Help My 3 Year Old Is Pooping in Her Pull-up

Sounds like this may be attention seeking behavior. With a relatively new, 7 month old baby sister, in the house she may want more attention from you. Don't know if you already do this, but you could try ignoring the behavior and when she sees she gets no reaction out of you she may stop. You could also spend special separate alone time with her, perhaps when the baby is napping. In a similar situation when my boys were small that worked well with my older boy. Also going to the store on a special underwear shopping trip, picking out a package of a favorite cartoon or fairy tale character pattern might work, too. You then could talk about what a big girl she is and how she can wear those special underwear when she wakes up from her nap clean and dry. Good luck!

Definitely do not go back to diapers - you never want to take a step backwards. How about trying regular training pants, you know the ones that are fabric like underwear, but they have extra padding in the front for accidents? Praise her about the "Big Girl" undies, etc. Good luck!

Hi M. - I say do nothing. Ignore it. Just clean it up without a word and go about your business.

If it is a 3-year old power play, you'll be teaching her that this is not the game to play. You are in charge. Don't let her get to you!

NO do not put her back in diapers. Since she is 3, which is a good age for toilet training, I would have her in underwear all the time but for bed time. Once she sees that waking up from nap isnt comfortable with poop in her underwear she just may stop. I dont think they poop during their sleep? She must be waking to do this. I would still stay with the pull up at night unless she is waking dry in the am.

I know this is very hard for you, as I have been through this, but try not to let her see your frustration. It just makes it worse, when kids get a reaction, good or bad they continue the behavior or what ever it is they are doing... I think in time she will stop doing this....... Maybe do a reward/sticker chart for her and track the times she doesnt wake up with a poop.
Best of Luck.. Hang in there Mom!!!

Hi M.,

It sounds like she's just not ready to potty train fully yet. This too shall pass, don't force her, she'll do it when she's ready.

I always say this when I come across potty training questions, but I love this advice - some of the best I ever got from my pediatrician: "Your child won't go to Kindergarten wearing diapers - let your child go at their own pace and you won't frustrate yourself or your child."

Once I laid off my sons with the potty training, they went ahead at their own pace, and I'm happy to report that they both went to Kindergarten without wearing diapers.

Good luck to you!!! Keep us posted!

The last thing you want is a huge power struggle over this. It's so hard as a parent to see your child regress when they were doing so great and not get completely frustrated. Try to take a step back & emotionally distance yourself from this phase (that's all it is!) so you don't get too upset up over it. Your daughter picks up on how you feel & knows she can get your goat- hence the Elmo comment.

Things to try:
Have her sit on the potty shortly after lunch (or breakfast or even dinner depending on her b.m. schedule) & either give her some books to look at or hang out with her & read to her (to encourage her to sit a little longer)- hopefully, you can encourage her to have a b.m. at that time (especially before afternoon nap- this is what I did with my 29 month old son & he now naps without a diaper- yay!).

Wake her up a little earlier in the morning & put her on the potty right away (to "catch" her before she poops/pees).

It sounds like she's pretty regular- maybe you just need to encourage her to sit on the potty longer & hang out a little to get her to poop. They get so busy playing & learning all day, sometimes they hold it in & don't really realize they have to poop until they get some down time in their crib for nap or quiet early morning time when their little bodies are waking up & thier minds aren't racing.

She could also just have had or is on the verge of having a huge cognitive growth spurt (or a physical one) which I find always throws my guys out of whack (sleeping, eating, moods, etc.) for a few weeks. Just when you're in a good groove... :)

It's all about control too- theirs, so maybe let her pick out the books you'll read while she sits on the potty, let her pick out her underpants when she gets dressed, etc. to keep a positive spin on her spending a little more (forced by Mama) time on the potty. You can bill it as some time for just the 2 of you sans baby (if that's possible), of course, you don't want that to backfire & she's on the potty 24/7 to have alone time with you! :)

Personally, I'd do away with rewards altogether. We never used them with either of my sons other than words of encouragement, applause & thumbs-up. The younger one p. trained much earlier (27 mos.) than the older one (who was 3+).

We also leave the crib rail down so that the younger one can climb out & get me or my husband if he needs to use the potty (during nap/night). He still wears a diaper at night, though wakes up dry most mornings. He does climb out in the morning & we take off his diaper so he can go potty 1st thing.

We keep a night light on in the bathroom for my older son who will wake-up & go if he needs to. Maybe you could also try waking her in the night (just before you go to bed) and have her use the potty to get her body used to the sensation & start to transition her to sleeping without a pull-up. My personal theory- no pull-up, no poop! At 3+ she's vain enough to want to keep her lovely p.j.'s/underpants clean. It took a really long time to night train (wetting only) my older son since he was such a hard sleeper. I'm hoping it'll be easier with #2 as he seems to have more control.

Good Luck- hope some of this helps. Don't worry, she won't be pooping in her pull-up forever- in a few months, you'll forget why this irked you so much!

S.

I second the mother who told her child that she wasn't going to talk about it anymore. We did the same thing. We just said, "you are in charge of you! Mama is not going to keep asking you and bugging you; when you have to go, go. Or tell me and I'll take you." We had a few very messy days, but after it sunk in (hey, I really AM in charge of this) we never had another issue. And I definitely second the notion of only rewards/no punishment, which can also include disappointment. I worked mightily to stay completely neutral to her (you poop your pants, fine; you don't, fine, but I bet it feels better to not have poop or pee all over you), even though I was so not enjoying the experience.
And, most importantly, just know that this will pass. The one thought that got me through was the knowledge that there has probably never been a kid who showed up to 3rd grade in a diaper. Good luck!

Take the diaper away! If she is pooping in the diaper on purpose, then it is convenient for her & it doesn't bother her. If you take the diaper away, then she may have a few mishaps, but she will realize that she really doesn't like the feeling of ruining her panties and outfit & she will stop it on her own. Also, dont link things to potty training like TV or other rewards. She will make trade-offs like you heard her say about Elmo. It has to be about her controll and comfort not negotiations with you. Also, if you know that she usually goes at nap time, take her to the toilet before nap time to get her back in on a schedule if possible.

good luck,
B. - mom to a recently potty trained 3 year old girl

No diapers!! I am going through the same but my daughter wears panies and poops in her panies (not an accident either). I have tried several things such as rewarding her with change (money) and keeping it in an old coffee can for her in her bathroom...it worked for a little while but she seems to keep pooping on her panies at times uhhh I understand what ur going through but my advice is no diapers because she will think 4 sure she can poop in them.

The "I didn't want to watch Elmo" response didn't strike me as sassy or bratty at all -- just good 3-year old logic. She made a decision. She may be responding to the new baby at home, regressing a little bit. I agree with the other moms who said you could put her into underpants for the nap and there probably will be a few accidents but not many because it's a lot less comfortable to wear underwear with poop in it than it is in a pullup. I'd also get her a toddler bed if I were you, so that she really can take control of it. Might also make her feel more grown up and differentiated from the baby. Let her pick out sheets and a special stuffed animal or something so it can be something she's proud of.

Is she in pullups all day, or just at night? It may be messy, but put her in underwear. Buy the training underwear at Walmart, Target,etc. and only put her in pullups at night. If she poops in them, she wont like it, may decide to go in the potty. On the other hand if she holds it & only poops in her pullup, thats a problem. You could put her back in pullups/diapers, maybe shes not ready. Or tell her only babies poop in their pants. Sometimes the reverse phychology works. They are in control of what their bodies do, not us, they also know it. She could just simply be afraid. Try having her sit longer, find a book about "poop". Good luck!

I know this can be frustrating. I think that kids need to decide for themselves if and when they are potty trained though. I kept my son in pull ups for awhile even though he was fully capable of using the potty - I think they go through phases of "wanting to regress" (common with a new baby that we had when my son was 2.5) and getting more interested in other things than the toilet that make them less inclined to use the potty, esp. if they have a pull up or diaper on to make that convenient. My son told me right around his third birthday that he wanted to start wearing underwear all the time and no more pull ups. I was nervous that he would have accidents since he was somewhat routinely wetting his pull up at night then. In fact though, once he made that decision (last August) he really was potty trained and takes it upon himself to let me know when he needs to use it, not have accidents, etc. I wonder if moving her to a normal bed would help her realize that there are benefits to being the big sister - it is hard for kids to act like big kids if they are in a crib and wearing a pull up I think. It might also be that this is a way for her to ask for more attention - with a relatively young sibling she is sure to be feeling that but not likely to be able to express that in a mature manner.

If she is potty trained and waking up dry, why is she still wearing a pullup? Put her in underwear and be done with it. The potential extra laundry will be there, but she obviously can control it, and if she is waking up dry, there is no need for the pull up. If she poops, then make her help you clean out the dirty underwear. I guarantee she won't do it often, but it will reinforce more easily that if you make a mess, you must clean it up.

That said, if she is a heavy sleeper, she may be missing her body cues. However it doesn't sound like this is the case.

Whatever you do, don't turn it into a power struggle. There are two things kids can control, what goes in, and what goes out (and how). If you are matter of fact about it, she won't be getting the attention she wants for it, and it will stop too. Right now, she knows that she is getting extra attention and it is frustrating you.

Also, make sure she has some one on one time while baby sister is napping.

Good luck!

I was about ready to strangle my three year old who also would not go on the potty. Finally, I said to her "You're a big girl. You are in charge of your own body. I am not going to talk to you about peeing or pooping on the potty anymore. You tell me when you have to go." After about three days of testing this new rule, (including pooping in her underpants three times in one day) she turned a corner and hasn't had a single accident. The key is really not to talk about it at all, even if she's dancing up and down. For pooping, I just cleaned her up and sent her on her way. Once it wasn't a power struggle she was winning, she realized she got a lot of praise for going and nothing for having accidents. It really is about retraining yourself; this way felt so counterintuitive!

Hi, I am a mom of in potty training twin girls. Not sure if this will help. But here it goes- since she is going at nap time, try getting her to go before her nap. Then give her a treat(like m&ms) for a reward when she goes. Then put her down for her nap.

You might think about getting her a toddler or big girl bed. This will allow her to get up on her own to use the potty. Effective potty training usually goes hand in hand with access.

Also noticed that you have a 7-month-old daughter at home. This could be a bit of regression because of jealousy...wanting and needing mommmy's attention like the baby.

Just to add a little levity...I have a 2 year old and a 9 year old, so I know how children can frustrate us...but I literally laughed out loud when reading your daughter's response (Because I didn't want to watch Elmo!). Child logic.