Help! We Have a Biter!

hi J.-
biting is a tough phase for one to go through, but remember- it is a phase! you didn't say where your son is while you work... is the biting happening only at home or at a day care too? I work in a preschool and we recently had a toddler who was biting and here were suggestions from our health nurse:
1. have your son visit the dentist/doctor for an oral exam. we've usually thought to wait until 3, but some pediatric dentists suggest starting as young as 12 mons. the dr. can check to make sure everything is 'normal'
2. is he just biting you? this would be attention seeking behavior - so try to committ to some quality time 1:1 with him. give attention to the positive, immediate consequences for negative. (ie- give attention to the 'victim' of the bite, while turning your back on the 'biter')
3. sleeping - is he getting enough sleep? i think many behaviors (biting included) mask the issue of not enough sleep!
4. does he have an opportunity to play with children his own age? if so, is he biting them? does he play appropriately (as appropriate as a 14 mon old can!)
and lastly- never bite a child to biting! what message is that teaching him- especially at 14 mons he doesn't comprehend what you're trying to 'teach' him. he just knows that mommy bites, so he'll bite too! good luck!

My son was a biter too. We had to pull him out of his daycare and find one that was more suited to him and the behavior was no longer a problem. Please note, a professional from the school district came for free to his first daycare and evaluated him and the situation and concluded that he was fine and normal and that he wasn't getting his needs met at daycare and he wasn't the only child experiencing distress, he was just the only one spirited enough to show it by biting. This is a free service through the school district. She will come to any daycare - home or center. I wish I could remember the name and who to call, but I highly recommend it. She may have suggestions for the daycare provider, you may not necessarily have to move him. My son was biting at home and at daycare both but daycare it was problem because he was hurting other children. I actually had to leave work multiple times to pick him up because the biting was so bad. He didn't seem to understand the misbehavior. Ultimately, he was seeking attention I suspect. Reading about spirited children really has helped us. He is big for his age and we have had to continually work with him about how to express anger and make friends. Once he could use his words that helped. But as another parent said, then it became hitting. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Children all want three things: to feel safe, to belong and to feel worthwhile. My son is actually very bright and very physical. I find lots of outdoor play and exercise is critical. If he sits and watches T.V. he gets especially "wound up" and hurts others in his play immediately after. He is also very social we've discovered and thrives when he has playmates his same level of development that share his interests: superheros, legos, any sports...Good luck!

My son (now 9) was a biter too. He did grew out of it. However, he switched to hitting. My son was also a fussy baby and a spirited child (still is spirited). To my son I would say firmly "no biting" and then ignore him. More often than not they are trying to get attention so if you ignore them they don't get what they want. Please don't swat him or bite him back though; that can be confusing and can teach him that biting/hitting is o.k. My son was always more aggressive when he was tired, hungry or didn't get enough exercise so I tried to be preventative by making sure all of those bases were covered. He is no longer aggressive, but he still has behavorial issues when he is overly tired or hungry or not getting enough sleep. There are some good board books out there about biting and hitting. I can't remember the name of the biting one, but the hitting one is "Hands are not for Hitting." Both of those books come in a paperback for older children and an abridged, board book edition for toddlers. Good luck!