Help!! My 14 Month Old Screams a Lot!

I have a 19 month old and he started screaming for things even though he has been able to communicate with a few words. I will ask him calmly to say cup or up whatever it is and if he continues I completely ignore the screaming. Within a few minutes he will walk up and say what he wants and is realizing that he will NOT get what he wants from screaming. It is very hard to listen to him scream but if you put on some calm music and walk away eventually you will see the change. Good Luck! Give her a great big hug when she does ask for something the right way also. A., Mother of three, Michigan

Hello T.-
I have a 14 month old son who screams all the time too! He screams when he is happy, sad, mad, you name it, he screams it! I know it can be so frustrating. I just read an article that this is a very normal behavior at this age. They can't communicate what they want PLUS they like to hear themselves scream. I know exactly how you feel, but hang in there! I think once they start talking more, they will scream less.

K.

I had this same problem with my son when he was that age. I found that with him. I needed to talk alot and explain things more. For instance with the cup as soon as he would point I would say would you like your cup? in a happy interested voice. that urged him to respond in a happy way like clapping or just smiling big. from there we worked on words once I got the screams stopped. in time this will end but its not an over night thing hope this helps.

To add to what Eva said....yes tell her what she is pointing at, but explain that if she screams she doesn't get it and walk away. Tell her if she asks nicely, she can have it. If you give in to the screaming...it will NOT get any better.

She's probably just frustrated.. I can imagine as a young baby wanting to get something and not being able to ask for it.

I read somewhere about getting at their level and saying... you really want that cup don't you.. you want that cup in a calm manner.. displaying the way that you want her to act.

At 14 months I'm guessing she's not able to express herself as much as she wants to and that irritates her. You could try sign language too.. that really has helped our son.

Hi T.,

Your daughter sounds like a typical 14 month old. She's really starting to know what her likes and dislikes are, and making them known pretty quickly.

Her behavior of screaming when she is pointing to something is mainly based on the fact that her verbal abilities don't match up with how much and how quickly she thinks. She's just frustrated that she isn't able to say the words. I have found the most helpful thing is to calmly say what it is I think the child is trying to say. Such as, "Oh you want Mommy to get the cup off the table. Here Honey." Or when you're scooping her up away from potential danger (traffic etc)saying, "You're upset because you're having fun and don't want to stop. But that's dangerous. Here, let's play with this" and offering something suitable that she'd like. Distraction works great at this age. You'll find as she gets older and more verbal, these behaviors will ease up. It's what being 14 months to 2 1/2 yrs is all about. I hope this helps. S.

It's probably just a phase, but you might be able to do some things to make sure it doesn't continue until their an adult. ;)

I would recommend Love & Logic.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/

The have some good books, audio CDs and DVDs on parenting.

Here's a funny story that the author describes on their toddlers CD: http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/p-123-toddlers-and-pre-s...

He says he "trained" his cat to go up on the kitchen counter. Every time the cat would go on the counter, he would get mad and toss the cat outside. The cat learned that when he wanted to go outside, he simply had to jump up on the kitchen counter. :)

She has got you pegged!! It sounds like she can talk, but chooses not to...screaming has a better effect. She needs to know that screaming is totally unacceptable. She should only get a response to actual asking and talking and if she screams when you take things away or pick her up when she is where she shouldn't be...oh well, As soon as she quits getting attention for negative behavior, that behavior will stop. Use positive re-enforcement. Make sure YOU are not screaming and stay calm. She'll get it.

Hi T.;

Sounds like everyone has the same idea! Just let it ride... if she screams, pretend not to hear (although depending on how loud it is, you may not be able to hear!).

When she uses words, a hug and kiss to reinforce her for a 'job well-done' and 'thank you for using your words!' can do wonders!

I think they just get crazy and want to press the buttons to see what they can get away with? :)

I don't think I'd tell my child screaming is naughty, sorry. It's not, it might be annoying, but not naughty. My child is 17 months and sometimes she screams and sometimes I scream with her and occasionally I say softly. I think your child is trying to communicate and just does not always have the words to do it. She is only 14 months, and talking is a new skill and everything is not accessible to her mind. Try sign language if u really can't deal with the noise. There are a lot of books out there that will teach you the basics.
L.

LOL - I feel your pain!! My son just turned 14 months last Friday and he has been doing that for a little while now. You take something away he wants, he screams, you don't do what he wants, he screams. He has an extremely high-pitched scream too! When we're out in public and he does it I always get stares. I don't really have any advice other than to be calm. It's a phase I am sure they will grow out of. They are learning how to express what they want and don't have the words to do it quite yet. One thing I can say is don't give in. If she is screaming for something, don't give it to her because that will teach her if she screams, she gets what she wants!

Sorry, I am not much help, but wanted to let you know you are not alone! Good luck!

Just last night on Supernanny they dealt with this. Talking in a normal voice. Mum and dad sat down with the kids of various ages and told them that they hear whining a lot. The new rule was talk in a normal voice. There will be no contact otherwise.
So think about it T.. Give it a shot. Normal voice or nothing. Be consistent. And it might help to give a taste of her own medicine. Try screaming yourself. Chances are she won't like it. Especially when you do it when she does or louder. Then you talk to her in a normal voice.
Good luck. Remember it IS part of the package of having kids. She's only a little over a year. And there may be some unseen reason for it.

Don't worry. It's a phase. My daughter went through this too. If I had a dollar every time I said, "Use your words" when my daughter was that age, I'd be a millionaire. Hang in there. As her speaking gets better, the screaming will subside.

At 14 months she is probably frustrated because she can't verbalize her wants completely. When she screams and points at her cup, say cup and hand it to her just be consistant with telling her " if you want your cup honey, you ask mommy by saying cup " that way you are letting her know what is expected of her. As for screaming when you pick her up or take something away from her again keep telling her thats naughty and we don't behave this way. I hope this helps.

My 15 month old daughter is very similar! I think they are just at an age where everything is exciting and they are also learning how to make their needs known to you. My daughter has a pretty good verbal vocabulary and knows signs as well but she will still get upset when I do something she doesn't like. If there are things I know she really likes to play with but when I take it away i know there is going to be a battle, I try to just avoid giving it to her in the first place. Staying calm and letting her work it out on her own has also helped. I try to use a calm voice and explain why we are doing something. The public displays are definitely entertaining, when people look at me I just say "she is a drama queen". That seems to get them to chuckle and move on. Hang in there and enjoy your little girl!!

I have a 3yr old girl and a 2yr old boy. All I would say is that age kids don't have all the words to communicate.
Imagine if you were looking at a magazine or getting a fork or something and someone just walked up and grabbed it out of your hands. You could say to me " What are you doing or...." A 14mth old can't.
It is frustration to them. they want what they want and don't understand.
My suggestion- Inform kids what you are doing. Make it short and to the point.
When she is pointing at her cup at the table get down at her level and ask her "Do you want more?" "Are you thirsty?" she may scream still, but just try to wait and say tell mom what you want. Say "show me!" I Am big on using sign language. That helped big time. Just the basic sign of more and drink worked wonders. There are tons of books on baby signs at borders. I found with my kids they weren't as frustrated because they could communicate there needs. Just a few simple signs made a big difference. Also they started talking sooner I believe because of signing.
If you aren't into that. just try to inform.
Like if she is running outside to far. Say in a strun voice " To far! go back to the house!" Give her a change to make the rt choice.
Taking things out of her hand. I just say " Not to play with! Give to momma!" My kids slowly would follow my commands.
I still have to shout at my 2 yr old not to put things in his mouth. I keep it short and sweet. I say in a voice that he knows I am not messing around. Not yelling, but you know what I mean. " Not for mouth!" and he will stop.

I hope this helps.