Help with Daughter Acting Out

i only have one, and he is still a little guy. But I worked with special needs kids for 5 years (behavioral and emotional problems). It sounds as though ADHD may be possible, but it is a little early for a diagnosis and treatment (only my opinion). Have you tried seeking counseling for them? Maybe their father being out of the picture more and more is affecting them and causing the acting out. The only reason I am even mentioning this is because I feel that meds for ADHD at 4 and 5yrs. old is very young, at least with no other therapeutic intervention before meds. Though you may not even realize (nor do they for that matter), acting out is VERY common in kids who have trouble expressing grief, anger, confusion, etc., and in this case your kids are still too young to be able to communicate those feelings effectively. If I were you, I would immediately get a second opinion and seek therapy for them before increasing ANY med doses, and before starting your daughter on any meds. Again, I hope I have not offended you with any of this. Good luck with whatever course you choose and I hope it all works out for the best! :)

It may not be ADHD for your daughter. It sounds like she has more sensory issues than attention issues. Please talk to the school and see about getting her an "in school" observation from a child psychologist. They can observe her behavior in class and make recommendations or refer her for services. Also, you need to talk to your Pediatrician and tell him your specific concerns- make sure you are documenting this behavior (when it occurs, circumstances surrounding the occurance, mood, anything pertinent) so that you have it when you talk to the ped. Also have the teacher begin documenting these behaviors as well. I hope this helps and your daughter is able to work through this rough patch with you! Best of Luck!

If both of your children's issues started to escalate then their dad left it seems that it is less add and more an emotional issue. They are probably mad, and frightened and insecure. They may be having security and trust issues. Therapy, perhaps play therapy, may help them get out what they are feeling. Have the rules changed since dad left? Have things been more lax to keep the kids happy? Make sure not to give in to the whinny or bossy behavior and look for positive behavior and acknowledge that. Have a meeting with her teachers. Let them know what is going on and come up with a plan together. As for the sensory issues, yes they can be just related to the lower body. Wash anything new many times and find what she has that she does like and stick with it. You are not giving into defiance, her body does not feel right in certain things and you want to respect that. I recommend the books Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and
The Difficult Child by Stanley Turecki

I wish you the best,
B.

B. Davis
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I would consider having your daughter tested for autism. Your son sounds like he is just doing what he sees his sister doing and getting away with it.
Make rules for each action and stand by it. If they won't listen keep repeating this(time out or what ever) rule and you will do this for 5min. If they get up put them back and stand firm but don't YEll it may take a couple of days . That will determine if it is behavior or something else. But don't be to quick to get labels on them. Try consistant behavior changes first.

J.,
Ask you pediatrician to prescribe an evaluation for your daughter. If she does have sensory issues, (or other things going on ) therapy will help her. Good luck!

My son is six and has ADHD. The doctors also see early signs of him being bipolar, which I am. He has had problems on the bus, so my husband and I spoke with the principle, guidance counselor, teacher and the head of disciplinary action for the buses. It was suggested that we take the official diagnosis to the Social Security office and apply for SSI. Whether he gets it or not his application will automatically get forwarded for state insurance which would cover wrap around service. This will offer a person to by with him where needed and even in our home to help him learn better ways to handle his frustration and energy. There is also a test the school can preform to better evaluate is she is special needs and adjust her education accordingly. It is called a Multi-factory Evaluation. It is designed to help diagnose ADHD and Asperger Syndrome

As one other mom suggested, i would seek some counseling for the children. My husband just recently left me and our 9 y/o son. I have already souht conseling to hopefully avoid larger problems in the future. A psychologist can also observe your son for ADHD.
I would definately ask for an Occupational Therapy evaluation for your daughter. Be sure it is a therapist who has experience with Sensory issues. Sensory issues and some of the behaviors you describe can indicate such things as High Functioning Autism; or maybe just sensory issues with stress of dad not being around. Your daughter may be experiencing sensory issues to the sounds and stimulation of the classroom. Some children with sensory issues are very bothered by florescent lighting even.
Your are a great mom. Do not blame yourself. Take it day at a time, get advice from professional and stay a loving, concerned mom.

First of all it seems like you are doing everything in your power to help your kids so don't be so h*** o* yourself.Second the first thing that hitme when i read about your daughter and the socks and undies thing is obsessive compulsive disorder.I had the same thing (still have some issues now) but I remember as achild when my parents were having issues haviving sort of the same problems.I remember it taking forever to get dressed because everything had to lay just so and it felt like if it didn't i would just burst out of my skin.I now know as an adult and lots of therapy later that I just couldn't express all the feelings that I had and felt trapped with my parents situation.So maybe you could get some counseling for your kids.It might just be that at those young ages they can't express or understand their feelings so acting out and trying to control little things like putting on socks is how they are dealing.Anyway I wish you the best of luck and even after some issies i am a happy successful adult.

J.,

With kids so young talk "therapy" may not work, for my son Play Therapy did wonders for emotional issues (which they may have due to their Dad drifting out of their lives and his instability).

2nd - PLEASE READ this book!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-New-Childhood-Epidemics-Gro...

I've been down the road of SPD, ADD, and then Asperger's with my own son. And you CAN help them feel and function better. These are not just behavioral issues - these kids have physical issues that effect their brain's chemistry and you can help pull them out of that. My child was unable to function as recently as 6 months ago - and it started with the same clothing issues you describe. Now he is doing GREAT.

The sooner you deal with these issues, the better chance your kids have to resolve them.

And don't feel like your are failing! I completely understand that feeling, but you are SEEKING help and that means you are proactively being a GREAT mom to your kids.

From personal experience...do NOT rely on the school district to diagnose your children. First of all SPD is not "officially" recognized as a disorder and can be resolved anyway. 2nd, the school will be fine with your child having ADD as long he is medicated. Many ADD meds have serious side effects - see
http://www.ritalindeath.com/

If you would like names of physicians in PA who are great with ADD/SPD, etc. email me and I'll send you a list.

Hang in there, you ARE smart and strong.

L.

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. I can't offer advice on whether or not it's ADHD but I do think it's over diagnosed. Have you tried changing their diets? I know several women who treated different problems including ADHD by cutting out things like artificial sweeteners and red dye. They have had amazing results. Also, my son is a much different child when he is not getting enough of my attention or if he is not getting enough sleep. I would try some different things and figure out what works for you...if that happens to be medication then you shouldn't feel guilty. If it truly is something that needs to be medicated then so be it. I hope things get better for you in the future.

Hi J.,
I'd like to offer my opinion as a mom of two boys who have Autism Spectrum Disorders. Yes, you absolutely can have two children with ADHD, although I must say it sounds to me like your girlie is dealing with Sensory Processing Issues-both of my sons, especially my older son, have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Our OT actually believes that most cases of ADHD are misdiagnosed cases of SPD...
Personally, I think a good eval would put your mind at ease. I remember filling out the Sensory Profile, and saying over and over again "Oh my gosh, he does that!! He does that too!!" You will be suprised at some of the indicators for SPD. Also, google Sensory Processing Disorder, as there are many many iformative websites on this disorder, and most include checklists of symptoms.
Also, what are your kiddos eating? High Fructose Corn Syrup? Food dyes??? Preservatives??? Too much sugar??? Soda??? These are known to cause hyperactivity in kiddos. A good source for cleaning up their systems is the Feingold diet.
And lastly, please do not allow guilt into your life. A bad mom would purposefully ignore her children's issues and struggles. You are searching for help. Chilren do not come with manuals, unfortunately, and the best we can do is share our experiences with one another, learn from our mistakes, and try to do better next time.
Hope you find the help your seeking.

Well it might have a lot to do with the fact that dad is in and out of there life. That dose effect the way the act. There are also other ways to treat Adhd then with meds and sometimes it has to be done along with meds to help control things. Also don;t be afarid to get a full evaltion done on your kids. there might be an underline proublem and ADHD is the only thing that the doc might be p/u up.

Best of luck! Hang in there. I have been a single mom and i know that it is hard and both of my child where kids of the same way. But we have learned how to express our angry other ways and have talked threw some of the days.

I also agree with Meg. Get more further testing done. It couldn't hurt in the long run.

First let me tell you that you are a great mom or you wouldn't be asking for help. My mother was a single parent and what you do is to be commended. I have a 10 year old with ADD and a 5 year old who like to copy her older sister actions. My 10 year old has alot of sensory issues so I do my best to accommodate. Sometimes it is hard but don't get discouraged. Also is the school aware of the lifestyle changes at home. It is possible that her outburst could be from any small change. Children cannot control many things that happen in their life, her actions could just be her way of controlling something. Good luck and contact me if you need a sounding board.

Hi J.,

I don't have anything new to add to all of the advice you have recieved. I want to suggest that you contact the Greater Pittburgh Counseling Association and ask them for referals to a counselor in your area that works with kids. I have 2 members of this organization as professors and they are great. I echo what one lady said about play therapy, it works wonders with kids who have a hard time verbalizing what they are thinking and feeling. I also comend you for not 'blaming the kids' for all the problems.

In a nutshell, be loving, firm and consistant.

Nothing to be ashamed about or blame yourself for My ex had 4 kidsd and I had 2 and 3 out of 4 of her children all had Menatal disabilities and one of mine did as well. No Biggie and don't blame yourself we all do the best we can with what God gave us hoprfully. I do recommend you apptoach the school now for early intervention and an IEP Individual Education Plan This way your children get the best from their schools and truly learn to the fullest of their capabilities.

In My prayers

First of all, bless you for your heavy burden of working and raising two children with no help form their father. This is an extremely difficult situation, and everyone pays the price. As a mother, you have to take total responsibility for your children (which you are), and with no help, it is even harder than in a supportive situation with two solid parents. Your time spent working adds to the stress for you and your children. You are not a failure!!!

It is possible, that your daughter has a disorder, but blow ups are not a way to tell. Since she got to that point after being bossy, whiny etc, it sounds like a natural next progression is to escalate to blow ups.

A doctor told my friend to rule out ADHD until a child lives for a solid year with a wholesome diet, enough sleep, total support and love, firm structure and rule enforcement, and after that, if no matter how much support is there, the child can NEVER hold their attention, and their behavior is out of control, then to test for ADHD. She changed a lot of environmental aspects of their home, quit her job and got her husband to step up and not be "the nice guy all the time"(not an option for you I know) and all three of the kids improved drastically in just a short time. before that, she thought they all had ADHD, ADD or ODD or Aspbergers or shrunken frontal lobes etc etc etc.
Outbursts can be a symptom of these disorders, but they do not mean your child has these disorders. They might, but it sounds like they have many other things putting a strain on them too. You don't want to label your kids with a defect, and then focus on that as the cause of your problems, because the way you handle the situation will be based on their "genetic flaws" instead of what you can do, and you're the mama! No one knows the long term health effects of medicating young children, so you want to use that as a very very very last resort.
I hope you can find a way, in your hard circumstances, to give your children more time, more love, more discipline, and more support as well as find out if there is ADHD in the picture. I hope you get lots of good tips. A strong male figure is very important for your son especially, if you can find a coach or some activity where he is around a strong male-a trustworthy relative etc who holds him accountable for behavior and gives him responsibilities to be proud of. You are in my thoughts, I hope you all the very best. I hope your daughter is strong willed, healthy, and ADHD free, and your future is bright. When you do meet a daddy-to-be, make sure he's a good man!

I have a friend who has a son with ADHD. The symptoms you describe in your daughter sound very familiar to what my friend's son did before he was diagnosed with ADHD. Now, she doesn't have multiple kids. But, this condition, as well as autism, runs in her ex-husband's family.

First, stop blaming yourself. If it is ADHD, you are not to blame and you are not a failure. Second, call your pediatrician right away and make an appointment for your daughter to be tested. You need to know whether or not this behavior is due to ADHD or some other condition.

Good Luck.

Dear J.,
First let me say that I am ecstatic that you are a single mom who is not too proud to seek help for you & your kids! KUDDOS to you! Second, every parent has difficulties with their kids ~ some just have larger problems or different areas of problems.
While the sensory issues you described could be a disorder of some kind, you'll only know that for sure with testing, so get the testing done & put your mind at ease. However, behavioral problems typically have a trigger if the child is ADD/ADHD. Having lived with a sibling with ADD/ADHD, we learned how to try to avoid triggers for her. (Mainly b/c we knew that if she "went off" life for all of us became miserable.) That being said, you & your kids are trying to be as "normal" as possible in what sounds like a frequently changing environment where their Dad is concerned.
If you are of a particular faith or religious persuasions, seek the advice of your Pastor as well as having the testing done. If not, try to find a counselor that you trust (try to find a referral from someone who personally knows the counselor).
Lastly, make sure that your daughter knows that you love her unconditionally, but that her outbursts are Not acceptable behavior. Figure out some serious consequences, discuss them with her & then enforce them consistently. While I was appalled when a pastor implied that my sister's ADD/ADHD was b/c my parents did not discipline consistently, I think that the inconsistency did contribute to the behavior. However, discipline alone does not "solve all problems" for someone who TRULY has ADD/ADHD. I'll be praying for you & your kids. You are a single mom trying to be both mom & dad, which is not a simple task. Do the best you can & ask God to help you, but don't beat yourself up b/c your kids aren't perfect, either. God bless you for having the courage to rear to children alone & for seeking help! :)

On babycenter.com there is a mom who blogs about her little girl who has sensory issues. The little girl's name is Violet, I think the blog is titled VeryVi, and you might want to check it out. The mother is a wonderful writer, she makes great observations, is very honest about her emotions, and if that is what you are dealing with, I think you might appreciate reading how another mom has dealt with similar frustrations. She is also very proactive about getting help. Check it out.