Help with Eulogy

The tide recedes but leaves behind
bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down, but gentle
warmth still lingers on the land.
The music stops, and yet it echoes
on in sweet refrains.....
For every joy that passes,
something beautiful remains.

x0

As we stood on the side of the lake the little boat drifted out into the centre of the mist. With heavy hearts we cried, 'she's gone,'. Then in the quietness, a moment later, we heard joyful cheers from the other side of the lake, 'Here she comes!'.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Don't think of her as gone away
Her journey's just begun
Life holds so many facets
This earth is only one
Just think of her as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know, today
Now nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she is loved so very much.

-Anonymous

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

- Mary Frye

You will find the words. Think back to a time when the two of you were laughing and having fun and relate that story.

Rememeber only the body dies, the spirit lives on. You will see her again.

It's funny a friend of mine passed today also and I was listed as her minister of choice to handle her funeral. I saw her Tuesday and we talking about her wedding.

Ok, I can only answer from what I would want of my friends were they in your shoes. If my girl H were to speak I would expect her to talk about funny things like when we first met our bf's "grounded" us from eachother b/c we caused trouble and to get even with them we "forced" them to go shopping with us and hold our bags! Or that her bf who met me first (by a few weeks) swore that I was playing a trick on him when he met H (via match.com) b/c when he spoke to her on the phone she sounded and spoke JUST like me and we both had THE same bday coming up! Turns out we really do sound alike on the phone but my man knows the difference :). Even how after years and years of showing her different ways to be in a LASTING relationship it took two nasty break ups (even a called off wedding) to really get what I had been saying b/c she had to he it her way, but in the end, as usual I was right.
Or my girl R, I would imagine she would talk about how we met and how we knew we were just meant to be friends. We actually have the same tattoo on the small of our backs with one variance, I have a music staff, she has her name! All of our karaoke adventures and good times had. Or even when I put my man to the test on my bday (his first with me) when I flew R in town along with another friend and dropped the three of them off at TGIFriday's while I had bday dinner with my dad across the way and when I came back, they did not need me to keep the fun going at all! I knew if he could survive that and still care for me (he actually said "I love you" that night!) then he was golden!
My girl A, well her and R were besties long before I came and many of our adventures were the three of us, but one would have to be us getting A dressed for her wedding! Here we are R (a hairdresser) and me (make up junkie) primping A for a trial run! A and I have dye in our hair, A wanted to see a darker/smokier look just to compare (on one eye) and the UPS lady knocked on the door! We all just about died when we saw the UPS lady's face since none of us thought about the fact that A should probably not open the door given her current state of "beauty." Or when the "crew" all came over to hang out and my man and I brought a new party game over (no driving was done them's the rules) and no one was any where near sober by the end of it!
Fun stories like that about what we have done together our crazy antics and our loving stories are what I would expect to hear from them and would share about them if it were there service. It's a time to celebrate her life, not mourn her death in my opinion.

My mother died tragically last year. My family is non-religious and we found these words comforting:

Fill not your hearts with pain and sorrow, but remember her in every tomorrow. Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles, she's only gone to rest a little while. Although her leaving causes pain and grief, her going has eased her hurt and given her relief [THIS LINE WAS GOOD FOR MY MOM SINCE SHE HAD A LOT OF HEALTH ISSUES, EVEN THOUGH THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE DIED FROM]. So dry your eyes and remember her, not as she is now, but as she used to be. Because she will remember you all and look on with a smile. Understand, in your hearts, she has only gone to rest a little while. As long as she has the love of each of you, she can live her life in the hearts of all of you.

Think of a couple of good stories to tell, something that shows her character, and share them.

After having 2 tragic deaths this year, I wrote down happy memories of my loved one. Then I was able to summerize to one page. As you start writing each memory you will find that you have so many of that special person. You might have someone else read it for you since it might be too emotional to read. Try to add funny situations so people will know the your loved one on a personal note.

Oh, Victoria, I am so sorry for your loss. And I can relate as my Dad is in the hospital dying, and we (family) have been discussing this very thing.

I DO plan to fly by the seat of my pants and remember him the way he was, not as he is now with kidney failure and dementia, and concentrate on the fun times we had while I was growing up, the way he has been with his grandchildren, and hopefully share some laughter along with some tears.

Write your feelings down on paper and read them at the service. They can be in the form of a poem, a story, or short descriptions of your friend and how she lived her life, the things she taught you, and why she will forever be in your heart. Consider making a copy for the family to keep as the service may be a blur for them, and they will have something to look back on.

God bless<3

just start writing. the writing willl help you and also help your creative side flow. write whatever, even if it doesn't make sense, and then read your work and piece together what you can. it works.

As an adult, I've always thought funerals or memorial services should be the celebration of someone's life, not a gut-wrenching grief event focusing solely on their death, especially if it's untimely or a younger person. While I understand the need for loved ones to grieve & get closure, I don't believe that should be the only theme at the service. I gave the eulogy at my dad's funeral. I talked about his life from the time he was born until he passed. I talked about the good & the bad, the funny & the not-so-funny. I spoke of his spiritual beliefs & incorporated them with mine. I ended with, "Dad, we'll miss you." I was told by the funeral director afterward that it was the best eulogy he'd ever witnessed. I was asked by several people if I had recorded it because they wanted a copy if I had. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back here, rather I'm trying to point out that people want that sort of eulogy more than a grief-filled one. Since you mentioned ready a poem, I've seen several inside the little "programs" or leaflets that are handed out at a funeral service that are quite good & after reading it to the congregation, you could expand on it with your own thoughts.

Good luck & hope this helps. And I'm sorry for your loss.

Try to think of stories about times you spent together or things that she did that give glimpses of the best parts of her, the kinds of things you'd like to remember about her. If any of them are amusing, that can be great, because it prompts people to think happy thoughts about her.

my first husband probably got the funeral service that he actually wanted,
it wasnt religious, it wasnt preachy, what it was..
was friends, some close, a few not so close, came up and told the people who attended the service..
1) thank you for coming on such short notice during one of the biggest snow storms that the east coast has seen in years
2)where and when did they meet my first husband, how long did they know him, how well did they know him, what were they doing when they heard of his sudden death of a heart attack at 42
3)i hope this helps you, death is never easy, but then again, its not supposed to be.
K. h.