Help with Back Talking

You could be talking about my dtr, or in fact, any of them entering this age range and grade(mine is starting middle school - 6th grade)! Her and I have talked about her attitude, what is and what is not acceptable, and when she'll need to go to her room. I am trying to praise her anytime she is helpful or nice, that seems to be helping a little bit. They start "budding" about 2 years before their first period and the hormones start at this time. My dtr even learned it in her health class and made a point of sharing with me at home that her attitude is normal :)
Good luck!

My daughter is 11 and started her period this year. She has always been a sweet and easy going child...well it seems those days are gone (at least for the time being!) Around the time of her cycle she gets so angry and nasty. I try to remember it is hormones and be patient. Hang in there!

M.- mom of two girls and a boy

It is not to early for her period to start, (especially with all the hormones they put in our meats!!!), so that could possibly be it. Maybe you should make some special time with her take her shopping and see if she will open up a little to you, (with my children I would get more attitude, and then they would open up). She is also a pre-teen, her own hormones are doing things to her that she may not even understand. I am now going through this with my 8 year old son, I thought it was too early for him also but everyone deals with things differently. When I notice he is getting nasty, (usually when his 4 year old sister will not leave him alone), I try to do something to distract her so he can have his private time and it does seem to work, I think he just feels over-loaded, like I do after a hard day at work). Just be there for her, and I know it sounds harsh, but... she is only 11, and YOU are in charge so if somethings you try dont work, and she feels like she is getting the upper hand with her attitude, she will take advantage. So you have to be careful in that respect also. I hope my rambling helped, good luck. By the way I have 5 children ages 21, 19, 18, 8, and 4, all girls except my 8 year old, and I still have my hair, (grey, but I still have it). GOOD LUCK and keep your patience.

No, it is not too early. I hit puberty at 9. You have hit those tween years. 11 and 12 are gonna be a bear to deal with. You are gonna have to give her some consequences for that talking back and make sure to talk to her about why she is being punished. Also make sure she knows that she can come to you if she has any questions but do not force the issue because it can make her more angry.

In addition to watching for her menses, you should find out if everything is okay in her personal life. A traumatic event that's unresolved, however small or large, could be causing her to act out.

Best, AM

Hi M.
How are things today?
Well, I would say that starting her period at 11 was right on time. In fact I started mine at 11, when the younger twin started hers at 9, I checked into the early thing and most of what I read was early before 10 so talked to MD, and he assured me that all was well and that her twin sister would soon follow. That was 9 years ago. Her twin sister still has not had a normal period. Ok so I have both ends of the spectrum and both the MD is saying are fine, with blood testing on the later.
Moodiness does come with that but it is controlable with the younger age, so be thankful. If the anger etc is not controlable speak with the physician, but it didn't help much as they just said she would grow up. She did.
Both girls are headed to college this week.
Halelujah. They are ready and the empty nest is headed our way after 37 years of raising kids.
God bless you.
Talk to your mom.
K. old enough to be your mom. SAHM, married 38 years, with boys 37 and 32 and twin girls 18. First grandson seen yesterday for the first time, he's 18 days.

It is NOT to early for that to start but it may just be a test to see what you will do!

pms is a good thought at that age, but make sure there is not something else going on. Peer pressure could be a problem, or someone could be approaching her that she is uncomfortable with that is a friend or relative of yours and she might be afraid to tell you, I had this happen. It is a very difficult thing to go through. Through the program in school about uncomfortable touching, my girls came to me and told me, and then we discussed how they wanted me to handle it, and we did. They opted to not say anything, but that since I knew, they were secure to know that they would not be left alone with this person again under any conditions. I pray this is not the case, but don't over look it.

my daughter started her mensies at age 10 and PMS at age 9. I used to give her Cammomile tea at that young age, she's 16 now and Pamprin works wonders!

No its not too early. She is PMS'ing and the hormones are surging. You have my sympathies and just like you never thought she would slepp the night, this too will pass. It just takes much longer..like 6 years. Be patient and you will(soon) have a wonderful 18 year old daughter. <grin>

I know exactly what you mean! No, it is not to early for her period to begin. Actually, i asked my OB/GYN when my daughter started the same behavior and he said it was somewhat normal for the hormonal changes to begin (PMS) as early as 2 years before the onset of her actual period. Eleven is a very emotional age....actually I think 11 through 21 is a very emotional time. It seems like betwen puberty, middle school and boys our daughters become totally different people. Try to talk through things with her in order to ward off the possibility of unpleasant confrontation. I always reminded my daughter that I was not just her mom but her best source of information and truth, and as temultuos as the past 10 years have been she does come to me for advice and comfort when things are not going well. She may not aways like what I have to say, but she stills comes to me and asks.
Good Luck.

No, I don't think so. My period started a few months after my 11th birthday, but I wouldn't starting blaming her moods on her period. My mother would not let my sister or I get away with being snotty and nasty and then blame it on our periods. She told both of us that every woman and girl gets a period and we were not allowed to use it as an excuse or to take it out on everyone. To this day, my period comes once a month for three or four days and it does not disrupt my life in the least bit. I fully giving my mom credit for that.

Welcome to puberty. I got my period at 11 years old, and that was 30 years ago. Even if it doesn't come any time soon, this is when the hormones begin to rage. I went through the same thing with my now 16 year old. Best of luck! ;)

You can tell if your daughter is going to get her period if you notice hair in the "triangle" or so they call it (pubic and under arms). You can start there, PMS follows shortly after that.

Other than that, check out her friends that she is hanging with? and just recognise when the talking back occurs (i.e. - when she is being defiant? in front of anyone specific? wants something and is being told no?). Taking back is merely another for of communication frankly. One that is part testing and part a parents pain in the rump. The talking back is easy to curb with consistancy. My daughter was talking back at age 12 and with consistancy and tons of love and support even when she is ANGRY and is throwing a fit, she'll stop. From now going forward chances are she is going to be somewhat bratty, lol. But i think all us girls were at that age started back taking to test boundries.

Just don't give it, stay strong, keep your boundries, tel you her love her, and continue to give punishment when she violates the rules. If you don't she is going to continue to test and it will get a whole lot hard in the next year or two. Best to nip it in the bud right off the bat.

Good luck. Just know that is totally common one day they are sweet and then the next, it's all over.. LOL Don't worry, i am sure she is totally fine :)

I have to tell you that it isn't too early for her to start her period. I teach 5th grade and yours is a common observation from moms of "sweet and respectful" little girls who suddenly turn into nasty ones. All I can tell you is to not take it personally, calmly remind her about her manners when she is rude (yelling at her leads to even worse!) and try to be there when she wants to talk. Don't give advice unless it is asked for and try to listen to her objectively. You have to start being a little sneaky in dealing with her, slipping in advice and good common sense when she doesn't realize it. You will survive and so will she. And realize that she is probably just being nasty to you and others in the family. The rest of the world is seeing the same lovely sweet child! Good luck!

Hi M., Oh I feel your pain. When my daughter was 11 I wanted to strangle her every day. She is now 39 and my best friend. She is not too young to be getting a period soon. Check for hair(if she will let you) or ask if she has under arms and pubic. That is a sure sign. She is also going through something akin to terrible 2's and what they sometimes do at 7. Wanting to show independence. Even though it is normal, she must know that talking back is not acceptable. You could try to sit down with her and ask why she is acting this way. I know it is hard to deal with but she may be acting out for some attention. Do your best, this too shall pass. My best, Grandma Mary

Hi M.,
No, it's not too early for her period. My daughter got hers at 11 yrs 8 months. But their period is a late sign of puberty, usually about 2 years after the first signs (body hair, sometimes body odor, breast buds). The moodiness are those hormones in action, and they can be in action a couple of years before she gets her period.
Good luck!