Herpes... I Feel like Im in a Really Bad Movie....

I duked it out with herpes every month for years and finally made friends with it, My perspective is that Herpes is like a health Fairy it mostly only comes when you need reminding to look after yourself. Eat well, sleep well, drink tonnes of water, and see a naturopath-Herbal remedies are the best- Super Lysine is a great formula, also Kyolic Garlic. Don't drink alcohol, avoid certain foods (a lot of outbreaks occur due to an imbalance of (I think) Arginine and Lysine (amino acids- so there is a weird list of foods to avoid unfortunately chocolate is one of them! And don't let yourself get run down. I haven't had an outbreak for over 3 years now so you will eventually get the best of it after it teaches you how to really look after yourself.
Also try not to be embarrassed either although I know it is hard , it is a virus just like any other and you got it from your husband for goodness sake! There is nothing to be embarrassed about! You will be shocked how many of your friends have it too!
My last bit of advice is when you do become sexually active again make sure you have that painful conversation BEFORE you have sex, because it is way, way worse having it after!
Good Luck!

Hey A..
I broke out with something that I though was herpes... which freaked me out because I have only ever been with my husband. All these thoughts of him cheating with me flooded my head. We figured out that he must have had it in his mouth, because whenever he get stressed out, he get mouth sores. When I "came down" with the sores, it was just after we had a weekend alone together, so we had "been busy" a lot, and he had a sore in his mouth... (unknown to me) I hear you about the pain, it is awful!!!! I put peroxide on the sores which helped, then I talked my Dr. into Lidocaine gel. that really helped. they Gave me Valtrex and after 3-4 days it was practically gone.

So, here is what my Dr. said. She said that just because I got it from him does not mean that he was cheating. It is fairly easy to spread. so use condoms during sex when you have an outbreak. and avoid oral when one of you has mouth sores. and don't touch yourself... (like when you go to the bathroom) or in a shower if you have a mouth sore and you touched it. She said that I could have given it to my self if I had a sore in my mouth and touched myself before washing my hands...

the good news is that I have only had 1 outbreak and it has almost been a year. I keep the prescription on hand just in case though.

Good luck! I read all the websites too, and while it sounds like a death sentence, it is not the end of the world. Good luck!

A., it really isn't so bad. I was diagnosed with genital herpes 30 years ago. I felt devastated at the time. And I was ashamed to even admit that I had them. I thought the stigma was gone by now and that AIDS is the one we panic about.

I think that I had genital herpes long before the medical profession knew about genital herpes. While I was in college I would get sores on my labia that were very similar to the ones I had when I was diagnosed 15 years later. Because I was a virgin until I was 30 I asked about getting genital herpes during college. One doctor told me that if one has had chicken pox the herpes virus stays in the system. The sores I had could very well have been the chicken pox herpes and not the genital herpes. I don't know if they can tell a difference among the various types of herpes. They can tell if it is herpes by taking a scraping and examing it under a microscope

Herpes acts different ways for different people. I could have gotten genital herpes, when it was diagnosed, from a partner. However, I was selective and the two that I had been with until that time are still friends. They never did have an outbreak. So I don't think I got it from either of them.

At first I thought people would think I was a bad person and I was ashamed. As the years have gone along I realize that herpes is just an illness that we get; like cold sores and shingles which are also a herpes virus and are not associated with sexual contact. My mother had shingles and suffered everyday with it for years. I've had frequent cold sores since I was in grade school. No big deal! Unless you have an outbreak and then the discomfort can easily become a big deal. But the disease itself is nothing to be ashamed of nor do you need to blame someone else for you getting it.

Genital herpes has that name because they are located in the genital area. If the sores are in your mouth they're oral herpes. On the skin, shingles.

So take several deep breaths and relax. Then see your ob/gyn for a diagnosis. There is medication to both treat and reduce herpes outbreaks. I've seen it advertised on TV and in magazines. Fortunately I seldom have breakouts and when I do they are just a little painful and go away quickly. There is a pill that you can take everyday that helps to prevent outbreaks. My doctor suggested that since I seldom had outbreaks that I not take it. It does have side affects. I don't know what they are.

Now, breakouts in my mouth are another thing. They are quite sore and sometimes last for weeks. There is never enough fluid to provide a diagnosis. The sores could also be an allergic reaction to food. I have a whole bunch of food allergies.

Your genital sores could also be an allergic reaction to personal care products.

If it is herpes the first bout is the most painful. The amount of pain decreases with subsequent outbreaks. For me the number of blisters at any one time has decreased. They've become a 1-2 times per year inconvenience.

I have figured out that stress increases outbreaks. Building up your immune system will help prevent further outbreaks. I take a probiotic which has helped me feel better in several ways. The one I take is Pearls by Dr. Whitaker. I took another kind earlier and that wasn't effective for me. A naturopath could help you figure out what to do and take to increase your body's ability to fend off viruses.

Please remember that herpes does go into remission. This is not something that you will be aware of very often. Yes, you'll have to tell your partner if you get into a relationship. I've found the men in my life to be understanding. My partner of several years didnt even use a condom and he never had an outbreak. I think that there is now a medication that you can take when you're sexually active that will reduce the chance of your partner getting herpes.

Herpes is so common now. And it's nothing compared to AIDS. I suspect that most men will understand and not think of you in a negative way.

And.....it may not even be herpes!!!!Go to the dr to reduce your fears.

Have you gone to the doctor yet? I found out that I had herpes when I was pregnant with my first child. It was really embarassing and still no on in my family knows about it. The doctor told my husband at the time and I that herpes can lie dormit for awhile so there was really no way for me to know if he gave it to me or someone else. After I got divorced, it was really hard to tell anyone that I got into a relationship with what I had. It is the most embarassing thing to say to someone. My current husband knows about it. I have to take medication at the end of my pregnancies to make sure that I don't pass it to my babies. Everything else is ok with me though. The initial breakout was the worst. If your breakouts are bad, you may want meds. If you want to talk about it, I am here.

A., get yourself to a doctor! Don't be embarassed. They have medications that you can take on a daily basis now. More people have herpes than don't these days. And yes, your ex-husband should have told you, but maybe he didn't know and you should tell him before he gives it to someone else. But first, see a doctor for a difinitive diagnosis. There are worse things that can happen in life, and you can manage this!

K

I'm sorry you are going through this. My husband has herpes. He got it from a previous girlfriend who didn't even know she had it until he got it. Apparently quite often with women, you don't even see the symptoms. You definitely should go to the doctor to make sure. It's an easy blood test.

My husband told me about 3 weeks after we started dating when things started to get more intimate. It was incredibly difficult for him to tell me. And needless to say, shocking for me. But I think I handled it well which made it easier for him (that's the part you can't predict). Since we got together almost 8 years ago, he's taken Acyclovir daily which dramatically reduces outbreaks. We used condoms a lot for a while. As of a year and a half ago when I had my second son (the last time I was tested), I was still clean.

It's definitely something you can live with and there are medicines that make that even easier. Certainly a tough thing to break to a new partner, but it's the right thing to do to be responsible about it and make sure they know and you are using protection.

Good luck!

I totally understand where you are coming from. I went into the hospital when I was pregnant with my second child cause I thought I had a =yease infection only to find out I had both. I was so mad and felt so guilty because there was a very good chance I had given it to my current husband who we knew without a doubt was clean before hand. I wanted to hunt down my exes and kick their butts but the drs said it can take a few years to show up so there was no gaurantee which ex was responsible. I had thought I had been careful but my ex had cheated on me and I didn't know until it was tooo late. The doctor also told me its harder to spot on men sometimes and so who knew. My husband now thankfully hasn't held it against me and now could care less. But Definitely go to the dr because the have a medicine called Valtrex that helps extremely well with the length and severety of the outbreak. It isn't something you walk around and broadcast per say but believe it or not there are a lot of people that have this painful and irritating disease. Do your research because theres a few or so little things many don't know like the fluid from the sores can cause blindness if it gets in the eye so watch your hands frequently. Good luck and don't worry theres someone out there you will be able to trust enough to be a part of your life and problems. This just gives you one more test they have to pass per say before you let them in your life.

Hi A. - I feel for you, my sons dad gave me the HPV virus, genital warts, and boy was I pissed (are we aloud to say that on this board? lol) But, I have found that a lot of people actually have STD's, we just don't know about them. People don't go around saying, "Hi, my name is L., I have HPV!
Everyone else that said to go to the doctor are right on. You do need to go. Also, the herpes virus can lay dormant for a long time. Same as HPV. You may have gotten it from your sons dad, or from a previuos partner. You may not even have herpes, it could be HPV. let me tell you, those sores were sooooo painful. But, i have only had one outbreak in 6 years. And my husband doesn't have it at all.
There is no stigma, nothing to be worried about. It's just something that you will learn to control and treat. And like someone else said, it will be a testament to the man you decide to see if he stick around. Besides, he very well could have something too!! In this day and age, I wouldn't be surprised.
You will be fine, but if you don't get it treated you could have even worse consequences. You MUST go to your doctor!!
L.

Don't you have a Dr.?
Don't guess what may be wrong find out, and deal with it.

Good luck with your new job.

A., don't feel bad for getting this and don't listen to the people who say this is terrible. It's not a "life sentence". I have had herpes for ten years. I don't take medications and I get a few outbreaks a year. I have learned over time how to manage them to make sure that they don't last too long. The first sign I usually get is a pain in my butt or the back of my leg near my butt; it feels like a cramp. Usually, within a day or two, I start getting a tingling on my labia (always the left side, same spot every time). When I start noticing this happening, I start being very careful to not wipe or clean the area too vigorously (dabbing gently with the TP works really well) to avoid tearing off the top of the sore (which will make it worse). I also take several epsom salt baths and soak until the water cools, making sure to allow the water to flow freely through the area. I have managed to keep my outbreaks down to no more than two days of discomfort, though, you will still want to take special care with the area to prevent it flaring up again. One of the biggest triggers for an outbreak coming on is frequent and vigorous sex and stress. Also, NEVER touch it then touch your face or your eyes; you can transmit the virus to your eyes and this can cause severe infections.

When it came time to tell my husband (when we were dating) that I had herpes, I was scared of what his reaction would be. I trusted that we had a strong relationship and that he would be accepting and not reject me and I was right but I was still apprehensive. He immediately got on the internet and researched it and found out what the symptoms were, what the treatments were and what the potential health impact was. We have been together for 7.5 years, he has not yet had an outbreak and we have a five year old daughter (born by c-section but not because of the herpes). This is not information that I would share with just any man and I certainly don't talk about it with friends or family just because it's my business and has no impact on them. This is one of those tests to tell you if you have the right guy, if he walks away, then he wasn't worth it but I wouldn't share this until you are at the point where you would become intimate or serious. You're going to be fine.

Hi A.,

First off, I think that you need to educate yourself. Get to the doctor and find out what it is. Not knowing for sure will just give you more anxiety. Be prepared to cry, and allow yourself time to do so, but also be thinking about moving on...taking control of your situation and knocking this out of the ball park with your reaction to it. Don't let it control you...you control it!

Secondly, seek out resources to help you with this. Learn about it from your doctor, online, or do a google search for herpes support group.

Thirdly, realize you are a strong woman and you can and will live with this peacefully. There is something like 20% of the population that has herpes...that's a lot of people! Take comfort in that you are not the only one. Try to be thankful that it's not a deadly disease (just an annoying one), and you can lead a full and happy life still. Sex is only a small part of things. You can get medicine to help prevent outbreaks and minimize symptoms. If you want to have more children, you still can if you find a special man to partner with. And yes, you can find a loving partner.

Finally, your ex- may not have known he had it himself. This does not excuse him from responsibility, but it's after the fact and you can't do anything about it. Your job now is to learn how to live with it gracefully and with dignity.

Blessings to you! I pray peace over you.
Love,
K.

A., just go and see your doctor. Is not your fault and there is no need to cry. The doctors will tell you how to deal with it and how to bring it up and protect your future partner. This is one of this things that just happens. Yes, is not a pleasure, but it is not going to kill you too! You just need to learn how to deal with it. Please, don't get upset, just educate your-self.

A.,
you must get to the dr.There is another disorder that affects "that" region with very similar symptoms!many drs mistake it for herpes or chronic yeast infections it isn't very well known by drs.It is called lichen sclerosis and it is NOT a sexually transmitted disease it is NOT contagious it is an auto immune disorder it causes sores ,tears, rashes sometimes severe itching but it is manageable .It is brought on by hormone inbalances .Please get to a DR and don't try to diagnose yourself on the internet. Your mind will make you think you have all of the symptoms you read about there, when you really don't.PLEASE,Please ,feel free to contact me if you wanna know more about (LS) I wish every woman knew about it as so many of them are out there suffering with symptoms that dr's dont recognise because it is considered rare .Let me tell you, that all of us on the support group know, it's not that rare anymore .we also know, not all of us have the same exact symptoms but we all have the same firm diagnosis of LS. P.S. don't go by pics on the internet ,those are the worst possible and rarest cases !not what all of us have .

You really should get this confirmed by a doctor, then at least it will not be an incredibly stressful unknown. Your ex may not have known if he had it either.

I think this happens more than people think. As hard as it is, though, you really would need to tell any future partner, who hopefully will understand.

I just had to comment about one of the comments below...There ARE a bunch of different kinds of herpes viruses... chicken pox, shingles, some kinds of cold sores, the list goes on. But, there are some that are only sexually-transmitted. A doctor will absolutely be able to tell you whether or not this is an STD.

Be strong, A.. You are not alone right now. But seriously... go to a doctor.

one. get seem by a medical professional, you can't diagnose this yourself off the internet, it could be something else. Two. this isn't the end of the world in white middle class Seattle women we see rates of about 30% of our ob patients reporting a history of genital herpes. three. there are several treatments to reduce the severity and duration of the symptoms, it can also be taken as a suppression treatment in a lower dose every day. four. You will have to disclose this to future partners, while awkward the first time you share, I doubt anyone will reject you because of it. It forces you to have sex only with a more serious minded partner, and anyone who is thinking longterm will likely not be put off. In reality, in this day and age, he likely has had previous partners with herpes. you aren't unclean, it is just a virus that causes a rash.

OMG I could cry for you!
Seek a physicians oppinion...I personally have not experienced this kind of thing, however I work in the medical field and I know depending on the severity and such, a physician can help!!
As long as you are seeking attention from a physician and controll the outbreaks, all you can do is be honest with the individual you may have a relationship with. Once the relationship builds I would explain the situation in a very mature way. Make sure you get educated from the Dr. so you can explain intelligently.
I would hope it would be accepted/understood, but relationships can be weird!!
Good Luck to you!

Go to the doctor fast! If this is truly your first outbreak and you take a full course of Valtrex, there is a good chance you will never get them again.

I am SO sorry.

A.~
I've read your other posts, and see that you have gotten some good advise. GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR!!!! It may not be herpes. Have you changed your laundry soap? Or personal body soap, could be an allergic reaction to one of those...trust me I know!!! Like you read online, thought that is what I had because of symptom comparison. Went to the doctor and went through some tests. Found out that I am VERY sensitive to laundry/body soap items. Scent Free/Dry Free for me. Go in and talk to your doctor and then take the necessary steps from there. No sence second guessing yourself.
Take care!

A.,

OMG!!! that is terrible. HUGS HUGS and more HUGS to you. Right now you need to be strong for your son. If he sees you flipping out, so will he. I would make an appointment immediately with your doctor to end the anxiety and not knowing. Then from there I'd ask as many questions of that doc as possible as to how to deal and what to say to potential partners. Information is your best friend right now. I would also get tested for other STD's since your ex is just SO forthcoming with his medical history.

Hope this helps,
Super Supportively,
Melissa

Poor thing! I am soooo sorry. Like everyone said you need to get to the doc while you still have symptoms. My mother has had herpes for about 13 years and rarely gets outbreaks. She's not even on meds- which I hear are much more advanced nowadays for lessening the outbreaks. She tends to have outbreaks when she gets really stressed out. Her's start with pain in her upper legs/butt every time. If you by chance have HPV instead, you should know it's the leading cause of cervical cancer, which your doc will tell you, so you will probably have paps more often. I'm sorry, I hope that didn't totally freak you out more. I know everything will be fine, and you can work it out with sexual partners. My mom is one of many people that live with an STD. Good luck, my dear!

A., Please go to thedoctor. They havea medication that you take that notonly takes them away but prevents outbreaks and it worksvery well.
My daughter contacted herpes....she has not had another outbreak since her first initial one.Please go to the doctor before it gets too bad.Remember that they see this stuff everyday and with how rampid Herpes is and easy to contact they are not going to judge youif that is what you are worried about.Butyouneed to go. Thereis great medicationfor Herpes and if that is what you have you need to get on it.
You may not haveHerpes...there couldjust be alot of toxins inyour systemand they are coming out through your intestinal tract and causing the sores.
Please go and be sure and let us know what becomes of it...it caan help someone else here.
If it is you will need to contact your partner and let him know. Iwould be very angry with him if he knew...but he may not know.
They can contact him for you if you do not want to have any contact with him. If he said he knew he could be criminally charged for not telling you.I know a girlthat did thatto her ex...hewassleeping around onher and bought it home to her and he knew he had it. She got a settlement from him. It was like $5,000.00 I think. Not much for having to put up with something for the rest of your life but it was the idea thathe did not tell her and he should have. They proved that he knew by his previous doctor's visits.
Hon, get in there. You are suffering for no reason. Hugs L.