HELP!! My Daughter Hates Getting Her Hair Brushed!

Same as everyone else - cried through it for years with my mom, brushed over the top to hide it from her, etc. When I was 10, mom braided my hair into 2 braids and cut them off! I looked like the beatles for a bit, but I was able to take care of keeping it detangled from then on. It was easy when it was short, and got me used to doing it slowly myself as it grew out. By the time it was long again, I didnt need her to do it for me. (And I still have the two braids she cut off! nearly 30 years later - geez I need to get rid of some things:) I also still have to use conditioner every single day or my hair is total static and tangles.

Another option that can really help if you dont want to cut it off - after shampooing and conditioning, comb it out and braid it while still wet (she may like the fun look when you take it out too). And always sleep with it braided as that is when most of the tangling will happen. (and if she rides in a car with the windows down, definitely braid then too :)

have you tried a detangler? Johnson and Johnson makes a leave in conditioner that really helped with my hair, even though i bought it for my daughter. :-)

my daughter has half pakistani hair and honestly i couldnt cope with it and recently for first time gave her a pixie cut then she copied mommy and did some more.. although i love her long hair(allgone now boohooo) i adore that there is no fights i tried everything no leave in conditioner would help. her dad sent some sort of oil from pakistan and that even didnt help and she had started some sort of hair twirling from weaning breastfeeding that it was insane that state of her hair some days! the only product i found was at the hair salon but it was $15 a bottle YIKES! so she has short short hair and everyone thinks she looks so cute still! I just miss not being able to use her hair bows, etc ..

I would make sure you condition it well, you can also spray on a detangler. Other than that, I tell my daughter I have to brush her hair and tell her to suck it up. :/

Good Morning Y., Try spraying some tangle free on her hair first. Even if her hair is dry it's ok. I use it on our 10 yr old Gr daugther, she has long hair and says Ouch too. :) Always start at the bottom working up.
Even allow your little Princess to help with the spray and combing or brushing. Make her a big girl. :)

God Bless Y.
K. Nana of 5

My daughter is the same way and she is now 7. We have tried everything no tangle spray different shampoos and conditioner, nothing works. She has a very sensitive scalp. She even complains her eye glasses hurt her head. One relief we have had is making her brush it on her own. When she gets to hollering too bad, I hand the brush of to her. Then I tell her I will check it for tangles when she is done. At three your daughter is a little young but maybe you both could hold the brush together.

Good Luck.

I'm in the same boat your in this has been on going for the past yr she isn't 3 yet till Jan. now she hates washing her hair I use conditioner to make her hair softer use detangling spray & put it up at nite for less tangles in the morning no luck she fights me & it's getting old now we are a thumb sucker & whines for everything I thought this would never happen to me but it has.I have no hope at this point but she need's to get her hair done before we leave the house it drives me crazy that it's all over she has pretty long hair now she barely had any for the 1st yr of her life

I know that you probably have enough responses to your question, but I would like to give you one more. I have read through the responses that you have already received and as you have found out the advice is great.
A little about me, I am 30+ years old and have long hair past my waist.(and have had since I was little). Occasionally I will sit on it or close it in the car door. I am always being asked how I keep it looking so nice. Hair dressers usually ask how I keep it so healthy. If your daughter would like to keep her hair long, I thought you might like to know what I tell people.
First and foremost, NEVER brush wet hair, ALWAYS use a wide tooth comb(wide tooth picks work well) when dealing with wet hair. Brushing wet hair will cause more split ends by pulling on knots and causing the hair to break. When combing/brushing, start from the bottom and move up. This way you don't bring all the knots to one spot, you work them out as you go. Also, hold the hair by the hair and not the roots. This gives you a bit of play when you come to a knot, allowing you time to work it out before you pull.
Conditioner is a life (& time saver). If you use a shampoo and conditioner in one and it doesn't seem to be doing the trick, use some extra conditioner.(Don't go overboard though as it will build up on hair.) Another thing, when rinsing hair for the last time, use cooler water. It doesn't have to be cold, just cooler than your normal shower water. When you rinse with warmer water it causes the scalp to produce more oil which in turn will cause the hair to get dirtier faster. I have never knowingly tried the detanglers, but I think mom did. I guess they worked, I still have long hair.
Also, switch brands of shampoo and conditioner from time to time. All brands of shampoo and conditioner will build up on your hair over time and when you change brands you will remove most of that build up. I use Suave most of the time, switch to another brand for a bottle and then go back to Suave for a while. I can really tell the difference when I switch brands.
As you have figured out, braid her hair before she goes to bed.(I do it every night- takes me about 3 minutes.) This not only helps with the knots and tangles in the morning but will allow a better nights sleep. When you have long hair you tend to lay on it and when you try to turn over your stuck. Then you have to wake up enough to move your hair out of your way. A braid makes this much less likely. Another thing about a braid, if your daughters hair is very thick you may not want to braid it when it is wet. If the braid is really thick, the hair may not dry all the way and become sour. You can still get the nice waves by braiding her hair, just leave the braid in a bit longer. Maybe until after breakfast.
The last piece of advice I can give is to have the split ends trimmed every so often. The split ends are usually what get tangled the most. You can trim most of them by trimming about half an inch. This will make a HUGE difference. I know that when my hair starts to get extra knots, I need to get it trimmed.
Sorry this is so long. (and late) I hope it helps.

Get a wide tooth comb-it is less hazzardous to her hair and your sanity! Kids with kinky hair use it all the time and they never have said it hurt-go slow and be gentle-have her practice too.

I know you have found a solution (YEA!), but I had to post another suggestion.
Start at the ends and work the tangles out using a tangle free brush. I can't remember the brand that produces this brush, but it is clearly labeled and at any store selling hair products/accessories.

I agree with "MO" I had a very sensitive head and my mom didnt want to make me cry so I brushed the top. Can you imagine? When mom wasnt home, my sisters would hold me down and comb my hair. Thank you sisters. My head is hard a s a rock now. I have a daughter, she is almost 6yrs, she is very tender headed. I try to be gentle, but also I tell her to suck it up. that it wont take me but a few minutes. She cries the whole time. Well, it is getting better. I do put leave in cond. in her hair tho. good luck

I fought with this for 6 years, used conditioners, detangling sprays, telling her to suck it up, etc. and it always ended up the same. Crying, tears and yelling. No fun!

So this year before she started 1st grade, I told her we were getting her hair cut and she asked for it short because she hated the tangles! I decided to compromise, so we cut it into a long bob that is just above her shoulders. It's perfect - it doesn't tangle like her long hair did, she brushes it herself (mostly) and best of all, no more tears every morning trying to get rid of her bed head! I love long hair on little girls, but even I have to admit the shorter cut is SOOOOO much easier to deal with. Good luck!

HI Y., my oldest has long, wavey hair and we always struggled. We cut about 3 inches off not long ago and that really helped, her hair was to her waist. The gal that does our hair said that was all "baby" hair and it tangles easy. We also switched to Head and Sholders shampoo since I noticed that my oldest (who is 8) had a little dandruff. Since using the Head and Shoulders her hair is so soft and easy to comb, don't know what it is about that stuff, but it's working great for us. My younger daughter has really thick, straight hair (like me). She hated having it brushed and she told me at about 4 she wanted to cut it to her chin (like some of her friends at pre-school). I hated to do it but thought, it's her head and it will grow back if we hate it. She's 6 now and still wearing it shorter. She loves it and it's easy to take care of. It also looks so cute since it's easy to flip under. You may consider cutting it. One to get rid of the "baby" hair and plus there is just less to tangle and comb. Good luck and God Bless!!

I know what you mean. my oldest is like that. there is some detangler that you can use. it is buy sauve. and it is apple smell. good luck to you. it is not fun. I know

I agree with Lisa. Distraction can really help. My daughter had very long hair and cutting it off was not an option. I'd park her in front of the TV while we brush or give her a shoe and ask her to untie the knot. Anything to keep her mind off of getting her hair brushed.

Sadly, she decided she wanted short hair. It's cute and she can do it herself, but I kind of miss the mom/daughter time and chats we had while I brushed her hair!! Darn these kids for growing up on us mammas!

You may just need to cut it until she is old enough to comb/brush it herself and can regulate her own way she brushes it. May not be what you want to hear, but that may be your only option right now. There are many cute short styles out there now and some that are very trendy. I teach preschool and have tons of girls with short hair. Good luck and God Bless.

My daughter is 9 years old and she also hates getting her hair comb. Her hair is below her waist. What i found out from the lady that does my hair is that they need to have thier hair professionally trimmed every six to eight weeks and that keeps the hair from being tangled. She says that the products help some but to get the best results you need to trim the hair. And we are leaving proof that it works.

No more tears and it takes have of the time to comb and brush her hair.

Have you tried a natural bristle brush? It doesn't seem to pull as much as the other type. I can't swear that I am getting all the tangles out but it seems to work well for my daughter's hair. It pulls less than the wide tip bristles and/or combs. If I try to brush her hair with the other type she would never let me. Her hair is somewhat fine. The natural bristle helps with static as well.

My grand daughter has very long hair & most always goes to bed at night with it down & so in the mornin her hair is tangled. So her mother sprays some tangle free spray on her hair & it helps get the tangles out & she uses a comb with wide spaces between the teeth. I hope this helps. Good luck..

Have to say I've been following your blog here...we too have the problem...shorter hair DEFINITELY helps! My daughter has naturally curly (you know the big FAT cute curls?) hair that is adorable...but then she wanted to be like her BFF in preschool with really long hair... I've explained that there will be some "hurt" that comes along with this as tangles need to come out (and I hate a messy head). Softer bristle brushes are the BEST to use on brushing, they don't hurt near as bad as the open air hard plastic ones that we usually use for styling.

I also use conditioner EVERY TIME she is in the shower...I may not wash her hair every time but I'll add the conditioner because it is SO MUCH easier to comb through afterwards. Also, the spray detanglers can help...suave is better than loreal, or you could just use the adult spray in conditioner too. (BTW- I've found it's EASIEST to brush through when wet so I make her take her shower/bath in morning as opposed to night...no bed head and she looks great going to school).

One thing we did to encourage our daughter to begin brushing her own hair was to invest in a nice vintage silver mirror and brush. She thought she was quite the princess getting those and now LOVES to brush her own hair.

There are days, though that the tears will just come and you'll have to buck up and just kiss them away when your done. Empathize with her and show her sympathy but be firm in making her understand that having long hair is a priveledge and should be taken care of.

Have you tried a stay in conditioner or detangler? When my DD was younger we used one all the time. Can't remember the name, sorry. Now she uses the one that Jordan Essentials sells. She likes the spray on kind, she's 10 now, and can do it herself.

Hi Y.,

My big girl (6 years) has long hair, and also has had a very difficult time with getting it brushed/combed. I agree with all the other moms, conditioner and a detangling spray are your best tools for getting the job done. My daughter loves her long hair and I never wanted to "threaten" her about it (my mom also had braids cut off by her mother, so hair is a sensitive issue in our family!). What I have done is just calmly explain to her that if we are not able to brush it, we would have to get it cut short because I did not want to hurt her. That way, I put the decision in her hands -- and so far, she still has long hair! You mention that you hold the roots tightly while brushing the bottom -- I have found that holding the hair near the bottom just above where I am brushing is much more tolerable for my daughter. The braiding idea is a good one, we have done that in the past. I find that even a ponytail during the night is helpful instead of leaving her hair to get all tangled up on the pillow while she's sleeping. If you use a detangling spray in the morning (it works great on dry hair), you can also comb out any funny bumps/waves from a ponytail.

Good luck to you and your little princess!

I can relate to your daughter - MY head wass the sensitive one! My grandma used to pull SO hard! :)

Have you given her something to do while you brush? Maybe she has a doll or stuffed toy that needs it's hair brushed at the same time. She can show her doll what a big girl she is - use it to teach her how to set a good example for others.

Other than that I would probably start with wet/damp hair and a really big tooth comb, then work my way down to a smaller comb or brush.

I think neat hair is way overrated. I just let my girls tell the stylist (a friend) how they want their hair cut, though sometimes I trim their bangs, and I might comb a bit now and then, until they complain, then I leave it alone. Granted, they have straight hair that doesn't tangle very much, but it does get matted sometimes and I just cut it out if it gets really bad. Put in some layers, and they run around and do somersaults and no one notices if the cut isn't so great. My mom made us keep our hair long and she would rip a brush through it every day, no compromises. I choose not to start every day with crying, if I can help it, and there are so many more pressing, useful things I want to teach my daughters than the importance of looking pretty.

What about combing it out while she's in the bath with conditioner in her hair?? Then rinse it carefully, towel dry it - careful not to tangle it up again, comb it & braid it or put it back in a pony tail/bun with a soft scrunchie. This is what we do with my 5 yr old daughter's hair. She has long curly hair that I do NOT want to cut off, but she gets tangly too.

A spray detangler works or a conditioner with her shampoo. Also let her get it started and then you take over.

I recently heard you can make your own detangler spray by putting some of your conditioner in a spray bottle and add water to it. I have tangly hair if I don't use conditioner in my hair everyday. I can't brush my hair when it's dry. It brushes out a lot easier when it is wet.

First, use a no-tear shampoo when you wash her hair. After rinsing, follow-up with an adult conditioner. Something light and good smelling like Suave Strawberry or Coconut. Suave is very light and will help get the tangles out. Make sure you rinse very well because conditioner can build up pretty easily in children's hair, or anyone for that matter. You can even follow up with a detangling spray if needed before brushing her hair. My daughters hair will get very tangled with shampoo alone. This really helps make it easier on her and me. Hope this helps =)

I would use a good conditioner and a detangler. Pantene conditioners work well for my daughters and me! We used Johnson and Johnson detangler for years. My youngest finally wanted to cut her hair shorter because it was so much easier. She is almost 10 now and completely takes care of her own hair and is just now wanting to let it grow out. It may also be helpful to use a satin or silk pillowcase. That seems to cause fewer tangles.

Hang in there...she will be old enough to brush it on her own soon.

I'd go with shorter hair--you wouldn't have to do a pixie cut but try a little shorter and see what happens. It will grow back if you and/or she doesn't like it! :)