Help My Child Is So Mean.......

Updated on May 16, 2008
A.L. asks from Manton, MI
11 answers

Where to start!!! My Child is 2 will be 3 Nov. She has been going to daycare now for about 2 mon. never want before then and never was really away from me all that much.... The first couple of weeks where hard on the both of us.. But as time want on it got better and better.. Now she will walk in to daycare all by herself take her shoes and jacket of then kiss me good and just about push me out the door... Well the daycare provider is havine alot of trouble with her at nap time... She does not want to take a nap, Does not want to site down just why the other children are naping she is to the point where she is kicking and hitting the daycare provider throwing her juice cup and more..... I dont know what to do the daycare provider told me today that one more out burst like that she will not be aloud to attend that daycare anymore.... It makes me cry becaue Graci is a cute litte child who is fun and laugher everyday... She has never been a good sleeper still at 2 she does not sleep all night and has never been a big napper either... I just need help I dont know what to do anymore...

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answers from Detroit on

As a mom, I know that all kids have their own schedules. My Daughter napped until she was almost 4. My older son stopped napping at 2.
As a day care provider I have some questions to ask...
Do all the kids nap at the same time?
What does the provider do while the kids are napping? House work, paper work (and yes, there is paper work in home daycares) or just catching up on the "shows".
Personally I LOVE when all the kids are down at the same time... It gives me a bit of a break.
BUT.... It rarely happens.

Talk to the provider and find out what EXACTLY the schedule is. She may be trying to put her down too early or too late...
Is she in a darkened room alone or are there distractions going on around her.
If she does refuse to nap, what does the provider do? I have a standing rule of quiet time for the non nappers... They can sit and draw, read, play quietly... BUT THE RULE IS QUIETLY...
If it gets loud they have to find a quieter game.
With toddlers quiet time tends to be story time and interaction time... Some are content to just cuddle and fall asleep on your lap... Others not so much. Ask if the lights are dimmed or bright? Dimmed helps with relaxing.
Are naps before or after lunch? Could be she's hungry...
Ask if there is large muscle play before nap time. Running and hopping tires them out. :-) But can also wind some up if they arn't given enough down time between playing and trying to sleep...

I don't know how flexible they will be with the schedule but find out what the schedule is and if it doesn't match YOUR child ask if maybe it can be altered for her... as in if she usually goes down at 2 and they are trying to make her go down at 12...Putting her down later might help.

If you do need to find a new provider see if there is a local child care agency that can give you referals to a state licensed provider... In MI its called 4c.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Saginaw on

It sounds like you have a very determined little girl who knows what she needs and won't be swayed by any stranger's ideas about what she should do.

I suspect you know your little one quite well, and are not too surprised that she doesn't squish nicely into the routines of the daycare. I wonder if she'd be happier (and the daycare would certainly be happier without her) in more individualized care. There is no good reason for all the children to nap at once, apart from 'the alternative is totally impossible in a group-care setting.'

Not all children thrive in group care. It's not necessarily an insult about the child (humans are not born in litters for a reason), nor about group care. It's just not suitable for everyone. Like lots of other things.

It sounds like she needs someone more flexible and responsive to her needs. Happily, individual or family care situations are often cheaper, with options like only paying for the days she's actually there, and being able to deal with shorter or longer days from time to time...

She doesn't sound mean, to me... she sounds impatient at the denseness of the daycare worker who can't hear her clearly communicating 'I don't nap, thank you.'

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

It sounds to me at first glance that you need to find a new daycare. Who gives an ultimatum like that to a two year old. Of COURSE she's going to do it again. If you're lucky and the situation is improving she may do it to a lesser extent, but come on now - to threaten you with being "kicked out" of daycare because Graci's "so bad" is rediculous. She's two for goodness sake!

If the provider does recant and let you "work on it", I agree that you two need to have a good discussion about schedules and try to adjust yours (if she won't budge hers) from there. You have to do what's best for your child. Some people push naps, some don't. Personally, with my 6 the standing rule is mandatory afternoon napping until you are 5, during the 5 year they get to stay up sometimes but still nap fairly frequently until the end of the year. After that, naptimes are at my discretion. I made my 9yr. old take one last weeek! Good luck at daycare!



answers from Detroit on

Where does she go? I agree, you should check out other day care centers if they require her for a nap. Check out the Adventure Center, in Ypsilanti, MI



answers from Saginaw on

Why is she being forced to take a nap if she doesn't want to? My daughter gave up naping at around 2. Your daughter is already going through a change by going to daycare. Can the daycare provider cuddle with her and love on her for a little while instead of trying to force her to sleep? Honestly... can't she just be given some quiet toys to play with?



answers from Detroit on

I run a daycare in our home and from what I've seen it usually takes children a few months to get comfortable enough to nap here. Is she playing outside there and being stimulated enough with learning etc during the day there to tire out for a nap?
My son gave up napping at age 3.



answers from Detroit on

I have a 3 year old and she did the same things. But I just make sure know to follow though with her 3min. time out on her bed and if she comes out I place her on her bed again without saying a word because she knows she has been bad. I got the idea from super nanny and it might seem funny but it works. Make sure the day care follows the same rules with the time out.



answers from Detroit on

Is she at in in-home or center day-care? I understand some of the Mom's comments that "you need a new daycare" or "why is she being forced to sleep" but my children attend Kindercare and once they are in the toddler room-- around 2 year old nap time is 12:30-2:30 each day (although they will let the child sleep a little longer if necessary. I can understand your frustration and the directors, if she is unable to control your child. At my son's (he is now 4) the children who don't want to "sleep" still are required to lie down on the cots and rest. Most of them end up falling asleep or reading a book quietly. She may just need time to get used to the routine-- but the tantrums may be something the daycare provider cannot stop.

I would suggest asking if she be allowed to read a book or play with a stuffed animal quietly during quiet time. Be cognizant that daycare regulations require that children get quiet/nap time and the other children most likely need it and your child appears to be disrupting it. I don't think the provider is trying to "force" your child to sleep, but most adhere to state rules. That being said... she may be able to work with you to help your daughter adjust to nap time. Does she have her blanket and lovey/stuffed animal there for naptime?

Good luck...



answers from Detroit on

I have a daughter that will be 3 in a few weeks. She hasn't napped in about 8 months. Maybe you daughter has just out grown naps. Is there some way that she could do something quiet while the other kids nap? I bet if the provider sat down and read a book or played a game with her she'd be fine. I don't see a reason for the daycare to force a nap on her if she doesn't need it. If the person can't work around her not napping I'd find a new provider. Not all kids are the same and some just stop napping at a younger age then others. Your daycare needs to adapt to her needs not thier own wants. Good luck!



answers from Detroit on

Hi A.,

I don't think your child is so mean...quite the contrary. Daycare can be so stressful for little ones (especially if they're new to it) and if napping isn't her "thing" in the first place, it is probably even more stressful for her.

Broke my heart years ago when I had to send our youngest to daycare when I was forced to go back to work during the '82 recession. She screamed and clung to me everytime I dropped her was unbearable for both of us. I genuinely feel your pain!

Maybe if you sit her down and have a little talk about it you might be able to get to the core of the problem. Is it really nap time that's troubling her, or something else? Let her tell you in her own words and hopefully, you can get to the root of the problem and resolve the matter before this escalates into something else.

Ask the daycare givers what the routine is for nap-time. Do they gently lead up to it? Play soothing music? For instance, lullabyes during nap time to help calm the children and ready them for sleep?

Years ago, I worked as a volunteer at an orphanage in central Mexico. My friend and I bought a CD player and several CD's for the children in the nursery, specifically for their nap time. We did this for all the children, but we found it helped even more for some of the children in particular. At that time there were several children who'd recently been abandoned and/or taken abruptly from their families & home environments and they were extremely anxious, restless, scared, and in the case of one little boy, beligerant. Nicolette Larsen's Lullabye CD was the one we often played to still and calm the worked too! Within a few short days, a calm came over ALL the children in the nursery and we were so thrilled & amazed! Music is so powerfully soothing, especially to children.

Suggest this to your caregivers and see if they would be open to this, esp. this particular lullaby by Nicolette. It's beautiful.

Also,keep encouraging, comforting and praising your little girl each time you let her go and pick her up from daycare...especially for being brave and well behaved.

Wish you the best A....sure hope everything works out for you and Graci! Tell her all the M.'s on Mamasource are rooting for her!


M. F



answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi A.,
I agree with what Andrea said. Like her, I run an in-home daycare. The kids I watch are friends and family but when they first started coming here it took awile for everyone to get into a routine. I understand both sides, yours and the daycare. In my house the older kids will watch a movie or cartoon during naptime. Some may fall asleep and some may not. For the ones that don't they are allowed to play quietly. If they get to loud (after a few reminders) they may have to go upstairs and have quiet time by themselves (with no toys). I haven't had to do that very often though. For the kids that need naps it is necessary for the older ones to be quiet. That said I have 2 year old that can be very stubborn and has known to throw a tantrum or two. We do a time-out system that works really well. Good luck at whatever you do.