Help! My Son Has Some Separation Anxiety!

Sounds like though these are family members, they're really strangers to him if he doesn't see them much. At his age, he probably doesn't remember them from visit to visit. The family members who are adults will just have to understand and get over it. Don't force him...it's not fair to him. He's not a toy or a robot...it's important that you respect his feelings in the matter. You are his security...his protector.

If these are grandparents, I would have them start to send regular videos of themselves reading to him or whatever so that when he does see them, he feels like he knows them. That may help him warm up to them quicker when he actually sees them.

Hi Ellen,

My (now 20 yo) daughter was exactly that way when she was that age. She was so shy she only liked me and her babysitter, NOT even her father! She wouldn't let ANYONE else pick her up, not her grandparents, not anyone else she knew from church, no one.

If I left her sight, she'd SCREAM! Not just a little whimper and get over it, but a scream that didn't stop until I calm down until I came back.

Everyone told me that she would "get over it" and that I should just "let her cry it out" but my heart told me otherwise. I would never let her do that. I felt that if she felt that she needed me, then I would be there for her. I wanted her to have the security she needed that I was there for her always. Everyone told me I was spoiling her, but I just wouldn't listen.

As she got older and could talk, she would sometimes not respond when people spoke to her, and at that time I had a game I played with her. I told her that talking to people is like "playing ball" When a person throws you a "ball", such as "Hello, Anna, how are you?" then you throw the "ball" back and say, "I'm fine, how are you?" and so on, continuing to throw the ball back and forth. I told her that it was okay to be shy but it was NOT okay to be rude.

As she grew, I gave her exercises in being independent and doing things for herself, such as asking for what she needed at a restaurant or calling on the phone for information. As a teen, I had her call to make her own doctor appointments and such.

She is today the most confident young woman. She is independent and self-sufficient. She is a terrific student and has lots of friends and is also working as a waitress part-time while being sophomore in college. She got into a university that only accept 16% of their freshman applicants.

So, follow your heart. Right now, he is little and needs his space. He may always be shy, but if you support him and help him be friendly and self-sufficient now and as he grows, he may one day surprise you. Don't worry.

Hi Ellen,

My initial reaction is simple...tell others that he doesn't like to be picked up! It's not a big deal. We have to let our children do what is comfortable for them and not force them into uncomfortable situations. Try to see things from his perspective. I know how I feel at the end of parties where I have to say good bye and kiss everyone on the cheek...I HATE it. It makes me feel soooo uncomfortable. If someone would just tell everyone that I don't like that, so they stop doing it, I would be very happy :) But as adults we can't do that. One of the benefits of being a kid is that your mommy is always there to stick up for you and make sure people don't put you in uncomfortable situations.

My younger duaghter (15 months) would not even let anyone other than my husband, her sister, and me look at her until she was 6 months old. Now she is just starting to let my mom hold her. It was hard because my mom would take it personally and almost get angry with my daughter for not snuggling with her. But it was my job to protect my daughter from situations that upset her, so we dealt with my mom being angry.

We make most decisions for our kids, but I really feel like this is one we have to let them make on thier own. The main thing to rememeber is that your son is totally normal!

TOTALLY NORMAL! I have a 24 mo old, a 6 mo old, 2 dogs, 2 cats and our siblings & parents all live within 25 miles of us. My sons see their grandparents at least once a week. My oldest went through this too. He would often cling to me when we first arrived somewhere & even refuse to let others (even my husband) pick him up instead. For the most part this has passed. But occassionally, when he is really tired, only Mommy will do. Some things that help....my son has some stuffed animals that he is attached to. For a while they went everywhere with him. Now they mostly just sleep with him. Also, let him cling. Once he feels safe, he will let go & explore. Tell all adults that he just needs some time to get used to the new environment & to please allow him the time. (Be forceful if you need to). Do not put a negative tone on the request or your son will hear that and feel ashamed about it. This is a phase that will pass. However, your son may never feel comfortable hugging the distant relatives. They will just have to learn to deal with it.
Try to think of it from your son's perspective. If you went to the mall one day & everyone there started coming up to you & hugging you...how would you feel? I would hate it. Your son doesn't know these people or understand that they are relatives. To him they are strangers. Just keep that in mind.
Good luck.

NORMAL! You are his world right now and that's OK. He will grow more social as time passes. As someone else mentioned, he rarely sees his extended family so he reacts as he would to strangers. Keep pics around and talk about them often and he might be more "familiar" next summer!