Help with Stepkids!!!!

Hi L.,

My advice to you is don't give up. Teenagers need structure. I have 4 children, 2 being teens 18 & 15. You need to get them on a routine. We have a daily-to-do list (which we set Monday - Friday) for all of the kids. Each one having to clean their own rooms and pick up their bathrooms, (each day after school). From there they have a couple of chores each week, anywhere from vacuuming, dishes, cleaning off the table, taking the trash out, taking care of the animals, etc...which we divide and they trade off for something different each week (so they do a little of each thing every month). This also helps them to learn to work together.

All of which they have to do after school & homework, but before they can go play or do fun activities or they don't play! (And you have to stick to your guns and don't give up!)

I know that it may sound like alot, but it really isn't once they get the routine. This gives them responsiblities and helps teach them to take care of things so that when they do leave the nest, you won't worry so much, knowing that they are capable.

You will have one clean and orderly home.....with everyones help!

Good Luck!

Well,
It would be easier to throw in the towel... but don't. For them, and for you... they need to learn simple responsibility.
Nevermind the "oh, they are products of a divorce". I lived with my dad starting at 13. It was tough, but life is tough and ya gotta deal with it.
ANYWHOOO... My advice, come up with a chore chart, chore jar, etc. They should have SET responsibilities. Your boyfriend should back you. If they don't do their jobs, they don't get computer time, game time, cell phones, extra curricular activities...
If they leave crapola around the house, box it up and hide it. Their room included.
Where does your child figure in? Does that person live with ya'll? If so, I'll include them in this... assuming they are following suit.

Make a united front and stick with it. AND, if he doesn't back you up, I would leave.
GOOD LUCK.
E.

Hi L., Well I can tell you that in our house if the kids wanted anything they have to work for it. Their rooms were kept, if they left things lying around, well then the lost them. If they want to keep their things, then they need to keep it up. If your cooking, cleaning and taking care of a 18 and 15 year old and their not helping out, then what kind of adults will they become??? If it were me, I would stop all cooking, cleaning and washing for them till they decide they want to help out. If Dad doesn't like that, then dad needs to cook, clean and wash for them. Why should you beat your head in if your not getting help from dad or the kids. Ask Dad to support you and you will stop complaining to him abut it. Good luck

Stand your ground! Be prepared for them to not like you but if you are living in the house with them and you are considered the parent then there is a respect factor and part of you respecting them is them respecting you. Start slow and notice their progress and let them see that it is really not that hard. Work together and YES their DAD needs to be behind you all the way so talk with him first and get on the same page and GO FOR IT! They will thank you in the end. Good luck!

Number One - your boyfriend needs to support your decision on having an organized home! Don't yell or argue, be a calm attorney, explain your case to him alone first then together you need to give the boys their lists. My son does not play until school work and chores are complete. He used to say I'm a "neat freak" and a "germaphobe"....no longer....he gets it after seeing a couple of other homes.

I am still married to my husband now almost 25 yrs....he had children before we got married and as they got older it got worse...but I chose not to say much then and that was a mistake....one of his daughters passed of Cancer and the other we are still struggling with and she is 31yrs old with 3 children....but now I let her know what I feel and I do it with as much respect as I can.....but I don't allow for her to be manpulative anymore....she did alot of that growing up and she tries to do it now and has been unsuccessful......You need to strong and direct....but what I have learned; what makes it all work is that HE (YOUR MAN) NEEDS TO STAND BESIDE YOU RIGHT OR WRONG SO THE CHILDREN/KIDS KNOW THAT THEY AREN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO USE YOU AGAINST ONE ANOTHER....THEN YOU AND HE CAN DISCUSS ELSEWHERE WHAT HE/OR YOU MAY HAVE SAID WRONG OR WHAT YOU/HE THOUGHT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE!....discuss with him what it is you want to do and make sure you and he are on the same page! GOOD LUCK!