Help! My 15 Year Old Is Driving Me Crazy!

Hi K.,
I don't have any children that age but that was me only 3 years ago. I am 21 years old and during my senior year in high school was the SAME way your son is right now, beside the not having many friends, so when I did get grounded from social events that did affect me.

I can't even tell you why I didn't turn in assignments, laziness? One thing I struggled with was my senior english class, it was anilitical work and my mind doesn't work like that, so...I didn't do the work because I didn't know how to. Other than that, my classes were easy, I understood, but didn't want to take the time. Something that really moved my butt into gear was the fact that I was FAILING and threatened with not being able to graduate. Your son is only 15 and probably either a freshman or even a sophmore, so that may not work with him. But the work is only going to get harder, and if he doesn't want to do it now that is setting himself up for failure later and he too may end where I did, waiting after the last bell had rung on my last day of high school for my teacher to grade my final project so I would know whether I was going to graduate or not (SCARY, luckily I passed and now in college do so much better).

This is what my parents did:
They would e-mail my teachers weekly to get status updates, if I was slacking, I was grounded from EVERYTHING I enjoyed.
They eventually would get a list of assignments from the teachers at the beggining of the week and I would physically have to show my mom my completed work, get it checked off and my teacher would email at the end of the week what I had turned in. If I missed something that I did, I got something taken away. It was so stupid of me to not turn in COMPLETED work!!!
Eventually I got the picture, and I was SO sick of my teachers and parents always talking. Luckily I had great teachers who were willing to work with my parents.
Maybe try that? A confrence with the teachers and your son? That embarrased me and made me do better.

Hope this helped. I know I frustrated my mom beyond belief!

Hi, My kids are not that old yet but what you are describing sounds just like me when I was that age. I could be way off base, but I was struggling with depression at that time and the first thing to suffer was my school work. I didn't care one way or another whether I did well. I went from all A's and B's to D's and Incompletes. I stayed by myself often and would lie about having done anything. I didn't have video games but I did escape into books. That is all I ever did so I didn't have to face reality.

Does he have anything he really enjoys doing or is it just a whatever kind of attitude with everything? If so you may want to consider getting him checked out or at least talking to the counselors at his school.

I started getting better as soon as I started couseling and everyone working with me was on the same page. It took awhile for me to turn it around but I did graduate on time with a 3.6 grade point average and learned skills to keep me out of depression since.

Good Luck and God Bless
K.

I am sorry I have no answer for you, just wanted to write with support! My 13 yo DD was like this a bit a couple years ago, and something clicked and she is so much better. She gets excellent grades now, but I am afraid she might "slip" into this mode again when the work is harder in High School.

I know I have told her on occasions that I am all grown and have completed my education successfully, so her messing up her life will only hurt her--yes it saddens me, but ultimately it is only herself and her future she is hurting. My life will go on as usual even if she gets bad grades. Sounds harsh, but it is true!

You have gotten great advice from the other Moms! I will pray for your situation!

GL:)

I used to do that too, and so did my brother. He will grow out of it, eventually. My parents did the same thing you're doing, although, for me, it was tv and books as my father didn't allow video games in the house. We also lived too far from town for me to sneak out to see my friends. If you don't want him to get to his video games, then maybe you could buy a box that you can lock and keep the key with you. Is he interested in taking driver's training? My parents would not let me take driver's training until I had at least Cs in every subject I was taking. When my grades went back up to a C or higher, then I got my privilages back too. Good luck, and know that in time, he will most likely out grown it.

Oh, K., do I ever feel your pain!? I have thought myself to be alone in this battle SO often! Rest assured you are not alone. I have a 17 year old boy and we have the same struggles. I could write his bio and it would be your sons word for word! I can only offer support, because I sure haven't found an answer. We have tried 'chore punishment' (works a little) and have even resorted to bribery (with some pretty amazing prizes)...all to no avail. My son is excited about joining the Marines next year and I find myself relieved that he will be learning some forced discipline. What I can offer you are a few tips;

1. Most importantly, stand firm with your husband. This can tear a marriage apart...don't let it. Eventually you will get thru this and you need to get thru it together. Don't take your frustrations out on each other.

2. This will pass. He will eventually be an adult responsible only for himself and must face the realities that come with that. I am not telling you to give up on him, but I have come to realize that I cannot motiviate my son for me...he is going to have to find his own motivation...and he will! He will find what works with his personality and he'll be okay.

3. This is NOT a reflection of your parenting. Of course, our parenting often shows thru in our children, but sometimes it doesn't. My son has these traits born into him, any improvements he has made have been temporary because they were for us, not for him (in his mind).

4. Finally, therapy is NEVER a bad choice. My son was very angry that I made him see a doctor for signs of depression, until I assured him that it wasn't a negative thing. I would take him to the doctor for ANY illness I thought he suffered from. There is a possibilty that some sort of therapy will help...and it certainly won't hurt. Either way, you'll know that you are doing everything you can!

Most importantly....pray, and love your son no matter what!

~L.

I'll first say that I do not have teenages (yet). However, he's getting close to the age where he'll be becoming a even more responsible person and a man i.e. driving is just around the corner/ college/ serious relationships, etc. Not that I don't think his Mom can have these conversations...but concersider having a MAN (a respected, responsible MAN) have a serious heart to heart about growing up, making choices, etc. Be sure to ask him in grown up ways "why do you lie? why do you fail to complete your homework?" but also couple this with POSITIVES because teens are so vulnerable still. Discuss the consequences of choices and get him thinking of the bigger picture of life. Maybe he needs to have an amazing "wow" life experience... do something really cool that makes him say "hey, I want to succeed, I want to be a postive role model for my siblings." Make sure he knows you love him even though you are frustrated/ confused by how he's chosing to live his life.

For your own sanity, and to help your son make his way toward becoming a responsible adult, you really need to read Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The principles are so simple (some chapter headings are "Responsible Children Feel Good About Themselves", "Children's Mistakes are Their Opportunities", "Gaining Control Through Choices", Recipe for Success: Empathy with Consequences"). If you follow their advice you truly will eliminate the power struggles and you can remain calm and cool!

Ummmmm did you just read may mind??? I had to try remember if i actually wrote this. lol
Let me know if you find any answers, I'm about to send him to live with his dad, who is a loser!!!!