Help with Potty Training 3-1/2 Year Old!

B.,

Does she see others in the household use the potty? Seems like a silly question but my little ones have always been in the bathroom with us from the time they were old enough to walk around. My husband too. He sits to go if the children are in the house. You never know when one of them will come barging in, and my little guy is still too little to be left alone for 5 minutes unsupervised.

It would seem that many little ones atually have no idea what they're supposed to do on the potty. Books and videos are great, but nothing beats first hand experience.

Choose a direction to try and stil with it. She'll come around soon enough.

Blessings,
Rolinda
Wife, Mother, Friend

Hi B.,

I had the same problem. My son wanted nothing to do with the potty. So over Thanksgiving weekend, I started on a Wednesday b/c he had no school the following thursday, I stripped him naked and let him run around like that for 2 days straight. It worked and he has been potty trained ever since. We only had maybe 4 accidents that whole weekend. Try it. I did b/c I had a number of people tell me that that was the best way to go. Good luck

I think most of us have been right there with you. My daughter will be 4 in April and she still wears pullups at night. But pre-school was a blessing. She wanted to be a big girl.

It just sounds like she is just not ready. Don't force her. Pick you battles. Try again a little later. Don't worry she will train...And enjoy it now, pretty soon you'll be lineing every toilet seat in every store you go in!!!!

I have to disagree with the person who said they are all potty trained by school age - there is a girl in my nephew's first grade class who pees herself every day.

My personal opinion is that I would let it go for a couple of months and try again. My sister-in-law's approach was to ceremoniously toss the last of the diapers and tell her son that there was no more and he'd need to use underwear from now on. He only had a couple of accidents then was fine. He was just under 4 at the time. I think it also helped that all of his friends at preschool thought it was gross when he pooped in his diaper. Is your daughter in preschool or daycare? Peer pressure is pretty powerful!

My girls potty trained through the use of stickers, praise, and a lot of "gotcha" timing -- I could see when they were starting to go and I'd grab them and throw them on the potty. Then lots of praise and stickers when they were done. It took about 4 months with each of them and another couple of months to get rid of pullups overnight.

Best of luck,
K.

She may not be ready to go yet. But, one thing I did w/my son when I really knew he knew what was going on.... If he pooped his pants, I made him go into the bathroom with me and hold onto his undies and rinse them out in the toilet. He told me he didn't like to do that, and I told him I didn't either and that he would be doing it from now on until he learned to poop directly into the potty. It only took about 3 times of rinsing out the undies for him to figure it out! (I felt like a heel though) All but one of my kids, I told them that they were old enough and I was done buying diapers. But, it may all come down to just giving her a little more time...

Mother of 3 wonderful boys...11, 9, and 4

Hi

I really feel a lot of the toilet training or lack of interest is all about control....that is, the control the child has on the parent(s). Obviously, this is something you are trying very hard to achieve and she knows it. My son did the same thing....when we backed off and tried to make it a very positive low key time when using the bathroom it all clicked. Couple of things worked for us: leaving toy magazines/catalogs in the bathroom and he could only look at them when he sat on the potty. As soon as he sat on the potty we ran the water (sink or shower). For some reason, this seemed to de-stress the situation. Had a small basket of trinkets in the bathroom and let him select one thing if he successfully went. Our pediatrician (Kids First) told my son a story about the "poopy party". She said " when you go poop the poopy goes does the drain all the way under the ground and joins the ohter poopies and they have a great big poopy party....don't you want your poopy to go to the party too?" I know sounds weird but my son really embraced the idea of sending his poop down to the poopy party. Also, if there was ever an poop accident we made sure he witnessed us putting it in the toilet. Relax, it will all click soon. Also it is a lot easier when the weather gets warmer. I personally did not use any of the small pottys-just bought the rings for each bathroom and a stool for leg support.

Good Luck

Hi B.!!
HANG IN THERE!! My son will be 4 in Feb. potty training drove me NUTS! It was so easy with my first!! I tried everything!! I know this is crazy but...popcorn!! It has alot of fiber, whenever he has some his bowel movements are so easy and he does'nt fuss to go on the potty...but it has to be on his terms...the more you force...the longer it will take!! It will happen..once I relaxed and stopped talking about it...he started..Good Luck!
K.

Commit to 1 week of staying home with her and not going anywhere. Put her in undies or keep her naked (naked actually works best). Everytime she uses the potty, give her a reward. DO NOT go backwards, DO NOT use pull-ups. Punishment is counter-productive. Stick to it. Make this HER accomplishment...not yours. REWARD, REWARD, REWARD!! It is the only language they understand.

I don't have any advice, per se, since my son is the same age as your daughter and also refuses to have anything to do with the potty. My pediatrician told me that it is a control thing and to just wait it out or we will have other (longer lasting) issues to deal with. The common belief seems to be if you can wait until they are 'ready' versus pushing them the training goes much smoother and faster. I know it is frustrating and sometimes embarrassing, but if it is best for your child (and you!) then maybe you should just let her go back to diapers for the time being. Hang in there!

yes, you are DEFINATELY trying too hard! when kids are pressured into doing something...anything...their instinct is to resist. you need to accept the fact that there are two things that you absolutely CANNOT control in a child:
1. eating (can't force feed them, even though you can offer better choices; and, if you make mealtime a forceful thing, your child will naturally resist)

2. emptying their bowels and bladder (a child has very little control over what goes on in their lives; if they feel that what little control they do possess is wavering, generally they will withhold their bowel movements and could become painfully constipated)

NEVER force your child on the potty. if they are resisting, you can try once to get them to go, but then let it go. she will develop a fear of the potty if you force her or punish her for getting her underwear dirty. when potty training, you never want to make your child feel bad. accidents should be viewed as, uh oh, looks like you didn't make it to the potty; then take the dirty clothes off your child, and matter of factly put the poopy (if poopy accident) from the underwear, into the potty and tell her that this is where pee pee and poo poo go, then gently lift your child onto the potty so that she makes the connection. it will take some time for her to recognize the feeling that she has to go, especially since she is now resisting the adults who are trying to force her to go. relax about it and DO NOT use pull-ups (exceptions could be at night or on outings), use thick cloth training pants (Gerber makes them and they are sold at wal-mart or target) so that she can feel the wetness (you're right, many kids, including my son, will continue to play even if they are in soilded underpants) and it will not be such a big mess for you. this is a natural transition and should be treated as such. natural rewards like hugs and praise work best because she will be proud of herself. DON'T WORRY: She will be potty trained before she goes to school--they all are!

B.

I think the best thing you can do is put her on a potty training schedule. It is what I have done with children that I have potty trained. I worked with children with developmental delays but this system will work for typically developing children as well, it is intensive for the trainer and so I don't recommend it for typical children unless there have been a lot of difficulties with training. What you do is buy a digital egg timer and set it for every 15 minutes. Take her to the bathroom every 15 minutes when the timer rings. Reinforce successes, small cookie, favorite toy, whatever, only use this reinforcer for potty training nothing else. Also let her flush if she succeeds, small kids like to flush. Treat the situation neutrally if she does not go to the potty. If she has an accident do not reinforce, just let her know she needs to use the potty instead. Increase fluids during training. You will have a lot of accidents the first week or so, after that things should begin to look up. After 3 days with no accidents increase the timer to 20 minutes. Continue to do this in 5 minutes increments. Take her to the potty any time she asks to go and encourage this behavior. Also try a potty video and/or book if you haven't yet. "Once Upon a Potty" is a good one, there is a girl and a boy version. You can watch the boy version on youtube for free to see if you approve of it first, the girl version is the same but with a little girl instead.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=E9v-nKxH2NE&feature=related

"Elmo's Potty Time" is good too, you can see a song from it on youtube as well.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PqLMcyUFrSA

Hope this helps.

I'm a mom of 3, all girls, I trained all three of min the same way. Two were super easy, one did so not want to go but with happy reactions to going and nuetral to not, she eventually trained as well.

I started by taking them to the bathroom when I had to go, even when they were really small and just weren't going to train yet.

Wehnit was time for them to learn...First, no pull ups or diapers except at night or if we were out and about. Then I took them shopping and let them pick their own big girl panties. The one wanted boy's spiderman undies, but hey, whatever works.

Next I started sitting them on their own potty whenever I went. I'd give them a book to read to make it less about the potty. If they went, we'd sing, we'd do this silly little dance, flush, wash our hands and have a treat. If they didn't go I'd say, okay, next time, and take them again in about 45 min. You'll find, if you keep a careful eye on the timing of her accidents, you can probably avoid them and give her some positive results. Honestly, punishing them for an accident is one of the worst things to do and can lead to later bed wetting issues.

I did do the accident cleanup thing. But I did that general, to teach them to clean up after themselves.

Good luck.

I agree with the other comments. I have two children and my I was very anal (no pun intended!!) about getting her potty trained. We started at 2 1/2 and it took forever..it was a chore for both of us. My younger daughter never showed an interest in training and quite frankly, I never pushed the issue. She started a new preschool last September and they put the kids on a potty schedule of once an hour. Honestly, she was trained in less than a month (thank you Miss Vicki at the Learning Experience!!!) It was such a joy and we have had very few setbacks. But, they would reward with stickers when they went and made it no big deal if they didnt. Not that I want to tell you what to do, but punishing her for having an accident isnt going to work. You can have her help clean up, but try to avoid the punishment. She doesnt know that she is doing anything wrong. Good luck!

i hate to say it, but it sounds like she is not ready. why make yourself crazy? she will eventually be potty trained. maybe you could give it six more months

Hi B. -

My son just turned 3-1/2 & he just is fully potty trained. We tried everyting you are doing to no avail a few months ago. I finally decided to stop & put pull ups back on. He was wearing these during & diapers at night (until they were all gone). When it was getting closer to the diapers being gone, we talked about how he will be wearing pull ups only at night & big boy underwear during the day. We picked a day (Thanksgiving) & decided that was the day he was going to start using the potty. We told everyone about it so they could talk about it with him too. He was so excited that when he woke up on Thanksgiving morning he asked to put on big boy underwear. He had a few accidents (mostly pooping) the first few days, but has been doing a great job ever since. We also give him treats when he goes (Hershey kisses or jelly beans, which are sitting on the back of the toilet. I know it is frustrating, but she will go when she is ready and at her age she will pick it up real fast after she starts. I also bought my son the Elmo Potty DVD, he loves it & learned from it. The one thing you have to remember is "accidents happen & that's okay" (a song from the DVD). Try not to punish her for accidents, I feel that may make it worse.

Best of luck to you, I know what you are going through.