Help! My Just-turned 3-Yr-old Melts down All the Time!

I always carry a little lunch box or snack bag. Even now when my kids are older. First thing when they get in the car (unless we are just leaving the house) is did I bring a snack.

When my kids were 3, I used to keep a lightweight stroller in the car. When we got to the store, out would come the stroller and the snack bag. If they were tired, the back reclined. If I was just getting a few things, I would push the stroller and carry the hand basket. If I needed more stuff, I would push the stroller and pull the cart behind me. It was tricky sometimes, but you get used to it.

As for PDO, ask if he can bring a small toy or a snack bag with him. Set him up to eat or play just as you are leaving.

At PDO, enlist the teacher's help so it's not so easy for him to run after you. Regardless, leave and don't beat around the bush. Be positive, smile and tell him that you will see him later, and don't look back. Most probably after you leave, he straightens up straight away. It's pretty common for toddlers to do this...

As far as tantrums go, you need to ignore them and put him BY HIMSELF so that he has NO audience. If he starts one in the car, park the car and get out and wait for him to quit. Don't sit in the car with him. Pretend to read a book and act like you don't care. When he sounds like he's going to wind down, open the door and say "Are you done yet?" When he is mostly done, get back in the car and do exactly what you were going to do anyway.

Never give him what he wants when he does this. If you do, he will tantrum more.

DO try to head off tantrums. Anticipate when he's going to be hungry and tired. If he's hungry after PDA pickup, have a snack with you and give it to him as soon as you strap him up in the carseat. Need to go to the store? Make SURE that he's had his lunch and nap. A hungry or tired kid is a cranky kid and then it's YOUR fault if you take them shopping like this.

At home if he tantrums, put him in his room and prevent him from opening the door. He will have huge fits at first to try to get you to react to him. Don't do it. When he realizes you aren't around (don't let him know you're waiting in the hallway!), he will finally at some point stop doing this or the tantrums will be shorter.

You can do this. Be strong!

I remember the "threes" being much more challenging for us than the "twos".
At a place like preschool or parents day out you really need to have the teachers help you. Two and just turned three year olds are notorious for having trouble transitioning, it is perfectly normal. It can help if you start talking about where you are going long before you leave home, review what is happening there, why you need to go, etc, etc...basically help him get mentally ready for it.
When you drop him off it helps if a teacher greets him, takes him by the hand and involves him in an activity...

It is not too unusual for kids to cry and try to run after their mom on drop-off. Consistence and a schedule is key here, so if your are using MDO as a "drop in" opportunity, I would make sure to bring him there on a regular basis at least 2 times a week, so he can get used to it and make friends.

Good luck.

This sounds like part Terrible 3s, part separation anxiety. Both totally normal.

For the latter, just keep the good-byes short, sweet, and confident sounding. Anyone caring for a 3-year-old can handle a tantrum, and 99% of the time, as soon as the parents are out of sight, the tantrum is a thing of the past.

With my son, I did find it effective to remove a toy when he tantrumed randomly at 3, but I wouldn't do this with a separation-related tantrum. Just give him a quick "See you later, Alligator" and hightail it out of there. He'll outgrow the whole thing by 4.

When it's dropping him off you just take him in, hand him off to the teacher, turn around, and walk off. When he sees you are not going to be effected by this behavior he'll stop.

You just have to be constant. If he sees you waver he knows he has you.....

Kids go through stages and this one is a hard one. Turning 3 is hard for some reason.

Give him a hug and a kiss and to have a great time and hand him off to the teachers. They can handle it and not let him run out of the room after you leave. Don't drag it out or be sad, he'll eventually stop and start enjoying his day. I find with my kids life is easier for all of us if I clearly state my expectations before we go anywhere. Even with my two year old. There should also be consequences for tantrums. Like leaving where ever you are or getting a cool down time in his room. He'll eventually stop when he starts getting the opposite of what he wants which is usually attention from you.

I don't think teaching him words is going to stop the screaming. You will be teaching him what YOU think he's feeling. If he's feeling sad and you mistakenly teach him that he's feeling frustrated, then it doesn't really do any good, does it?

I have eight grandchildren, all of whom have spent the night with me numerous times before they turned 3. But when they turned 3, they all suffered from separation anxiety when I picked them up or they were dropped off. It's something about being 3. It's when they start realizing things in the world - like some things are scarey, mommy is leaving and I'm not going with her, etc. It's their "ah, ha" year.

Just keep taking him. He will eventually grow out of it and he will learn that you are coming back. Practice makes perfect so let him practice being without mommy in this safe environment.

Right there with you, sister! My pediatrician recommended Magic 1-2-3 and it has really helped decrease the tantrums. She still has her days, but since we've implemented the tactics from the book, it's gotten a lot better.

I'm sure you've gotten a lot of advice. Here is my 2 cents:

My kiddo had and still has problems with transitions. So, if we are switching activities or need to get in the car, etc., I will start telling him at 15 beforehand, we need to X. Then another reminder at 10, another at 5, and another at 1 minute. And before I start the timer, I remind him that when the time is up, it's up. I do actually use the timer (we have one on the microwave, and one on my phone). And I say "the timer says the time is up." If you're at the park and time is up, you can try "The time is up. Do you want to go down the slide one more time before we go?"

We also give a lot of choices, but only on things where I don't care what he picks. Time to get dressed - do you want the red shirt or the blue shirt? Batman underwear or Lightning McQueen underwear? We're eating lunch now. Do you want apples slices or a banana?

I also have to be on my guard about the "one more minute please" or it because a question every time, and I start to get annoyed. So the answer to that is almost always no.

For general situations, when he does get upset, in the same tone (but not quite as upset), say " you are mad (angry, frustrated, sad, etc.) that we have to ...." Validate his feelings.

When it's time to go for Parents Day out, tell him before hand that this is happening, that you'll be back. Also beforehand, talk to the teacher/care provider about it. Put a picture of him and his family in his backpack/diaper bag, and he can pull it out to look at if he's sad/missing you. Do not prolong the leaving. When you say "goodbye" do a quick hug, kiss, and leave. Don't stop to visit with others on the way out, just go.

In addition to what everyone suggested below: you ALSO need to teach him, how to communicate his emotions/wants/needs, etc. And, how to KNOW his emotions/wants/needs.
So that, the kiddo can learn to communicate it, instead of tantruming about it.
ie: From when my kids were toddlers about 2 years old, I began to teach them the words for feelings, how to tell me it, and how to know it for themselves. So that they learn, their own cues, too. And will learn about themselves.
And when my son was even 3 years old, HE could tell me how he felt. Once when he was "grumpy" I asked him "Are you irritated about something?" and he told me "No Mommy, I'm frustrated." He knew, the difference and could tell me. I also knew his cues if he was tired or hungry or just fussy. And then, he would tell me if he just wanted to be by himself, or want a hug, or was hungry, or whatever. So, communication is very helpful for a kiddo. But you have to teach them it, and the words for feelings, and even if they are grumpy or happy, that they can tell you.
If not, a kiddo gets all pent up.

From this point on as well, you need to start to teach a kid coping skills. Because, a kid WILL get grumpy or fussy. That is a given. We can't expect them to be all happy and smiley all the time. So, start to teach your kid coping skills, practicing WITH him, or role-play.
Because, punishments alone, don't teach them those "skills." You need to also teach them HOW to cope, HOW to express themselves, that they CAN tell you their irks or happiness, so that they develop... an aptitude for it. SO that, by the time they get to Elementary school/Kindergarten... they will have had, practice and skills about it, already.

Kids do not have inherent skills for handling their every emotion nor how to communicate it. Not even some adults know how to do that.
So, you need to teach a child, those things.
Because, punishments alone, don't teach a child communication or how to know their own feelings nor how to express it, nor the skills for problem solving or coping with frustrations.

Is this something he goes to a few days a week or only when you need him to. If the latter, there is your answer. Continuity is very important in a 3 year olds life. Goodbyes, short. Do not drag it out.

Try to give him a heads up before every transition so he can be getting ready for it. Tell what your going to do and how you expect him to behave (no crying, walk calm, etc.) Let him know the consequence of not following the direction you gave him would be and stick tonit. "I'm so sorry you chose to scream when Mommy said to walk in quietly. Mommy said if you choose to scream then ... I'm so sorry you chose ....Tell him that he did a great job listening and following direction when he does. Find whatever phrasing you like for consequences and stick to it. It'll probably take a week or so of lots and lots of consequences but he will start to understand. Make sure every time you do what you say you'd do or your son will not be able to trust your word.

Be reassuring and consistent. Label his feelings for him so he learns to recognize and name them. Welcome to the world of 3 year olds! So glad that stage is behind me! :)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! <virtual hug> I appreciate the time each of you took to respond. We'll we using some of your advice immediately!

Sounds like he needs stricter directions. You are the parent - give him consequences.