If I thought he was frustrated and trying to communicate I told him "NO hitting, we use our words" (firmly, but calmly) and tried to help him find the words he needed to communicate his needs (You're feeling angry, frustrated, you need help, etc..). Once he felt that he was being understood and had learned some things to say the hitting subsided.
When he was just hitting to get attention or to play I would tell him "no hitting" and try to distract him with something else or show him how to use gentle touches instead. At around 2 1/2 he was able to sit in a time out for a minute. I would sit him in a chair and either leave the room, staying close, or just pay him no attention. Then I showed him how to do gentle touches and would praise him every time he used his gentle touches on me. The praise he got for using gentle touches was much more effective than reacting to the hitting. Soon he used gentle touches all the time. He still got my attention, but it was positive rather than negative.
The important thing is not to yell, to stay calm and not give them attention for the hitting but to redirect them to what you DO want them to do. Often hitting is a quick way to get adult attention and a big reaction. If your child is used to getting a reaction out of you, it may get worse before it gets better.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.K.

answers from Washington DC on

I have a 2 year old son that will be 3 in October and he is the same way! He loves to hit and be mean until it's something that he wants. That's where I started having control over his temper! Even when he is being nice I will not give him what he want and I will explain to him why and he has appeared to be getting better but only time will tell! I say take away the things he enjoy the most and make him work extra hard on his behavior to get them back. Its a working progress so you have to work just as hard as him to improve his attitude! My son get it honestly though so I had to do some changing too!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.F.

answers from Washington DC on

My best advice is when possible (like when you're alone at home) and he hits you, get up and get away from him and completely ignore him. I find that sometimes works with my son - maybe he's just trying to get my attention. I also try to go and get him and play with him when he is being especially good and playing by himself. I make sure to tell him how much I love it when he is loving and affectionate. I always say "nice hug" or something like that. Good luck! It's a tough one!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.L.

answers from Richmond on

Hi,
I to have an almost 2 year who hits. He learned from his older brother. I really think it is a boy thing and a phase. My 3 year old rarely hits now and is mostly a great kid. As for my youngest I put him in time out in the naughty chair. He has to sit for almost 2 minutes and then say sorry. It isn't working great but at least it lets them know they can't hit!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.C.

answers from Richmond on

Hitting your child only reinforces that hitting is ok. Pick up a copy of Dr. Brazelton's "Touchpoints" book for more advice on this, as well as other child raising topics.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.B.

answers from Washington DC on

If your son will be 2 next month then he understands when he is doing something wrong. My son will be 2 in April and he understands when he is doing something wrong and putting him into a time out works. Explain to him that what he did was wrong and that is why you are putting him a time out. After a minute(for now then 2 minutes when he is 2)explain again why you put him in a time out and then say that you love him and he can get up. Don't dwell on it though and move on until he does again and again put him another time out. Edventually he will catch on and will become less agressive.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.H.

answers from Dover on

hi tish,

i am a Christian too. Personally i would maybe check a few things out:
1. who is babysitting him? do they hit him a lot?
2. is he around other children in some other environment who are hitting? he is learning this from somewhere's.
3. is he being allowed to get away with more than your other child because he is the youngest? they will see how far they can go.

also he may need more nap time and absolutely no sugar. not even juices without them being really watered down. that will give him a mood swing.

it seems like he is trying to see who is going to be the boss in the house and its a power play. be firm and clear with him about the repercussions of his behavior. it will be time out when he is bad.

hope this works. also pray over your home. dedicate each room to the Lord and put a cross in the 4 corners of the property. anoint each window and doorway with olive oil while dedicating it to the Lord. sometimes when you move into a new place their is some spiritual residue left behind and children will sense it. pray for peace in your home. let me know how it goes. blessings, Pastor L.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.B.

answers from Washington DC on

When you hit him back, mean it. Children can sense that your not serious.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi! I truly think its a phase that he will grow out of. My Godson was the sweetest boy when he was 1. Smiled and very friendly. When he turned 2, he became so mean - gave you the evil eye and everything! I was just shocked. But now that he is 3 years old, he is more social and friendly again. Also, I am sure that he picked up on some habits from daycare. But you have to discipline him. One things that I have learned about kids is that they do not like to be forced to be still. I like the sitting on the step concept when they act up..... I've seen it humble the badest child! GOOD LUCK!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.H.

answers from Lynchburg on

My son is exactaly the same age and doing the same thing....if you figure something out let me know! Best of luck to you.

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi T.,

I would advise writing to [email protected]____.com is a child development educator. She knows more about the new way to teaching a toddler. D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.D.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi! I understand what you are going through. I have 5 children (2 boys & 3 girls) At 2 yrs old it is very difficult to explain to your son that hitting is mean. Let me just say that hitting back does not work. My oldest son (who is now 17) was a hitter & a biter. I truly believe that hitting (or biting) back sends the wrong message. I took him to playgroups & watched him closely & noticed that he only hit or bit when he couldn't communicate what he wanted. During a conflict with another child I stayed close & when he looked like he was going to hit I quickly stepped in & helped him use his words instead of hitting. It took alot of time & patience but after a few months he was able to communicate & use his words. He is now a very peaceful young man & very well liked by his peers. I found alot of support through my local M.O.P.S (mothers of preschoolers) group. Good luck.
K.

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Time out. In a chair or corner with no interaction for 2 minutes. If he comes out. He goes right back and the clock starts over.
Consistently.
If he hits, he gets time out.
If he raises his hand, you speak to him - tell him no. If he hits, he gets time out. Period.
No ifs ands or buts.
BUT you need to be consistent.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions