Help My Sister-in-law Is Crazy!!!

Updated on February 02, 2007
A.B. asks from Elm Creek, NE
11 answers

My sister in law is ddriving me crazy!! She is having a hard time right now and we are all trying to be supportive but it is really hard! She is telling us all different things and nothing is matching up. She and her husband are and have been going through a hard time and she is now moving back in with mer parents. (Who we live about 1 mile from and I work for mr mother in law) Well about 1 1/2 years ago she got drunk and told me that she was and has been cheating on her husband and from then on I ahve had a hard time even tollerating her!! I think that is so cruel and I hate her for doing it to her self and her son. She treats her 6 year old like an infant (no seriously of he doesn't get his way he is on the ground crying and throwing a fit, but that is another topic)
She has quit her job and is moving home this weekend. But here is the thing...she is telling her son and her husband that it will be for a short time and that is not my families intention. She has yet to see a laywer and I am not sure that she will. Her husband has never been a good and will never be. I think that my nephew was 3 before the dad gave him a hug or had any play time with him. But now I am having a hard time supporting her decisions and helping her out. I am so angry with her and I don't want her to mess he life up anymore than it already is...OH I should also tell you that she is so depresed and things that she is on 3 different meds everyday. Not normal. What do I do to help her and not lose my mind?? She is the type of person to do something just because someone told her not to. And she is killing her mom and I am tired of picking up all the pieces in the family.

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answers from Huntington on

Well you said she probably cheated on her husband. Not Good! I would never trust someone like that. As for the dads incompetence in giving the child the mom any better? Is she seeing a professional about her mental problems? Try talking to the girls mother. When it comes to cheating I have no sympathy.

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answers from Lexington on

She's an adult (in age, at least). Your MIL is an adult. While you may find her presence insufferable and THAT may cause you other familial problems, her problems and decisions as well as those of other adult family members (your MIL, FIL, etc) are none of your business. You cannot control anything in anyone else's life - only your own. You are not responsible for anyone else's decisions. You can, however control your emotions, but if you allow your SIL's personal business to affect your emotions, you are allowing her to control you.

It's none of your business.

Love her son, though. He obviously needs it.

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answers from Omaha on

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a crazy sister in law too, but the reasons she drives me crazy are a little different than yours. Mine is just under 30, she has 5 kids by 5 different guys, and 3 of her kids are in foster care. She is a compulsive liar, you know, lying comes as easy as breathing for her...If your sister in law has cheated on her husband, chances are she will keep doing it, and if she cares at all for her child, she will do what it takes to make things right. You can not blame yourself for what she does, nor can you allow blame to fall on you for her actions. The best thing you can do, and trust me I have had to do it, is show love, but tough love. Make sure that family knows you care, but do not tolerate unacceptable behavior, if you see it coming, walk away. It is difficult, but it has to be done. I have had to do it with my sister in law and my mother in law. They think that we are supposed to pick up the pieces where they screw up and it's just not gonna happen...we have our own family to take care of. If you need to talk, feel free to talk to me, I know it can be very comforting to talk to someone who has some idea of what you are going through!

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answers from Cedar Rapids on

Hi A., I agree that you can't let her infiltrate your life. My brother's girlfriend basically ruined our relationship by making many mountains of molehills, twisting words and situations tearing our family apart. Now they have a baby and I've never met her. It breaks my heart every day that I have lost my brother and my niece, but my brother chose her over me and my family so I have to live with that and accept that. So do you. These people are adults and at some point they have to be responsible for what they do. Your nephew OTOH, is an innocent who got stuck in the middle. Love him as much as you can. Trust me, a little stablility can go a long way. I would be a totally different person had it not been for my Aunt and Uncle and their love and support while I was growing up. I may have turned out like my brothers. Try not to let this situation control you and affect your family. But do love your nephew and show him there is something better out there than the situation his parents are putting him in.

Hugs to you,

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answers from Indianapolis on

I think Whitney and Cari and everyone else has it spot on. And I'll tell you something a wise man once told me "you can't let people like her live in your head. It will make you sick". And he's right, it does.
I have a pretty crazy, very hard to deal with sister, who has a drug problem and compounded it by having a child. I know she loves him dearly, but being an addict she loves herself and her impulses and addictions more. She is very selfish. I used to worry about her constantly (I still do)but the wise man (who is my father) said Steph, let it go.
In the end everything he told me is true. You can't change who she is or what she does with her life. It's no more up to you than anyone else in your family to pick up pieces or try to fix what's wrong. When she does clean up, be a good family member and be supportive; until then, wash your hands of it. I realize with my sister that I can't change who she hangs out with or what she does or the kind of people she drags my nephew around. I can only support her should she choose to really make a change. I will be there for my nephew if he ever needs anything, within reason of course. However letting her lean on me, for money, for a place to stay, whatever it may be, only enables her to continue to do what she's doing because she has it in her head that she can get away with it.
Stay strong! I know it sucks, and it's hard to watch someone destroy themselves, but it's not your responsibility! She has to do it on her own, it's her life to live, to mess up, and hopefully learn from and eventually be better for all of it.

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answers from Indianapolis on

i also have a crazy person like that in my family and it was also driving me crazy. but it was my own sister. and i got to the point that i had along talk with my family and we all decided that if she was going to wreck her life we didn't want to be any part of it until she wanted to help her can make some body due some thing that they don't want to. but if every body stops helping then she well start helping her self. but until then she is going to keep on excepting it.



answers from Fort Wayne on

it has got to be an inlaw thing....
thats a though one, maybe the only thing to do is to let her figure it out her self, the only thing you could help with is the nephew. just keep him ocupied, and let the adults, deal with there stuff them selfs. Just save the kid...



answers from Omaha on

My sister in law is a wacko also. She is 24 has had 2 failed marriages, has 2 kids by 2 different men, she drives me crazy and constantly whines about how the world owes her. She is a pathetic mother and relies on her mother to do everything. So I understand but....... I have to love her, she is family but I try my hardest to not be a part of her drama. Dont try to pick up the peices, you make your own bed and you lay in it. Just take care of you and your family and just be there if they need you.



answers from Indianapolis on

My initial thought was it's not your responsibility to pick up the pieces. Just try and tolerate as you can. I agree with Whitney. And like she said, love your nephew, he is going to need it and none of this is his fault.



answers from Louisville on

My sister in law is very annoying as well, so I can sympathise.

I was wondering if maybe she treats her son like an infant because she feels bad for him that he does not get any attention from the father. Maybe that's why she gives him whatever he wants. Maybe he acts out because he has no male influence or love from his father.

You have to feel bad for that little boy. It's not his fault his parents are crazy.



answers from Indianapolis on

I completely agree with the previous post

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