Here We Go Again… Hopefully It Would Be for the Last Time "PROM"

Updated on May 20, 2013
N.B. asks from Scarsdale, NY
11 answers

Well, in a week my daughter will be attending her last HS Prom. Yes, it is exited and I am happy for her. But as a mom, I am also thinking about her feelings when she is not included in " after prom activities". You all know what I am talking about, the inevitable " left out" situation that arises all through school. Starts in K, when kids are left out of a party, a playdate or just a simple get together.

So far, she will be attending one after prom party, and I am praying that one will be enough and that will be the end of it. I am secretly happy that this will be the last one, and that her experience in college will be a lot different. Please don't get me wrong, she has been included in parties, and I know and understand as an adult that , she doesn't have to be going to " all the parties". But when it comes to your own child, you want to make everything perfect.

So, help me go through prom one more time….

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So What Happened?

thank you for the responses. In my case I do want to make my children's lives perfect- I know that it is not always possible but I like to give it a chance. Regarding the after prom- I have educated my daughter in a way that, she is capable of understanding the difference between the right or wrong thing to to. If she chooses to do the wrong thing, like drink or do drugs, then it won't be because she was not warned about the outcome, but bec she made that decision. At that time, we as parents will choose the appropriate punishment. And lastly, of course she doesn't have to be included in everything, but it is nice to dream once in a while that the world can be a more beautiful place if all of us would just get along and be inclusive.

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answers from Cleveland on

if she has any friends at all why don't you host a party and that way she can invited who ever she wants and you can monitor it so it stays safe. Unless you equate perfect with drunk and pregnant, because i do wonder if some people feel thier kids prom wouldnt' be complete with out that.

3 moms found this helpful

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answers from Chicago on

Hmmm, are parents these day actually ENCOURAGING after-parties?

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My daughter had her Sr prom last night. Big success!!

About 8 weeks ago, the prom group had about 15 people and I put down the deposit on the $1500 limo party bus.

A month ago, thank you to girl drama, the group was getting too big, things were not going as planned so my daughter and her date opted out of the prom group but I still had the limo bus.

The limo company has no refunds on the deposits so I figured I was out $200, not too bad because it could have been worse. However, the week before prom, the limo company called and made me a deal that my daughter and her date got a special car and driver for the night for an added $300. So I did that and I was happy that they had a driver and would be safe.

They went and had professional pictures taken as planned, then went to downdtown Dallas for dinner in the Reunion Tower which is a cool place. Afterwards, they attended the prom.

They got home about midnight, changed and went to an after prom party they were invited to.

Around here, the after prom party is either at someone's home which is a huge sleepover for everyone and/or the planned event put on by the PTA which is a huge party at a local event center with games, bowling, food, prizes and the PTA spends about $25,000 on this party. MOST of my daughter's friends have after parties at a home which is supervised.

I have never heard of someone going from party to party. You go to the one that your group has or the school sponsored one. You don't try to see how many you can go to. Each group does their own thing. One party is plenty enough since it is a sleepover and the parents are keeping watch over activities.

Of course I would like for her life to be perfect but I can't do that because no one and nothing is perfect. We learn from the little bumps in the road.

It sounds like your daughter has plans in place. Let her go and enjoy her last prom!

I am glad it is over as well but we had a great ride with all the planning, coordinating and pulling it off!

7 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I think as a mom I would be glad of this. The after parties are mostly drinking and drugs. Maybe your daughter isn't included because she actually has a "good" reputation, meaning she doesn't party like that.
Is SHE feeling sad about only being invited to one party?

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Omaha on

My school and all the ones around us had their school sponsored after proms, so we didn't have this problem. Does your child's school not have anything like that?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


I'm sorry - but really - this isn't the Oscars. It's PROM. She doesn't need to be with "EVERY" crowd, does she?

She's a teenager. She's going to one party - she doesn't need to go to more. That's when trouble starts...drinking - parents aren't paying attention - or worse - NOT THERE!!! driving...drunk or tired...

No. I don't want things to be "perfect" for my children. Sorry. But life isn't perfect. Children are doing WWWAAAYYY too much....all to keep up with the Jones'.

My HS senior prom? I was in Southern California - yeah - there were groups who ended up going to the beach - we had our prom on the Queen Mary in Long Beach...we went in groups and broke off...yeah..there were some kids whose parents rented rooms for the parents said NO FREAKING WAY to my going to the rooms or staying. Yep. Some kids got crazy.

So don't be down about her "only" being invited to one - that's all she really needs anyway...right?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Salinas on

My girl is only a freshman but honestly I'll be quite happy if she doesn't go to any after prom parties EVER. In our area they are usually not some place you want your teenage daughter at 2 am.

If she was invited to one and you're encouraging it what is the problem? One isn't enough? You want her out late going from party to party? Honestly that sounds crazy to me as does your so what happened. You will deal with her possible partying after the fact? Don't you read the news? Life changes in an instant and partying kids have a way of making the really BIG mistakes, you know the ones that can't be "un-done".

I guess it seems like you're a little too involved. Be happy for her and let her enjoy HER last prom.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

I appreciate your thoughts. It reminds me of when my son "graduated" elementary and some of the parents gave parties. One of the women kept incessantly bragging to so many of us how many parties her Cameron was attending, over and over and over...

She not only said it to moms whom she KNEW were not invited to these parties, but also in front of their children. She was a total beotch. The only reason Cameron was invited to these things is that she made it her business to find out where the parties were and push people into inviting him. I kid you not.

I'll bet you know moms like this at your school. They are insufferable.

Our high school (different school from elementary) sponsors Post Prom parties that are heavily chaperoned. Lots of music and games, no bags allowed in, and no one is allowed to leave until the party is done (3:00 am). That way they can control alcohol, etc. Parts of the school that aren't in use are blocked off. In our years there, there have been no problems with the prom or after prom party. I think it is a very smart way to deal with the issue of private parties and the problems caused by not having an alternative to them.

Something like the After Prom Party concept is also a great way to prevent kids from being excluded, like you are talking about. However, there is also something you could do to help her feel better. See what you think about this. I had my son invite his friends and their mothers to come to our house to take pictures together before leaving for the prom (it helped that our house was kind of on the way to the venue). The kids enjoyed hamming it up a bit, they enjoyed the serious shots, and it meant a lot to the moms, too. I don't know if you can work that out, but it's a thought.

After the prom itself, the kids came back to my house and changed clothes (I had a room set up for the girls and a room set up for the boys - their "after prom clothes" were left in those rooms.) Of course, that meant that I was up most of the night, but that's okay. They picked up their dresses and tuxes a few days later because they didn't come back to my house to get them after the party.

This is something that you could approach the school with and the PTA for future proms. I think that it really does prevent a lot of reckless behavior. And it gives ALL the kids a chance to have a party to go to and not feel left out. (Added - a Post Prom Party ticket costs our students $15. Parents do donate goods, and the PTA sponsors the rest.)

Good luck and enjoy her last prom!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boca Raton on

Bless your heart . . . you sound like a loving mom.

I was one of those girls who struggled a bit socially in high school. Let me reassure you that I absolutely LOVED college, almost too much LOL.

I just didn't want you to worry. Your girl will be fine and this too shall pass. She's got a great mama in her corner. Just make sure that you are not making her feel that YOU somehow wish her social life was smooth and glorious! :P

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Not a ridiculous concern at all! I remember those days with my kids. My younger was an introvert and quite often got left out of things because people just overlooked her. I always wanted her to be included and have fun. It sounds like your daughter has one party to go to, and that's a good thing. Hopefully that WILL be enough for her. Maybe it will be lots of fun and last into the wee hours of the morning and everybody will return home happy -- daughter included.

This is something as a parent you do not just GET OVER, as one poster suggested. Hugs to you. I'm sure it will go well.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'm in the same situation. My daughter doesn't even have a date. She was going to go with a few friends as a group, but they decided not to go. So she's going with a girl friend so she has someone to sit with.

I've told my daughter, she's can have a sleepover at our house on prom night.

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