Help with My Depression

Updated on June 15, 2010
N.S. asks from Saint Paul, MN
13 answers

I am in my mid thirties and divorced with two boys, I am a professional woman with a middle management position in a reputable organization. I have started feeling unhappy for some time but can’t share this feeling with any of my family members; recently I have also started wishing I was no longer on earth, but thank god for being a Muslim I am nowhere near to the idea of taking my own life.
This is really effecting my relationship my kids especially my eldest, I find myself always being irritated with nearly everything he does whether for a reason or no reason. This has caused his to always be unhappy and I hate that I am rubbing this on him
Keeping my long story short I can trace this unhappiness since 12 years ago when I and my boyfriend whom I considered my soul mate split up, then I got married to someone else had two kids and divorced 5 years ago. I go though depression end up crying for long periods without any known reason to me, I feel so worthless and useless with no sense of purpose. Unfortunately in our country in the middle east we have no knows psychiatrist that one could go to, what should I do or how can I self improve my self

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So What Happened?

Dear all,

Thank you all for your support, interesting it seems I have forgotten who the person in me really is, I stopped loving anything in me a really long time ago and never put my self on the list of item to do. I am currently living in the middle east (The gulf) but I agree that I can start to order some self help book (any recommendation?) thx Jilly613 for your recommendations I will google them. I will also google Zoloft, St. Johns Wort, Vitamin D, and Fish Oil,

As I am in the Middle East; we have no experienced psychiatrist or special programmers with in the companies but i will start to ask around for any doctors; where I come from anyone going to a psychiatrist is labeled as crazy
I definitely agree that exercise is a good way forward for positive thinking; actually I did start two month ago but then after one month got caught up with kids school work and like everything eals in my life simple lost interest. However I am due to go on my holidays soon with my kids and really hope I come back feeling better and would really love exercising to be back on my list

Thx Mikelle I loved : "I am not happy with you right now, but I love you so much!" I think I rarely remind my eldest how much I love him and care the world about him

God bless you all

More Answers



answers from Miami on

Dear N., I am so sorry you are going through what you are going through. You are not alone. Good for you for writing about it and seeking advice. Some concrete thoughts:

1. Can you hug the person you are and were: You were not the same person in the past that you are now and you made the best choice for you at the time, given the informaton you had and who you were. Does that make sense? Please love yourself enough to see that you are doing the best you can.

2. Where you are living, can you order Western "self-help" books? Books by Louise Hay (spiritual, empowering and uplifitng ) or David Burns (self esteem).

3. Can you write safely in a journal, and write daily positive affirmations about yourself: I am N., I am beautiful, I am smart, I am competent, I forgive my past mistakes, i am a great momma etc.

4. Are you taking care of yourself -- physically, you have time for yourself? To read, take a bath, take a walk, go shopping :)

I hope the above helps a little. Please continue to write to mammapedia for a safe space for your thoughts. We have all been where you are.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

I would try my hardest to find a psycholog. or psychiatrist to see asap. Ask your regular family Dr. who they know of. and recommend for you. In addition, you need to start a regular, daily excersise pgm. Set aside 30 min. minimum of fast-paced walking or jogging, early in the day often helps. The exercise produces endorphins that will naturally boost your energy and emotions. If you can do a fast walk or jog outdoors each day too tihs will help. Medical studies show that being in the sunshine inproves your mood too, so there is a double benefit. Finally, I saw this good article from It has some pts that you may find helpful.:
You can do these things to get started. You sound like a great mom and have to do this for yourself and especially for your children. Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Your life hasn't turned out the way that you had hoped it would so far and you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. It's only natural that you would feel some depression right now because you are probably feel unfullfilled. It's time to find some inspiration for yourself and maybe pursue one or two of your passions. Maybe take a class on a subject that you had always wanted to learn more about like art or writing. Think about planning a trip with a good friend to someplace that you've never been before and always wanted to go. Or maybe join some kind of club or group -- such as a book club -- so that you can hook up with other like-minded people and socialize a bit more in a more casual setting. Take a yoga class or take up some other form of exercizing to help you break up the rut that you have fall into.

The point is that you need to break up your life a bit more and make it more than just about home, family and work. Those a great cornerstones to a great life but it should be a bit more than that. If you start putting yourself out there and doing things just for fun then hopefully you will think more about the unlimited possibilities of your future and less about what could have, should have, would have happened in the past. I think reaching out to others and trying to see the unlimited potential of your life from here on out would be really beneficial to you right now.

God bless. Sending you prayers of strength and comfort right now.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

Sorry you're feeling so bad, but glad you wrote. Does the company you work for have an EAP program, or are they contracted with an agency that might help with counseling and/or medications? Many companies do have such a program, and it might be a good place to start looking for ways to help yourself.

If you need other ideas for how to search for resources, let us know. I know it's difficult to advocate for yourself when you're feeling so poorly. Maybe you could think of it as "I'm doing this for my children" until you get to a place where you can do it for yourself?

I do hope you find some help - you shouldn't have to deal with this by yourself. Forgive my ignorance of middle eastern culture - I'm sure the differences between the two cultures add to the difficulties. In my view, each and every person is worthy of feeling great, and it takes strength to reach out for and to receive help. Best wishes to you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Topeka on

N....are you currently living in the US or are you back in your homeland? If you are in the US there are SO many options out there for you!! You owe it to yourself and to your two precious children to get the help that you need and deserve. The company that I work for has a private helpline that can be used by the employees to call for help and referral to other areas of support and assistance that are available.
If you are living in the US I am assuming that you have a health insurance policy through your work. take advantage of it....find out if you can go to any doctor or counselor or if you have to see someone within the companies list of physicians. A general practitioner that you see for annual physicals and such can even prescribe anti-depressants for you that can help greatly. I have been taking a low dose of Zoloft for about 8 years now and I can't tell you the difference it has made!!!
If you need someone to vent to please feel free to message me, I would be more than happy to be a shoulder to lean on.
God Bless You my Dear
R. Ann

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sioux Falls on

My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Please seek help as quickly as you can! If you are here in the States, make an appointment with your doctor as soon as you can. Also, try to make time to find a good support group. I don't know how I would have made it through my divorce, had it not been for the wonderful people who were there for me to just be with when I was feeling alone and sad.
12 years is an awful long time to be depressed. You must be a very strong woman! If you have no access to a Dr. for antidepressants, try St. Johns Wort. I take it myself. You will not feel any different taking it, other than, you will notice your mood is uplifted. I will catch myself humming to myself for no reason!
Make an effort to always tell your children how much you love them. Even when I am angry and annoyed with my children, I will still say, "I am not happy with you right now, but I love you so much!"

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

Dear N.,
I am so sorry for how you feel. I can understand as I have dealt with mild depression.

Here is my advice, a family doctor should be able to help you. He/She can prescribe an anti-depressant or if it is not the direction you want to go then just tell the doctor that you would like another alternative such as a diet change and/or a natural supplement. You don't have to go to a psychiatrist for this kind of help.

I do lots of self-talk, telling myself that I can get through it. I can deal with whatever it is that I am facing. I also rely heavily on my faith and pray regularly for help, peace and hope.

Your life DOES have purpose even if you don't have your soul mate. Please work hard at making yourself believe this.

Please feel free to email me if you just need someone to talk to.

I will be thinking of you and praying for you.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

You may be able to find a psychiatrist somewhere else who can write a prescription for you that can be filled where you live.

If you absolutely can't get medical treatment for your despression, there are a couple over the counter things that you can try. First, St. John's Wort, Vitamin D, and Fish Oil have all been shown to have a positive effect on mood. While this will not give you the same relief that an antidepressant will, it may help.

Second, exercise is the most positive thing that can help turn depression around. If you are not getting aerobic exercise daily, try adding that.

Third, make sure that you are getting sufficient sleep. Lack of sleep (single mom's never get enough!) is a major cause of depression.

Hang in there and know that I am thinking of you!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Little Rock on

My thoughts and prayers are with you!
In the last month i have been feeling aliitle depressed & stressed. I have a lot going on in my life that I can't control. (health things) So i talk to my intrenal medicine doc. He presciped me a low dose of Lexapro. I have been on it for about a week and it seems to helping me.

I strongly suggest that you seek medicial help. This doesn't seem like it is going away (it will not) and that it getting worst for you.
You have to think of your children as well. If you have question or worries about your son I would talk to the doc regaurding your concerns as well.
Hope we here from you letting us how you are doing!!



answers from Omaha on

The main suggestions that have worked for me are mostly Christian- I pray, I read the Bible and put my stress and sadness of being a single mom- into GOD's hands- and it really helps me- other than that- you need to find someone to give you a break on a regular basis- of course that is easeir said than done Good luck



answers from Duluth on

Depression such as yours is an illness, not just a passing feeling. You need medical help and talk therapy... talk to your medical person and your religious leader. You cannot pull yourself up by your "bootstraps" any more than a person with cancer can just think themselves well. All the suggestions of the posters are good ideas, but bear in mind that depression like yours needs attention just like diabetes, asthma or cancer. You need help to recover. Then all around you will heal, too.



answers from San Antonio on

Well this is your first post and it says you are in St. Paul there should be a doctor you could go to and discuss this situation and find some assistance.

You can certainly Google "depression" and find many sites with helpful tips for situational depression. If it is deeper than that medication can help...and there are also sites on the web that can even make that available to you.



answers from Milwaukee on

you have to get some help for your children's sake and yours. Children are a blessing and maybe if you spent more time building good meaningul relationships with your kids, it will help you out too. I would be lost without my children. I had a friend who was so depressed after her divorce and was treating her children similar to what you are saying. This was a bad situation and while this was going on, her young daughter was being molested by a neighbor. You have to stay focused on your children and try to find some outlet that will make you happy. Its so easy to lose sight of their well being while we are licking our own wounds. Exercise works for me!! Everyone has to figure it out what works for them but I wish you the best of luck.

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