i was asked to be a wedding that takes place next month. At first everything was great, all was normal. Then little by little all changed. The ceremony was to be outside in a beautiful garden and the reception was to be at a resterant. Now both are to be held in the mother of the brides back yard. We spent $100 on the dresses to stand in a back yard, oh how great. Now the men are to wear tuxes at over $100 a piece, but one guy on the grooms side is wearing a hawian shirt and slacks. No limos anymore, my girlfriend and i decided not to go and pay $65 to get our hair done for a back yard wedding that is only going to last a few hours. Now the bride is mad. But she is still intent on getting smashed before, during and after the wedding. This is the worst thing i have had to put myself through, my husband wants to back out. Please help what do i do?
It was going to be an outside wedding anyway, right? So why does it matter what part of outside it takes place? If you are truly friends with this couple then do your hair yourself, keep the friendship, and be in the wedding. I don't understand why in the first place anyone who isn't the bride would pay $65 to get their hair done. Sorry, but that just sounds like a bit much to me.
I am afraid my response will sound rude, but I do not intend it that way, I just offer advice. I don't think that you should look at this situation the way you are. This is her big day, and she should have the final descision on where it takes place, and even if it is sad... how drunk she will be for it. I doubt you said yes to being in her wedding because of the location, I am sure you said yes, because she is your friend. Just tell your friend that you don't have the money to get your hair done and have decided to do it yourself. I am sure she'll understand that, if not maybe she'll offer to pay for it, which would save you the expense. I think you should stand by your friend, don't back out of the wedding now a month prior. Let your husband back out if that is his choice, and explain why he did... AFTER the wedding. I am sure you would be upset if during your wedding nine years ago, everyone in your wedding thought what you were doing was ghetto and told you about it. Don't ruin her day for her. Sorry again if it sounds rude, it's just that the way you explain the situation, it sounds like this woman doesn't have the money to pay for a big extravagant wedding and her friends think less of her for it just because you dont' want to wear a 100 dollar dress in a backyard and you want to ride in a limo.
I'm sorry but did you agree to be in her wedding because of where it was and the fact that you get to ride in a limo?? or did you agree to be in her wedding because she's your friend?? Maybe your friend wants to get smashed for her wedding because the way her wedding party is treating her has her so stressed out she's no longer looking forward to HER big day. Not to be rude, but if I was in someones wedding party I would go out of my way to make sure they were happy, not me
This almost feels like a fake request, but I'll put my two cents in anyway.
Life happens, plans change. I'm sure there was a good reason for the bride to change the locations. I'm betting she didn't do it just to make you and your husband angry or upset.
If you only spent $100 on a dress, consider yourself lucky. That's inexpensive by today's standards. You spent $100 to stand by your friend, no matter WHERE this event is held, right?
Since the standards seemed to have relaxed now, with backyard wedding, Hawaiian shirt, etc. you CAN do your own hair. If she gets mad, she gets mad. But, you're going to be in photographs, so you may want to reconsider this since you were willing to shell out the bucks originally.
"But she is still intent on getting smashed before, during and after the wedding."
She told you this? That's really odd. It just doesn't have the ring of truth, I'm afraid. I'm hoping you're exagerating.
If hanging out with friends in a new dress at a backyard wedding, suffering through not riding in a limo, eating at a "homemade" reception is the worst thing you've put yourself through, honey, consider yourself one lucky woman!
Why does your husband want to back out? He doesn't like parties? He wants to put himself out as a immature guy who can't be counted on?
Stop complaining, show some class, chin up and be the stand up woman you can CHOOSE to be. That's my advice. This is not about you, it's about your alcoholic (by YOUR description) friend. She may need all the friends she can get!
Don't be selfish. It isn't YOUR wedding, so it isn't what you want, its what your friend wants. If she wants it in someones yard and you already said you'd be in it, then suck it up.
With all due respect, it is her wedding. Is it not your job simply to be there and be happy and supportive of her marriage?
Not knowing exactly how close you and your husband are to the bride (and/or groom), I am assuming pretty close to have been asked to be attendants - quite an honor. Why do you think a change of location and logistics for the wedding makes any difference as to how you should approach it? If their perfect wedding is to be in a back-yard, who are you to judge that? Even if it's only due to finances - the key of the day is getting married... not the materialistic things that you and your husband seem to be focusing on. Even though it may not be your idea of a "dream wedding" - you are being selfish to approach it anything less then their dream wedding.
J. if this person is your friend then you need to be a friend. It's my understanding (being engaged myself) that this is her wedding and some times things we dream of aren't always affordable so maybe that has something to do with it.
My best friend just got married at his wifes family farm (yicks I know) it was beautiful though and yes people who were in the wedding left right after the wedding which in my opinion is enough. Your friend wants you to be a part of the wedding if it turns out as bad as you think it might leave after but at least you did was she asked (you were in the wedding)
Remember the last thing you want to do is destroy something most women looks forward to their entire lives.
In the end, sorry to say, it's her wedding and you told her you'd stand up for her on her day without making stipulations that the wedding go the way you thought it should. If your husbands backs out, you can't help it.. but if he is a goomsman.. well he made a promise too. I am a big believer when you say you will do something you simply do it. It is a matter of your own character and standards. If you say you will, you made the choice already to do it. Backing out now is going against the honor of your own word. What goes on that day in the planning is not on you, but her... and what YOU do as far as getting hair done and being happy and supportive like a bridesmaid should is on you. You want to change things that were never your concern to begin with. Instead you are forgetting the way the other actions you do may reflect on you. She obviously thought you a good enough friend to ask you to be in her special day.. and you want to turn your nose up at her because you disagree at the standards of certain things. I would be so dissapointed if my friends did that. Friends shouldn't judge one another ... you love eachother inspite of these things. Also, 100 dollars for a gown is nothing... be very lucky you didn't pay more.. my last one was well over that. I got dressed for my gf in a parking lot ceremony once.. but it was about her and I was happy to do it. You don't have to get smashed too.. but if you drink try having one you nurse a bit... and celebrate with her without judging her decisions. Life happens. You can't know everything she went through and why she had to change it all. Maybe she didnt' really want to either, but had to and is trying to cover it up. She wanted you to be there and be happy for her and you said you would.. I say go.. unless you really can't get over your own disgust and then maybe she is better off if you do back out. It's her day.. bottom line. I am sorry if that comes across harsh, but.. in the end.. that is the bottom line.
I would talk to her, You already got the dress, just do your Hair and Make-up yourself and make the most of it...no matter where the wedding is it will still be just as nice.....I have been to a few outside back yard weddings and they have all turned out to be nice....It does not matter where she is having it,the same people are going to see you no matter where it was held, am I correct?! And if she wants to get smashed all through out her wedding then let it be, not my choice either I would wait until the reception...but that is just me...Hope it all works out....
