Hi D.:
You've received some excellent responses to your request.I especially appreciated and enjoyed those written by SH,J. N and Linda A. You may want to read those over again,as they provide important,sincere messages in them for you.One of the biggest mistakes a parent can make,is comparing A child to another sibbling,or yourself and your past accomplishments. Each and every time you remind them,you discredit their personal acheivements. Without realizing it,your coming across as disappointed in them and their individualality. Even if you say nothing, unconciously,you have dreams for her,and she sees by your actions,that shes not helping you realize those. Not every child is destined to be a scholar,or to go onto college. She's not a clone of her mother,shes A beautiful reflection of her parents.If she's attending prep courses for college,then shes mature enough to know what she needs to do,if indeed that's what she wants for (herself.) You standing over her,intimidating her, punishing her,taking privileges away,as though she were a child,angers her,and she will not cooperate,as long as you continue to treat her in this manner. Respect is earned. You want her to act like A young woman,and behave accordingly,yet your tactics, are those you would use on a 10 year old.Irene's response,suggesting taking away items such as make-up and clothes,or removing a bedroom door,is ludicrous, and extremely counter-productive.Stripping away ones pride,or depriving them of any personal privacy or freedom, I personally find a bit sadistic.(Cruel) It sounds like a nice, mother to daughter talk is way past due. You need to allow your daughter the freedom to be herself,Except who she is and back what ever choices she has made for her future.I thought I'd add a few names of those individuals, that didn't graduate,or went on to get their GED. Albert Einstein, failed his entrance exam to college, more than once. Peter Jennings,Dave Thomas,Wendy's founder. Bill Cosby,Bill Gates,(Microsoft). John Travolta,Mary Lou Retton,Michael J Fox,Joe Pesi,Nicolas Cage,Judge Grey Mathis,Quentin Tarantino,Waylon Jennings,Christian Slater,just to name a few.I wish you and your daughter the very best. J. M