Helping Our Son Understand That Our Dog Is Not Coming Home

Updated on February 13, 2010
S.V. asks from Buena Park, CA
14 answers

Good Morning mama
Monday we had to put our family dog to sleep, our son who is 4 years old wants to go get her at the hospital I have told him she will not be coming home she is in dogie heaven... Please help is there any books out there. Or has anyone been thur this that could help us.
Thank you very much

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much everyone. I'm going to look for the books today. Also I do believe that I should be honest.
Thanks again
BTW we have another dog

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D.G.

answers from Las Vegas on

"The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" (if it's still in print)

1 mom found this helpful
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T.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

The other suggestions are good ones. My advice is to just be as honest as possible about death. Our cat passed away a while back, and my 3-year-old had a hard time understanding at first, but I just kept explaining it to her in the simplest language possible and she did eventually get it. Every once in a while she'll say that the cat went to live in another house, which is kind of funny, but for the most part she gets what happened and will tell people that the cat died.

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K.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Goodbye Mousie, and Dog Heaven are both good books. Caution: They will make you cry, so be sure to read them to yourself a fe times first, so you aren't as upset in front of your son.

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Good Morning S., Sorry for your loss. My shepherd died 2 years ago. For your sun instead of using a lot of words to try and make him understand. Get another dog/puppy, the shelters are full of animals who need loving homes. Your son will have a new exciting distraction and you will be giving an animal a home and a chance for love. J.

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Z.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Good Morning S.,
First I want to give you my condolences on the lose of your family pet. I recently came across a book Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylani it has beautiful illustrations and such an uplifting message ( I found it at Borders). Our family dog recently went through surgery and it made me think of how I would approach the situation. I also have a family friend that shared her family had their pet cremated and had a stone with his paw prints made and placed in their garden.

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C.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

HI S.,

My condolences. it's not easy losing a member of your family, even when she has 4 paws! I've used a book called "Lifetimes" with my 4YO son. It's a really nice way of explaining that everything has a lifetime, and presents death in a least-scary way. It really helped after we lost some extended family members. And guppies. And plants.....

Best of luck to you!
C.

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D.S.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

The book Saying Goodbye to Lulu is the best book for children and adults.
It is a story about a family that had to put their dog to sleep, it's a very sweet story. I am a preschool teacher and our children love this story. The author is Corinne Demas and Illustrator is Ard Hoyt. Best of luck to you.

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K.M.

answers from Washington DC on

There is a poam called "Rainbow Bridge" (you can Google it) that explains where animals go and wait for their owners. I hope that helps some. Once you've all gone through the grieving process, and if you are not ready for another dog, it might help if you go to local adoption events so he can see dogs again without any commitment. There are also local dog events you can go and be a spectator at as well. And finally, you could always help another dog out by fostering them (no medical costs to you, just providing them with food, shelter, and love until a forever home is found).

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B.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Get another dog ASAP.
B. v.O.

Updated

Get another dog ASAP.
B. v.O.

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D.H.

answers from Indianapolis on

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is a dramatic experience. Has any human died that your son knows? If not, then it's hard for them to make the leap to understand. The poem the person suggested is a great one.

I know here, you can volunteer at the dog pound and the shelter, maybe that would be something to look into for him to go around. I like the idea too of going to the events. Let him know that your dog is in a better place and feels so good, and although misses him, he will see her again.

Good luck.

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J.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

Our family actually went through this same thing. We actually told the kids (5,3, and baby) at the time that we're sending the dog off to the farm to retire with a nice old lady. Our dog (who we've had for many years was getting very old and very grumpy) bit my husband really hard over food. Rescue places wouldn't take a dog who had a 'history' and we were not able to trust him anymore especially around the new baby. It was the best way we knew how to deal with it at the time.
After two weeks, I ordered a river rock with a paw print and our dog's name. When it came in the mail, I told the kids that Odie was doing well and that he was so happy that he made a craft to show us how much he loves us. My daughter did ask from time to time about Odie, but she pretty much knew in the back of her mind that he wasn't coming back. A few months later, the kids asked if Odie is with God, to which we replied...'yes.'
Like I said, we felt really bad that we had to lie to the kids, but it was bad enough that our dog wasn't coming back home.
Good luck with how you decide to break it to your son. This is always such a hard thing to do. I really like the other suggestions and wish I knew about them 3 years ago when I went through the same thing.
Last year, we adopted another puppy from a dog adoption fair- the kids love him!

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S.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

"dog heaven" by cynthia rylant!!! :D

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M.L.

answers from Dallas on

I am so sorry for your loss, losing a dog is one of the hardest things ever. We lost our pug at age 5 only in Oct. My DD is 3 and she asks about him often, not as much as in the beginning, but she still asks. I told her he went to heaven to take care of all the other dogs that did not have a mommy or daddy and one day she will see him again. When she misses him we go and buy a balloon and she lets it go and watches until she can see it no longer. She thinks she is sending it up to "Harley" and it always makes her feel better. The rainbow brigde poem i s a very good poem also. I did start fostering again, and now we have new puppies almost every week, she thinks this is cool. I just tell here we are keeping them until they find a forever home.

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