Help! What Should I Do?

Updated on May 06, 2009
T.L. asks from Fort Worth, TX
19 answers

Ok ladies....here we go. I have been working part-time, but getting paid for 30 hours a week since my son was born a year ago. When my employer cut my pay by 10 hours it has affected our income, like you'd expect. My husband and I want to save a huge chunk of money this year to buy a house at beginning of 2009. My husband has expressed that he thinks it would be good to get my teaching certficate and work 9 months outof the year and be with our son the other 3 months. I am torn b/c I really enjoy working and like having something to call my own, but am afraid I may regret it later. I don't want to miss out on the young years of my son growing up. Other days I feel like I'm going stir crazy with cabin fever and the daily challenges of motherhood and I would go back to work full-time in a heartbeat. I know one reason my husband wants me to do this is b/c it would take some pressure off of him and b/c when he was growing up his family was really poor. He wants to be able to provide greatly for our family, but with my help too. Part of me feels that I need to help provide for my family, it would double our income. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! Your insight is much appreciated! Thanks in advance!

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S.C.

answers from Tyler on

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S.D.

answers from Dallas on

T.-
I completely see where you are coming from on this situation. I am soon about to be there too! The good thing aobut teaching is that you do get the 3 months off and a will be able to get off somewhat early (not 8-5). You can even do a substitute teacher thing. This will allow you to work but still have some days off here and there. Just a thought. Good luck to you!

S.

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S.

answers from Houston on

Hi there !
I have always had to work and didn't have a choice !
Unlike you if you can stay home then do so ! It takes both incomes for our family to run ! I would love to work p/t but I know that will never happen ! I have a 10 yr. Old & a 6 yr. Old ! I was working contract w/my 1st and went back to work when she was 2 wks. Old ! Sad...then when my 2nd came along I had mat. Leave and was able to take 2 mos. Off ! I have been fortunate enough to have my mom live 1 house over to care for my 2 children while I work f/t ! She has had fun taking care of them ! She doesn't have to work. Enjoy your children while they are young, I feel like I did not get that opportunity, I had to work all the time ! Good luck !

1 mom found this helpful
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J.E.

answers from Dallas on

I am currently a teacher/have been for 5 years. And I have worked administrative assistant positions, retail positions, corporate positions. I also did a 3 year stint of training companies on microsoft products where I got to see many different kinds of companies and positions. Of all the jobs I have ever done or seen, teaching is by far the HARDEST I have ever done. Now, obviously I love it and have done it for a while, but I truly believe the reason we have so many breaks is to maintain our sanity, because otherwise it would be impossible.

If you are interested in a job with teaching hours/schedules, you might check into a job at a school not necessarily teaching. It is the most mentally, physically, and emotionally demanding job I have seriously been exposed to other than some jobs in the health care profession.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.H.

answers from Dallas on

I am not a teacher, but most I know work more than 9 months a year :) Good teachers work after school, have tons of training to go to, and are there a week or two after school ends and a week or two before school begins. Most work at least one day each weekend getting ready for the next week. If my only reason to teach was to be off 3 months a year, then you might want to research that a little more.

You also have to take in the consideration of how much child care cost. I don't think a lot of people put a pencil to exactly what it costs to work. Gas, lunch, clothes, childcare, sick childcare, etc... Have you ever thought of looking for something you do when your husband is home or from home- like keep another baby or toddler? Even just offer drop in care or Friday and Saturday night care.

Just some food for thought...good luck in your decsion..

1 mom found this helpful
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B.P.

answers from Dallas on

T., I know just how you feel. I myself want to stay home with our two little boys but I felt I could not cut our lifestyle or income in half doing so...I still wanted to contribute to our income. So while on maternity leave I looked into other career opportunity (I am currently a CPA) and came across WineShop At Home where I conduct In-home Guided Wine Tastings. I have had so much fun and love what I do! I really do not have to "sell" the wine...it "sells" itself (you should know that I don't sell based on me being a CPA) I have a business to call my own yet only conduct tastings 3-6 times per month (when I want to work). It is perfect for our family! It allows me to bring in the money we need and spend more time with my little guys (and the Big Guy too).

You might look into an alternative type of career that will allow you flexibility and still give you "something to call your own" (which is what I love most about my Wine Consulting business). You can check out my website if you are interested in learning more at www.tastefromthevine.com or check out www.dsa.org for more companies like mine.

Cheers!

B. Phelps
Sr. Wine Consultant
WineShop At Home
###-###-####
www.tastefromthevine.com
[email protected]____.com

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

i totally understand your situation. it kinda feels like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. what if i could offer you the financial freedom you want and you could stay at home with your son? have you ever considered starting a stay at home business? i have stumbled onto a really great one. there is no sales, or inventory to keep, no parties to throw or magazines to pass out. you can do it full time or part time and basically make as much money as the effort you want to put into it. if you are interested in some more information please visit my website at www.formyrugrats.com. i would love to share this amazing opportunity with you!!!

D. Mattern
The MOM Team
Raise your income and your rugrats at the same time!
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love," Galatians 5:6

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J.F.

answers from Austin on

T.,

I know how you feel! I cried everyday thinking I would have to return to work. As a Dental Hygienist, I would have left my son with a sitter for 9 hours a day...and I REFUSED to do it! Now I am a full-time SAHM and I still contribute to our family income. I am a Representative for Silpada Designs Jewelry. I leave the house for very few hours a week in the evenings and on weekends when my husband is home, so we save on childcare costs and anxiety! This has saved me! This company has changed EVERYTHING for me!

It is a VERY profitable business! Last weekend, I hosted a Show and made $297, cash, for 4 hours of work! Just this past Tuesday, 2 days ago, I made $436 for 4 hours! You can't beat it! Anyone can do this! Browse my website below and go to the Business Opportunity section to learn more. I make GOOD money and I'm surrounded by a huge support system. I can even earn free vacations. It has impacted my life in an amazing way! Check it out and see if this fits into your life. Call me anytime ###-###-#### - I would gladly answer any questions you may have. Let me know if I can help you in any way! Did I mention it was also FUN?!?

www.mysilpada.com/J..furse

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A.P.

answers from Austin on

My husband and I have a business as distributors of MonaVie.. it's an absolutely AMAZING antioxidant superfood drink that is selling like crazy. It's everywhere in California and Texas is starting to catch on, so we're busy carving out a piece of the market here for ourselves. Anyway, it really sells itself and there is A LOT of money to be made in it if you put some effort into showing people. You do it from home and all you have to do is show a couple of people a day at the most. We started making pretty decent money after only 2 weeks.
Seriously, google "MonaVie" or look up videos about it on YouTube. It's some really amazing stuff.. I'd buy it even if I wasn't making money off of it.
So if you are interested in anything like that, we would LOVE to get you in our group!!
Let me know if you're interested!

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T.C.

answers from Houston on

Hi T.. My name is T., a 26 yo, disabled WAHM. I became disabled while delivering my 2nd daughter, Eliana, 8 months old. The epidural severely injured my spine. I had to do something. I started my own business. I am currently looking for new members to add to my team. It would only cost you $25.00 to start, with no commitment. You could start bring in money ASAP, while at the same time enjoying your baby. If this is something that you would like to hear more about please feel free to e-mail me and I will fill you in... [email protected]____.com

Many Blessings,
T.

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K.N.

answers from Nashville on

Dear T.,

I am a teacher right now and the first one or two years of teaching are very demanding. I am expecting and I don't know how other mothers do it. It also depends on the school district and grade levels. High school teachers have more evening and afternoon committments than elementary school teachers because teachers have duties outside of the classroom that they have to share within a school.

Ideally, find a part-time teaching position or a non-teaching position within an educational institution. You'll still have the privilege of working 9 or 10 months out of the year with all the snazzy breaks.

Also, look into private schools. Some private schools look at your education and do not require a teaching certificate. This is a good way for you to find out if it's for you without shelling out the money to get certified (which normally costs around $3000).

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K.B.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

T.,
I can relate with the feelings of being torn between wanting to be there full time for the kids and wanting something for ourselves before we go insane and wanting to ease financial pressure. I am 35 and mom to 3 amazing little boys. I quit my corporate job and have never regretted it. I have been able to build an amazing business and work part time from home and I finally feel like I have the best of both worlds. Have you ever thought about working for yourself? On your terms and schedule? Well thats basically what I do now -teach and train other women how to build a home based business and gain their time with their kiddos back and have more financial freedom. You can learn more about my story and my business at my website www.HealthnWealthCoaching.myarbonne.com. You never know- it may be just what you are looking for. Feel free to contact me to chat. And whatever you decide to do I know you will never regret the precious time you get with your kids while they are little. I encourage you to think outside the box and find a way to create your ideal life.

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

I am a married mother of six kids ranging in age from 32 to 6. I have been married to the same man for 33 years and have been very blessed to have his support in all of my decisions as we have reared our kids. I understand all about the money/ two income thing and feel very sorry for the pressures that many young families face today that I have never faced.
The only thing I can tell you is that you need to be prepared to provide for your family should the unforseen happed. Education is never a waste. College/4yrs degree is not the only option. There are other training type programs out there.
My husband is an educator and it has been a nice income and way to live. It doesnt' pay a lot , but with kids I think it would be a great option for a mother like your husband feels.
I, on the other hand, have been a Stay at home M. all 33 years, and would like to suggest working out of your home. I went to daycare and knew I didn't want my kids to feel the way I had,so I gave up a 4 year scholarship to college and dedicated myself to rearing my kids. If I had to do it over, I think I might have used the money for school and used it, but I've never regretted my choice to stay with my kids. We were like all young couples, we needed more money. The question was how could I help do that.

Not long after my kids started coming, my relatives and friends asked me to care for their kids in my home [because I didn't work,LOL]. I decided I could earn extra money by helping them out, so I began doing daycare in my home limitedly. I can not express the benefits I/my kids enjoyed from this. Yes, at times it was hard and I'd wanted to stop, but when the little ones tell you how much "they love you and express their thanks at being able to come play at your house"; it more than made up for any hard times for me.
The money I got helped with the monthly bills, and the tax breaks you get for small home business[yes, I paid taxes as a small business and was licesened with my state] was very nice. On a good year[somewhere between1976 and 2005] I made staying at home with my kids about $20,000.00. That's not much to some but many made a lot more than I did charging reduced rates to help out the mostly single moms I kept for.

I guess the point to all this is, there is not a more important job you can do than the one you do inside the walls of your own home. If you don't have to work full time outside your home, don't. Get an education so you can if need be, but you can work from home in many ways[not just day care] and still have the best of both worlds. The kids are only little once, you turn around once and they are grown. Don't cheat yourself out of the greatest times of your life if you don't have to. Work part time or what ever makes you happy, but don't let life get in the way of enjoying the important stuff. The kids really are gone before you know it.

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M.C.

answers from Wichita Falls on

I am a "later in life" teacher, and had to go get my certificate. It is so GREAT being off school on the days your children are. I was lucky enough to teach where they went to school, so we had extra days off, too. So I encourage you to do this, although it will be hard. Good luck.

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L.J.

answers from Austin on

Hi T., I bet it's weird to get a response a year and a half later I was just curious to know what avenue you explored, and how it went for you over this time, if you have the time please let me know!

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K.C.

answers from Dallas on

Hi T.,

I was in your same position. My husband has a good job, that allowed me to stay home with my son when he was born. I actually stayed home for about 2 years before that. I have 2 step-children that lived out of state, so I did a lot of traveling with my husband so we could see them. Anyways, once my son was born, I thought oh how wonderful I get to stay home with him. Money was tight sometimes, and sometimes it was good. Well once my son turned about 6 mos. old I started to go stir crazy. We didn't have enough money to put him in MDO or anything like that, that was the whole point of me staying home. Plus I started resenting my husband for being able to have a life outside of the baby. It just got really old. I felt a lot of guilt about it, but after some serious praying and talking with my husband, I decided financially and mentally it would be best if I go back to work. It took me a few months to find a job. The first day I went back to work and put my little boy in daycare, I cried the whole way. I had to run out of the daycare, because I didn't want to break down in there, I just wanted to make it to my car. It got easier as time went on.
I guess my whole point to this is, it's not an easy decision, but I felt that it was the best thing for my son and myself. I get to be around adults during the day and do adult things. I am Krissy first and foremost. My mommy role is right behind that, but I have to take care of myself in order to be a good mommy. I think my son has benefitted so much from being around other kids and getting that social interaction. Yes I am missing out on him during the day. But I will tell you my time with him is much more precious now than it was when I wasn't working. I was getting to the point where I just wanted him to take a nap or something so I could get what I needed to get done.
I am now expecting baby #2 in April and I will be returning back to work after she is born. I'm probably only going to stay home with her for 8-10 weeks then into daycare she goes, with her brother. I know some mom's out there think that's not a good idea. But for myself and my kids I think it's just fine.
Do what is in your heart. Just remember yourself and sanity in the whole scheme of things.
Good Luck with your decision. Sorry it's so long! :)

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J.R.

answers from Austin on

I think the teaching cert. would be great. You could teach in the school he would later attend. It would give you a place of your own (your own world) plus the 3 months in the summer, and the income you need. Your child will grow up and that time will be lost forever and you can always work later, BUT -if it's how you need to keep your financial health and mental wellbeing, not to mention a place you can call your own- this could be the best of both worlds.
If you decide to stay home, though - try joining some mom groups or stroller strides. Take your son to storytimes at the library, etc. Grab an Austin Family magazine at the grocery store and read the calendar for things you can do to keep from getting cabin fever and filling that void for adult contact while your hubby is at work. You can make this work out great regardless of the which you choose.

C.S.

answers from Houston on

It's a hard situation and you'll get responses that are on both sides. Part of me would love to stay home but then I think about where that would put us financially and we all know that finances affect your marriage and in-turn that affects your parenting. If you staying home would mean that you and your husband would fight all the time about money- then it is probably not worth it. I do think the social interatction my daughter gets in daycare is good for her but if I was able to stay home I'd make play dates. Just about everything is what you make of it except the money aspect- so you just have to decided how life would be without that money. You also have to decide if staying home really would make you stir crazy would that affect your parenting. Remember, your baby needs you to be happy not just be there.

Good luck!

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E.D.

answers from Dallas on

Well, I am coming to this myself, so I can tell you how I feel.
I am 44. We gave up my salary for me to stay home. I finally had my son at 40 and I had to work when we lived in MD because the cost of living is so high. Anyway... we just bought a house and have all but depleted our savings. I keep feeling like I REALLY NEED to go back to work. I am praying for something part time that I can do while my son is in school, but I feel like I should be doing something to help build our safety net back up.
That said, when my son was 4 months old, I had to go back to work. I had a long maternity leave. To make the transition easier for me and my husband, we had a dear friend with Fibromyalga who was "disabled" but came to our rescue and watched Christopher at our apartment. The costs were minimal in comparison to daycare and we were at peace. When he was 9 months old, she had to help a family member of hers and could no longer watch our son, but we found an inhome provider who was recommended and fantastic.
My personal opinion is a small, in home daycare is more like I would have provided if I'd have stayed home. This lady LOVED these children. She had one "helper" and about six kids and he stayed with her until I could swing staying home from work.
Back to now... If I have to go back to work, I'm making a plan...
I will work for five years max and be home by the time he is in 4th grade. I want to be home for middle school and highschool because they REALLY need supervision through those stages as well.
I will put __% of my paycheck into savings, and __ into a vacation fund and __% into FUN/HOUSE/WARDROBE. And at the end of those five years, we will have paid off bills and gotten things to the point that my loss of salary won't hurt as badly.
Will I feel I am missing out... yes, so much. I didn't see my son walk first, Miss Bobbie did. Though that made me sad at the time, I realize how much I've seen and how much QUALITY time means more than QUANTITY!
The other thing to consider is cost of care vs. bring home salary. If you aren't bringing home significantly more than you pay for daycare/childcare... you may want to revisit your budget and see what you can live without.
You and your husband have to work out a plan. If I can help you in any way, please let me know.
Know that you aren't alone!
Hugs,
E.

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