Help,! My 4 Year Old Daughter Is Racially Profiling!

Hey A.~
First and foremost .. how great that you are even concerned about it when so many other people just dismiss it as even being an important issue.
Second, maybe you could find some age appropriate books on how families come in all shapes, sizes, colors, religions etc.. how different families eat different foods, speak different languages etc but that they are all human beings who love and care about their babies. Wish I had a name of a specific book for you (I know I have seen them, read them etc in the past).
Good luck!
A. - mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (6)

Dear A.:
I would not force her. Did the muslim part really scare her or was it perhaps a veil (which to a 4-year-old may look like a mask)? Or perhaps the dad had a big nose or something else that scared her - totally unrelated. Perhaps it was uneasiness of not knowing the language, if they did not speak English. Could have been a lot of reasons, and every person should have the right to dislike individual people or small groups, much as I dislike certain cuisines just because they do not appeal to my taste. If in her case it was the clothes or a unibrow, it would have little or nothing to do with them being muslims and I would not worry. See how she acts around muslims in more casual clothes who look more familiar. Get a sample size of more than '1'.

Here's a second thought though: After 9/11, speeches of hatred and seeing the US flag burned in Middle Eastern countries, are Americans really obliged to treat all people equally? Legally yes, but if I was an American, I would certainly dislike people who have no respect for my flag and what it stands for more than those who don't. As far as I know, national socialism, communism, Christianity and Muslimism (?) have the stated objective to spread and take over. You cannot peacefully coexist with those who have such mission statements. A black person next to you may have a loud boom box, but otherwise does not do anything to affect your life. A KKK person next to a black person is likely to do something to that extent, so a healthy prejudice based on mission statements and observed behavior should be in order.

I have personally two modes: Individual and collective. As individuals I give people the benefit of the doubt and see how they interact with me. As a collective, I shy away from known sources of trouble. I have not read much about Native Americans robbing 7/11s, but if I see guys with gang bandanas around their heads in a store, I keep driving to the next one.

I commend what you are teaching, but I also suggest to let her develop a personal guard and not force her in the name of political correctness. If this persists, talk to her.

Good luck,
W.

I think that this is probably subject to things she has seen on TV. I am a fair complected Black woman and my niece discriminated against me for approximately a year and a half, because as she later said I was white(trust me I am not that bright, LOL)... It was later discovered that she picked this up from Nursery, as well as, Television. It is amazing the influence that TV can have on children. There's alot of discrimination projected in television and in nursery schools, it is unbelievable. I think in an attempt to down play the cultural differences, they end up creating a barrier.

I do however think that you and your family have nothing to worry about at all, I am sure that you have raised your daughter properly and she will out grow this phase of her life...

Rest assured on what the Bible says, Train up a child in the way they should go and when they grow old, they will not depart from it.

My prayers are with you.

At certain ages children start to realize that all the other children they play with look different than they do. Whether it be skin color or other physical features. Especially if she does not come into much contact with the people she is profiling. I doubt she is picking the Muslim children out because of their religion...she's too young for all of that.

You just need to address her concerns and not freak out over the fact she seems to be "racial profiling". Explain to her that yes people come in different sizes, colors, etc but they are still people and potential friends.

I think it is perfectly normal for kids to notice racial differences and to be hesitant of people who look and dress differently than her. This is a perfect opportunity for you to teach her about how there are so many different cultures in the world. You might talk to her about how people are different, and that is ok. Since you are writing a children's book, you might get her to help you make a "book" about children from all different cultures. Use contruction paper and clip pictures of children from different cultural backgrounds. Once you show her that other people are different, point out things those kids may like to do that she likes to do too.

Just keep reinforcing the point that everyone is different and that is what makes the world a more interesting place. I am sure that soon it will not be a big deal anymore.

I agree about the influence of tv on our childrens thinking too. Nowdays, the news is the last thing our young kids need to be watching.

A.,
It is perfectly natural for her to start noticing that all people do not look the same. Don't get on to her for it, just continue to talk about different types of families. Lead by example and show her it's ok. Have you started teaching her about strangers? Some of this may be because they are strangers and some caution may be good judgement. Just let her know that when you're around it's ok. The fact that you're noticing this shows that you are doing a GREAT job. Continue to love and support her and you guys will be fine! Keep being a great mom! Good Luck.

She is 4 & is apparently starting to notice more differences than you think and I can almost assure you that no one is teaching this to her. My daughter is 3 and began pointing out things about other people when she was 2. "That black man is smiling at me." or "That short lady has a skirt on."
We found it helpful to view books of different kinds of people, types of dress, etc and tell her that there are all kinds of people in the world. Some will look like her, some will look like neighbor "so-n-so," etc., but they are all nice and they are all people. Also, my daughter loves dogs and so we started saying, "that dog is black and your dog is brown, but they're both dogs and both wonderful!"
Good luck to you. This is one of the tricky parts of parenting, I'm afraid. I just hope we can continue to teach the type of tolerance I wish our parents had taught.

Hi A., I am a mother of a racially mixed child, though you would never know it to look at her. I anticipate something of this nature to happen to all children when they reach that age where they notice people's appearances. I have stopped letting my daughter (2) watch the news early in the evening because there is alot of biased media concerning muslims, mexicans, blacks, men, etc. One thing I can tell you is that children who are allowed to maintain their bias keep their bias well into adulthood. I grew up in an area that predominantly black, mexican, and asian. I was almost 10 before I saw more than 3 or 4 white kids at my school. If you can, try to find a few friends who are traditional muslims, (its really hard because of their hesitancy to branch out) but try. Have your daughter with you if you can while you hang out with them. Leading by example is probably the best way to show a child the right way to be around different people. I expect that my own daughter will not understand that she is half mexican, even though shes so white. I have been preparing for different senarios since she was born so I will be ready when the time comes for her to ask "why". I wish you the best of luck but this will hopefully be one of those times when you can enlighten your child, even at 4 years old. Have a great week.

My daughter did the same thing at around 3 years. It didn't last long and now her best friend in first grade is from India(her parents are). Perhaps this is a phase. Don't make a big deal of it, just let her play. Speaking of play...you can do some play therapy with her such as playing in the sand with little animals and people. Or sit down and color with her. Sometimes kids will talk if they are in a relaxed play environment, but let her run the show.

I'm assuming that if yout daughter said they "looked funny," that they were wearing ethnic clothing. Has she seen people dressed that way before? Is it possible that she saw something on tv that showed people dressed like them behaving badly? Perhaps that's why she's scared. If it were me, I'd walk over with her, introduce myself to the parents, and let her see by watching you interact with them that there is no danger.

so? I am Muslim and I do wear a head scarf and kids do find it odd. I heard a woman explaining to her daughter that it's just like a hat, she'll understand that people are different.
Kids freak out when they see something out of norm, so please do not label your kid as racially profiling people but rather questioning her surrounding which I guess is perfectly normal. I am a traditional Muslim, and my son has more than 10 friends whom he met in gym and music classes. I assure you that the first time those kids saw me with my son they avoided approaching us both, but now they play with me and even some of them hug me. Your daughter is perfectly normal.
Good luck