Help! Preschooler Regressing in Potty Training

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Boys, in particular, can be so difficult to train completely. Our son was trained at three, but still has accidents at five. He'll do fine for months, then have a week of accidents every day, with nothing in particular causing it. I think he is just too busy enjoying life and using the potty is an annoyance so he tries to skip it.

We've done it all from small rewards to big rewards, to cheering to punishments, none of which made one bit of difference. Now, we're just nonchalant about it. It happens.

I have heard that peer pressure can help a lot. We're hoping the move to kindergarten next month puts an end to the accidents once and for all. Perhaps preschool kids will at some point put pressure on your son to stay dry?

Good luck!
M.

It can be very normal for a child who has been potty trained for less then a year to have some regression. My 4 y/o did that at about 3 1/2. Esp. when they are having issues about a sibling (Her younger sister was over a year when this happened). It is important to not give it a lot of energy. Having them change their own clothes & clean up accident is normal, but you want to not communicate any displeasure or other emotions about it. You can increase gentle reminders to get to the potty when playing or when it has been a while. The phase will likely pass. You can take him to the doctor to make sure it is not a UTI. I did this, but my daughter was fine. She had like six accidents in a single day a few days befor the appt. The accidents stopped shorthly thereafter- just as abruptly as they started. She has only occasional accidents now, usually right in front of the toilet. He will likely adjust in the next few months. Sounds like he's had lots of changes lately in his life & he's overall coping well!

Hi A.,

Our son did the same thing, had poop down but not pee and then all of a sudden regressed to going in his pants. This went on for a few months to the point where we had to put him back in pullups at daycare. Don't worry it will pass, just keep working with him. The one thing that worked for us was at home he wore underwear. If he had an accident I would rinse them out and put them back on wet. He absoulutely hated it and screamed and cried, but I told him that if he was going to wet his pants than he had to wear wet underwear. He only had to wear them for about 3 minutes and then I changed into dry pants and we talked about going in the potty. He got it after two times. It might be mean, but it worked. Good luck!

I would suggest taking him to the doctor to check if he has a urinary tract infection. My daughter had one and that was the reason for her sudden accidents at 4 yrs old after being totally potty trained for about a year.

Hi A.!

Hang in there :o) It sounds like you're saying and doing all "the right things"......sometimes it just takes a little longer. Try not to put pressure on him. The more mature he gets, the better he will do.

Most of us have been where you are, and although it's frustrating, it's very normal. The important thing I learned (from experience) is that by "loosing control" of my motherly emotions...........delayed the process. If you are able to always remain calm, and not get "upset", it tends to work a little faster.

Good Luck, A., and don't give up. It will be over soon enough.

:o) N.

Dear A.,
The first thing I thought about was the preschool thing. I know for a fact that my own daughter, nephew and son HATED going in to those bathrooms. No matter how clean they were. They just weren't comfortable with it. The other thing is that when they had recess or outside play time, they didn't want to give that up to sit on the toilet while everyone else was outside playing. So they would play and would hold it way too long. It's pretty embarrassing when it happens at school, so they usually quickly get the gist.
The other thing is that I think all children revert at one point or another. New pre-school, new babies. At that age, it's a struggle for them between growing up and still wanting to be nurtured like babies. Encourage him about how big he's growing. He's practically a young man. He gets to do things the other boys don't get to do. (find something even if it is putting puzzles together with you.)
Tell him that no matter how big he grows, he will always be your first baby. And, you can't wait to see just how big and wonderful he grows. For now....he needs to concentrate on his potty and where it properly goes. "Mommy doesn't have accidents. Daddy doesn't have accidents. You are our big boy, and we know you can do it."
Also, during quiet time, ask him why he is not thinking about when it's time to go to the potty before it's too late. See if you can talk with him about it. I know we all want to treat our children the same, but in cases like these, You have an age difference that is such you can't treat all your kids the same. Let your boy help you more. Get him a little stool and let him put the (non-sharp) silverware away. Let him play and stack the measuring cups. They are educational if you use them in play, and, it's something a younger sibling can't do. (At least not yet!)
Just give these a whirl and let us know how it works out.

Not sure if this is true in your case, but my son is 10 and sometimes he still isn't aware when he has to pee, though he's been potty-trained since he was 3. He rarely has accidents now, but sometimes I still catch him doing the "potty dance" and he'll say he doesn't have to go, only to realize 2 seconds later that, yes he does! He's had lots of "accidents" like your son does throughout the years, especially when he was little. My guess is that your son isn't totally aware of the feeling of a full bladder and that his muscle control isn't completely developed. I'd expect his potty training to be a longggg process, and get used to the fact that you'll need to be reminding him to use the bathroom for years to come.

Hey A., like my pediatrician said .. you only have a problem when they are 13 and in diapers. All children get potty trained (if normal --is that PC?) I have had children that took two and a half years, My son took only 18 months everyone was like "what did I do" Nothing He just one day went in to the bathroonm and took off his diaper and peed on the floor right in front of the toilet. a step up chair solved that problem. New baby yes that could be a reason...he is no longer the baby. You must have done something right. He never thought that having his diaper changed was a burden or a terrible chore. They will revert, because they want to be needed and loved. Make him feel needed. Have him help with changing "THE BABY" Who needs him and you. Empower him to feel important as an older brother. reinforce when he goes to the bathroom "what a big boy, you don't need diapers like the baby.' Let's get you an ice cream treat just for you. Will you help

First, have a doctor check him to make sure there is no physical reason that this is happening. Once you find that out, start using a reward and punishment program and stick to it.

I mean take away everything that he likes and let him earn it back. He is old enough to rationalize this with. If there is no physical reason for this, he KNOWS he is causing problems.

It could be from a new baby(babies wear diapers) and it could be from being put back in his bed after 18 months in your bed. Why was he in your bed anyway? He is way too old for that. Is the new baby in your bed or in your room? If so, that is also adding to this.

So think of this from his perspective. A new baby comes along, he is put out of mom and dad's room, new baby gets most of the attention, and low and behold...he is regressing.

It is fairly common but you have to be lovingly tough. Try giving him rewards and priviledges for "big boy" behavior.

Good Luck and God Bless.

+B+

You can definitely expect regression for a few years. First, I'd try some tangible rewards immediately after voiding in the potty (I use a box of fruit snacks & have my daughter pick one to put into another box, which she eats from 2x/day as a snack--vs. eating junk after every trip to the potty.) Count the treats up until snack time to keep motivation up. Should keep him wanting to sit on that pot even when he doesn't have to go ;)
When my daughter is back to her potty-trained self, I switch over to 1x/day rewards (a glow bracelet--15 for $1 at Target) right before bathtime for being dry all day. It's cheap, low-maintenance & she REALLY loves to get a new glowstick to play w/ in the tub and then hang on a hook at bedtime.
Sometimes they need a little extrinsic motivation to take the time out to sit on the potty, especially when they hit 3 y/o and are far too busy to stop what they're doing.
If it continues, maybe buy an AZO UTI test strip from the drugstore--you can dip it in his urine next time he goes just to make sure there's no urinary track infection causing the accidents.
Most likely though, he just needs a little re-training.