Help with Daughters Who Only Want Mommy for Everything

I have 2 sons one is 9 1/2 and the other is 17 months. I am a single parent, so I don't know if that has something to do with it. I get so frustrated at times because both of my sons always want me for everything. Even if there is someone else at my house, such as a relative or my sister my son will bypass everyone and ask me or wait for me to finish what I am doing to ask me to get something or do something. My 17 month old is so attached to me it makes me crazy. If I am not around they are both fine, but when I am in the same house it is mommy 24/7. I need advise on how to get my 17 month old to go to others. He will not let anyone touch him at all. He just screams,or cries until I pick him up.My 9 year old is getting a little better, I tell him mommy is not always going to be there to do everything for him. If he stays overnight at a relatives,or friends he is fine.

This is really familiar to me. My x-husband didn't spend much time with my daughter and he worked long hours so she only wanted me to do everything for her when he was home and I could get his help.

My advice to you would be to leave the house or lock yourself away in another room and let your husband spend alone time with them. It's really the only way they will get used to him doing things for them and they will learn to appreciate him and accept his caring of them.

The longer you let this go on the worse it will get, I can promise you that from experience.

My 7 year old son and my 4 year old daughter are the same way with me. Even if my husband and I are both home and I am not in the same room with all of them, and they want something, they have to track me down to get it for them. If I say, "Well why don't you ask daddy", they say that he won't get them the stuff they want or they say, "We want you to cause Daddy is too busy."

T.,
It has always seemed to me that little girls, especially, can never seem to get enough of mommy. Daddy is good but MOMMY is mommy. Maybe if you spent certain ALONE time with each of them like even just like 20 min. to 1/2 hr. a day that you just like let them help you cook or something that they feel an important part of what YOU are doing or something that you could "make up" that is a help to you in your work at home. Maybe if she felt more of an "involved" part of "mommys stuff" she may feel a little more satisfied and not make such a big deal out of the "smaller" things?? I have a 22 mo. old girl and she seems more happy when I let her "play in a little bit of flour or SOMETHING on the counter while I cook and talk about what I am doing. And I will say, "oh thank you; when she is just playing. (I need to get one of those stool things now though since she is getting a little to big to sit on the counter. OR do things at the table in her high chair awhile I "prepare" on the table.) It may not be the most convenient thing to do but it may help; it does for me. Also, I have done the same thing others have said..like saying, "daddy is gonna help you" and just leave him to do that whether i am in the room or not and he will do it and she is ok with that.
K.

Let hubby do for them and tell them no daddy is helping them. Don't jump in and take over, just let hubby spend time with them. Maybe you could leave and not be in view so they will allow your hubby to care for them. My kids tried that and hubby and I both put a stop to that.

Allow yourself time or you will brun out and be no good to anyone.

Try to always put a positive spin on their requests to have you be the **only** one. If they ask you to put on their shoes, etc., remind them that you want them to go to Daddy, but that when you are done, if they do (insert desired behavior but don't say "leave me alone" :) you will play with them. Be specific, give then instructions, don't ask them. And then don't argue with them. It may also help if you can have them help you define your work space. "Can you help me make a special sign for mommy's work space?" Let them draw a sign that will show them that it's mommy's work time... maybe with a picture of daddy or the au pair on the sign to remind them that they have another person to help them. You can hang that sign up on the door when you are working.
I've worked at home for 18 years, and the years that the boys were small were hard. I worked in an open space and had no help at home, so I was interrupted a lot. Having the boys help me mark out my office area and teaching them that they would get my full attention when I was done helped a lot. Also, remember, everyone, not just children, repeat behaviors that offer a payoff to them. If your girls are getting the attention from you that they want, they will continue to interrupt you and insist that only you can attend to them. You have to be strong for their battles and carrying on to get to you. Don't argue with them, offer them solutions, close the door. Since they get along just fine when you aren't there, they're being a tad manipulative to get you to do what they want. That's good, though! They love you and want you! But, you have to set boundaries that will balance your work-at-home situation.

HI there,

I have 3 kids, prego with my fourth. My kids ages are 16,11, and 4. My boys are the oldest, and usually come to me for everything, but nothing like my daughter. I have to take her to the bathroom , remake her bed a million times a day, get her drinks,, she always says,, no, I hate daddy , I want mommy. I feel bad, but he knows she doesnt' mean it, she is def a daddy's girl in every other way. Being prego now, (15 wks), it def exhausts me to no end, I've not only been blah and exhausted jsut with early pregnancy, but have been fighting some kind of virus/cold for over a month and have the winter blues. I know how you feel. I'm hoping it's just a phase , and sometimes she has to deal with daddy doing stuff whether she wants him or not. She may cry or throw a fit at first, but is usually ok after she realizes,hey, it's either him or nothing.

STay strong, hopefully this phase will pass for all of us dealing with that.

L.

i have a 5 yr old and 14 month old both wants mommy all the time, my oldest wants me to do everything for him. I tell him do it yourself or it dont get done. I wish i knew how to get both kids off the whole i want mommy thing

Hello T.,

Your story sounds like mine. My son is 23 months old and only wants me! I feel so frustrated at times. My husband too gets his feelings hurt. I hope this is just a phase and they grow out of it. I felt I could share my story with you.

P.S. I was wondering if you ever need help with your business...I would love a stay at home job right now. I graduate with a B.A. in Communications May of this year. Thanks.

Be well and take care,
L.

T., I can feel for you. I went through this with both of my children and still do to this day. I went to school online for four years and was a stay at home mom after the first year. I did all the doctor appointments and running around since my husband works nights. I could be at the other end of the house and my husband would be in the same room and my kids would come up and ask for a glass of milk. I would tell them to ask Daddy and they would say he always says "no" or I like when you do it. Sometimes I think it is the "comfort zone" that they feel with you that can be a part of their reaction. I put my children to bed completely different than their dad and that can cause a great deal of conflict with the children because the more predictable the bed time the better chance of success. My children both have ADHD and emotional issues and structure and predictability are very important to them. How does the AuPair put the children to bed at night versus how you do it? And what is the difference with your husband's technique? It might help for a while if you both put the children to bed together and the same way so that if you need to be doing something else after a while the children may be more receptable to just having their daddy their. Another suggestion, maybe if dad has a special thing that he does with them at bedtime (like singing a song or reading a favorite book before bed) that only daddy does special may make the children actually ask daddy to put them to bed. With my son if he has special time with his dad, he is more likely to ask my husband to do that activity more. I hope this helps you. But with several businesses you own and run, and all that you still do with them it may not be enough time to them. Maybe set a special day of the week as Family night and only the four of you do things together. In our house the only time that can be is dinner. We all eat dinner together no matter what activity is set up for the evening, we adjust dinner time to accomodate us all eating at the same time. I love this time of the day most.

I wrote a book, but this is the first response I am making so you are pretty special. Hang in there.
J. K

My daughter is 12 now and she went through the same thing. Her father and I split up 4 years ago but even when we were together mommy was the preferred one for everything. What I did with her when she wanted me to do things I would turn the tables to get her to do them with me, whether it was tying shoes or learning to read a book. He helped her be alittle more independant but still to this day she prefers me over everyone else. But her and I have such a close relationship that I wouldn't change it for anything. I don't think turning the tables on the 21 month old yet but definitely the 4 year old. This way she may run to you just to show you what she did.

P. D.

sounds like youre doing a great job as an ever present force in your childrens life. All those fun activities you do, why wouldnt they want you around? But if maybe dad could take them swimming or to art class or something on a regular basis, the girls will get used to him doing all hte fun activities too. Its not a separation anxiety thing, because your always around. I think its more of a satisfaction thing. Do you often go to them if they need you?
For awhile my son wouldnt let my fiancee do the whole night time routine, but now daddy's bathtimes are more fun than mommy's, so he doesnt mind. Now, I cant let him compromise with me, because I have so much to do in the house, and I am a full-time student as well, so when I say I cant help, I cant help.

I have the same problem with my daughter, she is 2 yrs. old and totally rejects my husband. I am a stay at home mom, so she does spend most of the time with me, but it's so heartbreaking when she screams when it is my husband who is trying to do something for her. It actually really hurts his feeling, he also have two boys and he was so looking forward to have a daddy's girl. I can't wait to read the suggestions that you get.