Hermit Crab Responsibility

Her chores should be based on the fact that she is a member of the family, and everyone in the family has to help out. It shouldn't be about earning money. She has to do her chores before she can have the privileges of doing fun stuff like watching TV, playing on the computer, going outside to play, etc (whatever her favorite things are).

It's too early for her to have to work for money, A.. She needs to work because she is a member of the family and you make it stick by withholding what she wants on a daily basis until she has done what she is supposed to do.

Dawn

Craigslist is your friend. Free to a good home...

That being said, the deal you made with her is not one I would have. At ten, it's good enough if they make sure the animal has food and water every day and a clean cage. But making her buy everything is a little more than I would expect.

You mustn't allow these crabs to die from neglect. That's not appropriate. They are living things and did not ask to come home with you. This is what happens when chores are optional. Here, my kids (now 2 teenagers) have always done chores. They were not paid, they simply had to do them. Their spending money is just spending money, it's not tied to chores. Restructure here. She should be responsible for caring for the pets. As parents, you should be paying for their needs. As for the chores, take the money aspect away. Chores are something that are done because kids are part of the family, they use the home and contribute to the mess, parents are not servants and they must be taught responsibility. Don't reward her for doing them. Does anyone pay you when you wash the dishes or vacuum the living room? If my kids weren't doing their chores, they'd be grounded and lose all electronics.

Letting them die intentionally that way is cruel and punishes the crabs, not your daughter.

I would take them away, take care of them, and if she does not earn them back by doing extra chores (give her a time limit to do this), then find a new home for them.

Next time she asks for a new pet, remind her what happened with the hermit crabs......

Don't make Charlie and Cecilia Crab suffer from negligence. It's not their fault.

It's more fun for a little girl to buy crabs than it is to take care of them. The novelty wears off fast. But they are living creatures with daily needs, and they depend on their owner for their lives.

You need to make another list, or sit her down with the one she has, of what she needs to do every day to take care of them. (Be willing to help out in emergencies.) If she cannot or does not take care of the Crab Cousins, they will go to another home immediately and she will pay you back for your cash outlay, even if that means she doesn't get any spending money for a while.

You might check now with some animal rescue agencies in your area to see if they will find a new home for them if it comes to that.

Don't be too severe on your daughter; this will be severe enough. It's very hard to learn the discipline that comes with having a such an important charge; many grownups can't do it well. "It's too bad you dropped the ball, Sarah, but your crabs need a better home than they have here. Please *don't ask for any more pets* until you have demonstrated more responsibility to us."

We've had our crab going on 2 years and he's eaten about a soufflé cup of food and about O. leaf of iceberg lettuce (total)!
And I've changes his "bedding" about 4 times.

Is she taking care of the crab?

Hmmm...that's tough. Maybe, I would buy the soil...but take the crabs away. Put them in your room (or somewhere else) and tell her they aren't hers, until she starts earning money to take care of them. I think I would also suggest finding a new home for them, if she can't be responsible. I would mean it, though. Don't suggest it, unless you mean it. The last thing I want as a mom, is a new thing to take care of. I could not, personally, let them die. I just couldn't, it's too mean. It's not THEIR fault, and I would find another way for a lesson. I don't think allowing an animal t o die slowly, is a proper way of teaching. (Just my opinion.)

I can't even imagine thinking about letting the crabs die from neglect to punish your daughter. That seems evil to me.

How on earth are they already out of food and need more soil? We had ours in a tank with sand and we fed them a tiny bit of the food we bought, but we supplemented with food we had in our home. They were no work, hardly any expense, and they lived for years. I think you need to get a book and see how to take care of these things. Sounds like you're doing it wrong. Or you got ripped off at the crab store.

Return the hermit crab.

She lost interest.

Sure she is lazy and ain't dong any chores nor is contributing to the family/household in terms of helping.
But even if she was not getting paid for all of that, she may not be doing it even then. Paid or not.
She is just not interested, in helping herself or the family nor being responsible.

She is neglecting her pet.
She lost interest.
She doesn't care about it.
Return it.
Or give it away.
Sure, she saved her money for it.
BUT... she is not taking care of it and has lost interest.
Returning it or giving it away, is her "lesson."
...the hermit crabs should not have to suffer... because of her and her flaky-ness. So, return it or give it away so that it can have a nice life and be cared for properly. By someone else, even if that is the pet store.

The point is: a pet is not a disposable good. It is a living creature. Obviously, your daughter is not mature enough, to take care of anything. Nor to even handle budget/money or earning it.

My son is 6. A couple of weeks ago, he found a baby fledgling bird in our yard on the ground. He was outside on the lawn all day, looking out for it. Literally. We could not find its nest nor the parents. So he asked to keep it. We let him. Why? Because he takes care of it from day 1. EVERY time the bird chirps, he feeds it. Day or night until he goes to bed. (we had a baby bird before so he knows how to take care of it from watching me do it and teaching him). If we go out, he will feed it before we leave the house. While we are out, he will say "Mommy we can't be gone too long... I have to feed baby bird..."
I make the baby food for the bird, but he, by himself, feeds it and cares for it. And he is very dutiful about it and earnest. He is only 6.... and he takes care of it. But when he is at school during the day, I care for it for him.
He "earned" his pet... by taking care of it and proving that he knows how.

Don't let your daughter have any pet.... even if it is her money. Because... she has proven, she cannot take care of it nor maintain it and her interest doesn't even last, in her pets. And, she is lazy. She can't even help out in the house.

To me: even if she did NOT have a pet... she STILL WOULD NOT be doing... any chores or anything, to help, the family.
She has not learned, even at 10 years old, what responsibility as a PART of the family, is. She is operating, for herself. And just waiting for her $5 every week.

I have a 10 year old girl too. She even cooks dinner at times and knows how. This morning in fact, she made breakfast for everyone. Pancakes and eggs and juice. She didn't ask for any help. I didn't tell her to do it. She helps me in the house. She even washes our vehicle. She even washed the windows a few times. She mops. She vacuums. She picks up after everyone. Not because she is paid or not. Not because I nag her. She does it, because she wants to help. And she also studies hard. We don't give our kids money weekly nor for chores. But for exceptional things, we do. And we have, 6 pets. Rabbit, 2 birds (one of which is my son's), fish, and a frog and Rollie-Pollies. My kids, help with it all.

I really don't think that punishing the crabs is the answer. Sure, it would make an impression on your daughter because A.) her pets would be gone and B.) so is the money she spent on them. Except it's cruel to those poor living creatures.

Stick with the chores and the chore chart, but don't make doing the chores optional. She needs to be required to do them. Allowance is her reward for complying with something she should already be doing anyway even if she didn't get an allowance.

Make her sell the crabs to someone who is willing to care for them so that they won't suffer.

Give her a warning letting her know that if she does not do her chores, she can't get paid and she will not have money for her pets and her pets need her. Point out that this was her choice and her responsibility and if she does not do her chores and takes responsibility for her pets, they will die. If you do not see a a change in her after this conversation, take the animals back, if they will take them or give them away, or sell them. I had 5 hermit crabs at one point and they are a pain to care for. They really are very delicate creatures, need constant attention to their habitat. Any change in temp, moisture, they die. They also do something that is odd and they can die from it....the leave their shells if they are not happy with them and if they cannot find another one in the terrarium to their satisfaction they become confused, remain "naked" and die, as they cannot be without a shell for too long. Good luck.

After reading some of the other answers (I don't know much about hermit crabs myself), I have to wonder if you are micromanaging or worrying about things that might never happen.

I think I would change the location of the tank to a (safe and healthy for crabs) place in the main house so you can monitor the crabs. Draw up a calendar of necessary care following the guidelines of some good books or an internet consensus. Then, check if she's following the calendar. Give her a hard line of what you will consider neglect - if you miss 1 care task on the calendar or is it 10 care tasks or is it 4 in a row, I don't know, but if she misses enough (and you should set that beforehand and inform her), then the crabs are taken to be given/sold/returned to someone who will care for them. One of those care tasks can be buy more food set down on a date where she will be close to out of food.

It sounds like she gets $5 a week regardless of the extra chores you want her to be doing in your home, and there is a month before she needs more food. Is $20 not enough? If it isn't, I'd be concerned about how hard she has to continue working to sustain her pets. It should not take the majority of her ability to obtain money to care for them every month. That seems unreasonable to expect of a 10 year old.

I would tell her you are going to the pet store on x day and she needs to be ready to buy the crabs more stuff. If she cannot take care of them, or is unwilling to part with her money (I personally wouldn't care if it's from a gift or something earned) then she cannot keep the crabs.

I think that a number of chores should just be "things you do as part of this household", including care of pets, folding and putting away her own laundry, doing some dishes. We did not have a pay for chores system. They got their $5/week (in middle school) and if they didn't do their chores then other things might happen, like being fined (we charged for missing the bus by their own fault) or loss of other privileges.

In an ideal world, she would save up, plan ahead and do all the things she is responsible for without being asked. In the real world, she is 10 and needs to be reminded and perhaps is not so much motivated by money, so you need to find her real currency.

My daughter was her age when she got her first Gerbil. She earned her money and still did not take care of the poor thing. She never fed him, changed his area, lost total interest in the little guy. He turned into my pet, so I gave my pet away. She was devastated that I did this.
She is 25 and lives at home. She has a gecko named Alfonso, he is also now mine because he was starving to death. He will have his new home next week.
She has not learned, she been wanting a dog. I told her when pigs fly will she ever bring a another dog here. Yes I still have the one she brought home 13 years ago. She is mine, I kept her.

* Edit. I wrote the first section thinking she'd had the crabs for awhile and you'd planned with her to have food and sand to last for several weeks. So see my edit. I'm combining my thoughts for two different scenerios.

I would not fight this battle. You and she have an agreement. I think it's important to stick with it. If you bail her out now she learns that she doesn't have to do what she's agreed to do.

My granddaughter, at age 9 or so,had hermit crabs and all she had to do was feed and water them every day. They lived for weeks without needing a change in soil. She still had food for them and they died. No one was monitoring them and so we don't know for sure what happened but I suspect she stopped watering and feeding every day. She did get bored with them. It's also possible that they just died. Yes, a hard lesson of two kinds. But not painful for the hermit crabs. They don't have nerves like more advanced creatures. They're a good way to start in teaching responsibility.

Edit: after reading the suggestions about ways to remove them without letting them die I agree. Also, after reading Angeles T's post, I think they died because they were placed next to a window that would get opened and closed.

Perhaps you could let the dirt go and if she has food left tell her that she's to work now to earn more food in the next few days. I definitely would not advance her the money. She's shown that she's not trustworthy to honor her agreements including those involving money. If she's out of food she can feel them people food. I think they like greens and veggies in really small bits.

When we rescue our kids our efforts at teaching responsibility are ineffective. * see below

* I just noticed she's only had them a week. They don't need their sand changed yet and how can she be out of food? The small bag we bought lasted for a couple of months. Hermit crabs are small and don't eat much. And how is she out of money, after all that you described her getting, in just a week. She had money when you bought the crabs? She has the $5 from her father. Did she have gift money when you bought the crabs.

Perhaps you didn't talk with her about planning ahead so that she would have money when it was needed? If my plan was to have her pay for supplies then I wouldn't have let her purchase the crabs before she had sufficient supplies to last for at least a month.

I suggest that you rethink your plan for her and then discuss it with her. Since she's just had them a week, I think it's unfair to give a consequence now because you didn't help her plan ahead. She's young, this is a new experience. She needs your ongoing teaching and help with planning ahead.

I'd, first revisit what hermit crabs need. Did you get a booklet or have you looked them up in the Internet? Then I'd talk with her about how to take care of them over time. If she kept up with the food and water this week, I'd praise her for doing so and then tell her, let's plan for the next week and the weeks after that. Help her "budget" for their supplies.

We bought supplies at the same time we bought the hermit crabs, knowing that their care was long term. Kids need lots of direction when starting to learn money management and caring for creatures.

It sounds to me that the more important problem here is helping her learn how to budget her money. You mentioned Don Ramsey's form. If you don't already use his suggestions for teaching. Monitor as she goes along. Apparently she's blown her money up until now. Perhaps as a condition of getting hermit crabs is to have a certain amount in savings for their care.

I wouldn't get rid of the crabs now. I'd start over tho. And I'd work with her to set up a savings plan, not only for the crabs but also for saving as a part of a plan for money.